Motherhood

3 Ways to Rock Your Pregnancy (After a Miscarriage)

December 27, 2017 By Diedre Leave a Comment

*This post contains affiliate links. This means that I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you) if you subscribe or purchase something through the links on this page.*

This is my last pregnancy, so I decided to go out with a bang.

I am determined to look good, feel good, and enjoy every single minute.

This seems like a fairly easy task, but after having a miscarriage, pregnancy is daunting. It can be tough to shake the fears and anxieties of your past experience while enjoying your current blessing.

Here are a few ways I’ve pushed forward and rocking my pregnancy:

Get Moving

There’s a myth that too much physical activity can be bad for a pregnant woman. That’s just not so! I wouldn’t recommend training for a marathon if you weren’t previously a runner, but a good bit of physical activity is great for you and the baby.

Keeping your body in shape will help you bounce back after the baby, and make your nine months easier.

If you can’t seem to find the energy to walk, run or do regular exercise, try doing a few stretches at home. I love that YouTube has so many workouts to choose from–even some designed specifically for you at all stages of your pregnancy!

Wear Cute & Comfortable Clothes

I get it. You don’t want to indulge in maternity clothes because they can be pricey.

I hear you girl.

The great thing about being pregnant now is that you have options! This is my last pregnancy, so I didn’t want to spend a ton of money on clothes I know I will never wear again. I invested in maternity leggings, a few pairs of maternity skinny pants, and the bulk of my tops and tunics came from Jane.com.

I love shopping there because I don’t have to sacrafice style for comfort. I just order a size up, check out reviews for fit, and my clothes are delivered straight to my doorstep! It doesn’t get easier than that.

Get Dressed and Get Out

On December 31st, my husband and I will celebrate 8 years of marriage. This year, we decided to take a babymoon. I am currently 6 months pregnant and due on April 1st.

After we have 3 kids, we know that our days of long weekends will be minimal, so we decided to have dinner and time out in Savannah, Georgia, my old stomping ground.

As we walked around downtown, I glanced over and saw a restaurant that we ate at last year. All of a sudden, the tears fell. I remembered that this time last year, I was enjoying the beginning stages of my pregnancy.

Even though I am pregnant now, it didn’t erase the pain of the lost baby. I instantly had the thought that I could never eat at that restaurant again because I didn’t want to relive those awful feelings. My hubby squeezed my hand a little tighter and reminded me how much we’ve grown since the miscarriage, and that we should enjoy the time we have together out on the town.

I was thankful for his reminder.

Mamas who have suffered a miscarriage, what did you do to bounce back and enjoy your next pregnancy?

Gestational Diabetes: How to Enjoy Pregnancy After The Diagnosis

December 13, 2017 By Diedre 9 Comments

*This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #NatureMadePrenatalDHA #CollectiveBias*

Everyone told me that the orange stuff they give you to drink tastes like orange soda. To me it was more like a knock off of orange koolaid.

Drinking the stuff wasn’t bad. Fasting was the hard part. So many of my friends and colleagues brushed the test off like it was no big deal, so I thought I had no worries. Well, until the doctor’s office called me back because my glucose levels were off.

Whatever they told me in the office was a blur. They scheduled me for a meeting with a nutritionist and told me they wanted me to start checking my blood sugar.

Mind you, this was my first pregnancy. And I bet you can’t get what my cravings were? Sweet stuff!! Icecream, blueberry cake donuts, anything my pregnant fingers could get.

I was somewhat optimistic when I met with the nutritionist, but after she gave me her 30 minute spiel about gestational diabetes, what it looked like, and how to eat healthy, she asked what I thought and I immediately burst into tears. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her that everything she explained sounded like it was taking the fun out of my pregnancy.

Seriously, a pregnant woman is supposed to practice portion control and choose 1 meal to have heavy carbs??

Carbs are in everything…including milk?? I literally thought my world was ending.

Yes, I know this sounds dramatic, but trust me, pregnancy hormones were in full effect.

