Motherhood Series

Every Mother Has a Story to Tell: A Story About When the Kids Get Older

August 14, 2017 By Diedre Leave a Comment

Today on the blog I am welcoming Autumn Baughn from A Whole Story. She’s sharing her heartfelt story about the rollercoaster of emotions moms endure when their kids get older.

I’m a mama to two little firecracker kiddos who are best friends, my girlies are 7 and 5, and life is just getting brighter, different, and more open every day. As they grow in their independence, capability, and adventurous spirits, I have found new space. New ability, and? Some major identity crisis.

I threw myself into motherhood full force. Nursing on demand, creating Mama groups on FB, and forging new friendships based in our commonality of motherhood and babies. It filled me up, time/brain/body/heart. Everything about the baby years was all-consuming. But what happens when the baby years trickle away into toddler… and now school aged?

When the girls hit around 3 and 5 the time they occupied themselves began to stretch out. I often sat, listening to them play, a bit lost. Their imaginary world growing richer and deeper by the day, and my identity slipping into new territory that felt confusing and strange.

I jumped from nursing and napping babies every hour, to basically providing snacks to fuel their intense play. I felt confused. This was all I wanted when they were 1 and 3.

This was what I had hoped to be setting them up to be; strong, capable, independent, and great at imaginary play.

The new space felt awkward, confusing, and left me on edge.

To be constantly on the edge of needed, but not needed. I never knew if the time between them needing me would be 20 min or 2 hours. The discomfort in that time between needs was palpable. My job felt hollow. I’d gone from being so intensely needed, to kind of disposable feeling.

This is where I need to backtrack a moment. I am a bit different than most of the Mamas I know. For me, having children, answered my questions. I had my kids young, and becoming a Mom felt like a big deep sigh of relief.

The answer to: Who am I?

I never felt like I lost myself to motherhood. But I sure as everything felt lost when my motherhood got easier.

The years of intensely mothering babies, nursing non-stop, never sleeping, researching everything, and going to doctors appointments SO freaking often, that felt strong, right, and filled me up with This Is Me feels.

As that trickled away. As the conversations grew more sophisticated. As the kids got older, needs changed. I felt lost. This space I thought I’d ached for arrived and it left me feeling upended.

My girls love of alone time, best friend time, and independent play has only grown these past two years. Now, at 5 and 7, it’s often most of the day long. All with the still hanging obvious need’s of kiddos. We’re home-schoolers so there is that job, always present. But beyond that we have incredible conversations, bizarre dance parties, and intense board game sessions. However, those times between? Ever growing, and I’m finally comfortable in

Ever growing, and I’m finally comfortable in them, and wanting to share a bit about what got me there.

Here are a few of the things I’ve done these past two years to find my Who Am I with growing up children.

First, I created a 20 Minute Solution to the things I deem most important to my mental and physical health. I have a whole blog post sharing about this, and a YouTube video, but the base is this; Set a timer for 20 min and spend that time doing ONLY that thing. For me these are typically cleaning, quality one-on-on kid time, yoga, writing, meditation, social media.

This keeps me boundaried in things that I can often binge on (hi, Instagram! bye, two hours!) and on task for things that I often rush through, spin my wheels on, or end up wasting time coming back to and leaving behind again and again (cleaning my dang kitchen, what?).

Within the 20 Minute Solution I found out some big things about myself, and have grown those into what is filling up the newfound brain space and time I have as my little have grown.

Meditating and Prayer to really hone in on what I want to do with space. I thought about education I may want to pursue? A new business venture? Or a season of rest? Sitting and listening has been the best way for me to really hear what I am led to next. It’s a practice, it took a lot of 20 min timers to get myself to calm and quiet enough to hear.
Journalling. Spending time doing some free writing (aka; write whatever comes up!) and if that is feeling overwhelming just try a list. I’ll often just write a header; Dream’s, Goals, Feels; and then a list!
Nature. Getting outside and walking, running, moving, experiencing gorgeous views or new spaces always gets my brain into a place where I am more open to seeing the Big Picture of who I can be for myself, and my family, with these new space opportunities.

