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Raising Biracial Kids in Today's World

Motherhood

Why Every Couple Should Have a BabyMoon Before the Little One Arrives

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With baby #1, we went on our anniversary trip when our little one was six months old. I cried like a baby at night and can I be real for a minute?

My boobs were hard as rocks from not nursing in the evening. Our daytime events were fun, but night was rough. Taking a babymoon after the baby didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore.

With #2, our second little one was born the week of Thanksgiving, so I worked up until the day she was born. We just didn’t make time for a babymoon.

This time around, my hubby and I decided to take a trip before we are officially outnumbered.

Bringing a new baby home changes the dynamic in the home and can cause stress between a couple. Taking a babymoon together helps couples reconnect before baby arrives.

Why is a babymoon important? Well I think that having a new baby is an exciting, yet challenging time in a couple’s life. It changes the dynamic of the relationship, and the entire household. You often forget how to attend to your own basic needs, and your partner sometimes suffers as you figure it all out–whether it is your first baby or third.

Here are a few reasons I think every couple can benefit from a babymoon before the little one arrives:

Reconnect

Life is stressful. Pregnancy can be taxing on your mind, body and emotions. Getting some alone time helps you remember when you fell in love in the first place.

If you already have children, having time alone is even more priceless because you know how difficult it can be to steal away time for the two of you.

Brining a new baby home changes the dynamic in the home and can cause stress between a couple. Taking a babymoon together helps couples reconnect before baby arrives.

Memories

With a new baby in tow, it may be difficult to get away again for awhile.

Bringing a new baby home changes the dynamic in the home and can cause stress between a couple. Taking a babymoon together helps couples reconnect before baby arrives.

We are having baby #3, and we know that it will be difficult to leave all three with anyone–even our parents, so we are not taking this time for granted.

When days get stressful and we have to have an at home date night, we can always reminisce about our romantic babymoon getaway.

Scheduled Rest

If you are a hard worker (aka busy body) like me, it can be difficult to rest. Even when your body tells you that you’ve had enough, you can always think of other tasks to complete, and often feel guilty when you physically don’t have the energy to get them done.

Taking a babymoon with your spouse forces you to wind down.

Bringing a new baby home changes the dynamic in the home and can cause stress between a couple. Taking a babymoon together helps couples reconnect before baby arrives.

If you can’t afford to take a babymoon, try to schedule a few dates alone with your spouse before baby arrives. 

Taking some time to get dressed up will make you feel like yourself and not “just a mom.”

3 Interesting & Engaging Adult Memoirs About Race And Culture

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*This post contains affiliate links. This means that I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you) if you subscribe or purchase something through the links on this page.*

Do you like to read?? I do! Well, at least I did a lot more of it before having kids.

It’s funny how your personal life often spills over into your hobbies and interests. When my husband and I first started dating, I suddenly became more interested in interracial love stories and memoirs about race and culture.

Reading transports you around the world, through culture, space and time. When you are in a multiracial family, it is lovely to see your family represented in print. Here are a few great memoires featuring multiracial families.

One of the missions of my blog has been to share resources for multiracial families–specifically for parents and their children.

But you know, I think it’s time to share something just for parents.

I love reading because it allows you to transport in time, space and around the world. If you haven’t had the opportunity to do a lot of traveling, reading will allow you to explore different cultures from the comfort of your own home.

 

Here are three books about race and culture that I just could not put down.

Kinky Gazpacho

Kinky Gazpacho caught my eye while my husband and I were honeymooning in St. Lucia. I’m not sure if it was the black girl on the cover or the reference to a kinky kind of gazpacho, but I was intrigued enough to pick it up!

He went snorkling and I wanted a relaxing day at the beach. This book did not disappoint! I finished it in a couple of days. I read it on the beach and finished it on the plane ride home. Lori Tharps tells her story about studying abroad in Spain and her experiences with her own race while experiencing another culture.

The details she provides about Spain (sights, sounds, colors), make you feel like you stepped off the plane and into Spain with her. She documents her experiences as a black woman in Spain. She is pointed at in public and is constantly reminded of her blackness. What makes this book more exciting is the love she finds abroad.

If you like travel stories with a twist, then you’ll love this book!