Fast forward 6 years, and I am pregnant with my 3rd child. I have been diagnosed with gestational diabetes in every pregnancy. This time around, I’m a veteran, and I know what to do. I now know to properly care for my body and enjoy my pregnancy!

If you’ve felt like gestational diabetes has been a death sentence, I have some tips to make it more tolerable:

Choose 1 Carb Heavy Meal

Did you know that even with gestational diabetes you can basically eat as much meat and veggies that you want?? All of a sudden my cravings changed from ice cream and donuts to hot wings and celery. And guess what? When I checked my sugar afterwards, it was right where my doctor wanted it.

I still enjoy my bread, I just choose 1 meal where I pig out on carbs, and lay low the rest of the day.

Drink Lots of Water

This is important all the time, but especially when you are pregnant. We are often prone to retaining water and can easily become dehydrated. This past week I’ve been sick with a nasty viral infection. I haven’t felt like eating or drinking much. When I went to the doctor, I got scolded for being dehydrating and losing 8 lbs.

I’ve always known how important drinking water is, but this week, it really hit home as I’ve been extremely sluggish without my extra H2O.

I’ve even enlisted the help of my family to help remind me to drink more. The little ones love reminding mommy.

Take Your Vitamins

I grew up taking vitamins and have always known how important they are, but I can’t say that I’ve always taken them religiously while pregnant. After my miscarriage, I don’t take ANYTHING for granted, and I’m following the pregnancy rules like this is my first time. I started taking prenatals right after the miscarriage.

Nature Made® Prenatal Multi + DHA vitamins are conveniently located at Sam’s Club just for you! Sometimes prenatal vitamins can be difficult to swallow, but the great thing about these vitamins is they are easy-to-swallow softgels!

They are also easier to digest if taken with food. They provides essential vitamins and minerals (before and during pregnancy) including Folic Acid, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Iodine, Vitamin B12, and Vitamin D3†. They also provide 200 mg DHA which may help support fetal brain and eye development†.

† These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

Multiracial Motherhood: What I Want My Biracial Son to Know

December 7, 2017 By Diedre 3 Comments

*I was provided a copy of this book, but all opinions are my own. This post contains Amazon affiliate links.*

Before having my son, I was all in as a girl mom.

As a female, I know all the things that I’m glad my parents taught me, and the things I wish they would’ve spent more time talking about, so while parenting them hasn’t been a total breeze, it has come a little more naturally.

Last March, our family will grew andÂ we welcomed a little boy–uncharted territory. I have 3 younger brothers, but this was completely different.

It hit me shortly before his birth that I’d be raising a mixed race son.

As my pregnancy progressed, I found myself wondering how the dynamic in our family would change.

The lessons I teach myÂ son will be similar to the ones I teach his sisters, but I know his needs will be unique. Here are a few things I hope to instill in my son.

If You Are Dark Skinned, People Will Identify You As a Black Man

My husband are raising are children to embrace both sides of them and identify as biracial. However, we understand that as they grow and form peer relationships, they may at times identify with one side more than the other.

Honestly, as a black female, I wouldn’t be totally bothered if my biracial son came home one day and identified as a black.

However, in this country, blackness, especially for a male can be dangerous, even life threatening. Unfortunatly, I will have to discuss the weight that carries–even if he is biracial, if he is perceived as black, it could make his life more difficult.

Thankfully he has 3 black uncles that can help guide the way.

Your Identity Is Your Own

Even if my biracial son is perceived as black, he will own his identity. No one can take away from him who he is, regardless of the color of his skin.

I will teach my son to be confident in who he is as a multiracial young man, and to not let others pressure him into changing who he was born to be.

I hope that he will learn to embrace both sides of who he is, and be proud of that. If people question his identity, I hope that he will confidently answer, or dismiss if it makes him feel comfortable. I want him to feel confident in his own skin.