As my two kids get older, I am guessing these feelings, need’s, and the kind of space I have will continue to evolve.

Through this season I’ve found new facets of myself, new skills, and new curiosities. And, it seems, my kid’s mirror me as they are finding the same and we are all sharing in the spoils of a growing up family together.

Has your parenting and identity made big shifts throughout the stages of motherhood?

Being on this first little precipice, looking back on babyhood, it leaves me wondering what other peaks and valleys I’ll be looking over through the decades of my Mamahood. I’m so excited to see how this little family of 4 grows and changes together as we only tackle new stages and ages.

Want to learn more about Autumn? She is the creator of A Whole Story, a healthy lifestyle blog with a heavy lean on body positive fitness, self and relationship wellness, whole foods recipes, and family adventure. Administrator and creator of the Abundant30 Facebook group and Whole30 Ladies Facebook group. She is a self-proclaimed social media addict, active on most all platforms, but most commonly found on IG.

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Every Mother Has a Story to Tell: A Story About Single Motherhood

June 4, 2017 By Diedre 9 Comments

New to the blog & the motherhood series is Kisha Wynn. She’s sharing heartbreak, disappoints and joys of single motherhood. Please welcome her and she tells her story.

When I was a teenager I had a picture of how my family would be. A tall, dark, and handsome husband, 2 kids, a dog and a white picket fence. Really! That was my ideal family. I never planned for things to be quite as interesting as they are today.

Three years ago I found myself a mother of 2, pregnant with twins and alone. After a rough breakup, financial hardship, failures and many disappointments I still chose joy.

It was a few weeks after finding out I was having twins that I just decided to get over it. No more pity parties. No more shame in being single and no more excuses. I had decided to own my situation and live my life.

I looked at my 2 sons and my growing belly and thought: “How can I make the best of this?”

I knew that I had to learn to enjoy the here and now and teach them to do the same. So I began to not focus so much my “issues” and find happiness in the little moments.

I can remember laughing when we all had to use the one bathroom we had in our tiny apartment, because I was just happy we had a safe place to call our own.

I found humor in the awkward conversations with my ex because I was just thankful to be happily single, instead of miserably married to one bad decision.

I let every late notice and past due bill fuel my faith and increase the hope I had for a better future.

That’s what kept me going.

Ultimately I decided to look at life from a different perspective. Once I changed my attitude towards my circumstances, the circumstances changed right before me.

Despite parenting alone, I was finally happy. Because I realized that being a single mom was not the totality of who I was. My circumstances did not make me. I was more than what happened to me and I decided to use that to fuel a life of joy.

I decided to start doing specific things to be happier with what I had and find the joy in single parenting.

When I evaluated everything I realized good things were happening for me. I needed to start magnifying them. So I decided to start a journaling every little success. I didn’t care how small it seemed, I wrote it down and celebrated it. The baby went potty (ugh finally), I paid rent on time, I made it to the gym, I made it all a big deal.

I will never forget the first time I bought a live Christmas tree. I thought let me do something different and special with my sons. So I went out got the Christmas tree and me, my sons and my belly dragged it upstairs to our little apartment.

I unwrapped it, put it up and stood back in admiration of what I had just done. About 60 seconds later I friggin frog jumps out of the tree! I literally lost my mind. My oldest son ran and left me alone with this creature!!

It took everything I had to find the courage to wrangle this thing out of my house. Ugh. Needless to say I had 3 triumphs is one day!!

Amidst the not so glamorous moments, I still find triumphs, sometimes they come at unexpected times and I have to fight for them. You will too. But, train yourself to recognize them because in that intentional search you may find exactly what you’re looking for.

In all the celebrating I found that I focused less on the drama and more on the things I was getting right. I focused more on the productive situations and less on the counterproductive ones i.e. complaining, worrying, and doubting.

You will see your confidence beginning to increase thus making you happier.

Once I realized how content and happy I actually was, I wondered what would happen if I pursued something greater.

So I challenged myself to pursue the possibilities.

Once things got stable for me I did not want to get complacent. I wanted to keep growing and continue to elevate my life.

