Motherhood

*I was provided a copy of this book, but all opinions are my own. This post contains Amazon affiliate links.*

Before having my son, I was all in as a girl mom.

As a female, I know all the things that I’m glad my parents taught me, and the things I wish they would’ve spent more time talking about, so while parenting them hasn’t been a total breeze, it has come a little more naturally.

Last March, our family will grew and  we welcomed a little boy–uncharted territory. I have 3 younger brothers, but this was completely different.

It hit me shortly before his birth that I’d be raising a mixed race son.

As my pregnancy progressed, I found myself wondering how the dynamic in our family would change.

The lessons I teach my  son will be similar to the ones I teach his sisters, but I know his needs will be unique. Here are a few things I hope to instill in my son.

If You Are Dark Skinned, People Will Identify You As a Black Man

My husband are raising are children to embrace both sides of them and identify as biracial. However, we understand that as they grow and form peer relationships, they may at times identify with one side more than the other.

Honestly, as a black female, I wouldn’t be totally bothered if my biracial son came home one day and identified as a black.

However, in this country, blackness, especially for a male can be dangerous, even life threatening. Unfortunatly, I will have to discuss the weight that carries–even if he is biracial, if he is perceived as black, it could make his life more difficult.

Thankfully he has 3 black uncles that can help guide the way.

Your Identity Is Your Own

Even if my biracial son is perceived as black, he will own his identity. No one can take away from him who he is, regardless of the color of his skin.

I will teach my son to be confident in who he is as a multiracial young man, and to not let others pressure him into changing who he was born to be.

I hope that he will learn to embrace both sides of who he is, and be proud of that. If people question his identity, I hope that he will confidently answer, or dismiss if it makes him feel comfortable. I want him to feel confident in his own skin.

Females Are Not Objects

With all of the sexual harrassment cases we’re seeing in the news, it’s apparent that women have been objectified in secret for far too long. I want my son to know that women are to be adored and respected.

Hopefully having two sisters will make this lesson a little easier.

Representation Is Important For My Biracial Son Too

Next time you go to the book store, or browse around your child’s book fair at school, I want you to take a look at the selection of books for boys–especially for boys of color.

The selection is pretty bleak. We want boys to read, be encouraged and have high self esteem, but finding books that foster those things while representing who they are (and what they look like) can be difficult.

The selection for girls goes on and on….and don’t even get me started on boys clothes.

I think sometimes our society is so focused on making boys tough and strong, we forget about other important character traits. So as a mom of a boy of color, it will be my mission to seek out books with characters that look like him.

One great book is There’s Somebody In My Room. What I love about this book is the story is centered around a multiracial kid, but the story isn’t about his identity.

It’s all about a 6 year old child’s imagination running wild when he’s trying to go to sleep. The colors are bright and vivid, and the story is so captivating! Looking for the perfect book to add under the tree? Look no further! Every story featuring a character of color doesn’t have to be about their color!

What are your favorite books featuring boys of color??

As a young girl growing up on an Air Force base, I was fortunate to be surrounded by diversity 24/7. To add to that, my parents are Jamaicans, and never focused our home conversations around race or being a minority.

Looking at my classmates, you could see a rainbow of races and skin tones. Many of their parents were from all over the world. It was a beautiful thing that we never questioned, rather embraced.

As our community grew, several of us were forced in different directions as new schools were built and redistricting was done. In the process, classes were now filled with students who did not come from military, diverse backgrounds.

I remember being asked by a black classmate why I didn’t act black. I was conflicted and didn’t know how to answer the question. I’d never been faced with my “blackness” before.

I thought I was just being me.

After encountering more experiences like that, I became more aware of race.

As a teenager, I was always excited about makeup samples in the mail. I was always disheartened when the foundation samples only included the two lightest shades. Why not the lightest and the darkest?

I also noticed that many of the drug store eye shadow colors like white on my brown skin. I couldn’t understand why the colors didn’t pop like they did on the white models in magazines and on t.v.

Imagine my sheer joy when I discovered MAC and other cosmetics lines that included diverse shades for minority women.

Even in my 20s when my scalp condition made it wise for me to stop getting relaxers, my first thought was, I don’t want an afro.

Why was the thought of an afro so repulsive to me?

[click_to_tweet tweet=”Read more.” quote=”Even in my 20s, my standard of beauty had been whitewashed and I didn’t even know it.”]

Thanks to actresses like Lupita Nyongo & Taraji P. Henson, wearing your natural hair is embraced–and beautiful.

Seeing representation of myself in print and media gives the word minority a positive connotation.

My parents kept me very involved in church. We were a part of a small baptist denomination. When we went out of town for youth trips, I was often surrounded by a sea of white. Teenage girls are always looking for a love connection, especially when they are surrounded by

Teenage girls are always looking for a love connection, especially when they are surrounded by teenage boys. On one of our annual youth trips, I actually saw another black person. A boy.

As the girls in my group went on and on about all the cute white boys, one of my youth leaders pointed out the black boy to me and asked me about him.

I was instantly offended because he wasn’t cute to me. He was only pointed out because he was black.

Did I have to pick someone just because our he was a minority too???

Attending college felt like I was back on the Air Force Base. I made friends with a variety of people based on our interests, hobbies & common classes. I didn’t feel the pressure to connect with people solely based on race. I’m still connected with many of them today.

I feel like one of the lucky ones. Most of my experiences with race have been positive, so those experiences tend to drown out the negative ones.

As a mom raising biracial kids, my husband and I don’t make it our mission to constantly have family discussions about race. However, we want our children to be aware of what’s going on around them and we will teach them to be proud of who they are.

When my daughters were babies, their complexion was very fair.  I got asked a lot if they were mine. I was asked by white and black people alike. Initially I was always offended and everyone in my circle heard about it.

Now that they are older, their complexion is darker in the summer and lighter in the winter. They both have a head full of curls. I don’t get asked as much if they are mine, but people often assume that I am a single mom.

Most of the discrimination I face is more in the form of microaggressions.

Negative stereotypes about black women get smashed when people find out that I am happily married to a white man, both of our families love us and each other, we are raising biracial children with no identity issues AND we live in the south.

Some people don’t understand why minorities talk about race so much. They think that we are hyper sensitive and take everything too personally.

But I guess if you don’t live your life being questioned based solely on race, you wouldn’t understand.

Trust me, I’d rather not talk about race. I’m going to teach my kids that it’s just an adjective–it doesn’t make up who the person is. But unfortunately, the world doesn’t quite see it that way.

And until they do, we’ll keep having conversations.