Females Are Not Objects

With all of the sexual harrassment cases we’re seeing in the news, it’s apparent that women have been objectified in secret for far too long. I want my son to know that women are to be adored and respected.

Hopefully having two sisters will make this lesson a little easier.

Representation Is Important For My Biracial Son Too

Next time you go to the book store, or browse around your child’s book fair at school, I want you to take a look at the selection of books for boys–especially for boys of color.

The selection is pretty bleak. We want boys to read, be encouraged and have high self esteem, but finding books that foster those things while representing who they are (and what they look like) can be difficult.

The selection for girls goes on and on….and don’t even get me started on boys clothes.

I think sometimes our society is so focused on making boys tough and strong, we forget about other important character traits. So as a mom of a boy of color, it will be my mission to seek out books with characters that look like him.

One great book is There’s Somebody In My Room. What I love about this book is the story is centered around a multiracial kid, but the story isn’t about his identity.

It’s all about a 6 year old child’s imagination running wild when he’s trying to go to sleep. The colors are bright and vivid, and the story is so captivating! Looking for the perfect book to add under the tree? Look no further! Every story featuring a character of color doesn’t have to be about their color!

What are your favorite books featuring boys of color??

Are We Still Talking About Race? Yes, Welcome to Life As a Minority

October 23, 2017 By Diedre 6 Comments

As a young girl growing up on an Air Force base, I was fortunate to be surrounded by diversity 24/7. To add to that, my parents are Jamaicans, and never focused our home conversations around race or being a minority.

Looking at my classmates, you could see a rainbow of races and skin tones. Many of their parents were from all over the world. It was a beautiful thing that we never questioned, rather embraced.

As our community grew, several of us were forced in different directions as new schools were built and redistricting was done. In the process, classes were now filled with students who did not come from military, diverse backgrounds.

I remember being asked by a black classmate why I didn’t act black. I was conflicted and didn’t know how to answer the question. I’d never been faced with my “blackness” before.

I thought I was just being me.

After encountering more experiences like that, I became more aware of race.

As a teenager, I was always excited about makeup samples in the mail. I was always disheartened when the foundation samples only included the two lightest shades. Why not the lightest and the darkest?

I also noticed that many of the drug store eye shadow colors like white on my brown skin. I couldn’t understand why the colors didn’t pop like they did on the white models in magazines and on t.v.

Imagine my sheer joy when I discovered MAC and other cosmetics lines that included diverse shades for minority women.

Even in my 20s when my scalp condition made it wise for me to stop getting relaxers, my first thought was, I don’t want an afro.

Why was the thought of an ~~afro~~ so repulsive to me?

[click_to_tweet tweet=”Read more.” quote=”Even in my 20s, my standard of beauty had been whitewashed and I didn’t even know it.”]

Thanks to actresses like Lupita Nyongo & Taraji P. Henson, wearing your natural hair is embraced–and beautiful.

Seeing representation of myself in print and media gives the word minority a positive connotation.

My parents kept me very involved in church. We were a part of a small baptist denomination. When we went out of town for youth trips, I was often surrounded by a sea of white. Teenage girls are always looking for a love connection, especially when they are surrounded by

Teenage girls are always looking for a love connection, especially when they are surrounded by teenage boys. On one of our annual youth trips, I actually saw another black person. A boy.

As the girls in my group went on and on about all the cute white boys, one of my youth leaders pointed out the black boy to me and asked me about him.

I was instantly offended because he wasn’t cute to me. He was only pointed out because he was black.

Did I have to pick someone just because our he was a minority too???

Attending college felt like I was back on the Air Force Base. I made friends with a variety of people based on our interests, hobbies & common classes. I didn’t feel the pressure to connect with people solely based on race. I’m still connected with many of them today.

I feel like one of the lucky ones. Most of my experiences with race have been positive, so those experiences tend to drown out the negative ones.

As a mom raising biracial kids, my husband and I don’t make it our mission to constantly have family discussions about race. However, we want our children to be aware of what’s going on around them and we will teach them to be proud of who they are.

