Diedre

As a middle school counselor, I know what it’s like to work with teenagers. I’m even pretty comfortable with toddlers. But parenting a 7-year-old? That’s new territory for me.

My oldest is 7 years old, and this year I’ve seen qualities in her that have made my raise my eyebrows. The trickiest part is determining what is actually her, and what things is she picking up from school and other places.

My husband and I try to keep her pretty sheltered (by some people’s definitions). We don’t let her watch too much t.v. and when she does, we are monitoring what shows she is watching. She definitely is NOT free to peruse YouTube on her own (i.e. the whole momo challenge and all the other dangers out there).

Parenting a 7-year-old means:

They ask  A LOT of questions

What time are we going to eat? Our food is taking so long to get ready! I can’t wait for field day! Are we taking swimming lessons AGAIN this summer? Why doesn’t my sister have to do that? Why does the baby always cry when you leave the room?

They begin to question your authority

Sometimes when I tell my  to do something, so asks me why she has to do it or why her sister doesn’t have to do it. I use to see red immediately, but I realized that some of her questioning is genuine. She is trying to learn the world around her.

When I was a kid, it was a cardinal sin to ask your parents questions about most anything when they told you to do something.

Trust me, there are times to say because I told you so, but I’ve changed my thinking and started explaining more.

They want every toy they see

Kids in this generation are marketed to 24/7. Not only do they have access to t.v., but the internet shows kids their age reviewing toys.

And cartoons and use to only be on at certain times. Thanks to Netflix, Hulu & YouTube, you can see what you want, anytime you want.

You can’t escape it!

They begin to notice inconsistencies in what you tell them

If I’m unsure about our plans, I don’t tell her. I don’t want to disappoint her, or be reminded 10,000 times.

They can read (they get all up in your business)

You know what I mean. All up in the blue tooth when it rings in the van. Trying to figure out who is on the phone when it rings.

So here are a few tips to deal with their new “talents”:

Set firm boundaries

Your kids still want to be included in things–even if they are adult matters. When my husband and I are having conversations about bills, school, etc, my daughter frequently tries to interject and ask questions. She even tries to read my text messages when they come in.

We remind her that when mommy and daddy are talking, she has to wait her turn, and that every conversation isn’t about her or for her.

Taking different opportunities to engage in conversations with her helps to set those boundaries for her.

Have key parenting phrases to combat predictable behavior

When we go to Target or Walmart, my kids get the gimmies. Meaning they want every toy they see. To combat what we will face, I often remind my kids to be grateful for what they have.

Sometimes I ask my daughter, “What does mommy say when you are always asking for toys?”

When she repeats it back to me, I know that she is internalizing it more than me simply repeating myself over and over.

Get creative with discipline

Every child learns differently. Get to know your child and what works most effectively for them. Instead of always sending them to time out, try sending their toys to time out.

In lieu of a spanking for every indiscretion, try taking away a privilege.

Being creative with discipline keeps your kids on their toes, and ensures that the punishment fits the behavior you are trying to address.

Apologize

We don’t always have to gether as parents–trust me, I sure don’t. Sometimes I make mistakes. I yell too much. I punish the wrong child.

I have bad times. Apologizing models for your children how to handle when you are wrong. Sometimes our kids see us as superhuman, and a simple apology brings it down to earth for them.

And it humbles you.

Monitor their activity online

I cannot say this one enough. Parents got a little scare with the momo challenge and all the kids YouTube stuff. A few years ago I took an Internet safety class. For some reason, we’ve become really trusting of the Internet because the word “kids” or “children’s” is out there. There are sick people in the world who want to lure children in and are waiting for parents who are not monitoring their children’s activity.

Make sure that you take time to talk your 7-year-old about what to do if they see something inappropriate online. You don’t want them to hide it from you because they are embarrassed. Having these conversations keeps the lines of communications open early so that you can transition smoothly into pre-teen and teenage years.

Know a friend struggling with parenting a 7-year-old? Share this post with them!

When I pregnant with my first baby, I use to spend countless hours daydreaming about what she would look like.

I tried to imagine every detail of her appearance–especially on the days that followed an ultrasound. When my daughter was born, she had fair skin that was often the topic of conversation about strangers and associates.

It bothered me at first because it felt like I had to defend my position as her mother because our skin color didn’t match.

With age comes wisdom, so by the third time around, my children’s complexions no longer are an issue for me, despite curious looks from strangers.

I’ve been lucky, I haven’t received any negative or rude comments, but mostly compliments and curious questions. Now that two out of my three children are school aged, we have more candid conversations about–well–everything!

When I visit their classrooms, sometimes their classmates are surprised when they find out that I’m their mom. I take those cues to know that I have some hard work teaching some important life lessons to my children.

I’m sure the questions from classmates might get a little more invasive as they get older, so I’m determined to share with them that our similarities are more than skin deep.

Interests

My daughters are very girly, but my husband and I have tried to expose them to a variety of activities that doesn’t limit them to gender stereotypes.

We spend many of our days on the farm, chasing animals, digging in the dirt, collecting eggs, and riding the tractor. They have as much fun doing outside labor and play as they do shopping with me. Our goal is to provide them with a myriad of experiences and let them choose the ones that they truly enjoy.

Mannerisms

Isn’t it funny how children take on your mannerisms as early as the womb? All 3 of my children crossed their ankles while they were growing inside my stomach and my son, who is 11 months old does it too!

We’ve also noticed how my oldest is very type A like me–-sometimes way more over the top!

Personalities

Our personalities are often a topic of conversation and our kids seem to take pride in being like my husband and I. The older they get, the more their personalities begin to shine. Our parents take great joy in comparing some of their trying moments to moments that we tested their patience when we were little.

I don’t know about your kids, but my kids ask A LOT of questions.

They ask things like, “Momma, why is your hair short and mine is long?” “Why are daddy’s eyes green and ours are brown?”

They ask questions to gain an understanding of the world around them. As annoying as it may seem at times, it’s important to answer those questions to frame their realities.

Kids begin noticing differeces in the world around them as toddlers. When they begin making observations, there are no negatives attached until adults teach them that those differences are wrong.

As a multiracial family, I know that the contact questions about my children’s hair and complexion may cause them to internalize that our family differences are wrong, so I’ve chosen to focus on our similarities.

When they start asking questions about our skin or our hair, I talk about how different and beautiful those differences are, but then redirect our conversations to our positive similarities.

I say things to them like, “You are a good writer like mama.” or “You take good care of the chickens just like daddy. I can tell that you really love animals.”

These tips work even if you aren’t in a multiracial family. If you have a child that has low self esteem, try reminding them of the positive qualities they have in common with you.

How are you teaching your children important life lessons?