Motherhood

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I’m having a 4th baby ya’ll! If you missed the announcement, check it out here on Instagram. Or here on Facebook.

After having 3 c-sections, I decided I don’t want to get cut anymore, so with this pregnancy, I hired a doula, which is basically a birth coach.

Did you know that a doula can cut your risk for another cesarean in half? A growing body of literature reveals that the presence of a female helper reduces requests for epidurals by more than 50%? Best of all, having a doula can shorten your labor by 25%.

According to the ACOG (The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and the Society for Maternal-Fetal Medicine, Safe Prevention of the Primary Cesarean Delivery; American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, March 2014)

“Published data indicate that one of the most effective tools to improve labor and delivery outcomes is the continuous presence of support personnel, such as a doula. Given that there are no associated measurable harms, this resource is probably underutilized.”

This past January, I had a procedure done to remove a keloid off my c-section scar. After my last baby, my doctor cut it off after his delivery, but it came back. It grew in size and got in the way, so my doctor referred me to a plastic surgeon. It was a quick procedure.

Then for 3 days in a row, I went to a cancer center and received radiation on-site to lessen the chance of it returning.

I was so pleased with the result and was sure that our little family was complete.

BOY WAS I WRONG.

I spent much of the first trimester worrying about little things. Like wow, I’ve got to buy baby stuff all over again (we have been selling or giving everything away).

Where will this baby go? We have 3 kids and a room for each of them.

What will people think when my belly grows? I’m not ready to share yet, but I’m already showing.

Our kids fit in our car, do I now need a van again?

What if I miscarry again?

My school has already had so many changes this past year, now I’m going on maternity leave and adding to the changes…..

My mind raced with all the thoughts and fears.

And the end of the first trimester (with lots of support from my mom and hubby), I was able to put many of those fears to rest.

I purchased a few VBAC books from Amazon and started the search for a midwife and doula.

**Check out my Amazon storefront for book suggestions**

I was heartbroken to find that not one doula in my area was willing to take me on after 3 c-sections. Then I started feeling regret about not advocating for a VBAC sooner.

When I realized that a midwife was not an option, I settled on my regular OBGYN. After all, I’ve been going to the same office for the past 10 years, and I felt comfortable with the office.

When I brought up the conversation about a VBAC, my doctor said that he would have to consult with some semi-local high-risk doctors. He told me a story about 2 women he saw deliver babies via VBAC–one lady whose baby died and another whose baby suffered permanent neurological damage. He proceeded to tell me about uterine rupture and said that we could discuss it at our next visit.

The next visit came a month later and he was not prepared for our conversation. As he hit me with the same stories of the two women, I also countered with research that I had done on my own through medical journals. He promised me that at the next visit, he would be prepared with an answer after consulting with the high-risk doctors.

My next visit was an anatomy scan, and because of COVID, my husband could not accompany me to the ultrasound. I had a little apprehension about talking to my doctor again about my needs but felt confident in my research and my body.

You see, I had my first c-section at 39 weeks because my daughter was breech. She was 6 lbs 5 oz and I hadn’t experienced any contractions.

My second daughter was born via c-section as well. I really wanted a VBAC, but I went into labor on my own. The hospital lied and said my doctor wasn’t available, but he was actually a phone call away. I was only 2cm, but because uterine rupture was drilled into me, I was so afraid of trying a VBAC without my doctor, so I opted for a 2nd c-section.

4 years later when I was pregnant with my son, I had no idea that a VBAC was even an option. After having him, I had Bells Palsy that left half of my face paralyzed and no doctors could tell me when I would have feeling in my face again. It was scary, and I suddenly had issues with self-esteem.

So you see, the beginning of this pregnancy was filled with regret. I had to deal with the intense feelings of not giving my body, nor my children the birth I thought they deserved.

In the midst of being turned down by a midwife, I sought out a doula. I started with some recommendations. There was one doula that I instantly felt a connection with. I poured out my regret to her and she encouraged me that birthing healthy babies were most important, not how they got here.