When my daughters were babies, their complexion was very fair. I got asked a lot if they were mine. I was asked by white and black people alike. Initially I was always offended and everyone in my circle heard about it.

Now that they are older, their complexion is darker in the summer and lighter in the winter. They both have a head full of curls. I don’t get asked as much if they are mine, but people often assume that I am a single mom.

Most of the discrimination I face is more in the form of microaggressions.

Negative stereotypes about black women get smashed when people find out that I am happily married to a white man, both of our families love us and each other, we are raising biracial children with no identity issues AND we live in the south.

Some people don’t understand why minorities talk about race so much. They think that we are hyper sensitive and take everything too personally.

But I guess if you don’t live your life being questioned based solely on race, you wouldn’t understand.

Trust me, I’d rather not talk about race. I’m going to teach my kids that it’s just an adjective–it doesn’t make up who the person is. But unfortunately, the world doesn’t quite see it that way.

And until they do, we’ll keep having conversations.

4 Ways Pregnancy Looks Different After a Miscarriage

September 18, 2017 By Diedre 5 Comments

Excitement

Euphoria

Gratefulness

Followed by……

Fear

Doubt

Anxiety

This what is feels like to be pregnant after a miscarriage.

I feel like a first time mom that needs to follow all “the rules.” As soon as I found out I was pregnant I wanted to shout from the mountain top, but then fear set in. My mind raced in a million directions.

What if it happens again? I just can’t take the fear and embarrassment.

9 months ago, I announced my pregnancy, and the next day at my checkup, I had a miscarriage. I thought that this time around, all the pregnancy euphoria would eliminate the past feelings, but I actually have to work harder to push those negative thoughts to the side. It definitely feels different than the first two healthy pregnancies–in more ways than one.

Every Week is a Milestone

Every week that goes by, I can breathe a little easier.

have two baby apps and am glued to them weekly. I’m dying to feel the baby kick so I can feel him/her move inside.

Now that I am 13 weeks pregnant, every week that goes by is a celebration!

Pregnancy Woes Let You Know You are Still Pregnant

Every day that is filled with heartburn, nausea, crazy dreams & feeling lethargic is a blessing. It lets me know that I’m still pregnant.

The things that I would normally complain about secretly make me smile.

Announcing Pregnancy Never Seems Like a Good Time

This was tough for me. I was scare to go to the doctor for the first time.

I was scared to tell people.

But the fourth time around, your body remembers what to do. It’s pretty difficult to keep a big secret like that for long. I finally decided to share my pregnancy at 10 weeks. I decided that the more people to cheer me along and encourage me would be best than silently dealing with anxiety and fear.

Joy is Sometimes Masked by Fear

In my last pregnancy, I found out the baby had no heartbeat at my 10 week appointment and that the baby was only measuring at 7 weeks.

Fast forward to this pregnancy.

When I went for my initial appointment, I was 8 weeks and 2 days. The ultrasound technician and doctor were more excited than I was. I held the ultrasound picture and cried in the secondary waiting room.

My husband asked what was wrong, and I couldn’t help but think that I was still in the high risk period. I struggled to enjoy my new blessing by looking back.

There is also fear about how people will look at me.

Honestly, I haven’t lost all the baby weight from the last pregnancy, so my baby bump isn’t cute. It’s lumpy. And the number I see on the scale now is scary. I worry about losing it all after this baby. And I wonder when my bump will look “normal”

Being pregnant doesn’t eliminate fear. Especially in the doctor’s office–the place I found out I had a miscarriage.

Honestly my faith is the one thing that has kept me grounded and focused on the positive.

And talking about my feelings with others who get it. Loss is a funny thing. If you haven’t been there, it can be difficult to empathize. I know it was difficult for me to understand the depth of a miscarriage loss before I had one. I hope that the more we talk about it, the more women can break those chains of shame, guilty & feeling alone.

