Parenting

This post is sponsored by Natrol but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.

When I was pregnant with my son, people told me that the worst thing about having 3 kids is being outnumbered.  Being outnumbered is not so bad, but not having enough arms for each one is the real challenge!

My husband and I always knew we wanted three kids, and we knew that having them close in age would be a challenge. However, we are dedicated to making life with 3 kids work without going completely crazy, so we’ve found a few ways to make life a little easier.

Divide & Conquer

When your kids are little, it can be difficult to run errands with all 3.

Sometimes my husband and I divide and conquer. I may take 2 kids on an errand while he tends to one who is sick. Or I may take the baby with me while he does an activity with the older girls.

Sometimes even with dividing and conquering you may have to do things on the go–like eat, take vitamins or do your makeup!

Rise Earlier

My general rule of thumb for getting places on time these days is waking up at least an hour 1/2 early.

My son is 3 months old and is breastfed. It is inevitable that the moment I have his sisters ready and it’s my turn, he will want to nurse. Rising earlier in the morning allows me to prepare for anything that might go wrong while we are getting ready.

Take Care of Yourself

One thing that I’ve learned about having 3 kids is that it is easy to run yourself ragged.

Laundry  & dishes never stop piling up, someone is always hungry, tired or in need. Catering to your family can be rewarding, yet utterly exhausting. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have anything left for your family.

One of the ways that I take care of myself is by investing in my wellness. Natrol gummies new line of Multi Gummies that are great for the whole family.

When my children see that mommy is taking the time to invest in her well being, they want to do the same. They are delicious & are a healthy addition to our daily routine.

My kids are picky eaters, so it can be difficult to get them to make healthy choices. What I love about Natrol gummies is that they are made with organic ingredients, are non-GMO, vegetarian, made with 26 fruits and veggies and are gelatin-free! “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. The product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any diseases.”

Participate In Activities All 3 Kids Can Enjoy

I notice that my kids behave & get along better when we are doing things together as a family.

My kids absolutely love spending time outside. Since my husband has become a farmer, our family enjoys spending large amounts of time on the farm. The kids love learning about where their food comes from and caring for the animals.

When it’s too hot to be at the farm, we like spend time in the pool, or drawing with sidewalk chalk on the porch. Since the baby is too little to have an opinion on activities, he comes along on any outing or activity we choose!

People will always have opinions about your family. Whether it is your family size, the activities you choose, or the fact that your family is multiracial. If you are thinking about having a third child, know that your heart and hands will be full. Your experience can be pleasant despite what people may say, it just takes a little adjustment.

“It doesn’t matter what color you are, we’re all the same.”

“I don’t see skin color.”

While people may have good intentions when they say things like this, what they don’t realize is that these statements can be damaging.

I’m a black mom raising biracial kids. When my kids look at me, it’s obvious that we are different. We share similar features and both share a shade of brown, but it’s obvious to them that they are a mixture of mom and dad.

My kids noticed pretty early on (totally on their own) that we have similarities and differences.

In fact, my four year old makes (almost daily) observations about our family. She often asks me questions about my hair, body (all the fun private body part questions) and why I do things the way I do.

If I were to answer her questions with “we’re all the same” I think she would be utterly confused.

Why do we associate differences with negativity?

What would happen if we just appreciated differences for what they are instead of being ashamed of noticing them?

Education

When children notice differences, our response seems to be to redirect them on what we have in common.

Why don’t we use those natural observations to our advantage and teach our kids about the world?

Take these observations and turn them into teachable moments.

Confidence

I am not biracial, so there will be some experiences that my children have that I cannot relate to.

However, as a minority, I can offer them advice based on my own experiences. I can teach them to be confident in the skin they are in.

It’s Who We Are

If we tell our children that we are all the same, one day they will discover that we are not. And then what?

Growing up a military base, differences were intriguing. I loved learning about a new place from my peers travels. We often ate ethnic foods at each other’s homes and it was just as exciting as watching a new movie.

I learned to appreciate differences because it was my normal.

Appreciating differences can be normal if you teach your kids that race is just a description. Noticing that a peer has a difference skin color is just one simple way to describe their appearance, but it doesn’t make up all of who that person is.

And in a day and age of some much racism and bias based on skin color, it’s important to me for my children to learn that there are good and bad people of every race.

When people say, “I don’t see color” they may be afraid of what will happen if they do. Sometimes seeing someone’s color opens our eyes and makes us more culturally aware. It can make us sensitive to their needs, even if their experiences aren’t ours.

How will that change the way you think about me if I am different from you? What does that mean?

I want my children to see skin color. I want them to learn that people have different religions, customs, skin color & languages that set us apart. These differences are to be celebrated!

When my oldest child was a year old, a young black cashier asked me a question I was not prepared for.

He asked me if she was my child. Even after saying yes, he continued to ask me if I was sure. He then said that her father must be very light skinned.

As a new mother, I was frustrated and wasn’t quite sure how to respond.

Days after the encounter, I couldn’t stop thinking about his question. My daughter was hugging me and calling me mommy, so I couldn’t understand why in his mind it was okay to continue questioning me.

My daughter was light skinned and her complexion often garnered looks and questions from strangers.

I know that our complexions didn’t match, but it was obvious from our loving interactions that we were family.

Now that I’m a seasoned mom of three, the comments and questions  about my kids don’t bother me as much.

I don’t feel the need to explain my family dynamics to strangers–especially since the comments usually come in the check out line when I’m trying to keep my cool with my kids and not get over charged for my purchases.

One of the questions I get asked the most is how to deal when people ask, “Are those your kids?”

Here are a few assertive ways to answer:

Why Do You Ask?

Asking a question put the ball back in their court. People often ask because your kids may have a different complexion or may not look like you.

When you ask them the question, it forces them to be faced with the inappropriateness of their question.

Aren’t They Beautiful? People Tell Me That a Lot.

This is a response I am going to start using. When people ask me about my kids, they usually follow up with a compliment about their skin tone or hair.

I guess they feel it’s okay to ask the question if they are offering a compliment. Instead of going down a rabbit hole with a conversation about what ethnicity my husband is and so forth, I’m going to end the conversation with this statement.

Walk Away

In some instances, the questions about your children are downright rude and intrusive.

They may catch you off guard and make you think of a rude and off color response. This can be tricky, especially when you are with your children and you want to set a good example for them.

Remember, not every comment or question deserves a response.

If you feel totally uncomfortable, you can always walk away.

I Don’t Want to Answer That.

Short and sweet.

This changes the question mark to a period. Some people don’t recognize that they are out of line, or are crossing into territory that makes you feel uncomfortable.

In the age of reality television and social media sharing, people often think that everyone’s lives are open for dissection and discussion.

You are the gatekeeper for your family and you can determine what is open for discussion and what is not.

Having an idea of how to respond to questions about your multiracial family before you are approached helps to minimize feelings of anger and bitterness, as well as regret for what you didn’t say.