Parenting

This post is sponsored by Natrol but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.

When I was pregnant with my son, people told me that the worst thing about having 3 kids is being outnumbered.  Being outnumbered is not so bad, but not having enough arms for each one is the real challenge!

My husband and I always knew we wanted three kids, and we knew that having them close in age would be a challenge. However, we are dedicated to making life with 3 kids work without going completely crazy, so we’ve found a few ways to make life a little easier.

Divide & Conquer

When your kids are little, it can be difficult to run errands with all 3.

Sometimes my husband and I divide and conquer. I may take 2 kids on an errand while he tends to one who is sick. Or I may take the baby with me while he does an activity with the older girls.

Sometimes even with dividing and conquering you may have to do things on the go–like eat, take vitamins or do your makeup!

Rise Earlier

My general rule of thumb for getting places on time these days is waking up at least an hour 1/2 early.

My son is 3 months old and is breastfed. It is inevitable that the moment I have his sisters ready and it’s my turn, he will want to nurse. Rising earlier in the morning allows me to prepare for anything that might go wrong while we are getting ready.

Take Care of Yourself

One thing that I’ve learned about having 3 kids is that it is easy to run yourself ragged.

Laundry  & dishes never stop piling up, someone is always hungry, tired or in need. Catering to your family can be rewarding, yet utterly exhausting. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have anything left for your family.

One of the ways that I take care of myself is by investing in my wellness. Natrol gummies new line of Multi Gummies that are great for the whole family.

When my children see that mommy is taking the time to invest in her well being, they want to do the same. They are delicious & are a healthy addition to our daily routine.

My kids are picky eaters, so it can be difficult to get them to make healthy choices. What I love about Natrol gummies is that they are made with organic ingredients, are non-GMO, vegetarian, made with 26 fruits and veggies and are gelatin-free! “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. The product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any diseases.”

Participate In Activities All 3 Kids Can Enjoy

I notice that my kids behave & get along better when we are doing things together as a family.

My kids absolutely love spending time outside. Since my husband has become a farmer, our family enjoys spending large amounts of time on the farm. The kids love learning about where their food comes from and caring for the animals.

When it’s too hot to be at the farm, we like spend time in the pool, or drawing with sidewalk chalk on the porch. Since the baby is too little to have an opinion on activities, he comes along on any outing or activity we choose!

People will always have opinions about your family. Whether it is your family size, the activities you choose, or the fact that your family is multiracial. If you are thinking about having a third child, know that your heart and hands will be full. Your experience can be pleasant despite what people may say, it just takes a little adjustment.

“It doesn’t matter what color you are, we’re all the same.”

“I don’t see skin color.”

While people may have good intentions when they say things like this, what they don’t realize is that these statements can be damaging.

I’m a black mom raising biracial kids. When my kids look at me, it’s obvious that we are different. We share similar features and both share a shade of brown, but it’s obvious to them that they are a mixture of mom and dad.

My kids noticed pretty early on (totally on their own) that we have similarities and differences.

In fact, my four year old makes (almost daily) observations about our family. She often asks me questions about my hair, body (all the fun private body part questions) and why I do things the way I do.

If I were to answer her questions with “we’re all the same” I think she would be utterly confused.

Why do we associate differences with negativity?

What would happen if we just appreciated differences for what they are instead of being ashamed of noticing them?

Education

When children notice differences, our response seems to be to redirect them on what we have in common.

Why don’t we use those natural observations to our advantage and teach our kids about the world?

Take these observations and turn them into teachable moments.

Confidence

I am not biracial, so there will be some experiences that my children have that I cannot relate to.

However, as a minority, I can offer them advice based on my own experiences. I can teach them to be confident in the skin they are in.

It’s Who We Are

If we tell our children that we are all the same, one day they will discover that we are not. And then what?

Growing up a military base, differences were intriguing. I loved learning about a new place from my peers travels. We often ate ethnic foods at each other’s homes and it was just as exciting as watching a new movie.

I learned to appreciate differences because it was my normal.

Appreciating differences can be normal if you teach your kids that race is just a description. Noticing that a peer has a difference skin color is just one simple way to describe their appearance, but it doesn’t make up all of who that person is.

