Motherhood

This post is sponosred by Dents de bebe, but all thoughts are my own. 

If I’m being totally transparent, when I look in the mirror, sometimes I don’t love what I see anymore.

The day after I was discharged from the hospital, I was diagnosed with postpartum Bell’s palsy.

And almost one year later, I still suffer from some of the effects. 

I had a normal pregnancy, normal birth, and the baby was healthy when he was born. 

All I knew at the time was that my face felt weird, I couldn’t drink from a straw, and my right eye wouldn’t stop watering without being covered.

An hour visit to the E.R, a few tests and several hundred dollars later, the doctor told me what my mom had already guessed–I had postpartum Bell’s Palsy.

It was tough ya’ll. I wanted to take pictures with our new family of five, but it was discouraging because I looked like I had just had a stroke. The right side of my face drooped and I couldn’t smile even if I wanted to. 

While mourning over my face, I tried to focus on my three blessings, especially my newest tiny blessing.

During my maternity leave, I spent many days in various doctor’s offices as they told me that most people with bell’s palsy saw a full recovery six to eight weeks later.

While most of the symptoms aren’t visible to strangers, I still have a few minor issues. On windy days, my right eye still waters. And I try my best not to be seated directly under a ceiling fan.

To me the most noticeable and most difficult to ignore is the right side of my face is still slightly paralyzed. Now when I smile, my face isn’t symmetrical.

When I see pictures of myself, it’s hard not to overanalyze the obvious. I’ve been blessed with such a loving and supportive family–especially a husband who tells me how beautiful I am regardless.

Postpartum bells palsy has been a journey from the inside out. Now the phrase “beauty is only skin deep” has a new meaning for me. 

My girls often watch my get ready for work in the morning and tell me how beautiful I am. (trust me, I’m not paying them to say that). 

I realize that I have a responsibility to them to show them what a strong woman looks like. 

A strong woman isn’t perfect. 

A strong woman perserveres through adversity.

A strong woman acknowledges when she needs help. 

A strong woman apologizes when she is wrong. 

Raising children in a day and age when they have access to social media can be exciting, yet damaging. We are constantly pushed images of “perfection.” We often don’t see the edits to make people look flawless, and we definitely can’t see the pain behind the images they project. 

I’m learning that I am so much more than my face. And if my face never returns to how it looked before babies, I am learning to be okay with that too. 

Are you loving the teething necklace I’m wearing? Head over to dentsdebebe.com and enter code YOURKIDS for 20% off! 

Do you know someone who has suffered from postpartum bells palsy? Share this post with them!

 

This post is sponsored by Dents de bebe, but all opinions are my own.

After I had my first daughter, people often looked at me with disgust with they found out I continued to breastfeed a teething baby.

She was only 6 months old, and I wasn’t ready to give up breastfeeding, but I had to adjust some things to help her through the teething process without getting bit.

Now that I’m breastfeeding baby #3, I’ve had to adjust greatly. My son (unfortunatly) is a chronic biter!

 

He’s 11 months old, and I want to at least make it to a year of breastfeeding successfully, but teething is rough this time around!

Here are a few tips to help you continue to breastfeed a teething baby:

Wear a teething necklace

My son loves to use his teeth on EVERYTHING.

He’s bitten a hole in my p.j shirt, chews on books, and the worst thing—bitten me while nursing.

Most of the bites have happened as he was falling asleep and was grinding his teeth. I try to pull away before he completely falls asleep, and sometimes have to squeeze his face if he’s already chomped down on me. 

Since he likes to try out his new chompers on any and everything, to help myself, I wear a Dents de Bebe teething necklace.

Dents de bebe necklaces are not only fashionable, but the silicone beads are 100% food grade, FDA-approved, BPA-free, Phthalate-free, Lead-free, Cadmium-free, Nitrosamine-free, and Latex-free.

Hygenic and hypoallergenic, items made of all silicone parts are easy to clean and top-rack dishwasher-safe.

They also make perfect shower gifts! (Grab the code at the end of this post to get 20% off!)

Use Essential Oils

Copaiba has been my best friend. It can be used diluted in a roller bottle and rolled on the gums, or if you feel more comfortable with oils, you can put a small drop (neat) directly on your baby’s gums.

