Raising Biracial Kids in Today's World
As a mom, life gets busy. A lot. So why is being culturally competent important? And why should I spend the time making sure my kids are culturally competent?
As a human being, it’s my responsibility.
The world is diverse, and it’s my job to teach my kids how to navigate in that world.
Not doing so puts my children at a huge disadvantage.
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Have you ever heard of Loving Day? I didn’t until recently. It’s an annual celebration held on June 12, the anniversary of the 1967 Supreme Court decision of Loving v. Virginia, which struck down all laws forbidding marriage between people non-white and white.
For a multiracial family like mine, this day is super meaningful!
People often remark that when you love who you love, it doesn’t matter, and the world shouldn’t either. I believe that is the case, but being in an interracial marriage is very different than marriage with two people of the same race. It becomes even trickier when you add children to your multiracial family.
What’s different you ask? I’ll be happy to tell you.
1. You introduce your husband to people, and they look around for him when he’s standing right beside you. This happened to me, and it was super awkward. I was at my husband’s grandmother’s funeral and we ate with some of her church members after the service. Our (black) pastor came to support our family. He was sitting across from me at the table, and my husband was sitting beside me. My husband’s grandmother’s (white) pastor asked our (black) pastor to introduce him to his lovely wife (pointing to me). Our pastor said, I would but my wife isn’t here. The poor pastor turned a few shades of beet red and apologized profusely. I guess he won’t make assumptions about who “belongs together” anymore!
2. When you are out with your children, strangers ask you if your husband is light skinned or white. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this by a cashier. As my children get older, I’ll have to explain to them why people have this fascination with their complexion and what their daddy looks like.
3. You’re out on date night, and you get asked if it will be one check or two. When I mention this to people, they often say it’s because my husband and I look like college students (we live in a college town). I will take this compliment as long as I can get it, but in most cases on date nights (without kids) we are both wearing our wedding rings, are sitting beside each other or gazing into each others eyes. Not the look of the two check couple.
4. People assume that your in-laws had issues with your marriage. I know this is the case for some people, but not for everyone. Some people just have issues getting along in families because of prior issues or simple personality conflicts. Having in-laws of a different race, doesn’t mean that there will automatically be issues.
5. People struggle to hide the shock when they see a family photo for the first time. I’ve been told that I didn’t look like the kind of person that would be with a white person. Huh? What does that kind of person look or act like? I’ve also been asked what it’s like to be with a white man. I’m always amazed at the kinds of questions people ask.
6. When you’re pregnant, people tell you that mixed babies are the cutest. Now, I may be a little biased to my own children, but I’ve seen beautiful children of every race.
7. When you have a baby, you start researching biracial hair care tips. I never really thought about this until my daughter’s hair texture changed. One day her curls got tighter and shampoo formulated for baby hair didn’t cut it anymore.
8. You get frustrated looking for books/toys that represent multiracial children. I hated having to pick either white or black dolls, but I tried to get an even number of both. I usually pick the dolls that are Hispanic because they have the brown complexion that is closest to my girls.
9. People constantly ask your kids what they are mixed with.
10. You smile when you see other multiracial families out and about. Representation matters. It’s nice to see other people dealing with things similar to you. And love between families is a beautiful thing, no matter the race.
11. You shake your head when people ask where your child’s curls come from, even though you have a head full of curly hair and your husband’s is straight. This happens to me…over..and over again. I have naturally curly hair and my husband’s is straight as a board.
Are you looking for a community of moms to share our unique family challenges? Then you HAVE to join the Are Those Your Kids Multiracial Motherhood group!
Click here to join.
Spring break is a time that college kids and educators look forward to all year long. Vacations and outings can be challenging because not all activities are suited for toddlers.
As an educator, the closer it gets to spring break, the more it feels like a permanent full moon! We start to feel the itch as much as the kids do.
This week the girls and I have done a little of everything while daddy has worked hard on the farm (no spring break for him). I’ve composed a list to help you recharge, and enjoy the break with your toddlers.
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At times, our house is a little too chaotic. My youngest is 2 and reminds us daily of her need to be in control. My oldest is 4 and likes to remind her younger sister that she is the boss.
I love my kids, but at times they drive me crazy! Does anyone else feel this way? What can you do when you need a break? Here’s what I do:
I know you want a nap.
Desperately.
You wish they would be quiet and slow down long enough for you to just get 30 minutes in. The last thing you feel like doing is going outside. Did you know that a little Vitamin D aids with battling depression?
Getting some fresh air and sunlight can lighten your mood. It will help you forget about all the laundry that you have piled up.
Not only that, if you wear the kids out enough, they may nap when they come back inside.
Hire a BabysitterYou may not live around family, or feel like you use family too much.
Ask your friends and coworkers for recommendations for a babysitter.
Then go watch that movie you’ve been dying to see. Get dressed up and go to a fancy restaurant. Hire a babysitter so you can recharge!
