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Acting White: How I Will Explain This to my Mixed Kids

July 1, 2017 By Diedre 8 Comments

“She’s acting white.”

“She talks like a white girl.”

 

As a black female, when you are accused of acting white, it comes as a surprise and the phrase is usually filled with condemnation.

A few months ago, I spoke to some of my middle school students about being mean to a classmate. They made several comments to her, one of them was that she was acting white. When I asked them what that meant, they said they didn’t know. Obviously, they had heard that phrase somewhere and decided to repeat it.

I could relate to my student. There were times that I heard that phrase growing up—and even as an adult. I’ve heard it from both white and black people.

I was born in New York, but raised in the south most of my life. My parents are Jamaicans and they were sticklers about education (well and alot of things). They made sure that I pronounced words correctly and spoke clearly.

As a child, if I asked my dad the meaning of a word I saw in a book, he made me look it up so that I would remember the meaning. I always hated that, but now I’m glad he did.

Growing up on an Air Force base meant that I was in a culture bubble. Even if my neighbors and schoolmates were Americans, many of them had traveled all over the country and the world. The way I spoke never really stuck out because everyone around me sounded the same.

In middle school, kids, black kids, often commented on the way I talked. They wanted to know why I “talked like that.”

I was confused and embarrassed.

How could I not relate to the kids who looked like me? Why were they rejecting me because of how I spoke?

These comments often came from non-military peers. Peers who had not been privaledged to see the bigger picture.

As an adult, I’ve been asked many times where I grew up, as if that defines me.

Now that I’m a mother in my 30s, I feel more confident and self-assured than I did as a preteen. I don’t take offense if someone says that I am acting white. What I worry about though, is how I will explain this to my children, who are half white.

As a black female, when you are accused of acting white, it comes as a surprise and the phrase is usually filled with condemnation.

I do believe that race, class, culture & environment all contribute to an individual’s personality. Race alone does not define who they are and what they are to become.

As a black female, when you are accused of acting white, it comes as a surprise and the phrase is usually filled with condemnation.

As a middle class black southerner, I know that there are differences between white and black women in the south. If you start to overlap class, culture and environment, those differences begin to fade.

As a black female, when you are accused of acting white, it comes as a surprise and the phrase is usually filled with condemnation. If someone accuses them of acting white, I want them to embrace that, because they are half white. I don’t want them to take that as critisism, as I once did.

I want them to know that just because you may look like someone, doesn’t mean that you will automatically have things in common.

And if someone chooses to judge them because of how they look, well, we should feel sorry for them becasue their worldview is so small that they may have trouble functioning in the world.

 

As a black female, when you are accused of acting white, it comes as a surprise and the phrase is usually filled with condemnation. However, raising children that are half white has caused me to reevaluate my stance on the subject.

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Demi says

    July 1, 2017 at 3:14 pm

    This is so relatable! While I was sure I wasn’t alone in experiencing this, it is comforting to see someone else, especially a mother of biracial children, voice it also. I am so happy I came across your blog.

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      July 2, 2017 at 1:58 am

      Demi, I’m so glad you found it! You definitely are not alone. I hope you’ll join my FB group too!

      Reply
  2. Gordon Evans says

    July 2, 2017 at 11:37 am

    Here’s the answer I like best: I am not acting. I am being myself (insert name here). Who are YOU being?
    I grew up in the deep south, but as a white male. I also discovered peoples outside my culture while in the military. It made me question many of the things I was taught by my peer group.
    God the creator made each of us JUST AS WE ARE. He created us to be… US. Embrace what the Father has made you, and live life to the fullest! Oh yeah, don’t forget to embrace OTHERS the Father has made for celebrating what He made THEM.
    Much love and admiration,
    Big G

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      July 2, 2017 at 3:02 pm

      Great answer!

      Reply
  3. Alexandria Kelly says

    July 5, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    I can relate to this on so many levels. I’m a black woman, born in Arkansas, but raised in Nebraska. My husband is white. As a child, I remember being teased whenever my Southern cousins would visit. I remember being teased for “talking like a white girl” by classmates. Like you, I’ve learned to embrace it. It’s silly when you think about it, because since when did someone’s speech make them white or black? LOL. You’re teaching your girls a good thing. ❤

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      July 5, 2017 at 11:46 pm

      Thank you Alexandria! I’m so glad people like you get it..and I’m glad you learned how to deal with it too!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Acting White  – The Lupie Momma says:
    July 1, 2017 at 3:23 pm

    […] https://arethoseyourkids.com/2017/07/01/acting-white/#comment-2968 […]

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  2. Why You Can't Offend Me With Questions About My Mixed Race Family says:
    July 26, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    […] I grew up attending a small Baptist denomination in my hometown. When we traveled to smaller towns for youth functions, I was often the only black teen. Questions about my hair (washing, braiding, etc) made me feel awkward. […]

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Diedre Anthony
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Welcome to Are Those Your Kids! This blog was created to share my experiences in motherhood, from the perspective of a mom with biracial kids. I discuss all things culture, multicultural resources, curly hair and motherhood.

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