And in a day and age of some much racism and bias based on skin color, it’s important to me for my children to learn that there are good and bad people of every race.

When people say, “I don’t see color” they may be afraid of what will happen if they do. Sometimes seeing someone’s color opens our eyes and makes us more culturally aware. It can make us sensitive to their needs, even if their experiences aren’t ours.

How will that change the way you think about me if I am different from you? What does that mean?

I want my children to see skin color. I want them to learn that people have different religions, customs, skin color & languages that set us apart. These differences are to be celebrated!

When my oldest child was a year old, a young black cashier asked me a question I was not prepared for.

He asked me if she was my child. Even after saying yes, he continued to ask me if I was sure. He then said that her father must be very light skinned.

As a new mother, I was frustrated and wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

Days after the encounter, I couldn’t stop thinking about his question. My daughter was hugging me and calling me mommy, so I couldn’t understand why in his mind it was okay to continue questioning me.

My daughter was light skinned and her complexion often garnered looks and questions from strangers.

I know that our complexions didn’t match, but it was obvious from our loving interactions that we were family.

Now that I’m a seasoned mom of three, the comments and questions  about my kids don’t bother me as much.

I don’t feel the need to explain my family dynamics to strangers–especially since the comments usually come in the check out line when I’m trying to keep my cool with my kids and not get over charged for my purchases.

One of the questions I get asked the most is how to deal when people ask, “Are those your kids?”

Here are a few assertive ways to answer:

Why Do You Ask?

Asking a question put the ball back in their court. People often ask because your kids may have a different complexion or may not look like you.

When you ask them the question, it forces them to be faced with the inappropriateness of their question.

Aren’t They Beautiful? People Tell Me That a Lot.

This is a response I am going to start using. When people ask me about my kids, they usually follow up with a compliment about their skin tone or hair.

I guess they feel it’s okay to ask the question if they are offering a compliment. Instead of going down a rabbit hole with a conversation about what ethnicity my husband is and so forth, I’m going to end the conversation with this statement.

Walk Away

In some instances, the questions about your children are downright rude and intrusive.

They may catch you off guard and make you think of a rude and off color response. This can be tricky, especially when you are with your children and you want to set a good example for them.

Remember, not every comment or question deserves a response.

If you feel totally uncomfortable, you can always walk away.

I Don’t Want to Answer That.

Short and sweet.

This changes the question mark to a period. Some people don’t recognize that they are out of line, or are crossing into territory that makes you uncomfortable.

In the age of reality television and social media sharing, people often think that everyone’s lives are open for dissection and discussion.

You are the gatekeeper for your family and you can determine what is open for discussion and what is not.

Having an idea of how to respond to questions about your multiracial family before you are approached helps to minimize feelings of anger and bitterness

I remember the moment I found out that I was going to be a mother for the first time. So many fears ran through my head.

Motherhood was something that I dreamed about, but when it was upon me, I wondered if I could handle the job.

It hit me that I was now responsible for some little person and that my decisions had to be more thought out. Now that I’m a mom of two (with another on the way), I feel more confident in my skills, but there are still some fears that run through my mind on occasion due to the world we live in.

I know I’m not alone because I’ve had many conversations with other moms who fear the same things. Just scrolling through Facebook or Instagram after a newsworthy event confirms that mothers everywhere are dealing with the same fears.

Overall Safety

Our world can be a scary place. In the midst of bullying, school shootings, and so much going on in our world, it makes us want to hold our kids a little bit tighter.

More and more women are becoming stay at home moms and even have made the transition from public school to home school.

We can’t be with our children at all times, so we have to be sure that we are diligent about leaving them in the hands of people (and places) we trust. 

Discrimination

As a mom of biracial kids, I often have fears about how people will perceive & treat my children. I am raising them to my kind, smart, resilient & confident in who they are. However, I can’t control how people treat them.

I can’t control that people are obsessed about their skin color or our multiracial family makeup, but I can teach my children to advocate for themselves.

I can teach them that they don’t have to answer questions that make them feel uncomfortable.

