Diedre

How Growing Up In a Jamaican Family Influenced My Marriage

November 3, 2015 By Diedre 2 Comments

Blending cultures in a marriage can be a complicated feat whether both families are open or accepting or not. The key is to respect each other, and compromise with your spouse on the important issues.

My mom always told me that she always knew she wanted to marry another Jamaican, that was a non-negotiable. She didn’t want to have to explain her culture to someone else. The moment I married into a family and moved to South Georgia, I understood her sentiments as I noticed the stark differences between people in South Georgia and Jamaicans.

Growing up on an Air Force Base, I was surrounded by a variety of cultural experiences. I didn’t quite realize how much my culture influenced my way of being until I got married. My husband was well traveled (and a travel agent at the time), so he embraced my Jamaican culture-the good with the bad.

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How to Keep the Love Alive (After Kids)

November 2, 2015 By Diedre 3 Comments

Having kids totally changes the dynamic of marriage. Between the dirty diapers, late night feedings & tantrums, it can be difficult to keep the love alive with your spouse. When you can barely keep your eyes open after an exhausting day with the kids, the last thing you feel like is making time for your spouse.

However, love is more than a feeling, it’s an action. Making your spouse a priority, even when your time together is limited, is vital for a healthy marriage relationship.

My husband and I have been married for 0 years. Every year, we like to take some time to reflect on our relationship. For this post, I decided to interview my husband. He wanted to share some helpful tips with you all.

Diedre: Justin, how have we kept the love alive?

Justin: It helps to clean stuff up.

Diedre: Can you elaborate?

Justin: Deep sigh. Dishes. Tub. Bathroom. Humor. Laugh with each other. I like seeing my wife smile. Make dinner at home with her favorite beverage. Admit when you’re wrong.

His answers were short, sweet and to the point.

I agree with my husband, but I’m going to give you a bit more detail..from a mother’s perspective.

Sometimes we get stuck in the monotony of work (inside and outside of the home) and our duties of parenthood. Our spouse becomes our partner in handling life’s debacles but ceases to be our lover and friend. This is sad.

Stay in Shape

Okay, this may seem like a weird tip, but when you’re in shape, you feel better about yourself. When you feel better about yourself, you feel more attractive. Feeling more attractive creates amazing sexual chemistry between marriage partners.

You also have more energy to keep up with the kids! Not to mention fewer trips to the doctor and contributing to your overall health.

Talk to Each Other, Not at Each Other

Raising kids together is beautiful, but also tiring! Sometimes we look at our spouse as the person who can help run errands.

Can you take out the trash? Can you run to the bank? I thought you’d have dinner ready?!

Taking time to communicate makes your partner feel valued.

Take time to put your phone down and look your partner in the eye. Purposfully put each other first.

If you are frustrated, communicate why you are frustrated.

Timing is Everything

How many of you know this is true??

For example, if I’ve just gotten home from work, and my husband is frustrated because I’ve spent too much money this month, discussing it with me while I’m juggling bath time and preparing for the next day, is the worst possible time.

If he catches me after the kids are in bed and helps me fold a load of laundry while we talk, I’ll be more receptive to what he has to say.

Connect with Other Adults

Sometimes you feel as if you’re alone.

All you do is yell at the kids, and your spouse annoys you.

Getting together with other couples who have kids reminds you that you aren’t alone! Adult interaction goes a long way, especially if you can do it together!

Compliment your Spouse

You think he knows you find him attractive because you said yes.

He thinks you know he appreciates you because he doesn’t complain when you cook.

Who doesn’t like to hear nice things about themselves? Don’t let your spouse think you’re taking him/her for granted. Tell them what you love about them!

I want to hear from you! What have you found keeps the love alive? What is the biggest challenge in your marriage now that you have kids?

If you haven’t subscribed to the blog yet, do it now!! Connect with me today and read more marriage tips!

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Toddler Tantrums: How to Avoid the Ultimate Embarrassment

November 2, 2015 By Diedre 22 Comments

Becoming a parent means a major lifestyle change. The days of spending all day or evening at event become quite challenging with kids, especially toddlers under the age of five. Have you ever planned the perfect outing for your kids, only to be disappointed by tears, tantrums & meltdowns? Here’s what I’ve found works for minimizing the meltdowns:

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No-Nonsense Tips for Raising Biracial Children: Straight from the Expert

October 24, 2015 By Diedre 14 Comments

Discussing race often brings people discomfort. Dr. Francis Wardle, The Center for Biracial studies founder and expert, gives several suggestions for raising biracial kids and how to talk about race with them.