I was ready to hire her, but she was 2 states away and very pricey. I was afraid that something may arise and she wouldn’t be able to make my birth.

I ultimately opted for a local doula. One who had also experienced a VBAC after 3-sections.

She has been a great source of emotional support and I look forward to moving through the rest of my pregnancy with her.

I have also done a great amount of reading and research on my own. Here are a few of the books I’ve been reading:

After my anatomy scan, I talked with my doctor and he said that everything looked great and asked if I had any concerns. He didn’t address the elephant in the room, so I asked him again his thoughts on the VBAC  what the high-risk doctors suggested.

He said that the doctors told him that my baby and I would probably die if I attempted a VBAC.

WHEW.

I wasn’t expecting that response at all. I was either expecting that he’d tell me he wasn’t comfortable and I probably needed to go elsewhere, or that he was on board. NOT THAT I WOULD DIE.

He then said that he couldn’t force me to have a c-section and would do whatever I wish, but he highly disagreed with my decision.

I asked for the referral anyway and left the office in a daze. I was stunned that he would say that so bluntly. Then I felt some mistrust. Did the high-risk doctors actually say that? Or was he trying to bully me into a decision?

I went to my car and tried to process the conversation. Honestly, I’m still taken aback by what he said. I called my mom, my husband, and my doula…my support system.

My doula was in utter shock too with my doctor’s response. Obviously, she isn’t dead and she had a vaginal birth after 3 c-sections.

The referral went through and I go later this month to see the new doctor and I have high hopes.

I have an announcement to make: We are pregnant with baby#4!!!

A few months ago, I started purging the last of the baby items around the house. My youngest turned 3 in March, so I looked around and decided it was time to get rid of baby toys, bibs, and the remaining baby gear.

I usually participate in our local consignment sales that happen in October and March, so I’ve got tubs in the closet with more toddler clothes and the last bit of baby stuff.

So imagine my surprise when I found out I am pregnant with baby #4!!!

For the first few weeks, I was in complete shock and denial. My mind raced with so many thoughts, and my brain started to compose a million to-do lists:

Am I too old to carry baby #4 (37)?

I’m not ready to share the news with the world, but, I’m already showing.

Can I have a VBAC after 3 c-sections? Can I find a midwife or doctor to do it?

Will my family judge me for having 4 kids?

Can I really juggle baby #4 + working full time?

Dang, I was just about to get in the best shape of my life. Can I still work out at the gym now since I was already out of shape?

How will my 3 kids feel about adding another sibling?

I just got a new car a year ago, do I need to go back to a van?

How is carrying another baby going to affect my body?

What will postpartum look like? Will I be able to bounce back?

I had so many goals for this year…will I still be able to accomplish them all?

There were many nights that were sleepless as I lay awake thinking about all these things and then some.

But then I reflected on the blessing that pregnancy is. It is such a beautifully humbling experience. I love ultrasound days. I love feeling the baby move on the inside.

I love watching my kids bond with each other. I love dreaming about who they will become and what they will be like.

By the time I realized I was pregnant, my changing body made sense. I had been feeling bad about my sudden weight gain after I had already dropped a few pounds. I was feeling a little insecure about taking full-body pictures– and my energy was pretty non-existent.

But I didn’t think much of it, because as a full-time educator, we are always out of energy at the end of the school year–not to mention after a crazy quarantine year like this one.

Educators everywhere are just happy to have made it out alive.

So the first trimester’s tiredness didn’t seem out of the ordinary.

It took me 3 weeks to get a doctor’s appointment because my doctor’s office was booked. So I didn’t even have a due date for weeks.

So here we are,a farm family with 3 kids + 1 on the way.

We are nervous, excited, and overjoyed all at the same time.

We are thankful for this surprise blessing and look forward to adding another personality to our busy household.

Extended breastfeeding is a topic that makes many people cringe.

With all the things moms are judged for, this extended breastfeeding may be at the top of the list. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that infants be exclusively breastfed for about the first 6 months with continued breastfeeding alongside the introduction of complementary foods for at least 1 year. 