Color of Water: A Black Man’s Tribute To His White Mother

The Color of Water was a requirement for a literature class in college. It was refreshing to find a book that I actually didn’t have to get cliff notes to understand! It immedietly intrigued me because it was such an engaging tale of race and culture in various environments.

What makes this book unique is that it contains a narrative from the author’s mother, a Jewish woman disowned because she fell in love with a black man, as well as his own experiences as a mixed-race child living in poverty.

The author switches voices flawlessly and the story he tells from both perspectives leaves you wanting more.

 

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

Whether you were raised in Western or Eastern culture, you will enjoy this book.

When it first came out, there was a lot of controversy about the parenting that was described in the book. Whether you agree or disagree with the parenting style described, this book is sure to keep you engaged. It opens the door to discussion about parenting styles and culture.

It chronicles the story of the author’s determination to raise her children the Chinese way regardless of what it took to get there.

Why I Don’t Believe in Making New Years Resolutions

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After all the excitement of Christmas people begin to turn their attention towards New Years, and in turn, begin making new years resolutions.

I personally love New Years because A. It’s my anniversary

With the new year approaching, many people are making a list of new years resolutions. The sad part is that their goals never come to fruition. Here's how I combat the new years eve dilhemma.

B. It’s always exciting to think about a new beginning.

With the new year approaching, many people are making a list of new years resolutions. The sad part is that their goals never come to fruition. Here's how I combat the new years eve dilhemma.

Want to know why I don’t believe in making a New Years resolution? Just ask any gym. People sign up at the start of the year just to fizzle out by the end of January. Making lifestyle changes don’t just happen by taking a sip of champagne at midnight.

But trust me, I’m not being judgemental.

I used to be queen of New Years resolutions. I always had 1 resolution that was at the top of my list that I was sure I would accomplish fairly quickly.

Then I beat myself up about not accomplishing a goal until I just forgot about it. Now when I want to make a lifestyle change, I do things a bit differently.

Start With A Small (Smart) Goal

It’s overwhelming to think about goals that I’ve made in the past that I’ve never accomplished. I decided I no longer wanted to feel defeated and decided to change HOW I make my goals. Now I make smaller, smarter goals that I know I can accomplish in a reasonable amount of time.

Once that goal is accomplished, I adjust my goal to a larger one. My goal is not attached to a date on a calendar, and there’s no pressure to adhere to a specific timeline.

Tell Someone To Hold Myself Accountable

I started blogging 2.5 years ago. I never imagined that I would develop friendships with strangers who I met online. I’ve come in contact with some pretty amazing bosses that are making goals and working hard to achieve them.

When I’m feeling creative and excited about something, I love to bounce ideas back and forth to my blogging buddies. After awhile, they will ask me about that idea. It allows me to keep the forward momentum and not just sit that idea on a shelf.

Find someone that will push and encourage you, so that your dreams and ambitions don’t die.

Keep Track of Progress

Keeping track of my progress helps me to document small wins and minimizes frustrations. When I made goals in the past, the perfectionist side of me would come out when I didn’t achieve the goal in the way that I envisioned.

Sometimes we overlook our small wins when the big wins don’t come at the time we desire.

It’s absolutely okay to celebrate baby steps.

What baby steps will you be working on (and celebrating) this year?

 

With the new year approaching, many people are making a list of new years resolutions. The sad part is that their goals never come to fruition. Here's how I combat the new years eve dilhemma.

3 Ways to Rock Your Pregnancy (After a Miscarriage)

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*This post contains affiliate links. This means that I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you) if you subscribe or purchase something through the links on this page.*

This is my last pregnancy, so I decided to go out with a bang.

I am determined to look good, feel good, and enjoy every single minute.

Miscarriage can make subsequent pregnancies feel scary. Here are a few ways to feel your absolute best in your pregnancy, even after a miscarriage.

This seems like a fairly easy task, but after having a miscarriage, pregnancy is daunting. It can be tough to shake the fears and anxieties of your past experience while enjoying your current blessing.

Here are a few ways I’ve pushed forward and rocking my pregnancy:

Get Moving

There’s a myth that too much physical activity can be bad for a pregnant woman. That’s just not so! I wouldn’t recommend training for a marathon if you weren’t previously a runner, but a good bit of physical activity is great for you and the baby.