His book, Tomorrow’s Children, outlines several suggestions for raising healthy, self-assured biracial children.

As you can see, my book is now falling apart at the seams.

I found his contact information on his website, The Center for the Study of Biracial Children. He emailed me back quickly and we scheduled a date for the phone interview.

If you’re unfamiliar with the expert on biracial studies, here’s a brief bio: he has published eight books, two on multiracial children. He has also published about 400 articles in journals, national and international magazines, trade publications, interracial organization newsletters, and popular newspapers, on a variety of subjects including interracial families, play, young children, playgrounds, and education.

He received his Ph.D in Curriculum and Instruction with a focus on Early Childhood from the University of Kansas in 1983.

Since 1997, he has been teaching at Red Rocks Community College in the Early Childhood department, serves as a teacher/mentor at the University of Phoenix School of Advanced Studies, and last but not least, he is a writer.

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Blogging Excitement: Published by the Huffington Post!

October 19, 2015 By Diedre 13 Comments

Good evening ya’ll! It’s been such a busy week. I’ve been doing a lot of writing. I wrote a guest post entitled: 7 Books to Help You Talk to Your Child about Being Biracial. As you all know, we love to read, so I thought I’d share some of the books I’ve used to discuss multiculturalism and being biracial with my girls. As our little library grows, I’ll do another post with more book reviews for you all!

I’m excited to share with you that I had two articles published by the Huffington Post last week. Yes, two! I was elated to have one, and honored that they would even consider two! Seeing your name in print is every writer’s dream. Next stop, write a children’s book. If you want to check them out, click the titles, they are linked for you: How Not to Offend Mixed Raced Families & How to Teach Your Kids to Love the Skin They’re In.

Last night I was privileged to interview Dr. Francis Wardle.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, he is an author and professor. He has spearheaded research in many areas, but specifically multicultural education as well as multiracial children and families. He has published hundreds of articles, 6 books, and many chapters in books. He is white and his wife is black. They have been happily married for over 40 years and I was delighted to pick his brain. I’ll share more with you later this week.

I can’t wait to share my interview with you. Are there any topics you’d like to see me cover in the future? Enjoy what’s left of your weekend!

XOXO

Diedre

A Guide to Conversations with Mixed Race Families

October 5, 2015 By Diedre 23 Comments

The number of mixed race families in this country is on the rise.

It’s refreshing for me to see other multiracial families at church, at my children’s school & in the community.

Even though diverse families are the new norm, sometimes people still act surprised when they see mixed race families together.

It’s always interesting to see the looks on people’s faces when they meet my husband or see my kids for the first time. They try to hide their surprise, but most don’t do it very well.

Don’t Assume That a Child Does Not Belong to the Parents Because their Skin Doesn’t Match

Gone are the days of everyone in a family looking the same.

While some parents have children naturally, others are building their families through fostering and adopting (domestically & internationally).

Furthermore, some parents adopt children from an ethnicity different from their own. It is hurtful when strangers question whether or not you are the parent.

Both of my parents are black. My brothers and I vary in shades. So skin color can vary in families with parents of the same race!

Asking if a child has been adopted or questioning the mother because her skin color does not match her child’s skin is not a good way to start a conversation with mixed race families, in fact, it’s a quick way to offend a possible new friend.

Don’t Ask Questions about a Child’s Ethnicity Unless You Have a Close Relationship with the Parent

If I had a penny for every time I’ve been asked about whether or not my children’s father was white, I could pay for all of their college educations.

Questions like that are intrusive, and simply not necessary. It often catches families like mine off guard. I’ve started rehearsing a few responses so that I don’t get offended and my children can learn how to respond, even from a young age.

Here are 4 responses that I keep on hand—->Responses

I’m not sure what that has to do with my groceries. Thankfully my children were young enough to not internalize that question.

I often wonder what the ramifications will be for my children when they are constantly confronted with questions about our skin color.

Don’t Ask a Child Why their Skin Color is Different From Their Sibling

Some of this may sound like common sense, but this exact scenario almost caused a fight at my school. No one chooses their physical features, so they should not be questioned about it.

Especially with an audience. This is embarrassing and causes the child to question themselves. Not a good idea.