Search Results for: microaggressions

Teaching my multiracial children about black history was not always my first priority.

My oldest child was born very pale, and I often got asked if she was mine. I worried about whether or not the constant questioning about her skin tone would affect her identity.

I poured myself into finding books that represented our family and began affirming her very early on about her identity. We talked about our similarities and differences, and I complimented her often on her brown skin and curly hair.

But now I realize that wasn’t enough.

As a brown girl growing up on an Air Force Base, I was surrounded by diversity. I learned about Sojourner Truth, Jackie Joyner Kersee, Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, and Harriet Tubman in school.

When I think of famous Black people in history, those are the ones that immediately come to mind. I can even remember learning about most of them in 3rd grade.

My parents bought me a book about black inventors that was interesting, but other than that, I don’t remember hearing too much about Black History until I was in college.

#Blacklivesmatter in 2020 has brought on a resurgence of people teaching black history–black and white and all races in between.

People all over social media are vowing to raise their children to be kind, compassionate, and antiracist.

I spent so much time affirming my children’s identity, that I haven’t spent as much time teaching them about Black History.

The death of Ahmaud Abrery happened just hours from where we live in Georgia.

That was my wake up call.

So this is why I’m teaching my multiracial children about Black History:

My multiracial kids are half black

I owe it to them to teach them a history that is relevant to them. They need to understand the struggles that black people overcame and how they have begun to write their own success stories.

It’s important to know the facts–like at one time it was illegal for their parents and other interracial couples to be married.

They won’t learn everything in school

When I was in college, I was a professional writing minor. I always had dreams of becoming a writer and one day having my own dear Abby column. I actually enjoyed many of my writing classes and professors more than my major (psychology).

One of the most enjoyable classes was African American literature. It was taught by a very energetic, quirky, and passionate professor. She was from New York and the information she taught me in this class blew my mind.

I never expected a course to shake my core and challenge everything I had ever been taught. It was the first time I had heard about Jane Pittman.

It was the first time I actually read anything by Fredrick Douglass.

It was the first time I had heard about Juneteenth.

I don’t want the same story for my kids, so during Black Friday, I purchased a curriculum called Woke Homeschooling. It was written by Delina, a mom who was growing weary of all of the stories (even the historical fiction) told from the perspective of the colonizers.

What they do learn is a glossed over version

Lately, we’ve seen a rise in racial injustices all over our country.

People have been divided over #Blacklivesmatter and peaceful protesting. I’ve seen time and time again when people say things like “we’re all God’s children”,” there is no race but human race” and “I’ll be glad when things get back to normal.”

I’ve also seen where people quote Martin Luther King Jr and talk about how peaceful he was. The unfortunate part of that is Martin Luther King Jr. was arrested for standing up for what he believed in. He also wrote a letter from the Birmingham jail that encouraged civil disobedience.

“Sometimes a law is just on its face and unjust in its application. For instance, I have been arrested on a charge of parading without a permit. Now, there is nothing wrong in having an ordinance which requires a permit for a parade. But such an ordinance becomes unjust when it is used to maintain segregation and to deny citizens the First-Amendment privilege of peaceful assembly and protest.

I hope you are able to see the distinction I am trying to point out. In no sense do I advocate evading or defying the law, as would the rabid segregationist. That would lead to anarchy. One who breaks an unjust law must do so openly, lovingly, and with a willingness to accept the penalty. I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is, in reality, expressing the highest respect for law.

Of course, there is nothing new about this kind of civil disobedience. It was evidenced sublimely in the refusal of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to obey the laws of Nebuchadnezzar, on the ground that a higher moral law was at stake. It was practiced superbly by the early Christians, who were willing to face hungry lions and the excruciating pain of chopping blocks rather than submit to certain unjust laws of the Roman Empire. To a degree, academic freedom is a reality today because Socrates practiced civil disobedience. In our own nation, the Boston Tea Party represented a massive act of civil disobedience.”