I made the choice to be grateful and content but I knew I still wanted more.

I wasn’t sure what I could reasonably at the moment, given my current situation but I knew I could do something. So even if you have to take baby steps toward your goals you should still be working on them.

I decided to think back to my younger self. What dreams did she have? What did she want to accomplish in life?

And surprisingly a lot of those things I still wanted, even in my single journey. I had just suppressed those desires because I felt I needed to put being a mother before my personal desires.

We seem to do that a lot as moms.

But, I realized I was letting my younger self down.

So I decided to pursue the possibilities and get back into writing. I already owned several journals that I would write in whenever I had something to say and nobody to say it to.

I began writing more often and it was a way for me to express myself and do something I genuinely enjoyed doing.

A few months after starting I was reading Black Enterprise magazine and there was a story highlighting millennial bloggers making a living online. That really intrigued me, so I began researching how to start a blog. I researched for a while before I actually started, probably too long but here I am.

It was slow going at first but I am starting to find my groove.

But the important thing is I have something of my own, that I can be proud of. That makes me happier and more fulfilled than ever.

Having something outside of motherhood that’s yours is beneficial and necessary.

Then after doing those thing I was able to really fall in love with my life. Decide how you can fall in love with yours.

Here’s the thing. We all have had a vision for our lives that may not reflect what it looks like now but listen…

Life is not perfect. It will never be perfectly orchestrated the way you imagined it. There will be mountaintop moments and valley moments, and then there will be times of perfect contentment.

I had to learn to be happy no matter what state I was in. I finally understood that the things I were going through were just temporary and would eventually change.

So when things are going the way I want, I’m grateful and I celebrate that.

But when things are not going as planned, I’m still grateful and celebrate the triumphs to come.

It’s about finding a new way to look at the situation.

Can you do something different to make the circumstance better? Can you learn from it? Can you prevent someone else from going through it?

When I decided to fall in love with my life that meant becoming unconditionally grateful for life itself. That meant being grateful for the small things we often take for granted and making a choice to be happy in whatever state I’m in.

When you decide to be happy with where you are, what you have and who you’re doing it with, even it means being single, you’ll find that joy just comes as a byproduct of that contentment.

Want to hear more from Kisha?

Nakisha is a single mother of 4 and parenting lifestyle blogger at NakishaWynn.com. She experienced personal success after walking away from a bad relationship and starting her life over with nothing. She shares her stories of personal triumph to let other women in her situation know that they are not alone. She began blogging as a way to share her methods on self-sufficiency with single moms; to empower them to thrive through single parenting. Her writing is personal and relatable and shines a beautiful light on our need as mothers to be vulnerable and imperfect. Her mission is to empower women to push past their limits, pursue the possibilities and create the life they imagined.

Nakisha has a parenting book set to publish this year. You can find her on social media ——> Blog/ Facebook/ Instagram

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Every Mother Has a Story to Tell: A Story About Postpartum Depression

March 26, 2017 By Diedre 9 Comments

Last, but certainly not least, I’m excited to introduce Amaris Beecher from Crumbs and Glamour to the blog for the last installment of the motherhood series. She’s telling her story about postpartum depression.

They finally told us it was time to go. The moment I had been waiting for had come. I didn’t know what to expect next, but I knew I was excited.

He was a little over 24 hours old. I had a 26-hour labor and delivery experience. It was intense, to say the least. I went 14 hours on Pitocin without an epidural, and I wasn’t dilating. I wasn’t handling the pain well. So, finally, the midwife recommended that I get the epidural. Shortly after that, I had a baby in my arms.

He was perfect.

All the waiting.

All the anticipation.

He was worth it.

I couldn’t imagine my life without him anymore.

We carefully loaded him into the car. He cried all the way home. I remember thinking about taking my seatbelt off and shoving my boob in his mouth while he was in his car seat, just so I could console him. I knew my protective husband wouldn’t go for it, though, so it just stayed as a thought.

