Diedre

4 Reasons to Be in Love With Your Kinky, Coily 4C Hair

April 1, 2019 By Diedre 1 Comment

It took me awhile to love my kinky, coily 4C hair.

When I was a young girl, I always wondered how my hair was so curly when it was wet, but then “nappy” when it was dry.

Before the natural girls rock movement, most black women were wearing their hair all natural with minimal products, straight with a relaxer, or curly with a texturizer.

The minute your relaxed hair started to take on its curly natural state, you were clowned by classmates about having “nappy hair.”

I saw afros as outdated styles from the 70s and never had a desire to have one.

Fast foward to my late twenties, and I was sitting in the dermatologist office being told that my scalp would feel so much better if I stopped getting relaxers. Because it was a black women suggesting it, I listened to her advice, but it fell on deaf ears. There was ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I was walking around with a big afro.

At my next dermatology visit, I had made it 12 weeks without a relaxer, and I was still alive. I torture I had endured for relaxers no longer seemed worth it. I “sacraficed for beauty’s sake” but my scalp was irritated, peeling, itchy and scabbed over.

After cutting my straight hair off and doing the big chop, I slowly started to embrace the new me. The learning curve was tough, but now I’m so in love with my kinky, coily 4C hair.

Here’s why:

You Can Shock People With the Length

My daughters are 7 & 5 and they love commenting on things that are similar and different about us. My oldest daughter loves to tell me how short my hair is compared to hers. What she doesn’t realize is that 4C hair has major shrinkage.

So even though my hair looks short, it actually has a decent amount of length!

Styles for Days

When I first went natural, the thought of maintaining a thick head of hair was very overwhelming, so as my hair grew, I cut it. I kept it short on the sides and long on the top.

It was easier to maintain while raising 2 toddlers, especially on wash days. Now I”m trying to grow my hair as long as I can, just to see what it will look like.

Now I wear my hair in a variety of styles–braids, buns, puffs. You name it, I’m willing to try it!

Your Afro Can Get as Big as You Want It To Be

I love experimenting with different protective styles to manipulate the looks of my curls. Twist out provide amazing definition, and the opportunity for your hair to get bigger as each day passes.

And with 4C hair, bigger is always better!! If you don’t feel like rocking the super defined look, you can wear your afro as is!

Less Frizz

Kinky, coily 4C hair is very forgiving when it comes to frizz. If an older protective style begins to frizz, it only makes the hair bigger and more fabulous!

Share this with another person who loves their 4C hair!

Why I’m Teaching My Children that Similarities are More than Skin Deep

March 24, 2019 By Diedre Leave a Comment

When I pregnant with my first baby, I use to spend countless hours daydreaming about what she would look like.

I tried to imagine every detail of her appearance–especially on the days that followed an ultrasound. When my daughter was born, she had fair skin that was often the topic of conversation about strangers and associates.

It bothered me at first because it felt like I had to defend my position as her mother because our skin color didn’t match.

With age comes wisdom, so by the third time around, my children’s complexions no longer are an issue for me, despite curious looks from strangers.

I’ve been lucky, I haven’t received any negative or rude comments, but mostly compliments and curious questions. Now that two out of my three children are school aged, we have more candid conversations about–well–everything!

When I visit their classrooms, sometimes their classmates are surprised when they find out that I’m their mom. I take those cues to know that I have some hard work teaching some important life lessons to my children.

I’m sure the questions from classmates might get a little more invasive as they get older, so I’m determined to share with them that our similarities are more than skin deep.

Interests

My daughters are very girly, but my husband and I have tried to expose them to a variety of activities that doesn’t limit them to gender stereotypes.

We spend many of our days on the farm, chasing animals, digging in the dirt, collecting eggs, and riding the tractor. They have as much fun doing outside labor and play as they do shopping with me. Our goal is to provide them with a myriad of experiences and let them choose the ones that they truly enjoy.

Mannerisms

Isn’t it funny how children take on your mannerisms as early as the womb? All 3 of my children crossed their ankles while they were growing inside my stomach and my son, who is 11 months old does it too!

We’ve also noticed how my oldest is very type A like me–-sometimes way more over the top!

Personalities

Our personalities are often a topic of conversation and our kids seem to take pride in being like my husband and I. The older they get, the more their personalities begin to shine. Our parents take great joy in comparing some of their trying moments to moments that we tested their patience when we were little.

I don’t know about your kids, but my kids ask A LOT of questions.

They ask things like, “Momma, why is your hair short and mine is long?” “Why are daddy’s eyes green and ours are brown?”

They ask questions to gain an understanding of the world around them. As annoying as it may seem at times, it’s important to answer those questions to frame their realities.