Keeping your body in shape will help you bounce back after the baby, and make your nine months easier.

If you can’t seem to find the energy to walk, run or do regular exercise, try doing a few stretches at home. I love that YouTube has so many workouts to choose from–even some designed specifically for you at all stages of your pregnancy!

Wear Cute & Comfortable Clothes

I get it. You don’t want to indulge in maternity clothes because they can be pricey.

I hear you girl.

The great thing about being pregnant now is that you have options! This is my last pregnancy, so I didn’t want to spend a ton of money on clothes I know I will never wear again. I invested in maternity leggings, a few pairs of maternity skinny pants, and the bulk of my tops and tunics came from Jane.com.

 

Miscarriage can make subsequent pregnancies feel scary. Here are a few ways to feel your absolute best in your pregnancy, even after a miscarriage.

I love shopping there because I don’t have to sacrafice style for comfort. I just order a size up, check out reviews for fit, and my clothes are delivered straight to my doorstep! It doesn’t get easier than that.

Get Dressed and Get Out

On December 31st, my husband and I will celebrate 8 years of marriage. This year, we decided to take a babymoon. I am currently 6 months pregnant and due on April 1st.

After we have 3 kids, we know that our days of long weekends will be minimal, so we decided to have dinner and time out in Savannah, Georgia, my old stomping ground.

Miscarriage can make subsequent pregnancies feel scary. Here are a few ways to feel your absolute best in your pregnancy, even after a miscarriage.

As we walked around downtown, I glanced over and saw a restaurant that we ate at last year. All of a sudden, the tears fell. I remembered that this time last year, I was enjoying the beginning stages of my pregnancy.

Even though I am pregnant now, it didn’t erase the pain of the lost baby. I instantly had the thought that I could never eat at that restaurant again because I didn’t want to relive those awful feelings. My hubby squeezed my hand a little tighter and reminded me how much we’ve grown since the miscarriage, and that we should enjoy the time we have together out on the town.

I was thankful for his reminder.

Miscarriage can make subsequent pregnancies feel scary. Here are a few ways to feel your absolute best in your pregnancy, even after a miscarriage.

Mamas who have suffered a miscarriage, what did you do to bounce back and enjoy your next pregnancy?

 

Gestational Diabetes: How to Enjoy Pregnancy After The Diagnosis

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*This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #NatureMadePrenatalDHA  #CollectiveBias*

Everyone told me that the orange stuff they give you to drink tastes like orange soda. To me it was more like a knock off of orange koolaid.

Drinking the stuff wasn’t bad. Fasting was the hard part. So many of my friends and colleagues brushed the test off like it was no big deal, so I thought I had no worries. Well, until the doctor’s office called me back because my glucose levels were off.

Whatever they told me in the office was a blur. They scheduled me for a meeting with a nutritionist and told me they wanted me to start checking my blood sugar.

Gestational diabetes sounds scary-especially if you are a pregnant mama who likes to indulge. Here are a few tips to be healthy & enjoy your pregnancy. #ad

Mind you, this was my first pregnancy. And I bet you can’t get what my cravings were? Sweet stuff!! Icecream, blueberry cake donuts, anything my pregnant fingers could get.

I was somewhat  optimistic when I met with the nutritionist, but after she gave me her 30 minute spiel  about gestational diabetes, what it looked like, and how to eat healthy,  she asked what I thought and I immediately burst into tears. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her that everything she explained sounded like it was taking the fun out of my pregnancy.

Seriously, a pregnant woman is supposed to practice portion control and choose 1 meal to have heavy carbs??

Gestational diabetes sounds scary-especially if you are a pregnant mama who likes to indulge. Here are a few tips to be healthy & enjoy your pregnancy. #ad

Carbs are in everything…including milk?? I literally thought my world was ending.

Yes, I know this sounds dramatic, but trust me, pregnancy hormones were in full effect.

Fast forward 6 years, and I am pregnant with my 3rd child. I have been diagnosed with gestational diabetes in every pregnancy. This time around, I’m a veteran, and I know what to do. I now know to properly care for my body and enjoy my pregnancy!