Once we got home we experienced all the first-time-parent things. Learning to breastfeed. Trying to sleep through his little noises, or no noises and wondering if he was still breathing. Changing his diapers. All new and scary and exciting.

And just so.many.feels.

But then I started to get these random dips of sadness and severe anxiety.

I remember being frozen in fear when I would hold him, terrified of the thought that I would trip and kill him. I was often tormented by terrible thoughts in the middle of the night. I started to wonder, maybe I shouldn’t be a mom. Maybe I’m not cut out for this.

All my years as a little girl daydreaming about having my own children, maybe I was wrong all along. I’m not sure I like being a mom. It only makes me sad and scared. So many moments of my sweet boy’s first year were stolen by sadness and fear.

I didn’t even record his first steps because I felt so indifferent to it. To this day I still feel regret, my heart still feels heavy over that first year of being a mom.

When he was about 11 months I got pregnant with my second. I had normal pregnancy hormones, but I wasn’t sad anymore. I figured there was no correlation, but that God had answered my prayers and somehow fixed me.

After I had our second, our baby girl, I went home and adjusted much quicker. I knew how to breastfeed, change diapers, sleep. The transition was so much smoother.

But then I started to get sad again. The tormenting fears came back too. But this time, it was stronger. More sadness and more anxiety. I started imagining my life without me. I began to think that maybe my husband and children would do better with another woman, one that was happy and excited about life.

And then I thought, could this be what postpartum depression feels like?

I called one of my best friends and spoke with her about everything, and she said, “I think you had postpartum depression after Andrew (my first born), but by the time I had connected the dots you were already pregnant with Reese (my second) so I didn’t mention anything.”

And when she said those words, it was like a lightbulb went off in my mind.

That’s what was wrong with me.

I wasn’t a terrible mother. I didn’t hate my child.

I was dealing with Postpartum Depression & Anxiety.

I set up an appointment with my doctor but knew that I wanted to go the alternative route regarding medication.

She recommended two things:

St. Johns Wort (depression) – https://www.naturessunshine.com/us/product/st-johns-wort-concentrate-tr-60-tabs/653/

Nutri-Calm (anxiety & gives energy) – https://www.naturessunshine.com/us/product/nutri-calm-100-tabs/1617/

Once I started on those two supplements I almost immediately saw a difference. But here is what I will say: even with supplementing you can still have dips. Once I realized that dips come, I started coming up with tactics and getting the tools I needed to conquer and overcome!

The main way I started to overcome, though, other than supplementing, was to learn to have grace with myself. I learned that depression and anxiety really do zap your energy, so instead of worrying about non-essentials in my life, I learned to let things go and take care of the important things.

I learned to live in a position of grace.

Where I could extend it to myself and other. And I learned to be patient. Nothing in nature blooms all year. So, why would I expect myself to constantly have it all together?

In hindsight, I’m thankful for the pain that I experience in those 3 years of depression and anxiety. Because of it, my blog was birthed, my relationship with God has grown deeper, and my I am able to empathize with those that deal with chronic or cyclical depression. My eyes have been opened to the pain many women experience on a daily basis, and now I have set out to reach those women to provide encouragement.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28

XOXO, Amaris

Want to hear more from Amaris? Amaris is a whole-hearted Christian, richly blessed wife, and mother of two stunners, living life in sunny Orlando, Fl. Her goal is to inspire women to live their lives with authenticity and freedom through Jesus Christ!Be sure to follow her blog Crumbs & Glamour for more!

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Every Mother Has a Story to Tell: A Story About Being Content

March 20, 2017 By Diedre 24 Comments

Today on the blog I am welcoming Patricia Taylor from Life of a Minister Mom. She’s sharing her story about being content as a mother.

Motherhood is an ongoing discovery of ever-changing seasons, with highs and lows. Being content in spite of your circumstances is the true gift.

I have two beautiful girls. At two and half and 5 years old, they are remarkable in so many ways. They bring me greater joy than I ever could have imagined, and they challenge and stretch me in more ways than I can describe.

Being their mother is the biggest blessing, and a title I do not take for granted.

When I look at them I feel a kind of love I didn’t even know existed, and there are moments that they literally take my breath away. But there are those hard moments too.