Teething is such a painful process for little ones, and many teething remedies have been recalled which makes finding a pain reliver difficult for parents.

I like using all natural remedies as much as possible. I love Young Living Oils. Their seed to seal guarantee ensures that their oils are pure and aren’t filled with synthetics or cheap fillers. If you are ready to dive in, I’d love to help you on your wellness journey! All you have to do is click here.

Invest In Your Own Wellness

When babies are teething, they are often irritable, sleep less and require more of your energy and attention. If you aren’t getting enough rest (when you can) and taking care of your body, the teething process can wear you out. 

If you are struggling to get back on the wellness track during the postpartum period, don’t be afraid to ask your spouse or friend to keep the baby to give yourself a break. 

Many mothers feel guilty about having “me time” after the baby. Without a little time away, regrouping can become difficult. Be kind to yourself as you are bouncing back. 

If you are feeling down and can’t seem to shake it, or having feelings of harming yourself or the baby, please consult your physician. 

Don’t Give Up If Your Baby Refuses to Nurse

Keep in mind that teething feels like a terrible toothache. 

Would you want to eat or drink if you had a toothache? Because breastfeeding is as much of a bonding experience as it is for nourishment, it is common to feel defeated if your baby refuses to nurse. Remember to pump if your baby is refusing multiple feedings. This will ensure that you can keep up your supply. 

Remember, if all else fails, fed is best. If you cannot keep up with the demand of your baby, or you simply cannot produce anymore, that doesn’t make you any less of a mom. 

Do you want one of these beautiful teething necklaces for yourself or a friend? Head over to https://www.dentsdebebe.com/ and Use the code: YOURKIDS for 20% off. 

This post contains  Amazon affiliate links.*This post contains affiliate links. This means that I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you) if you subscribe or purchase something through the links on this page.

I’ve been lucky to not have any issues with breast milk production.

UNTIL NOW.

Baby #3 has been a game changer in a number of ways.

My son eats ALL the time, and life is challenging. I have two kids in school, and a very demanding school counseling job.

I knew that stress could affect your milk, but it never got in the way of my production in the past, so I

Mother’s Milk/Lactation Tea

Lactation Tea is great for boosting your supply, not necessarily for maintaining it.

Mother’s Milk contains fennel, aniseed, coriander, fenugreek and blessed thistle. Due to all the natural herbs included in the tea, it is an acquired taste.

Mrs. Patel’s Chai tea was a nice change in taste for me. Mother’s milk tea was effective, but I wasn’t big on the strong herbal taste.

 

 

Fenugreek Supplements

Fenugreek is an ancient herb that women have used to increase breast milk production for thousands of years.

Many women have reported that their milk, urine and/or sweat has a maple syrup smell after taking fenugreek supplements. You can find it in most health food stores & grocery stores.

Lactation Cookies

Eating lactation cookies has been my favorite way to increase breast milk production.

You can purchase them, or make your own. There are several on the market, but my favorite are Fenugreek

I usually buy them in bulk off Amazon and take some to work, keep in the pantry, and at least 1 in my purse.

Rolled Oats/Granola

One of the hardest parts about the postpartum journey is losing the baby weight.

A quick way to slim down is to pay attention to your diet–notice I didn’t say diet. While you are breastfeeding, it is important to consistently eat healthy foods so that you can pass along the nutrients to your baby.

With the exception of Vitamin D, your breast milk has everything your baby needs.

I love adding granola to the top of my yogurt for a healthy snack.

Increased Water Intake

I don’t know about you, but I know I’m guilty of drinking everything but water.

It’s easy to drink water when I’m active or outside, but I struggle with drinking the proper amount daily.

One of the ways I’ve combated my lack of desire for water is to infuse it with fruit, lemon/lime and bringing water to work.

I’ve noticed when I am drinking more water that my skin feels better AND I can produce more milk.

Get Adequate Rest

How can getting adequate rest help breast milk production? Feeling tired affects your mood, which in turn affects your milk.

It’s tough to get a lot of rest with a new little one, especially when they are still waking several times at night.

This may mean that you have to take a nap when they are napping instead of doing the dishes or folding laundry. While those things are important, sometimes those things can wait.