Kids begin noticing differeces in the world around them as toddlers. When they begin making observations, there are no negatives attached until adults teach them that those differences are wrong.

As a multiracial family, I know that the contact questions about my children’s hair and complexion may cause them to internalize that our family differences are wrong, so I’ve chosen to focus on our similarities.

When they start asking questions about our skin or our hair, I talk about how different and beautiful those differences are, but then redirect our conversations to our positive similarities.

I say things to them like, “You are a good writer like mama.” or “You take good care of the chickens just like daddy. I can tell that you really love animals.”

These tips work even if you aren’t in a multiracial family. If you have a child that has low self esteem, try reminding them of the positive qualities they have in common with you.

How are you teaching your children important life lessons?

Learning to Love Myself Again After PostPartum Bell’s Palsy

March 21, 2019 By Diedre 2 Comments

This post is sponsored by Dents de bebe, but all thoughts are my own.

If I’m being totally transparent, when I look in the mirror, sometimes I don’t love what I see anymore.

The day after I was discharged from the hospital, I was diagnosed with postpartum Bell’s palsy.

And almost one year later, I still suffer from some of the effects.

I had a normal pregnancy, normal birth, and the baby was healthy when he was born.

All I knew at the time was that my face felt weird, I couldn’t drink from a straw, and my right eye wouldn’t stop watering without being covered.

An hour visit to the E.R, a few tests and several hundred dollars later, the doctor told me what my mom had already guessed–I had postpartum Bell’s Palsy.

It was tough ya’ll. I wanted to take pictures with our new family of five, but it was discouraging because I looked like I had just had a stroke. The right side of my face drooped and I couldn’t smile even if I wanted to.

While mourning over my face, I tried to focus on my three blessings, especially my newest tiny blessing.

During my maternity leave, I spent many days in various doctor’s offices as they told me that most people with bell’s palsy saw a full recovery six to eight weeks later.

While most of the symptoms aren’t visible to strangers, I still have a few minor issues. On windy days, my right eye still waters. And I try my best not to be seated directly under a ceiling fan.

To me the most noticeable and most difficult to ignore is the right side of my face is still slightly paralyzed. Now when I smile, my face isn’t symmetrical.

When I see pictures of myself, it’s hard not to overanalyze the obvious. I’ve been blessed with such a loving and supportive family–especially a husband who tells me how beautiful I am regardless.

Postpartum bells palsy has been a journey from the inside out. Now the phrase “beauty is only skin deep” has a new meaning for me.

My girls often watch my get ready for work in the morning and tell me how beautiful I am. (trust me, I’m not paying them to say that).

I realize that I have a responsibility to them to show them what a strong woman looks like.

A strong woman isn’t perfect.

A strong woman perserveres through adversity.

A strong woman acknowledges when she needs help.

A strong woman apologizes when she is wrong.

Raising children in a day and age when they have access to social media can be exciting, yet damaging. We are constantly pushed images of “perfection.” We often don’t see the edits to make people look flawless, and we definitely can’t see the pain behind the images they project.

I’m learning that I am so much more than my face. And if my face never returns to how it looked before babies, I am learning to be okay with that too.

Are you loving the teething necklace I’m wearing? Head over to dentsdebebe.com and enter code YOURKIDS for 20% off!

Do you know someone who has suffered from postpartum bells palsy? Share this post with them!

The Best Leave In Conditioners for Curly Haired Kids

March 9, 2019 By Diedre 2 Comments

I have 3 curly haired kids and using leave in conditioners is a part of our everyday routine. Find products that worked for the 3 of them was a challenge because I’m black and they are all biracial with 3 different textures. I’ve also learned that just because a product is marketed for mixed race hair, it doesn’t mean that it will work.

Why should you use leave in conditioners?

Because curly hair needs moisture! Whether your child is biracial or not, curls need a different maintenance routine that straight hair.

The right leave in conditioners have a combination of oils and other natural ingredients that keep the hair shaft healthy and moisturized.

They are also great for detangling! They are best applied to wet hair after it has been washed & conditioned, but can be applied to damp or dry hair.

Some leave in conditioners are light weight, while some are in cream form and heavier. Knowing your curl pattern will help determine the kind you need.

4C hair (kinky, coily curls) typically loves the heavier creams, and wavy curls prefer light weight conditioners and are often weighed down by the heavier creams.

Babies can use leave in conditioner too! Since caring for baby curls is a much simplier process, using a leave in conditioner keep your baby’s hair moisturized while they sleep and play.

What’s the difference between deep conditioners & leave in conditioners?