If you’ve felt like gestational diabetes has been a death sentence, I have some tips to make it more tolerable:

Choose 1 Carb Heavy Meal

Did you know that even with gestational diabetes you can basically eat as much meat and veggies that you want?? All of a sudden my cravings changed from ice cream and donuts to hot wings and celery. And guess what? When I checked my sugar afterwards, it was right where my doctor wanted it.

I still enjoy my bread, I just choose 1 meal where I pig out on carbs, and lay low the rest of the day.

Drink Lots of Water

This is important all the time, but especially when you are pregnant. We are often prone to retaining water and can easily become dehydrated. This past week I’ve been sick with a nasty viral infection. I haven’t felt like eating or drinking much. When I went to the doctor, I got scolded for being dehydrating and losing 8 lbs.

Gestational diabetes sounds scary-especially if you are a pregnant mama who likes to indulge. Here are a few tips to be healthy & enjoy your pregnancy. #ad

I’ve always known how important drinking water is, but this week, it really hit home as I’ve been extremely sluggish without my extra H2O.

I’ve even enlisted the help of my family to help remind me to drink more. The little ones love reminding mommy.

Take Your Vitamins

I grew up taking vitamins and have always known how important they are, but I can’t say that I’ve always taken them religiously while pregnant. After my miscarriage, I don’t take ANYTHING for granted, and I’m following the pregnancy rules like this is my first time. I started taking prenatals right after the miscarriage.

Nature Made® Prenatal Multi + DHA vitamins are conveniently located at Sam’s Club just for you! Sometimes prenatal vitamins can be difficult to swallow, but the great thing about these vitamins is they are easy-to-swallow softgels!

Gestational diabetes sounds scary-especially if you are a pregnant mama who likes to indulge. Here are a few tips to be healthy & enjoy your pregnancy. #ad

They are also easier to digest if taken with food. They provides essential vitamins and minerals (before and during pregnancy) including Folic Acid, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Iodine, Vitamin B12, and Vitamin D3†. They also provide 200 mg DHA which may help support fetal brain and eye development†.

Gestational diabetes sounds scary-especially if you are a pregnant mama who likes to indulge. Here are a few tips to be healthy & enjoy your pregnancy. #ad

 

Gestational diabetes sounds scary-especially if you are a pregnant mama who likes to indulge. Here are a few tips to be healthy & enjoy your pregnancy. #ad

† These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

 

Multiracial Motherhood: What I Want My Biracial Son to Know

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*I was provided a copy of this book, but all opinions are my own. This post contains Amazon affiliate links.*

Before having my son, I was all in as a girl mom.

I know that parenting a future biracial son will come with a different set of challenges than raising daughters. There are a few things I want him to know.

As a female, I know all the things that I’m glad my parents taught me, and the things I wish they would’ve spent more time talking about, so while parenting them hasn’t been a total breeze, it has come a little more naturally.

Last March, our family will grew and  we welcomed a little boy–uncharted territory. I have 3 younger brothers, but this was completely different.

It hit me shortly before his birth that I’d be raising a mixed race son.

I know that parenting a future biracial son will come with a different set of challenges than raising daughters. There are a few things I want him to know.

As my pregnancy progressed, I found myself wondering how the dynamic in our family would change.

I know that parenting a future biracial son will come with a different set of challenges than raising daughters. There are a few things I want him to know.

The lessons I teach my  son will be similar to the ones I teach his sisters, but I know his needs will be unique. Here are a few things I hope to instill in my son.

If You Are Dark Skinned, People Will Identify You As a Black Man

My husband are raising are children to embrace both sides of them and identify as biracial. However, we understand that as they grow and form peer relationships, they may at times identify with one side more than the other.

Honestly, as a black female, I wouldn’t be totally bothered if my biracial son came home one day and identified as a black.

However, in this country, blackness, especially for a male can be dangerous, even life threatening. Unfortunatly, I will have to discuss the weight that carries–even if he is biracial, if he is perceived as black, it could make his life more difficult.

Thankfully he has 3 black uncles that can help guide the way.

Your Identity Is Your Own

Even if my biracial son is perceived as black, he will own his identity. No one can take away from him who he is, regardless of the color of his skin.

I will teach my son to be confident in who he is as a multiracial young man, and to not let others pressure him into changing who he was born to be.