I will teach my daughters the value in education, modesty & brilliance.

I will teach them to let their gifts and talents shine regardless of who is jealous, or whoever simply doesn’t understand them.

The world can be a place that thrives on tearing people down. My husband and I will build them up.

Sexual Predators

In the era of #metoo it’s shocking and unnerving that so many women have suffered in silence. Men in powerful positions have taken advantage of their status and victimized women and girls into silence.

Now that so many women have so bravely come forward to share their story, it’s our job to educate our children on recognizing the signs of a predator at an early age.

When I was an elementary counselor, I taught Good Touch/Bad Touch curriculum to students (with parent permission) on an age appropriate level.

Now that I’m a mom, I truly understand how important those conversations with my students were. I reinforce some of those same concepts to my daughters, and will do the same thing when my son comes. I teach them to advocate for themselves if something makes them feel uncomfortable.

I will continue talking to them about how their bodies are their own and what is seen as appropriate.

I will make sure that I am involved in their lives and leave the floor open for them to communicate about people in their lives in hopes of preventing a #metoo event in my household.

Even if they get angry with me, I will know who their friends and friends parents are. If a situation or person makes me feel uncomfortable, I will risk judgement from other parents to keep my kids safe.

Moms, what fears have you had about motherhood? How do you tackle them?

This is a sponsored post, but all opinions are my own.

A doctor once told me that health begins with the mouth. At first, I really did not know what to think. How can total body health begin with your mouth?

How can poor dental hygiene affect your heart, or your diabetes?

It just did not make sense at the time.

But, over the years, I have read article after article that proves that the doctor that told me that health begins with the mouth was right. WebMD calls it, “Your Mouth, the Gateway to Your Body” and this is right – How we treat our mouth directly correlates with how our bodies function. This includes what we put in our mouths, what we put on our mouths, and of course, how we clean our mouth.

This is why clean eating and good oral hygiene is so important.

Our family tries to eat organic food as much as possible and we even raise our own pigs and chickens in order to make that a bit easier to accomplish.

This is one way that we try to keep a clean mouth and healthy body, but just because we eat organic food does not mean that we do not have to incorporate dental hygiene into our routines.

When it comes to children, it can be very challenging (for parents) to teach proper dental hygiene in order for young kids to not only grasp the concept and fully understand it, but also incorporate it into their everyday lives.

Unfortunately, many children in the United States do not practice proper dental hygiene at all. According to the CDC, “Tooth decay (cavities) is one of the most common chronic conditions of childhood in the United States.”

Thankfully, we can beat this statistic one family at a time and I hope to be a small part of that in my family and by writing this today in order to spread awareness and provide families all over the world with tips that they can incorporate into their families dental hygiene routines. Here are a few easy ways to teach your young kids how to brush:

Make It Fun

The American Dental Organization recommends brushing for a full two minutes each time you brush, but that can be hard for young kids since they get bored and distracted very easily. Instead of just standing there, or fighting with your kids to stay still while you brush for the full two minutes, spice things up and try to make it fun and entertaining.

This is much more effective compared to fighting the entire time and on top of that, if they associate brushing their teeth with a ‘boring’ or ‘awful’ time, there is a possibility that they could become scared and boycott it completely.

When you are not actively brushing, try other fun activities like pretend brushing with dolls and animals and always make sure that you are a good role model and show your kids how you think brushing is so much fun! 😉

Be Honest

Obviously, at one years old, your kids will not fully understand why they are brushing their teeth, but as they age, you can begin explaining why it is so important.

In fact, a good understanding on what can happen is essential because it will make them want to take care of their teeth and want to brush themselves. Be honest with them, but try not to scare them.

Instead of saying a phrase like, “If you don’t brush your teeth, they will fall out,” you could try saying, “We need to brush our teeth in order for them to stay healthy and strong.” Once they start aging a bit, you can begin explaining the dangers of poor dental hygiene and of course, answer any questions that they have.

Take Your Time

According to Metro Decatur Dental Group PC, “Baby teeth are important as they not only hold space for permanent teeth but they are important to chewing, biting, speech and appearance.