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Why I Stopped Feeling Guilty About Working Outside of the Home

September 10, 2017 By Diedre Leave a Comment

From the time I was 14 years old, I knew I wanted to be a school counselor. I also knew at a fairly young age that I wanted to be a mom.

I never really thought about how the two worlds would collide.

At 27 years old, I became a mother for the first time. I remember the shock I was in when I first found out. I remember the hormonal wave of emotions I felt as I progressed through my pregnancy. All of this while working a new job as a high school counselor, which can be stressful in itself.

After my baby was born, I longed to be with her every second of the day. Going back to work after 8 weeks didn’t nearly seem long enough. It was difficult to concentrate on schedules, credit recovery and graduation when I had a new beautiful baby at home.

The day my mother in law texted me about her rolling over hit me like a ton of bricks.

I felt guilty that I wasn’t there to see it.

This was the part of motherhood that no one prepared me for. My mind began to race and panic.

How many other things will I miss? Will she grow up without me? How do other moms do it? Do they feel as guilty as I do?

Everyday I hoped that she would reenact it just for me.

The late nights for financial aid night, class night, graduation, etc began to take a toll on me. The amount of guilt I felt was insurmountable. I was thankful that my mother in law was there to help with my baby, but the amount of time I was away from her was disturbing to me. I arrived at work early and stayed late. This was NOT how I envisioned motherhood and my career.

I made the decision for my sanity and my family to transition in middle school counseling. This was the perfect fit for me.

I didn’t have to work as many late nights, and my coworkers were understanding when I took 12 weeks off for baby #2. But I’m not going to lie to you.

Returning to work after 12 weeks was tough.

I felt like I was in a foggy haze. For 12 weeks I’d been nursing, pumping, battling colic, listening to crying because she refused all 4 bottles we’d tried, and many sleepless nights.

It was difficult to return to academica.

Over time, I was able to jump back into it. With the support of my family and staff, I was able to have it all. Career and family.

When my oldest started school, the mommy guilt hit me hard ya’ll. I didn’t anticipate being split in another direction would be so difficult! There were too many times that I forgot her bookbag, forgot to sign her planner, dressed her up on the wrong day for pictures, and the list went on.

So much time was wasted apologizing to her teachers and beating myself up at the same time. My marriage suffered too because I felt like I just couldn’t do it all. I couldn’t be the best wife, employee, mom, daughter, friend and person all at the same time. It just seemed too daunting.

There were many times that I felt like I was in a constant state of chaos. And feeling guilty.

One morning, I was running late to work. My daughter was at home sick, and I decided to take a shortcut to work. I worked 40 minutes from home and thought I remember a quicker way. Someone how in the stress of racing the clock to be on time and confusion about directions, I pulled into traffic and crashed into another car.

Talk about feeling guilty! I hit an older couple and the damage done to my car ended up in my car being totaled.

My back hurt for a couple days along with my heart. I was thankful that in my rush, my daughter wasn’t with me that day. I decided that I had to slow down and get control of my life. Here are a few things I’ve learned since that day:

Waking up early cuts down on the chaos.

When I rise before my family, I have time for quiet time and prepping for the day without constant interruptions. Sure, it feels great to sleep in, but it’s so much harder to get it all done when everyone is pulling for my attention. Getting up early, if only 30 minutes, empowers me to take charge of my day first thing.

I will make mistakes, and that’s okay.

I’m not perfect! I’ve got to stop trying to live up to the perfect mom standard that doesn’t exist.

I am working in a job I love, so I shouldn’t feel guilty about that.

There are so many people who HATE their jobs and I’m not one of them! I shouldn’t feel guilty about finding a profession that I love. I may not be present for every single moment, but I’m there for the ones that count. My kids know that I love them, and when I’m not there, they are in good hands.

I get holidays off.

One of the joys of education is being on the same schedule with my kids.

We can all go the fair, pumpkin patches and family holiday events together. Those are the things my kids will remember.

Working moms, how have you battled mommy guilt?