Parenting a biracial son will come with a different set of challenges than raising biracial daughters. There are a few things I want him to know.

I hope that he will learn to embrace both sides of who he is, and be proud of that. If people question his identity, I hope that he will confidently answer, or dismiss if it makes him feel comfortable. I want him to feel confident in his own skin.

Females Are Not Objects

With all of the sexual harrassment cases we’re seeing in the news, it’s apparent that women have been objectified in secret for far too long. I want my son to know that women are to be adored and respected.

Hopefully having two sisters will make this lesson a little easier.

Parenting a biracial son will come with a different set of challenges than raising biracial daughters. There are a few things I want him to know.

Representation Is Important For My Biracial Son Too

Next time you go to the book store, or browse around your child’s book fair at school, I want you to take a look at the selection of books for boys–especially for boys of color.

The selection is pretty bleak. We want boys to read, be encouraged and have high self esteem, but finding books that foster those things while representing who they are (and what they look like) can be difficult.

The selection for girls goes on and on….and don’t even get me started on boys clothes.

I think sometimes our society is so focused on making boys tough and strong, we forget about other important character traits. So as a mom of a boy of color, it will be my mission to seek out books with characters that look like him.

One great book is There’s Somebody In My Room. What I love about this book is the story is centered around a multiracial kid, but the story isn’t about his identity.

It’s all about a 6 year old child’s imagination running wild when he’s trying to go to sleep. The colors are bright and vivid, and the story is so captivating! Looking for the perfect book to add under the tree? Look no further! Every story featuring a character of color doesn’t have to be about their color!

What are your favorite books featuring boys of color??

Are We Still Talking About Race? Yes, Welcome to Life As a Minority

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As a young girl growing up on an Air Force base, I was fortunate to be surrounded by diversity 24/7. To add to that, my parents are Jamaicans, and never focused our home conversations around race or being a minority.

Looking at my classmates, you could see a rainbow of races and skin tones. Many of their parents were from all over the world. It was a beautiful thing that we never questioned, rather embraced.

As our community grew, several of us were forced in different directions as new schools were built and redistricting was done. In the process, classes were now filled with students who did not come from military, diverse backgrounds.

To some people, it may seem that minorities are obsessed with discussing race. The truth is, being a minority, you are reminded of your race constantly.

I remember being asked by a black classmate why I didn’t act black. I was conflicted and didn’t know how to answer the question. I’d never been faced with my “blackness” before.

I thought I was just being me.

After encountering more experiences like that, I became more aware of race.

As a teenager, I was always excited about makeup samples in the mail. I was always disheartened when the foundation samples only included the two lightest shades. Why not the lightest and the darkest?

I also noticed that many of the drug store eye shadow colors like white on my brown skin. I couldn’t understand why the colors didn’t pop like they did on the white models in magazines and on t.v.

Imagine my sheer joy when I discovered MAC and other cosmetics lines that included diverse shades for minority women.

Even in my 20s when my scalp condition made it wise for me to stop getting relaxers, my first thought was, I don’t want an afro.

Why was the thought of an afro so repulsive to me?

To some people, it may seem that minorities are obsessed with discussing race. The truth is, being a minority, you are reminded of your race constantly.

[click_to_tweet tweet=”Read more.” quote=”Even in my 20s, my standard of beauty had been whitewashed and I didn’t even know it.”]

Thanks to actresses like Lupita Nyongo & Taraji P. Henson, wearing your natural hair is embraced–and beautiful.

Seeing representation of myself in print and media gives the word minority a positive connotation.

My parents kept me very involved in church. We were a part of a small baptist denomination. When we went out of town for youth trips, I was often surrounded by a sea of white. Teenage girls are always looking for a love connection, especially when they are surrounded by

Teenage girls are always looking for a love connection, especially when they are surrounded by teenage boys. On one of our annual youth trips, I actually saw another black person. A boy.

As the girls in my group went on and on about all the cute white boys, one of my youth leaders pointed out the black boy to me and asked me about him.

I was instantly offended because he wasn’t cute to me. He was only pointed out because he was black.

Did I have to pick someone just because our he was a minority too???