 

Look At Pictures of Your Baby While Pumping

Sometimes pumping at work can be stressful. Finding the time  (and sometimes the place) to pump is a challenge, and you often feel rushed to get back to work.

I’m a school counselor, and there have been many times when a simple knock on the door has interrupted my milk flow. Now I try to make a habit of taking out of my phone and scrolling through videos and pictures of my son while I pump.

Not only does this make me feel good, but it also stimulates the hormone oxytocin, which gets my milk flowing.

If you continue to struggle with your supply, consult a lactation consultant. They can go through a few other options with you, such as checking to see if your baby is latched on correctly and taking in an adequete amount of milk.

And remember, every mom is different. Don’t fall into the comparison trap and feel bad if you can’t breastfeed as long as you’d hoped. Fed is best.

 

 

Recovery from a c-section is tough on a new mother’s body.

A c-section is major surgery, and the recovery process can take weeks (sometimes months) to heal & can occasionally come with complications.

Seven months ago, I had my 3rd c-section. It was unavoidable as I’d had two previously. My first baby was breech and did not want to turn.

 

My second baby was head down, but I had contractions and my doctor wasn’t available, so I opted for another c-section out of fear. Unfortunately I had an infection and spent 7 weeks following the birth at Wound Care weekly.

My scar was reopened and my husband was tasked with packing my wound daily, which pushed my recovery back significantly.

This time around, my pregnancy and delivery went off without much of a hitch, and for that, I am thankful! Here are a few ways that I recovered quickly this time around:

Rest

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not great at this. Most moms probably aren’t.

Even while we are resting, our minds are thinking of things we should be doing. The day after I was discharged from the hospital, I was diagnosed with Bells Palsy. The right side of my face went numb and from the research I did, I found that the onset is due to stress on the body.

I really had minimal intent on resting after birth. I now have 3 kids (2 in school) and my son was born in harvest season (the busiest season for a farmer!).

Being diagnosed with Bells Palsy was a wake up call for me. I realized that getting stuff done was not more important than my health. So now when I’m tired, I rest.

If I feel compelled to do something, I make a to do list while resting.

Minimize stress to your midsection

My bed sits up high, so after having the baby, I found that I experienced pain when I got on and off the bed. There were many nights that I slept in the recliner until it was comfortable enough to return to my bed.

When you are caring for a newborn, it’s inevitable that you have to get up off the bed frequently.

While your wound is still fresh, try to find a comfortable spot that doesn’t require you to put stress on your midsection.

Keep your scar clean

If you notice anything unusual, consult your doctor immediately (bleeding at the sight, etc)

After my 2nd baby, I experienced my scar turning to keloid and I had endometriosis in my scar. I had to get it cut off. I was concerned about having to do this again after baby #3, so I researched natural methods of recovery after a c-section.

I turned to Young Living essential oils.  I applied Frankincense oil directly to my scar (if your body isn’t use to applying oils neat, I would suggest mixing with a carrier oil first like coconut, sweet almond or jojoba).

Why Frankincense? Well because it has so many great properties! Like:

• antidepressant
• anti-infectious
• anti-inflammatory
• antiseptic
• expectorant
• immune-stimulant

Just to name a few! Trust me, there’s a reason why the wise men brought it to Jesus. There are over 52 references to it in the bible.

Are you interested in investing in nontoxic options for your family? Order Here.

Stay Hydrated

If you are nursing, this is a must. In order to replenish what you are giving your baby, you must stay hydrated.

Even if you are not breastfeeding, staying hydrated after a c-section will eliminate excess fluid and help your body return to normal.

Staying hydrated, even if you don’t have an appetite can reduce gas–which can be very painful while you are recovering.

A full recovery could take up to six weeks.

Just know that your c-section recovery may look different from someone else’s, so don’t get discouraged if your recovery looks different! Remember, taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your newborn!

If you experience severe pain, have a fever more than 100.4, or are experience depressing, self harming thoughts, contact your physician immediately.

 

I had a miscarriage, and then I got pregnant with a rainbow baby in the same year. (For those of you that are unfamiliar, a rainbow baby is a baby born after a miscarriage, stillborn or neonatal death)

After the miscarriage, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be okay again.

I’m a school counselor, so I’m pretty familiar with the stages of grief. I know the common signs of depression.

