Parenting

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Unfortunately, finding books with brown characters, especially  brown boys as the lead character, is not as easy as one would think.

All children need to see themselves represented in print, person and in the media.

There have been so many negative stereotypes about brown boys in the media, so it is important for parents to send positive messages to their children early in their lives.

As a young girl, I remember the excitement I felt the first time my dad brown home a brown ballerina Barbie doll. Of the Barbies I owned, she was the most beautiful to me because I could relate to her.

She looked like me.

Even if you are not raising a brown boy, exposing your children to books with diverse characters teaches them the importance of diversity. It shows them that beauty comes in all shades!

Here are a few of my family’s favorites:

Billy Bloo Is Stuck in Goo

My girls couldn’t stop giggling at the title. My youngest immedietly wanted to know why Billy Bloo was stuck in the goo. It is a fun rhyming book with bright and vibrant illustrations. It is a lengthy, but perfect for a night time snuggle + giggle session.

Those Shoes

As a school counselor, I love the message behind this book. The main character is the victim of bullying when his shoes falls apart in the middle of gym. The school counselor provides him with another pair, but he feels a little envious of the kids who can afford “those shoes.”

Without giving away the ending, i can tell you that the main character makes a kind and heartfelt decision after getting a pair of “those shoes.” If you are looking for a way to talk about bullying with your elementary aged child, this book is the perfect segue into the conversation.

Not Norman

Does your child have a pet? Do they desire to have one? Then your family will love Not Norman. It documents the story of Norman and his pet fish. Norman got his pet fish as a gift, and throughout the book he talks about how much he wanted another pet because there are things his fish simply can’t do.

Your heart will smile by the end of the book when Norman makes a decision about what to do with his unwanted pet.

Marcellus

When I first saw the cover of this book, I was intrigued. It’snot everyday that you see a book with a brown boy on the cover wearing baggy jeans, dread locks and a smile. Kudos to the illustrator.

Marcellus’s mother has a short afro and she talks to him about what school will be like. He worries about wehther or not kids will like his hair.

The New Small Person

If you are having a new baby, then you HAVE to add this book to your collection.

Even though the main character is a brown boy, he is an only child adjusting to a new sibling…a concept any child can relate to.

Luke Goes to Bat

Do you have any baseball lovers in your family? Then this book is for you! Luke wants to play ball with the big kids, but he gets a chance he strikes out. I love that the book references Jackie Robinson.

From a young age, children notice differences and begin to look for mirror images of themselves. When they cannot find a positive representation of themselves, they begin to attach their identity to another source that they think is positive, whether it is or not. Why don’t we show them that brown boys are kind, smart, imaginative and so much more!

Today on the blog I am welcoming Charnaie Gordon from Here Wee Read.  She’s dropping some knowledge about diversity, books and instilling confidence in your children. 

From the time I was a child, growing up in a homogeneous neighborhood in Connecticut, I was always intrigued by “the other.” I wanted to know more about the upper working-class, whose vibrant way of life I witnessed every week when parents dropped off their kids at school.

In my neighborhood, grown-ups would be out on the sidewalk drinking beer, while kids were playing double Dutch, “kick the can” or listening to radios on full blast.

In the back of my mind I would always wonder what “other” children witnessed in their neighborhoods compared to mine.

“Other” meaning children who were of a different race or culture than mine.

I turned to books to help me understand more about other cultures, races, and classes.  I was curious about the types of foods they ate, what kind of jobs they had and how they lived their day-to-day lives.  This burning curiosity I’ve had with learning about diversity still hasn’t subsided even in my adult years.

Each time I can learn about a different culture I feel so enriched and enlarged.

Now that I’m raising two kids to be future adults in a world of diversity, it’s important for me to allow them to have opportunities to be around others who are different from them on a regular basis.  I want them to understand that people are people – regardless of differences.

At the same time, I want to teach them to be accepting and kind while they explore their curiosity just like I did at a young age.

So how can you instill confidence in your child when they don’t look like you?  And why is diversity and representation so important? 

One of the easiest and best ways  to instill confidence in  your child (regardless of race) is through books.