Attending college felt like I was back on the Air Force Base. I made friends with a variety of people based on our interests, hobbies & common classes. I didn’t feel the pressure to connect with people solely based on race. I’m still connected with many of them today.

I feel like one of the lucky ones. Most of my experiences with race have been positive, so those experiences tend to drown out the negative ones.

As a mom raising biracial kids, my husband and I don’t make it our mission to constantly have family discussions about race. However, we want our children to be aware of what’s going on around them and we will teach them to be proud of who they are.

To some people, it may seem that minorities are obsessed with discussing race. The truth is, as a minority, you are reminded of your race constantly.

When my daughters were babies, their complexion was very fair.  I got asked a lot if they were mine. I was asked by white and black people alike. Initially I was always offended and everyone in my circle heard about it.

Now that they are older, their complexion is darker in the summer and lighter in the winter. They both have a head full of curls. I don’t get asked as much if they are mine, but people often assume that I am a single mom.

Most of the discrimination I face is more in the form of microaggressions.

Negative stereotypes about black women get smashed when people find out that I am happily married to a white man, both of our families love us and each other, we are raising biracial children with no identity issues AND we live in the south.

To some people, it may seem that minorities are obsessed with discussing race. The truth is, as a minority, you are reminded of your race constantly.

Some people don’t understand why minorities talk about race so much. They think that we are hyper sensitive and take everything too personally.

But I guess if you don’t live your life being questioned based solely on race, you wouldn’t understand.

Trust me, I’d rather not talk about race. I’m going to teach my kids that it’s just an adjective–it doesn’t make up who the person is. But unfortunately, the world doesn’t quite see it that way.

To some people, it may seem that minorities are obsessed with discussing race. The truth is, being a minority, you are reminded of your race constantly.

And until they do, we’ll keep having conversations.

4 Ways Pregnancy Looks Different After a Miscarriage

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Excitement

Euphoria

Gratefulness

Followed by……

Fear

Doubt

Anxiety

This what is feels like to be pregnant after a miscarriage.

I feel like a first time mom that needs to follow all “the rules.” As soon as I found out I was pregnant I wanted to shout from the mountain top, but then fear set in. My mind raced in a million directions.

What if it happens again? I just can’t take the fear and embarrassment.

9 months ago, I announced my pregnancy, and the next day at my checkup, I had a miscarriage. I thought that this time around, all the pregnancy euphoria would eliminate the past feelings, but I actually have to work harder to push those negative thoughts to the side. It definitely feels different  than the first two healthy pregnancies–in more ways than one.

Every Week is a Milestone

Every week that goes by, I can breathe a little easier.

have two baby apps and am glued to them weekly. I’m dying to feel the baby kick so I can feel him/her move inside.

Now that I am 13 weeks pregnant, every week that goes by is a celebration!

Finding out you are pregnant after suffering from a miscarriage doesn't elimate all the fears. It can be challenging to move forward.

Pregnancy Woes Let You Know You are Still Pregnant

Every day that is filled with heartburn, nausea, crazy dreams & feeling lethargic is a blessing. It lets me know that I’m still pregnant.

The things that I would normally complain about secretly make me smile.

Announcing Pregnancy Never Seems Like a Good Time

This was tough for me. I was scare to go to the doctor for the first time.

Finding out you are pregnant after suffering from a miscarriage doesn't elimate all the fears. It can be challenging to move forward.

I was scared to tell people.

But the fourth time around, your body remembers what to do. It’s pretty difficult to keep a big secret like that for long. I finally decided to share my pregnancy at 10 weeks. I decided that the more people to cheer me along and encourage me would be best than silently dealing with anxiety and fear.

Joy is Sometimes Masked by Fear

In my last pregnancy, I found out the baby had no heartbeat at my 10 week appointment and that the baby was only measuring at 7 weeks.

Fast forward to this pregnancy.

When I went for my initial appointment, I was 8 weeks and 2 days. The ultrasound technician and doctor were more excited than I was. I held the ultrasound picture and cried in the secondary waiting room.

My husband asked what was wrong, and I couldn’t help but think that I was still in the high risk period. I struggled to enjoy my new blessing by looking back.

There is also fear about how people will look at me.