But living it was a different story.

I often felt like there was a black cloud over my head and I was simply going through the motions.

In fact, the day before I found out I was pregnant, I went to the dentist for a cleaning. They had in my chart that I was due for a baby the next month. The hygienist cleaning my teeth had no clue that I had lost the baby 7 months prior. She had no idea the pain she caused me by asking if I had the baby early.

Laying on the dentist chair with my mouth open and having to utter the words I had a miscarriage again left me feeling vulnerable and a shame that I didn’t deserve to feel. Just as I was trying to feel “normal” again, I couldn’t escape the tragedy that had happened to my body.

Fast forward to the next day. I had just dropped my cousin off at the airport and decided to get Starbucks before beginning my work day. After drinking half of my coffee, I felt an overwhelming nausea wash over my body. It was so strong that I searched my medicine cabinets for some medicine that I had taken the last time I was PREGNANT.

Since the miscarriage, my husband and I decided that we would try again to have a baby. Every month that didn’t yield 2 positive lines was another month I tried to pretend not to be disappointed.

I’m generally a healthy person, so the fact that I was searching for medicine to cure the nausea was a hint that I might be pregnant. After so many disappointing tests in the months prior, I couldn’t believe my eyes when the test came out positive.

I jumped up and down. I screamed. I cried. I thanked God.

And then the anxiety set in. 

I was excited last time. I told people last time. I made social media announcements. And look what happened.

Fear followed anxiety and the happy tears suddenly changed to fearful ones.

I told myself that I wouldn’t make a doctor’s appointment until I felt like I was close to the 2nd trimester. My miscarriage happened at 10 weeks, so if I could just get past that time, in my mind I would be safe.

But every day that went by, I was stricken with fear. I decided to make a doctor’s appointment in hopes of settling my fear. My doctor’s sent me to the hospital to check my HCG levels to ensure that we would see a baby for my first ultrasound.

I can’t thank them enough for thinking ahead and trying to spare me any potential pain.

Thankfully my HCG levels were in the normal range, so my husband and I went for our first ultrasound at 7 weeks. As I listened to the heartbeat and stared at the ultrasound picture, I tried to get excited. I really did. I tried to remember what it was like to feel nothing but pure euphoria.

But I couldn’t.

Sitting in the ultrasound room reminded me of being there months prior while the ultrasound tech uttered the words no mom wants to hear, “I’m so sorry, I can’t find a heartbeat.”

My husband held my hand and beamed with joy. He noticed the look on my face and asked me what was wrong. I was fighting back tears because I didn’t want to cry in public. I was so scared that our little miracle would be snatched away  like our last.

The further I advanced in my pregnancy, the less those overwhelming feelings of fear and anxiety took over. I think I began to feel at peace when I felt him move. His kicks felt like I was growing a baby ninja.

I didn’t have time to get frustrated, because I remembered what it felt like to long for those kicks. In fact, after I had a DNC, I often thought I felt a kick. And then I was reminded that I was no longer carrying a baby.

The day my son was born made all the negative and positive feelings that I’d felt over the course of my pregnancy collide. I had a successful c-section and gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby boy.

Julian is my last baby and our family is complete.

But having a miscarriage has forever changed me. There are times that I sit in church and I remember the feelings of depression. I remember waking up crying and falling asleep in a pool of tears.

A loss, no matter how early in your pregnancy is still a loss. Occasionally, my heart still aches for the one that I lost. Having my son is a beautiful blessing, but he doesn’t replace the one before him.

During my pregnancy, I struggled when people asked me how many kids I had. I felt like I was forgetting my last baby if I said he was my 3rd child, or if I referenced my 3rd pregnancy. It felt like I was living a lie to not tell that it was my 4th.

But it also hurt to remember that I lost one before him. I also couldn’t take the look of horror and/or discomfort on the faces of women when I told them that I’d had a miscarriage.

I don’t blame them. I didn’t know what to say or how to act towards someone who’d had a miscarriage until I’d had one myself. Then I felt bad for not being there more for my friends who had experienced one before me.

So does having a rainbow baby heal the hurt of a miscarriage?

Yes and No.

The rainbow baby doesn’t replace the baby you lost, but it does help you begin to put the pieces back together again. Babies represent new beginnings and can help your heart overcome the damage that miscarriage causes.