This may require #2. If your spouse is off one day, put them in charge and you take a mental health day!
Go to the spa, spend the day in Barnes & Nobles reading, do something to de-stress.
I know you are thinking that making a bigger mess will add to your stress.
I haven’t met a kid yet that didn’t slow down long enough to paint, draw or color.
Crayola has mess free art supplies with their color wonder line of markers. If you are worried about a mess, use a Dollar Store plastic tablecloth to cover the surface the kids are working on.
Use washable art supplies in case the coloring gets out of hand. Trust me, I know.
When your kids are driving you crazy, it helps to be surrounded by a friend who’s kids are also driving them crazy.
It reminds you that what your kids are doing is normal, and you aren’t going through this alone.
I promise you, your kids aren’t the only ones doing weird and crazy things!
Real friends don’t judge you or your house.
They just step over the princesses, trucks, and crayons and sit on the couch with you and your kid.
A little laughter and friendship helps you relax and not think about how much your kids are driving you crazy.
As long as your children aren’t in immediate danger, sometimes walking away is the best response. For the first six weeks of youngest daughter’s life, she cried for several hours a night every night. It pained me to see her cry in pain, but other than gripe water, nothing seemed to help. I knew it wasn’t her fault, but
For the first six weeks of youngest daughter’s life, she cried for several hours a night every night. It pained me to see her cry in pain, but other than gripe water, nothing seemed to help. I knew it wasn’t her fault, but lack of sleep and endless crying works on your nerves and emotions.
Sometimes I had to pass her to my husband or lay her down. Sometimes to cry, and other times to get my mind together before I tried rocking her again.
Today, my four year old asked for yogurt with granola. A few minutes later, she said she didn’t want it and cried when we told her she had to eat it. She started coughing until she made herself throw up.
As she was crying, I had to just walk away. It was more productive than yelling and telling her she had to eat it. If I haven’t learned anything about motherhood, I’ve learned that it’s okay to not have all the answers. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and it’s okay to ask for help.
What do you do when your kids are driving you crazy? I’d love to hear all about it! Comment below. Subscribe to the blog to hear more stories about motherhood!
Both of my parents were born and raised in Jamaica, but came to the states as adults. I never really thought about how my Jamaican family was different from others until I was told me no about something that most other parents said yes to. My father was in the Air Force, so many of my friends had parents from different countries, which brought about their cultural norms.
As an adult no longer surrounded by other military families, I have settled with my family in the south. Many people I encounter live close to family, and have for generations. This highlights the stark differences between my Jamaican upbringing and theirs.
Here are a few things I have noticed:
There are no international markets near me, so when I want to eat Jamaican food or season my food with Jamaican spices, I have to ask my mother to purchase for me, get it from Atlanta, or my grandmother mails it to me from up north. Sometimes I just have a craving for authentic Jamaican food!
Once when my uncle came to visit from New Jersey, I cried because he ate the last bit of ackee and saltfish (national dish). I didn’t know when we would have a chance to eat it again, and I thought it was unfair because he ate it all the time in New Jersey.
Their favorite Jamaican food is porridge. Americans make fun of me all the time if they happen to hear me mention it.
Believe me, if you had it, you would understand why baby bear was crying when Goldilocks ate all of his!
My southern friends make fun of me for not liking grits; but I blame it on porridge! You don’t have to take my word for it, listen to a few Bob Marley songs and you’ll hear all about his love for cornmeal porridge.
Jamaicans love to sing…all..the..time!
My mother sent me to Jamaica a few times as a toddler, but the first time I remember was in July 2010. All the resort staff was singing, as well as people in the community. I felt such a connection to my roots! Now it made sense to me why I have always done that.
And guess what, my kids make up songs and sing all the time too!
Growing up, I always remembered my parents being friends with other Jamaicans, or people from other islands. Eating Jamaican food & listening to reggae makes me feel at home wherever I am. I want to make sure that my girls take pride in our Jamaican family.
When my husband & I married, it was important to me that he had a love of my culture. I remember him playing Bob Marley on the way to a date & thinking, “This relationship is off to a good start!”
I have a close relationship with my parents. In fact, I talked with my mom about this post last week as I was in the planning phase. I still look to my parents for guidance.
Jamaicans utilize their family resources and look to their elders for guidance.
This is essential for survival-a similar family trait to Asian and Hispanic cultures.
Jamaica’s motto is Out of many one people. No matter the skin color, if you were born in Jamaica, you are a Jamaican. I have met many Jamaicans of different ethnicity, but the culture, the food and the music tie them all together. I hope to instill this in my children.
I hope that as my children grow, I can share my love of Jamaican culture with them. On my first visit as an adult, I felt a strange connection with the land that I can’t explain. Everything that I heard my parents and grandparents talk about as a child, came to life for me the moment I stepped off the plane.
How many of you were raised in a culture besides the American culture? Do you seek to share those cultural pieces with your children? I can’t wait to hear from you!
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