For this reason it is important to maintain a healthy diet and daily hygiene.” This means that you need to start daily dental hygiene at a very young age, but don’t worry, you have time to figure out how to do it! Instead of getting overwhelmed and frustrated, take your time and be patient – your kid(s) will catch on! Incorporate all of the techniques that we talked about above, do more research, and chat with your other mommy friends and of course, your dentist for more recommendations.

You will get there – just stick with it and be positive!

Visit The Dentist

Last but not least, one of the most important aspects of dental health is of course, visiting your dentist every six months. If you have never been to the dentist with your child, you may be scared of not knowing what the process looks like.

Thankfully, Metro Decatur Dental Group PC explains the process on their website in detail. According to them, the first dental visit is typically very short and requires very little treatment. Your child can sit in your lap as they gently examine their teeth and gums. X-rays may be taken and they may clean your child’s teeth and apply topical fluoride to help protect the teeth against decay. They also make sure that your child is receiving adequate fluoride at home.

Dr. Gary A Simms, along with the rest of the staff at Metro Decatur Dental Group PC believes that when you feel good about yourself, it shows in your appearance. Born in England, but raised in Queens for most of his life, Dr. Gary Simms started his career by obtaining his bachelor’s degree in Science at the University of New York. After getting his degree, Dr. Simms went on to obtain his D.M.D. degree at the University of New Jersey School of Dental Medicine. While at the University of New Jersey, Dr. Simms participated in a number of outreach programs that included visits to Jamaica and the Dominican Republic. Once he completed his dental residency, he opened up his own practice in Bronx, New York, but in 2006, he decided to make the change and move to Georgia, opening up Metro Decatur Dental Group PC. He believes that even a subtle change can help your self-confidence and self esteem skyrocket.

How did you teach your toddlers to brush their teeth? How do you make it fun? 

When my husband and I were seriously dating and began discussing marriage, we never really thought about the implications of being in an interracial marriage.

When we started having children, we began noticing that people had many misconceptions (and biases) about multiracial families.

Unfortunatly, some of those biases come to life through comments, questions and “observations.”

Here are a few that we’ve heard:

Kids That “Don’t Match” Their Parents Must be Adopted or Have Different Dads

For some reason, Americans tend to identify race based on appearance rather than ethnic makeup. Their misconceptions come out when they begin asking invasive questions. I think if they truly understood what they were asking, they wouldn’t ask (or so I hope)

People often ask me if my daughters are my children.

If you look at my own biological family, my brothers and I are all varying shades of brown. There is diversity even within monoracial families.

I hate that biases about black women often come to life when people ask questions about my kids. My husband is a farmer, so many times the girls and I are out and about without him. It’s a common assumption that I am a single mom. Even when I’m pregnant, I purposefully wear my wedding rings.

All Moms Struggle When Their Kids Hair is Different From Their Own

When my girls were little, Aveeno hair/body wash was enough for both of them. As they started to get a little older, their hair texture changed, and it wasn’t enough to add moisture, shine & definition. It was a process of trial and error to find what worked for them.

In the spring of 2014, I decided to stop relatxing my hair and embrace my naturally curly hair. The struggle was real for me. However, in that struggle, products that didn’t work for me, often worked for my daughters. The process of trial and error was soon eliminated and now I know what makes their curls pop!

Differences do not always equal difficulties ya’ll.

And because I have girls, people think that we spend hours on hair. Unfortunatly, my hair is the one that takes hours!

Some of us can perservere and figure it out.

Interracial Couples Were Drawn to the Exotic Nature of Their Spouse

What attracted me to my husband? Let me count the ways.

He could cook.

He is intelligent.

His compassion.

We always had engaging conversations.

We enjoyed spending time together–even without spending money.

His dimple and his charm.

None of this had to do with him being white.

Some common misconceptions, especially among black women is that I just couldn’t find a good black man, or I must’ve been hurt by black men and turned to a white man.

I wasn’t seeking out a white man and had nothing against dating anyone of another race. Sometimes the attraction is pretty simple. And to add to that, it’s no one’s business.

What misconceptions have you heard (or believed) about multiracial families?