Books can help you have conversations about race, diversity, self-esteem, having pride in your culture/heritage, and so much more. One of the most important things parents raising children can do is to fully acknowledge race and color instead of acting like color doesn’t exist.

 Unfortunately, racism is still very much alive today so having open conversations with children about race early on will help you to instill confidence in your child. It helps them to easily be accepting of others different from them.

I like to provide my children with enriching reading experiences that showcase a full spectrum of diverse and inclusive books.  Reading books that serve as mirrors with characters that look like them reflected on the pages back at them, helps confirm their existence and their potential.

Reading books that serve as windows with characters that are different from them, helps provide a glimpse into other people’s lives.

When searching for books I’m mindful to choose books which include children with differences (whether it’s hair texture or skin color, glasses, special needs, etc.).

Having diversity in literature is important because it helps people become more compassionate towards others and allows them to help push the lever toward true equality.

Diversity can allow us to see beyond the superficial outward differences and look deeper for common interests, similar likes/dislikes, values, beliefs, and attitudes.

It opens a myriad of options and spaces to discuss any and all ideas we might have. Being able to empathize and sympathize with diverse characters means that we as people are more open to understanding others in general. It is a crucial aspect to promote, more so in the time and place we live in today.

We all have a story to tell.

Instilling confidence in your child shows them that they can achieve anything regardless of their differences.

Simply put, a lack of diversity can hinder a child’s ambitions and aspirations of the underrepresented while they are still young and their minds are impressionable. I want my children to know that excellence can look like them, too!

Even something as seemingly small as a similar hairstyle can reaffirm the way people see themselves — and encourage them to value have confidence in their uniqueness.

Just ask little August, a pre-K student in Sugarland, Texas at Lakeview Elementary School.  Her teacher, Leigh Bishop, recently wore the same exact hairstyle as hers to school after complementing her on how much she liked her hair.  This is just one example of how to remind children how special, unique and important they are.

The main thing for parents to remember (especially those raising children who look different from them) is to choose books, toys, games or other products with intent and purpose.

Want to learn more about Charnaie?

She is a wife, mom of two, computer programmer by day, blogger/influencer by night, self-proclaimed lifelong learner, podcast junkie and Distinguished Toastmaster. Her blog, Here Wee Read, is where she is currently expressing her creativity and passion for reading, diverse literature, and literacy. Charnaie also is a contributing writer for Brightly and Laila Ali’s Lifestyle Blog.

You can join Charnaie’s online reading academy before it fully launches in the coming months!  Members of her group receive access to use brand partner discounts to use on products geared towards parents raising children of color, access to attend her online author/illustrator chats, and access to her private Facebook community of like-minded people all passionate about diversity and inclusion.

This post is sponsored by Natrol but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.

When I was pregnant with my son, people told me that the worst thing about having 3 kids is being outnumbered.  Being outnumbered is not so bad, but not having enough arms for each one is the real challenge!

My husband and I always knew we wanted three kids, and we knew that having them close in age would be a challenge. However, we are dedicated to making life with 3 kids work without going completely crazy, so we’ve found a few ways to make life a little easier.

Divide & Conquer

When your kids are little, it can be difficult to run errands with all 3.

Sometimes my husband and I divide and conquer. I may take 2 kids on an errand while he tends to one who is sick. Or I may take the baby with me while he does an activity with the older girls.

Sometimes even with dividing and conquering you may have to do things on the go–like eat, take vitamins or do your makeup!

Rise Earlier

My general rule of thumb for getting places on time these days is waking up at least an hour 1/2 early.

My son is 3 months old and is breastfed. It is inevitable that the moment I have his sisters ready and it’s my turn, he will want to nurse. Rising earlier in the morning allows me to prepare for anything that might go wrong while we are getting ready.

Take Care of Yourself

One thing that I’ve learned about having 3 kids is that it is easy to run yourself ragged.

Laundry  & dishes never stop piling up, someone is always hungry, tired or in need. Catering to your family can be rewarding, yet utterly exhausting. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have anything left for your family.