The day my son had his 18-month appointment, I knew it was time to wean. I just felt it. I was tired of wearing nursing bras and I wanted my freedom back.

When I decided to wean, it was because I’ve given him what he needs and I was ready, not because of the judgment of others.

 

 

 

 

 

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When you babywear, does your little tend to hang to one side? Homeboy is 14 months old & almost 30 lbs. He has a healthy appetite & I’m still nursing. I’m just about ready to give it up & have my boobs back, but then he gets hurt & as my hubby says, I “give in.” My family says I baby him more than the girls & I disagree. But, maybe they’re right. He’s my 🌈 baby. My last baby. My baby boy. #sorrynotsorry Moms, how long did your breastfeed? Babywear?

A post shared by Diedre ❤ Are Those Your Kids (@arethoseyourkids) on Jun 17, 2019 at 1:28pm PDT

And trust me, the judgment is there. I’ve heard it all from “wow, I couldn’t breastfeed that long.” Or “As soon as mine got teeth, they had to go.”

“You’re a good one, I wouldn’t want a big ol’ baby attached to me.”

 

 

 

 

 

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Happy Friday!! Let’s get the party started!! Sike. I picked up the kids then realized I left some of my pump pieces at work. So on the way home I took all 3 kids back to my office. Baby J didn’t want any 🍼 so I had to pump…..While entertaining the baby & trying to keep him from falling out of my chair. Some days I dread unloading my whole crew to go places. It can be cumbersome but honestly every time I do it, it gets easier. Do you ever amaze yourself with what you are capable of handling??!!

A post shared by Diedre ❤ Are Those Your Kids (@arethoseyourkids) on Dec 7, 2018 at 2:43pm PST

Extended breastfeeding isn’t for everyone–and for a variety of reasons:

Some women don’t produce milk to a year or beyond, issues with latching, lack of family support, work constraints make it difficult to pump/feed or some women simply don’t desire to nurse beyond a year.

According to the Mayo Clinic, worldwide, babies are weaned on average between ages 2 and 4. In some cultures, breast-feeding continues until children are age 6 or 7. In other parts of the world, however, this is less common and can sometimes provoke uninformed, negative reactions.

In the U.S there are some common misconceptions about extended breastfeeding:

Baby won’t take a  bottle or a cup

Just because a child breastfeeds past a year doesn’t mean that they won’t take a bottle or a cup if you offer. In fact, moms who work outside of the home full time have babies who take a cup while they are away at work.

Extended breastfeeding hurts

Listen, I know one of the main concerns people seem to have about extended breastfeeding is the fact that your little one has teeth.

My baby boy has bitten me before–more like grinding his teeth as he was going to sleep. It was painful and my nipples were still sore the next day! My solution for the biting was to take him off the breast before he fell asleep. I often had to squeeze his cheeks if I felt his suction slowing down and his jaw was clenching.

I had no issues with my daughters biting me or grinding their teeth. Every child is different, and biting has not been a concern for everyone who chooses extended breastfeeding.

Less desirable to your spouse

Without getting too personal, extended breastfeeding has not affected the intimacy with my husband. We still enjoy spending time together, going on dates and have a healthy sex life.

Extended breastfeeding has not affected the way he sees me or my body.

Hard to do in public

Nursing tops & bras make nursing in public so much easier than it use to be. When you are nursing an older child, they can usually communicate through words or motions that they are ready to nurse, which takes the guess work out.

And trust me, by the time you’ve made it past a year nursing, you’ve got the system down.

People will judge you for nursing a big baby

Listen, people will judge you for all your choices.

Breastfeeding. Not breastfeeding.

How long your child is rear-facing.

Whether or not you choose to make your own baby food or purchase it.

Staying home with your baby or going back to work.

Going back to work too soon or not soon enough.

THE LIST IS ENDLESS.

Don’t make a decision about what is best for your family based on the judgment of others.