The ones that make me want to throw in the towel after I’ve convinced myself that I’m failing at this. The moments when I look in the mirror with tears streaming down my face because I lost my temper with them. Again. Then there are those moments where I feel completely lost and wonder if I’m doing the best thing for them. And lately, well lately, I’ve had the reoccurring question floating through my mind, as I ask myself “am I content?“.

I was 30 when I had my first child and I was ready. I was ready to step into the role of mother, and, while not the original plan, I was ready to stay home with my baby.

Fast forward 5 years and I wrestle with the feeling of being content.

Am I content being a mostly SAHM/WAHM who works a couple of days outside the home?

Would I be more content if I was at home every day?

Would I be more content if I left the house for a job every day?

Would I be more content if we had slow mornings?

Would I be more content if we had a better routine?

Or more activities? Less stuff? More space? Less technology? More fresh air?

And then there’s the kicker.

If I don’t have any more children, will I be content?

Maybe this makes me an awful person, but I am in no way saying that I don’t appreciate my beautiful daughters!!! However, My heart’s desire is to have another baby, and after my recent miscarriage, that particular thought is harder to shake.

I don’t believe this will be the case. My faith tells me to keep my hope in Christ, and that is what I will continue to do. But if, IF it doesn’t happen, would I be content where I am and with what I have?

The easy answer is yes, of course, but I find this question rattling around in my brain sometimes and I don’t always know where to store it.

I can over analyze and talk to all my friends, or start playing that dangerous game of comparing. I can make myself feel like a terrible person for having these thoughts, to begin with, or I can simply stop. I can stop and open my eyes, and really look around at all the good that surrounds me. I can do so and allow the joy of the Lord to grant me peace in that.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 NLT

Motherhood is an ongoing discovery of ever-changing seasons, with highs and lows, and ups and downs. In this stage of life, I’ve learned even more that contentment in spite of your circumstances, is the true gift.

Motherhood has had a profound affect on me. It has awakened my senses and made me come alive in incredible ways. It has caused me to grow leaps and bounds (it truly is sanctifying), and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Sometimes I’ll find myself exactly where I wanted to be, and other times I won’t even recognize my surroundings. Sometimes I’m nailing it when it comes to this #momlife, and other times I feel lost at sea with no boat and no paddle.

But if I can be grateful where I am, learning from the process and not just focused on the destination, there is growth and joy and happiness, and yes, it is there that I am even content.

Patricia A. Taylor is the author and creator of Life of a Minister Mom. A California native, Patricia is making the most of her new roots in Georgia, even in the absence of In-N-Out Burger and her beloved SF Giants. As a proud wife and mama to two precious girls, she firmly believes that motherhood, like life, is a journey best shared with others. Especially where real experiences are shared, and sincere encouragement is given. You can stay in touch with Patricia on Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest & Twitter.

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Every Mother Has a Story to Tell: A Story About Race

March 12, 2017 By Diedre 22 Comments

Today on the blog I am welcoming Meghan Joy Yancy from Meghan Joy Today. She’s sharing her story about race.

The Reality of Race & Skintone

I was always so curious as to what they would look like.

With the mixture of my husbands’ dark chocolate complexion and my German nearly translucent skin tone, the possibilities were endless of what our darling children would look like. This perfect and beautiful mixture of colors to create any number of combinations of skin tone, eye color, and hair texture. Now, as a family of 7, in our eyes, they all have their own unique and perfect look. Different hair textures and nose shapes and lip shapes. Just perfection in human form from a wild and lovely Creator.

It’s funny, because in our viewpoint, they all look so different. Unique in their own ways. But when we go in public, some of them often get mistaken for twins.

I’m assuming it’s because of the similar skin tone, same dark brown afro hair and deep brown eye color. They don’t see beyond, into the shapes and curves of their faces. The intricacies of their very being.

Let’s be real… it’s mostly just the afros that people assume they are identical.

An adventure always awaits us when we venture out in public. Add one more kid to our bunch and we will either need a minibus, or we’ll have to take 2 vehicles everywhere we go.