Honestly, I haven’t lost all the baby weight from the last pregnancy, so my baby bump isn’t cute. It’s lumpy. And the number I see on the scale now is scary. I worry about losing it all after this baby. And I wonder when my bump will look “normal”

Being pregnant doesn’t eliminate fear. Especially in the doctor’s office–the place I found out I had a miscarriage.

Honestly my faith is the one thing that has kept me grounded and focused on the positive.

Finding out you are pregnant after suffering from a miscarriage doesn't elimate all the fears. It can be challenging to move forward. And talking about my feelings with others who get it. Loss is a funny thing. If you haven’t been there, it can be difficult to empathize. I know it was difficult for me to understand the depth of a miscarriage loss before I had one. I hope that the more we talk about it, the more women can break those chains of shame, guilty & feeling alone.

 

                                                                                                  

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Why I Stopped Feeling Guilty About Working Outside of the Home

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From the time I was 14 years old, I knew I wanted to be a school counselor. I also knew at a fairly young age that I wanted to be a mom.

I never really thought about how the two worlds would collide.

Many moms who work outside of the home feel guilty about working versus the time they spend at home with their kids. Here's how I found balance.

At 27 years old, I became a mother for the first time. I remember the shock I was in when I first found out. I remember the hormonal wave of emotions I felt as I progressed through my pregnancy. All of this while working a new job as a high school counselor, which can be stressful in itself.

After my baby was born, I longed to be with her every second of the day. Going back to work after 8 weeks didn’t nearly seem long enough. It was difficult to concentrate on schedules, credit recovery and graduation when I had a new beautiful baby at home.

Many moms who work outside of the home feel guilty about working versus the time they spend at home with their kids. Here's how I found balance.

The day my mother in law texted me about her rolling over hit me like a ton of bricks.

I felt guilty that I wasn’t there to see it.

This was the part of motherhood that no one prepared me for. My mind began to race and panic.

How many other things will I miss? Will she grow up without me? How do other moms do it? Do they feel as guilty as I do?

Everyday I hoped that she would reenact it just for me.

The late nights for financial aid night, class night, graduation, etc began to take a toll on me. The amount of guilt I felt was insurmountable. I was thankful that my mother in law was there to help with my baby, but the amount of time I was away from her was disturbing to me. I arrived at work early and stayed late. This was NOT how I envisioned motherhood and my career.

I made the decision for my sanity and my family to transition in middle school counseling. This was the perfect fit for me.

I didn’t have to work as many late nights, and my coworkers were understanding when I took 12 weeks off for baby #2. But I’m not going to lie to you.

Returning to work after 12 weeks was tough.

Many moms who work outside of the home feel guilty about working versus the time they spend at home with their kids. Here's how I found balance.

I felt like I was in a foggy haze. For 12 weeks I’d been nursing, pumping, battling colic, listening to crying because she refused all 4 bottles we’d tried, and many sleepless nights.

It was difficult to return to academica.

Over time, I was able to jump back into it. With the support of my family and staff, I was able to have it all. Career and family.

When my oldest started school, the mommy guilt hit me hard ya’ll. I didn’t anticipate being split in another direction would be so difficult! There were too many times that I forgot her bookbag, forgot to sign her planner, dressed her up on the wrong day for pictures, and the list went on.

So much time was wasted apologizing to her teachers and beating myself up at the same time. My marriage suffered too because I felt like I just couldn’t do it all. I couldn’t be the best wife, employee, mom, daughter, friend and person all at the same time. It just seemed too daunting.

There were many times that I felt like I was in a constant state of chaos.  And feeling guilty.

One morning, I was running late to work. My daughter was at home sick, and I decided to take a shortcut to work. I worked 40 minutes from home and thought I remember a quicker way. Someone how in the stress of racing the clock to be on time and confusion about directions, I pulled into traffic and crashed into another car.

Talk about feeling guilty! I hit an older couple and the damage done to my car ended up in my car being totaled.

My back hurt for a couple days along with my heart. I was thankful that in my rush, my daughter wasn’t with me that day. I decided that I had to slow down and get control of my life. Here are a few things I’ve learned since that day:

Waking up early cuts down on the chaos.