But without acknowledging your hurt, and seeking medical attention if you experience depression, having a rainbow baby cannot heal your pain.

It’s okay to miss the baby you lost and love your rainbw baby at the same time. The conflict of grieving and rejoicing often causes pain that so many women can relate to, however those feelings are normal.

 

 

This post is sponsored by Baby K’tan, but all thoughts and opinions are my own. 

I always knew that when I had children I would breastfeed–or at least try.

My first image of breastfeeding was from my mother. I remember her nursing my brothers, so it was normal to me.

Outside of my home, I don’t remember seeing images of other black women breastfeeding. When I had my own family, I remember the judgement from people (even friends) about how long or how much I was breastfeeding.

With no other mirror than my mother, I was often hurt (and frankly annoyed) by people’s judgments. That’s why I’m so excited about the 6th annual Black Breastfeeding Week.

Why is there a Black Breastfeeding Week? The most recent CDC data show that 75% of white women have ever breastfed versus 58.9% of black women. Are you surprised?

Through my own personal journey, there are a few things that I’ve learned about breastfeeding that women aren’t always willing to share. Let me break it down for you:

Breastfeeding Doesn’t Always Hurt

When people find out I breastfeed, sometimes they’ll ask, “doesn’t it hurt?”

Or they’ll tell me that they couldn’t continue because it hurt too much. And honestly, it hurt in the beginning. My two youngest kids have KILLER suction, so it hurt and I was sore for awhile.

Now that I’ve gotten into the groove of things, I don’t have pain anymore. My lanolin is tucked away to be used as lip balm.

Your Baby Will Pinch And Scratch You

One of the sweetest parts of breastfeeding is seeing how content your children are while they nurse. They will often take a break to smile at you, or gaze lovingly into your eyes.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the pinching and scratching.

Maybe because it’s been four years since I’ve had a baby, or maybe because I’m now raising a son in addition to my two girls, but I think my son pitches and scratches more than his sisters did.

As he lovingly stares into my eyes, he also flails his arms around, reaches into my shirt, and pinches and scratches me while he nurses.

My daughters even asked why he was scratching my boobies. I did not have a good answer.

People Will Judge You

You’ll be told so many things about breastfeeding that your head will spin.

They’ll tell you that you are doing it too long, or not long enough.

People will tell you that you nurse too often or that you should’ve introduced the bottle sooner.

They’ll tell you that you’re spoiling the baby if you want to exclusively breastfeed.

My favorite is when people give you the disgusted look for continuing to breastfeed when your child gets teeth.

I ignore the haters. I choose to breastfeed because I can and because it’s the best choice for my baby, so I could care less what others think–even if the opinions come from family and friends.

You Can Breastfeed in Public Discreetly

I get it. We’re in the era of free the nipple and all that jazz. But some people just don’t feel comfortable breastfeeding in public without a cover.

And some babies don’t like breastfeeding with a cover. How do you compromise with a baby?

With baby #3, baby wearing has been the perfect compromise. With the Baby K’tan I can breastfeed my son on the go discreetly, hands free, and without worry of him getting distracted by all the outside stimuli.

Because let’s face it, when babies get old enough to know what’s going on around them, breastfeeding gets tougher.

I also love that the Baby K’tan offers versatility. Most babies like being held a certain way to nurse. My son loves been swaddled & cuddled. Baby wearing allows me to give him what he craves and be hands free!

When It’s Over, You Will Miss It

This was the part I wasn’t prepared for.

My oldest was 14 months old when I weaned her. She was walking, talking, eating table food and even drinking regular milk. I realized that she was breastfeeding just to maintain the connection with me, and for comfort.

Honestly, I was over

it.

I didn’t enjoy the time that used to be so sweet and I was ready to have my body back. Weaning wasn’t easy, nor was it fun.

We did the cry it out method for 3 nights, and then I was free.

I should’ve been happy, but I was heartbroken. No one told me that weaning her, meant weaning my attachment to our bond.

Breastfeeding can be challenging, but with all of the tools available to moms now, the is easier today than it was 10 years ago.

If you want to breastfeed, work past the myths and find a support group of women who can encourage  and support you through your breastfeeding journey.