Being mixed AND being a large family makes for a breeding ground of stares and whispers.

I can only imagine what they are thinking.

“Are they all theirs?”

“Do they all have the same mom and dad?”

“Do they know how it happens?”

“Have they ever heard of natural family planning?”

“They must have their hands full.”

Although I would like to say it is only their thoughts, it is not. Many of these comments make their way through their mouths and into the void of space and sound before us. And I never really know how to answer but with a smile and forced giggle.

Truthfully though, motherhood has transformed me in a way I don’t know if I could ever fully repay to God except to steward these children up to love Him as best I can. Motherhood has been one of the greatest challenges of my life and one of my greatest joys. Let’s not pretend it isn’t hard sometimes. Painful even.

But the fruit of those seasons of sowing and planting are so worth all that hard work. It is a beautiful process really. To do life with these tiny humans. To watch them absorb and grow and learn. It is truly my dream being lived out in reality.

Mothering a Large Family

Having 5 children, ages 7 and under, is basically a recipe for crazy town. And being that I am a stay-at-home mom that homeschools- we are talking 24/7 crazy town. And it’s glorious. And maddening. And such a complete honor. To look in their eyes and feel their emotions with them. To know that I am wholly responsible for their well-being.

For their physical safety and growth. And even more importantly- their SOULS. What a heavy and honorary burden to bear. To steer their lovely little hearts to live for Jesus and to love him unashamed and undignified. To follow Him in all their ways and to lean on their faith and not only what their eyes see. To let them experience the tangible love of God in unsuspecting ways. To have the hard conversations. To discipline them and to nurture them. To lean on the Lord for guidance and strength.

To look in their eyes and feel their emotions with them. To know that I am wholly responsible for their well-being. For their physical safety and growth. And even more importantly- their SOULS. What a heavy and honorary burden to bear. To steer their lovely little hearts to live for Jesus and to love him unashamed and undignified. To follow Him in all their ways and to lean on their faith and not only what their eyes see. To let them experience the tangible love of God in unsuspecting ways.

To have the hard conversations. To discipline them and to nurture them. To lean on the Lord for guidance and strength.

I love being able to see this perfect blend of mommy and daddy in them. In their physical appearance and in their personalities. To see their little lights shine and their exuberance bursting forth is this beautiful masterpiece of artwork being lived out in daily life.

I love being able to hear the words I once said come out of their own mouths. They are such a reflection of us.

What a humbling experience to basically be looking in a mirror and see our children act as we have.

The Reality of Parenthood

My 7-year-old has the most tender and loving heart that really listens for Holy Spirits voice. She cares about other people’s feelings and desires to please the Lord in all she does. And she is quick on her feet. She is wise beyond her years and to see her grow, care, and show kindness makes those tough times come into the reality of parenthood and what exactly we are doing and why we are doing it.

She is so aware of the beauty of the color of her skin and how she is the combination of both mom and dad and how she is perfectly and uniquely created that way. To shine for Christ in all she does and proclaim his goodness in the glory of TODAY. She takes full advantage of life and all it has to offer and loves hard. She is so considerate of other people and always thinking of ways to bless others.

While shopping one day, a little girl came up to us and asked if I was her mommy.

I said yes and the little girl asked why our skin was different colors then. I told my daughter that she could answer the little girl and without any prompting she said, “Because my daddy has dark brown skin and my mommy’s skin is this color, so I am a mixture of both of them. This is perfectly how God made me.”

And with that, my Mommy heart SOARED.

We may get stared at a lot, but it leads to some great discussions about race with our kids. We have the opportunity to communicate with them how the world has been in the past, where it is now and how we can lovingly help it to function in the future when it comes to issues of race and acceptance and love. It’s a great chance for us to conversate on our beautiful differences and how we can be united through them.

My sweet little tan creamy skin toned beauties are growing up knowing their wonderful place in this world and the impact they can make. That they are one of many in our family and one in a million in this life. Created wonderfully and fearfully with a divine purpose.

