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In just a couple of weeks, my husband and I will celebrate 8 years of marriage.
8 years of bringing life into the world together, job changes, deaths, fussing, fighting, silent treatments, joys, trials, love and so much more.
With baby #3 on the way, we’ve learned a thing or two about how to keep our love alive and make our marriage fun.
I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I’m selfish. I want things my way at the exact moment I want them. Listening to sermons in church about submission always made me cringe a tad.
I always saw myself as an independent woman who happened to fall in love with a great man. I knew that our marriage would be successful because we wanted the same things and vowed to never speak of divorce, even when things got tough.
Well, when things get tough, you need more than love. Marriage is a commitment, not an arrangement based on feelings.
Sometimes the hardest part of marriage is trying to give your husband what he needs while feeling fulfilled yourself. My husband and I often struggle with this in our marriage. Making each other a priority while raising kids and pursuing our dreams gets tough at times.
Here are a few easy ways I’ve found to speak my husband’s love language (without losing myself):
Communicate Your Feelings
This sounds easy. But in the midst of life happenings, it gets tough. It’s easy to talk about bills that need to be paid, who is going to watch the kids while the other hangs out with friends and what’s for dinner, but when was the last time you talked to your husband about how you felt?
Sometimes I hold things back because I don’t want to add stress to his already stressful plate. But that’s what we signed up for right? To be a confidant to each other and support each other through good times and bad right?
And communcating also means listening. Give and take. Listening to what your husband has to say is just as important as telling him how you feel.
Touch Him
Let’s face it. Most men will tell you that one of their love languages is physical touch. Give him a kiss before he leaves for work. Hold his hand in the movies. Stroke his arm while you watch t.v.
And make time for intimacy. Intimacy reignites the spark between the two of you. I get it, scheduling sex isn’t sexy. But sometimes with kids, it’s necessary.
Tell Him What Your Love Language Is
Are you frustrated because you are speaking his love language but he isn’t speaking yours? Maybe he thought yours was words of affirmation, but yours is really acts of service. Sometimes our love languages change.
When I was in my 20’s, life was relatively carefree. As newlyweds, our time was ours and most of it was spent doing things for ourselves and just spending copious amounts of quality time together.
Fast forward eight years, and now my husband manages his own farm, we have 2 kids (with 1 on the way) and lot of things/people competing for our attention. Our interests have changed, and in turn, some of our needs have changed too.
It’s important that we stay connected to each other and communicate our needs without assuming that our partner knows what’s wrong or missing.
Do you know what your love language is? Discover what yours is here.
First of all, congratulations on another little one! So happy for you.
And I love this article. When I finally figured out my husband’s love languages, it made a lot of things “click” in our marriage. Kind of like, Oh! That’s why he responds to me certain ways. And treating him with my love languages…doesn’t always work the way I thought they would.
His are as follows. I refer to them as the 3 P’s. 1. Prominence – he really likes it when I can help him out. Whether it be bringing him something to work or answering my phone when he calls. He likes it when I pay attention. 2. Pizza & Peaches – Yes, those are his favorite foods. Peanut Butter can also be added to that list. And #3 – Practice. When we were early in our family-making years, he informed me that if we wanted to have more children, we needed to practice! LOL . And yep, he sure likes the practice 🙂
Thank you for the congrats!! We are very excited.
It’s amazing how knowing your hubby’s love language truly changes your marriage for the better. Ha ha..my hubby likes to practice too.
Husband here. My comments: husbands are generally more simple than complex. We are not too hard to please. But knowing the simple things that please us are very important! Fortunately, most men will readily tell you exactly what makes them happy, just ask. Y’all know the saying “happy wife, happy life”. It works much better when happiness is a two way street: “Happy spouse, happy house”. I will add that I know Diedre and her husband personally. They do a GREAT job of loving each other. You can bet they do know each other’s love languages.
Yes, we women are guilty of overcomplicating things sometimes!