Deep conditioners add moisture back into dry hair, reduce frizz and are washed out. Deep conditioners can sit on the hair up to 30 minutes and applied with heat for a deeper strenghtening treatment.

Leave in conditioners help to detangle hair.

Keep in mind that the first 5 ingredients are the ones that pack the biggest punch. Try to steer clear of conditioners that include harmful ingredients like sulfates, parabens and ingredients that you can’t pronounce.

Here are some great leave in conditioners that are perfect for curly kids:

Many Ethnicities

Many EthnicitiesÂ makes a wonderful cream based leave in conditioner. It works wonders on my daughter with 3c hair, and my husband won’t braid her hair without it.

What I love about this brand is the founder, Dr. Ena is biracial and wanted to create a product for mixed race hair.

The Mane Choice

The Mane Choice is personally one of my favorites. In my house, it works for my daughters with 2c & 3c hair. Their leave in also works for me. I love that they make leave in creams and sprays, so you can find a variety of leave in conditioners that fit your specific hair needs.

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Taliah Waajid

Taliah Waajid Children Tangles Out Today Leave-in Conditioner & Detangler, 8 Ounce is good for all hair types. It’s lightweight, but leaves a nice sheen on the hair and is easy to apply on either wet or dry hair.

Honey Baby Naturals

The wonderful thing about this brand is that it was created by a mom of three who wanted a product that would work for her kids’ different hair types. Necessity is the mother of invention right?

Mielle Organics

Mielle Tinys & Tots Sacha Inchi Detangling Conditioner is a light weight leave in conditioner with great slip. It’s made with certified organic ingredients, so you don’t have to worry about toxic chemicals.

What are some of your favorite leave in conditioners for curly haired kids??? If this post was helpful to you, I’d love if you could give it a share!

Are you a total loss when it comes to finding the best products for your curly haired kids? Purchase myÂ e-book, <—-(click here to purchase)

TheÂ Frustration-Free Guide to Curly Hair willÂ answer all your curly hair questions + you’ll receive a guide to products by curl type!Â

4 Simple Tips to Successfully Breastfeed a Teething Baby

March 4, 2019 By Diedre Leave a Comment

This post is sponsored by Dents de bebe, but all opinions are my own.

After I had my first daughter, people often looked at me with disgust with they found out I continued to breastfeed a teething baby.

She was only 6 months old, and I wasn’t ready to give up breastfeeding, but I had to adjust some things to help her through the teething process without getting bit.

Now that I’m breastfeeding baby #3, I’ve had to adjust greatly. My son (unfortunatly) is a chronic biter!

He’s 11 months old, and I want to at least make it to a year of breastfeeding successfully, but teething is rough this time around!

Here are a few tips to help you continue to breastfeed a teething baby:

Wear a teething necklace

My son loves to use his teeth on EVERYTHING.

He’s bitten a hole in my p.j shirt, chews on books, and the worst thing—bitten me while nursing.

Most of the bites have happened as he was falling asleep and was grinding his teeth. I try to pull away before he completely falls asleep, and sometimes have to squeeze his face if he’s already chomped down on me.

Since he likes to try out his new chompers on any and everything, to help myself, I wear a Dents de Bebe teething necklace.

Dents de bebe necklaces are not only fashionable, but the silicone beads are 100% food grade, FDA-approved, BPA-free, Phthalate-free, Lead-free, Cadmium-free, Nitrosamine-free, and Latex-free.

Hygenic and hypoallergenic, items made of all silicone parts are easy to clean and top-rack dishwasher-safe.

They also make perfect shower gifts! (Grab the code at the end of this post to get 20% off!)

Use Essential Oils

Copaiba has been my best friend. It can be used diluted in a roller bottle and rolled on the gums, or if you feel more comfortable with oils, you can put a small drop (neat) directly on your baby’s gums.

Teething is such a painful process for little ones, and many teething remedies have been recalled which makes finding a pain reliver difficult for parents.

I like using all natural remedies as much as possible. I love Young Living Oils. Their seed to seal guarantee ensures that their oils are pure and aren’t filled with synthetics or cheap fillers. If you are ready to dive in, I’d love to help you on your wellness journey! All you have to do is click here.

Invest In Your Own Wellness

When babies are teething, they are often irritable, sleep less and require more of your energy and attention. If you aren’t getting enough rest (when you can) and taking care of your body, the teething process can wear you out.

If you are struggling to get back on the wellness track during the postpartum period, don’t be afraid to ask your spouse or friend to keep the baby to give yourself a break.

Many mothers feel guilty about having “me time” after the baby. Without a little time away, regrouping can become difficult. Be kind to yourself as you are bouncing back.