Want to hear more from Meghan? Meghan resides in Maple Grove, Minnesota with her husband and their 5 children. She runs businesses from home while homeschooling and loves having random dance parties throughout the day. Be sure to follow Meghan Joy Yancy for more!

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Every Mother has a Story to Tell: A Story about Identity

March 5, 2017 By Diedre 2 Comments

Today on the blog I am welcoming Brittany Muddamalle from The Almost Indian Wife. She’s sharing her story about identity.

I’ve always wanted to be a parent, but in all my daydreaming I never could have expected what my life would look like after I had kids. Motherhood isn’t what I thought it would be. In my head, it was all about monumental firsts, cute little babies, and life changing moments.

In reality, motherhood is all the good moments and the exhausting ones…

Motherhood is your child getting kicked out of swim class because he refuses to listen to the teachers…

Motherhood is staying up all night with your sick baby…

Motherhood is trying to figure out how you can help your kids to actually like each other…

Motherhood is getting so lost in your kids that you start to ignore your spouse…

Motherhood is feeling out of touch with your friends because you don’t ever get out of the house…

Motherhood is starting to forget who you are as a person. Not as a parent or spouse, but a person…

Motherhood is a full-time job. You’re raising kids and it happens in the early hours before the sun rises, during lunch time, and in the middle of the night. As mothers, it’s our responsibility to be there for our kids at all times so they know we’re here for them. We want to be the person they depend on through it all. However, if we’re not careful we start to only identify as a mother and forget the rest of our identity.

I Got So Lost In My Kids That I Started To Lose My Identity

I love being a mother. I have three boys under 6 years old. Most of my days consist of grand superhero battles, sword fights, making messes, Disney movies, and snuggling my kids on the couch.

I can’t imagine life without my boys.

The problem I’ve encountered like many other mothers out there is at times I’ve been so lost in my kids that I started to forget who I am. I almost lost my identity.

I put my kids before everything else for three big reasons.

Survival

After I had my last son, I learned how to simply survive. I was exhausted all the time, but my to-do lists were only getting bigger. I now had three kids to get dressed, three kids to make lunch for, three kids to take grocery shopping, three kids with attitudes, three kids with boo-boos, and three kids to raise.

Last year things got even crazier. My two-year-old started to get febrile seizures and it meant that everything else in my life had to be put on hold until he was better. It meant I had keep him as healthy as possible so he didn’t get sick. I became one of those crazy germaphobe parents that wouldn’t let my kids touch anything.

Control

It didn’t help that my husband was traveling for work over the last few years. When he was gone, I became a single parent. I had to develop a new routine so I could make it work.

I got used to doing things on my own. My routine became second nature and I didn’t want anyone messing with it. Even if it meant they could help. When my husband came home, I had a hard time letting go of the control. I think part of me felt like I had to be able to do it all one my own to be a good mother to my kids.

It didn’t matter that I was working myself to the bone.

Kids are exhausting. Some days it takes every ounce of energy I have in me just to get the kids through the day and dinner on the table. Kids need you every minute of the day. They don’t understand what it means to give momma some alone time.

Time

At the end of the day, all I usually want to do is climb in my bed and go to sleep. That doesn’t leave much time for a social life or a good relationship with my spouse. I didn’t intentionally put those relationships to the side, it just started happening.

I’d tell myself I’ll have time for it later.

This is what causes marriages to fall apart after their kids are raised. We get so caught up in the kids, we forget to date our spouses & we forget how important it is to work on our relationships.

We Don’t Have To Sacrifice Everything To Motherhood

As mothers, we sacrifice things to be better mothers. We sacrifice sleep, showers, time for ourselves, and so much more (including our identity) so we can help our children grow up into responsible and loving human beings.

Over the last 5 years, I’ve learned so much from being a mother. It’s taught me humility, compassion, exhaustion, and just how much you can love a little human being. While being a mother is a large part of who I’ve become, it’s not everything.

I’m not just a mother. I’m a daughter, a wife, and a friend. I love photography, getting pampered, having dinner made for me, writing, reading, traveling, and so much more.