Learning history keeps you from making the same mistakes again

My children’s experiences won’t be the same as mine.

I don’t know what it’s like to be multiracial.

They don’t know what it’s like to be Black.

Teaching my multiracial children about Black History ensures that even if they are treated differently (because they could be white-passing), that they will not sit back and allow others to be mistreated in their presence.

I want them to understand that just because a situation doesn’t directly affect them, it doesn’t mean that they can’t use their voices to stand up for what’s right.

We can’t change the future unless we are willing to acknowledge mistakes we (as people or a country) have made in the past.

In order to dismantle systematic racism, you have to know what you’re up against

As a Black female, I have been faced with microaggressions my whole life. As a young girl, I had no idea what to say or do.

I want my kids to feel empowered when/if they are faced with microaggressions directed at them or others.

I want them to use whatever privilege they have to make changes wherever they are.

I’m teaching my multiracial children about black history because black history is simply history.

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Teaching your kids how to navigate their angry emotions can be a challenge–especially if you never learned how to manage your own.

Here are a few simple steps to help you feel more success with your children and empower you as a parent.

Teach them coping strategies for different environments

When you are angry at home, you can go outside and bounce a basketball, punch a pillow in your room, run a lap outside or even turn up the music and sing loudly.

The problem for kids is that any outward expression of anger in a school setting will mostly likely get them in trouble.

Teach your kids that what works at home may not work at school.

Give them ways to manage their behavior that don’t get them in trouble like:

Request to see the school counselor to talk it out

If the teacher has a calm down corner in their room, request to go there

Squeeze a stress ball

Doodle on a piece of paper

Talk to the teacher about what made them angry

Read a book

Teach them the I Feel method

I feel mad when you…..

I feel disappointed when you….

My feelings were hurt when you…..

I’m guilty of telling my kids to use their words, but then I don’t provide them with the words to use. It’s important to not only give your children the skill set to deal with their problems, but make sure they understand how to use it.

These conversations start when they are toddlers. When they are toddlers, talk them through scenarios. As they acquire language skills, they will begin to mimic the words that you provided to them.

When my daughters have a disagreement, I resist the urge to get frustrated and send them to their rooms. We talk through the issue and I often encourage them to talk it out.

We discuss what upset them, and I encourage them to talk to each other and let each other know how they felt. I model these conversations with them until they can do them on their own.

When I hear yelling, I remind them to use respect when speaking to each other. It’s definitely a work in progress, but the more you start teaching them effective communication skills at an early age, the more empowered they will feel about advocating for their own feelings in a variety of environments.

Give them time to cool down

Remember everyone expresses emotions differently, so while you may be ready to talk it out, your child may need some time to cool down before they talk.

Try not to compare your siblings. “Your sister never pouted like you do when she was mad.”

This can be difficult if you have a mild mannered child and one who seems to struggle with managing their anger, but you don’t want your child to begin to resent the one you are comparing them to.

Don’t make excuses for bad behavior while angry

“Your dad use to break stuff too when he was angry.”

Being angry is not bad–it is a normal emotion that comes as a secondary response to another feeling (embarrassment, feeling left out, etc), however lashing out and hurting others while angry is not okay.

As a veteran school counselor, I notice that boys seem to struggle more with outward expressions of anger while girls tend to internalize or use microaggressions.

When I talk to students about being angry, one of their first responses is that they know their anger was bad. I work to help them reframe those thoughts and show them that anger is normal, but hurting others (with words or physical aggression) is not okay.

If emotions seem out of control or not appropriate for the situation, seek out the help of professionals

It can be frustrating when you feel like you are being judged because of your child’s behavior. Sometimes you have exhausted everything you know to do, and your child’s behavior is still out of control.

It may be time to enlist the help of a professional.

Is your child acting out because they can’t hear?

Do they have a disability that interferes with their ability to control their emotions?

Getting a 2nd or 3rd opinion allows you to make the best decision for your child so you aren’t punishing them for something that they can’t help.