If you are feeling down and can’t seem to shake it, or having feelings of harming yourself or the baby, please consult your physician.

Don’t Give Up If Your Baby Refuses to Nurse

Keep in mind that teething feels like a terrible toothache.

Would you want to eat or drink if you had a toothache? Because breastfeeding is as much of a bonding experience as it is for nourishment, it is common to feel defeated if your baby refuses to nurse. Remember to pump if your baby is refusing multiple feedings. This will ensure that you can keep up your supply.

Remember, if all else fails, fed is best. If you cannot keep up with the demand of your baby, or you simply cannot produce anymore, that doesn’t make you any less of a mom.

Do you want one of these beautiful teething necklaces for yourself or a friend? Head over to https://www.dentsdebebe.com/ and Use the code: YOURKIDS for 20% off.

4 Reasons Your Middle School Child Isn’t Talking to You

February 23, 2019 By Diedre 1 Comment

I’ve been a middle school counselor for the past 8 years and I absolutely love working with preteens and teenagers.

When people find out that I work in a middle school, they shake their head and tell me that they feel sorry for me and there’s now way they could deal with the drama and hormones.

What I personally love about middle schoolers is the evolution I see in their personalities when they enter as timid 6th graders, and leave as confident 8th graders.

While there is definitatly not shortage of he say/she say drama, social media wars & hormonal breakdowns, I love offering support to my students.

Middle school is such a tricky time, and they need support from adults, but often don’t know how to ask. Here are a few reasons you can’t get anything out of your middle school child:

They Think You Don’t Understand

Kids often forget that their parents were once kids too. Even though times have changed, there are some experiences that don’t change.

They Think You’re Too Busy

Most families are now 2 parent working households. Parents are working longer shifts, and often parents pass each other like ships in the night.

I can’t tell you how many times kids don’t bring things back signed because their parent that worked the night shift was exhausted and they didn’t want to bother them.

I always encourage my students to talk to their parents about things that are bothering them, but they afraid that they will get in trouble for interrupting their parents while they are working on other things.

They Think You Don’t Care

Teenagers can be dramatic. They can take small things and turn them into earth shattering moments. But those moments are important to them.

Once I told one of my students that I didn’t want to see her back in my office with any nonsense. The next time a teacher brought her to talk to me, she had major attitude. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that I told her not to come back. I told her what I meant was I didn’t want to have to talk to her about drama that she brought on herself. I didnt mean that she couldn’t come and talk to me. I was shocked because that student and I have a good rapport.

It’s easy to mistake maturity for adulthood. Just because your child is responsible, doesn’t mean that they don’t still need you.

They Don’t Have the Words

My five year old still has tantrums on ocassion. When I see her melting down, I remind her to use her words. When my girls start fussing with each other and whining to me, I remind them to speak clearly and use their words.

When kids get older, we stop coaching them on how to express their feelings.

The teen years is when they really need our help the most! They are navigating a host of new experiences, and often struggle with articulating their feelings. And they often feel ashamed about what they feel.

So how can I get my child to open up and talk to me?

It really isn’t as difficult as you think…trust me…I do this everyday.

Ask Your Middle School Child Specific Questions

Not just yes or no questions. And not just how was your day. Dig deeper. Ask your middle school child who they ate lunch with. Ask what the highlight of their day was. Ask who their favorite teachers are.

The more you ask, the more you know.

And the more your child knows you care.

Sure, they may act like they don’t want you up in their business, but I can promise you that they secretly like it.

Invite Their Friends Over

Are you curious about how you child acts in school? Take some time to meet the kids they spend the most time with. This will tell you alot about the things they are discussing and where their interests lie.

I was just in a conference last week with a mom who was unhappy with her daughter’s recent choice of friends. Mom thought that her friend group was the reason she kept getting into so much trouble. And mom was absolutely right.

Spend Time Together

While most teens do prefer the company of their friends over their families, it doesn’t mean that they don’t still value time together as a family.

I get it. In between soccer practice, work obligations & home chores, it can be difficult to squeeze in extra alone time with your (pre)teen. But your relationship depends on it.

Spending time together can be as simple as reading the same book together (having a family book club) or taking your middle school child out with you (alone if they have siblings) to get some icecream after running errands, or showing up to bring them lunch at school.

Need more tips on parenting middle schoolers & teens? Check out these posts:

Welcome to Middle School: What They Don’t Tell You At Open House

9 Amazingly Easy Ways to Help Your Teenager Gain Confidence

Communication Boost: How to Maximize Conversation With Your Child

Tips for Battling Back to School Emotions With Your High School Child

How to Raise Your Multiracial Child in a School That Isn’t Diverse