One of the ways that I take care of myself is by investing in my wellness. Natrol gummies new line of Multi Gummies that are great for the whole family.

When my children see that mommy is taking the time to invest in her well being, they want to do the same. They are delicious & are a healthy addition to our daily routine.

My kids are picky eaters, so it can be difficult to get them to make healthy choices. What I love about Natrol gummies is that they are made with organic ingredients, are non-GMO, vegetarian, made with 26 fruits and veggies and are gelatin-free! “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. The product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any diseases.”

Participate In Activities All 3 Kids Can Enjoy

I notice that my kids behave & get along better when we are doing things together as a family.

My kids absolutely love spending time outside. Since my husband has become a farmer, our family enjoys spending large amounts of time on the farm. The kids love learning about where their food comes from and caring for the animals.

When it’s too hot to be at the farm, we like spend time in the pool, or drawing with sidewalk chalk on the porch. Since the baby is too little to have an opinion on activities, he comes along on any outing or activity we choose!

People will always have opinions about your family. Whether it is your family size, the activities you choose, or the fact that your family is multiracial. If you are thinking about having a third child, know that your heart and hands will be full. Your experience can be pleasant despite what people may say, it just takes a little adjustment.

“It doesn’t matter what color you are, we’re all the same.”

“I don’t see skin color.”

While people may have good intentions when they say things like this, what they don’t realize is that these statements can be damaging.

I’m a black mom raising biracial kids. When my kids look at me, it’s obvious that we are different. We share similar features and both share a shade of brown, but it’s obvious to them that they are a mixture of mom and dad.

My kids noticed pretty early on (totally on their own) that we have similarities and differences.

In fact, my four year old makes (almost daily) observations about our family. She often asks me questions about my hair, body (all the fun private body part questions) and why I do things the way I do.

If I were to answer her questions with “we’re all the same” I think she would be utterly confused.

Why do we associate differences with negativity?

What would happen if we just appreciated differences for what they are instead of being ashamed of noticing them?

Education

When children notice differences, our response seems to be to redirect them on what we have in common.

Why don’t we use those natural observations to our advantage and teach our kids about the world?

Take these observations and turn them into teachable moments.

Confidence

I am not biracial, so there will be some experiences that my children have that I cannot relate to.

However, as a minority, I can offer them advice based on my own experiences. I can teach them to be confident in the skin they are in.

It’s Who We Are

If we tell our children that we are all the same, one day they will discover that we are not. And then what?

Growing up a military base, differences were intriguing. I loved learning about a new place from my peers travels. We often ate ethnic foods at each other’s homes and it was just as exciting as watching a new movie.

I learned to appreciate differences because it was my normal.

Appreciating differences can be normal if you teach your kids that race is just a description. Noticing that a peer has a difference skin color is just one simple way to describe their appearance, but it doesn’t make up all of who that person is.

And in a day and age of some much racism and bias based on skin color, it’s important to me for my children to learn that there are good and bad people of every race.

When people say, “I don’t see color” they may be afraid of what will happen if they do. Sometimes seeing someone’s color opens our eyes and makes us more culturally aware. It can make us sensitive to their needs, even if their experiences aren’t ours.

How will that change the way you think about me if I am different from you? What does that mean?

I want my children to see skin color. I want them to learn that people have different religions, customs, skin color & languages that set us apart. These differences are to be celebrated!

When my oldest child was a year old, a young black cashier asked me a question I was not prepared for.

He asked me if she was my child. Even after saying yes, he continued to ask me if I was sure. He then said that her father must be very light skinned.

As a new mother, I was frustrated and wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

Days after the encounter, I couldn’t stop thinking about his question. My daughter was hugging me and calling me mommy, so I couldn’t understand why in his mind it was okay to continue questioning me.

My daughter was light skinned and her complexion often garnered looks and questions from strangers.

I know that our complexions didn’t match, but it was obvious from our loving interactions that we were family.

Now that I’m a seasoned mom of three, the comments and questions  about my kids don’t bother me as much.

I don’t feel the need to explain my family dynamics to strangers–especially since the comments usually come in the check out line when I’m trying to keep my cool with my kids and not get over charged for my purchases.