When I rise before my family, I have time for quiet time and prepping for the day without constant interruptions. Sure, it feels great to sleep in, but it’s so much harder to get it all done when everyone is pulling for my attention. Getting up early, if only 30 minutes, empowers me to take charge of my day first thing.

I will make mistakes, and that’s okay.

I’m not perfect! I’ve got to stop trying to live up to the perfect mom standard that doesn’t exist.

I am working in a job I love, so I shouldn’t feel guilty about that.

There are so many people who HATE their jobs and I’m not one of them! I shouldn’t feel guilty about finding a profession that I love.  I may not be present for every single moment, but I’m there for the ones that count. My kids know that I love them, and when I’m not there, they are in good hands.

I get holidays off.

One of the joys of education is being on the same schedule with my kids.

Many moms who work outside of the home feel guilty about working versus the time they spend at home with their kids. Here's how I found balance.

We can all go the fair, pumpkin patches and family holiday events together. Those are the things my kids will remember.

Many moms who work outside of the home feel guilty about working versus the time they spend at home with their kids. Here's how I found balance.

Working moms, how have you battled mommy guilt?

 

7 (More) Multiracial Motherhood Moms to Follow on IG

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As ya’ll know, I’m slightly obsessed with IG. I’m not sure if it’s the stories, the pretty pictures, or the relationships with other moms that I’ve built there, but whatever the reason, it’s one of my favorite apps!

As a mom living multiracial motherhood, I love that I can connect with so many amazing women who share similar experiences.

I love his dimple & he loves my fro. He believes in black girl magic

A post shared by Diedre ❤ Are Those Your Kids (@arethoseyourkids) on

Since the last post about Instagram moms, I’ve found a few more moms that I think you HAVE to follow too. They are killing the multiracial motherhood game and they are so relatable, I feel like I know them.

Curly Coopers

A post shared by Duana Cooper (@thecurlycoopers) on

It really is a shame to have this amount of good looks and curls in one family. This sweet family shares stories of how they met, their wedding day & other fun family adventures on their YouTube channel.

Desirae Barnett

Do you love Instagram as much as I do? Check out this roundup of 7 amazing moms in multiracial families that you absolutely have to follow on IG.

 

Desirae is a Kindergarten teacher turned stay at home mom who loves spending every moment she can with her family. She and her hubby are also foster parents! You’ll love following along their family adventures.

WhiteSugarBrownSugar

Do you love Instagram as much as I do? Check out this roundup of 7 amazing moms in multiracial families that you absolutely have to follow on IG.

Rachel is a Type I diabetic super mom. She has 4 beautiful children that she adopted. She writes all about transracial adoption and has made it her mission to help other moms who are adopting. On her page you’ll find hairstyles, books & other amazing resources. I promise you’ll want to subscribe to her blog too!

Mommymyway

 

Nikki is a fierce business woman & doting mama. She’s a single mom that’s living life in the fast lane. I love that she makes her son her #1 priority. She’s building her empire with her curly-headed sidekick!

 

Thecoolhipmom

Do you love Instagram as much as I do? Check out this roundup of 7 amazing moms in multiracial families that you absolutely have to follow on IG.

Brittany is just as cool as her screen name describes. She seems like the kind of mom you would want to hang out with if you were in her neck of the woods. She’s a new mom that has a love for all things beautiful & Disney.

Sunloverlifestyle

Do you love Instagram as much as I do? Check out this roundup of 7 amazing moms in multiracial families that you absolutely have to follow on IG.

This mother to be is full of natural hair, light, sunshine and beauty. Her posts are a great pick me up if you’re looking to add a little brightness to your feed. I love watching her blossom into a mother and sharing how her unique style is transitioning into a maternity wardrobe.

Wereparents

Do you love Instagram as much as I do? Check out this roundup of 7 amazing moms in multiracial families that you absolutely have to follow on IG.

Last, but certainly not least, Larisha & Andrew make an amazing #semicrunchy team. On their page, you’ll find recipes galore, pictures of their family travels & Larisha’s adventures in baby wearing and attachment parenting. Not only does this mom/dad team make delicious food, but their cute kids even have their own YouTube channel!

Who would you add to the list????

Do you love Instagram as much as I do? Check out this roundup of 7 amazing moms in multiracial families that you absolutely have to follow on IG.

 

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