If we let ourselves get so caught up in our motherhood journeys that we forget who we are, it only ends up hurting those around us. We will eventually get burnt out and resent those around us.

It’s vital for us to remember who we are. We need to take time for ourselves. Whether it means going out and getting a pedicure, going to Target alone, or getting coffee with a friend. Make time for yourself.

Sit down right now and ask yourself, Who am I?

What have you neglected in your time as a mother that you wish you had more time for? My challenge for you is to make time for it again. You will be a better mother if you teach your kids how important it is to know who you are and make time for yourself.

Motherhood is a beautiful and life changing journey, but it can’t completely make up your identity. You’re more than who you are as a mom.

My question to you today… Who are you?

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When Being a Good Mom Hurts: Taking a Tough Look at Motherhood

March 3, 2017 By Diedre 40 Comments

Every mother has a story to tell. I’m excited to bring this series to the blog this month! I’m sharing this space with some amazing ladies and writers. They all have a unique story to share about motherhood.

Lately, motherhood has been the most beautifully painful experience I’ve ever had. There are moments I’m riding on a wave of euphoria, and other moments wondering where I went wrong & why it hurts.

I’ve heard it said that if parenting is not hard, you’re doing something wrong. I think that statement is pretty accurate. There have been a couple of times that being the best mother I could be was really TOUGH. So TOUGH that it hurt.

When I Miscarried

“Have you told your children about the pregnancy yet?” As my stomach began to grow, this was the question on everyone’s mind.

I announced my pregnancy at 10 weeks, but started showing around 7. We were elated to add to our brood, and because of my size, announced earlier than we had with the other two. My husband and I decided to wait until we knew the sex to announce to the girls, partially because they ask a million questions at 3 & 5, and partially because we weren’t ready to take that plunge with them yet. However, we did start asking them a few scenario questions:

What if mommy had a baby?

Would you want a brother or sister?

Would that be okay?

After the miscarriage, I had a rough time. Let’s be real.

I’m still having a rough time. And it still hurts.

There were days that all I wanted to do was sit around and cry. But, I still have 2 children and I have to keep moving. So I put my feelings aside until they were sleeping, napping or preoccupied. I put myself aside for the sake (and sanity of my children). I don’t want them feeling sorry for me. The few times I couldn’t hold it in, they came over and consoled me and wanted to know why I was crying. I made up some excuse or wiped away the tears and told them I wasn’t crying. That hurts.

When I Punish Them

What good parent actually enjoys punishing their children? I remember my parents telling me, this is hurting me more than you. I looked at them like they were crazy!

Especially if they told me to hush after a spanking, or told my teacher it was okay to isolate me in the classroom because I wouldn’t stop talking.

Now, I’m raising a strong willed child. I’m not so sure that I don’t have two. Just last night, my daughters wouldn’t stop getting out of bed and playing in each other’s rooms. The youngest is out of preschool for the week, and the oldest is returning to school after missing a week due to sickness. They need their rest!

Trust me, you know that when your kids don’t get rest, they aren’t themselves. And to make matters worse, they will behave for everyone else, and save the bad, whiney behavior for you.

My oldest is the ringleader, calling her sister into her room. My husband threatened to take one of her favorite toys away if she got up again. I went into the kitchen to get some water and there she is standing in her younger sister’s room. I had to follow through and take the toy away. Was it fun to see her cry? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But was it necessary to make a point that mommy & daddy mean what they say?

HECK YES.

What about you? When was the last time motherhood hurt?

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Motherhood Series

The answer to: Who am I?

Here are a few of the things I’ve done these past two years to find my Who Am I with growing up children.

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And just so.many.feels.

That’s what was wrong with me.

I learned to live in a position of grace.

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Being their mother is the biggest blessing, and a title I do not take for granted.

Fast forward 5 years and I wrestle with the feeling of being content.

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The Reality of Race & Skintone

Mothering a Large Family

The Reality of Parenthood

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In reality, motherhood is all the good moments and the exhausting ones…

I Got So Lost In My Kids That I Started To Lose My Identity

Survival

Control

Time

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When I Miscarried

When I Punish Them

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