One of the questions I get asked the most is how to deal when people ask, “Are those your kids?”

Here are a few assertive ways to answer:

Why Do You Ask?

Asking a question put the ball back in their court. People often ask because your kids may have a different complexion or may not look like you.

When you ask them the question, it forces them to be faced with the inappropriateness of their question.

Aren’t They Beautiful? People Tell Me That a Lot.

This is a response I am going to start using. When people ask me about my kids, they usually follow up with a compliment about their skin tone or hair.

I guess they feel it’s okay to ask the question if they are offering a compliment. Instead of going down a rabbit hole with a conversation about what ethnicity my husband is and so forth, I’m going to end the conversation with this statement.

Walk Away

In some instances, the questions about your children are downright rude and intrusive.

They may catch you off guard and make you think of a rude and off color response. This can be tricky, especially when you are with your children and you want to set a good example for them.

Remember, not every comment or question deserves a response.

If you feel totally uncomfortable, you can always walk away.

I Don’t Want to Answer That.

Short and sweet.

This changes the question mark to a period. Some people don’t recognize that they are out of line, or are crossing into territory that makes you uncomfortable.

In the age of reality television and social media sharing, people often think that everyone’s lives are open for dissection and discussion.

You are the gatekeeper for your family and you can determine what is open for discussion and what is not.

Having an idea of how to respond to questions about your multiracial family before you are approached helps to minimize feelings of anger and bitterness

I remember the moment I found out that I was going to be a mother for the first time. So many fears ran through my head.

Motherhood was something that I dreamed about, but when it was upon me, I wondered if I could handle the job.

It hit me that I was now responsible for some little person and that my decisions had to be more thought out. Now that I’m a mom of two (with another on the way), I feel more confident in my skills, but there are still some fears that run through my mind on occasion due to the world we live in.

I know I’m not alone because I’ve had many conversations with other moms who fear the same things. Just scrolling through Facebook or Instagram after a newsworthy event confirms that mothers everywhere are dealing with the same fears.

Overall Safety

Our world can be a scary place. In the midst of bullying, school shootings, and so much going on in our world, it makes us want to hold our kids a little bit tighter.

More and more women are becoming stay at home moms and even have made the transition from public school to home school.

We can’t be with our children at all times, so we have to be sure that we are diligent about leaving them in the hands of people (and places) we trust. 

Discrimination

As a mom of biracial kids, I often have fears about how people will perceive & treat my children. I am raising them to my kind, smart, resilient & confident in who they are. However, I can’t control how people treat them.

I can’t control that people are obsessed about their skin color or our multiracial family makeup, but I can teach my children to advocate for themselves.

I can teach them that they don’t have to answer questions that make them feel uncomfortable.

I will teach my daughters the value in education, modesty & brilliance.

I will teach them to let their gifts and talents shine regardless of who is jealous, or whoever simply doesn’t understand them.

The world can be a place that thrives on tearing people down. My husband and I will build them up.

Sexual Predators

In the era of #metoo it’s shocking and unnerving that so many women have suffered in silence. Men in powerful positions have taken advantage of their status and victimized women and girls into silence.

Now that so many women have so bravely come forward to share their story, it’s our job to educate our children on recognizing the signs of a predator at an early age.

When I was an elementary counselor, I taught Good Touch/Bad Touch curriculum to students (with parent permission) on an age appropriate level.

Now that I’m a mom, I truly understand how important those conversations with my students were. I reinforce some of those same concepts to my daughters, and will do the same thing when my son comes. I teach them to advocate for themselves if something makes them feel uncomfortable.

I will continue talking to them about how their bodies are their own and what is seen as appropriate.

I will make sure that I am involved in their lives and leave the floor open for them to communicate about people in their lives in hopes of preventing a #metoo event in my household.

Even if they get angry with me, I will know who their friends and friends parents are. If a situation or person makes me feel uncomfortable, I will risk judgement from other parents to keep my kids safe.

Moms, what fears have you had about motherhood? How do you tackle them?