Parenting

I’m a middle school counselor and I’m counting down the days until summer break.

I don’t even feel bad when my mom friends roll their eyes in disdain while I giggle with glee thinking about sleeping in all summer long.

The rest of you parents aren’t quite as excited as I am. It’s tough to build a closer relationship with your child when you’re fighting against Fortnight, Snapchat and everything else.

 

 

I get it. Parenting has becoming harder with the invention of social media, 24/7 streaming of anything you want and YouTube.

Especially with teenagers. They seem to be glued to their phones.

I promise that even through their bratty behavior, deep sighs and eye rolls, they really still want to have a good relationship with you.

Here are a few simple ways you can build a closer relationship with your child this summer:

Family Game Night

Before my kids were born, I always envisioned having family game night with them. My husband and I tried to play CandyLand with our girls when they were 5 & 3. It didn’t go over so well. We had tantrums when they lost, or they would lose the pieces.

Now that they are a little older, they love playing games! On occasion we still have the sore loser, but they are interested in learning the rules…and how to win.

There are so many options for games….strategy games that involve more thought, fun games that make you laugh and games that let you get up and move.

Take your kids game night shopping and find something that they are excited about playing.

Cell Phone/Tablet Free Dinner

Now if you are requiring your kids to keep the electronics away from the dinner table, then you’ve got to follow suit too.

Use dinner time as a time to engage with your kids. Ask them about their hopes, their dreams or about their day in general.

I know, teenagers sometimes make conversation painful. You feel like you have to pull things out of them. Don’t give up. Keep pulling.

Kids are starting to lose basic conversation skills because they are glued to their electronics. They don’t know how to read facial expressions or deal with conflict because they simply don’t practice it. Consider leaving the electronics away from the table.

Turn the T.V. Off & Go Outside

One of the benefits of outside play is that it is an easy way to fight against obesity. Although technology is a wonderful way to entertain your children, it can also be harmful if you child is not engaging in any face to face interactions.

Sitting in front of the t.v or tablet all day can also make children lazy.

As the temperatures rise, taking a day trip to the beach, spending the afternoon at the pool, or riding bikes.

If the temperatures are too hot during the day, take walks in your neighborhood in the evenings. The quiet time allows you to reconnect with your children without the distractions of television.

Pick an Activity to Do Together

Have you always wanted to put together a 1,000 piece puzzle?

What about learning how to sew or knit? Or collecting eggs at a local farm?

Find an activity that you and your child can actively engage in together. Hands on activities are great for kids who learn best by doing.

The summer doesn’t have to be a time that you and the kids dread.  Map out some activities that you and your kids can do TOGETHER, and watch your relationship grow!

These tips can work for your spouse too!!

 

There are so many lessons that your daughters need you to teach them. 

How do I know? Because I was a daughter once. 

I remember my parents dropping knowledge on me and feeling annoyed. I got tired of the speeches, warnings and reminders. I wanted them to trust me to figure it out on my own. 

And then I grew up. 

I quickly realized that I needed every….single…word.

And secretly, even though I was often annoyed by the conversations, I knew that my parents loved me. 

When I was old enough to date, I had a standard that was taught to me by my parents. 

Now that I’m a mom to two little girls, there are so many lessons that I want to teach them–many of them passed on to me by my parents. 

So here are a few lessons that your daughters need you to teach them:

Affirmation that she is enough

Social media makes parenting a tad tricker. Scrolling through perfectly curated squares on Instagram can make one feel like the fantasy world of celebrities and influencers is everyday life.

As an influencer myself, a lot of thought goes into what I post on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter & my other social media profiles. I’m also guilty of playing the comparison game with other bloggers. But then I have to remind myself that I am unique in what I provide, and my story can’t be someone else’s.

Your daughters need to hear you say that they are enough, just the way they are.

Conversations about personal body safety

In an era of me too, we are seeing a large number of women step forward to talk abou the damage that was done to them. They have been talking about how males have tried to force themselves on them as children, and even as adults.

As a school counselor, part of my duties involve talking about personal body saftey and teaching kids how to stand up for themselves. I know the conversation can seem a little scary, but it’s so necessary. Don’t overcomplicate things, just remind your daughter that her body belongs to her. Your daughter needs to hear you say that no one has a right to make her feel uncomfortable with their words or actions (touching) without her consent.

And there is NOTHING wrong with a forceful no. Her beauty and charm do not cause others to lack self control.

Conversations about money & budgeting

Part of leaving a legacy for your children is more than the good deeds and nice things that people have to say about you. Even if you are making a smaller amount of money than you’d like, learning how to live frugally can help you save and move towards a lifestyle that you dream of.

Living paycheck to paycheck your entire life is not the way to leave a legacy of a healthy relationship with money for your children.

You can start early by bringing an envelope of money to the grocery store with your allotted amount and teaching your children how to stay on budget. Start allowing your children to pick out and pay for things in the store with money they have been gifted or earned. This shows them how to be fiscally responsible, and how to stay within a budget.

How to get along with difficult people

One of the lessons your daughters need you to teach them is how to get along with difficult people.

Just because we are kind to everyone, doesn’t mean that they will be kind back. Some people will dislike you simply because you are you. It doesn’t always make sense.

Your daughter needs to hear you say that everyone is not likeable, but learning how to work with/get along with difficult people will take them far in life.

Learning how to get along with difficult people is a skill that will last a lifetime.

I’m sorry

As parents, we don’t always get it right. We mess up. Sometimes blame the wrong kid.

We yell and take things out on them and sometimes we simply fail our kids by not being present.

In those moments, instead of seeking perfection, we simply need to say I’m sorry.

Saying I’m sorry teaches our kids how to bounce back from a mistake. It teaches them that there isn’t a perfect standard to look up to. No matter how badly we mess up, our children still love us and want to emulate our behavior. What better model for behavior than saying I’m sorry?

One of the lessons your daughters need you to teach them is that it’s okay to evolve as a parent. It’s okay to not have all the answers, and to be actively seeking to do the best you can do. 

 

As a middle school counselor, I know what it’s like to work with teenagers. I’m even pretty comfortable with toddlers. But parenting a 7-year-old? That’s new territory for me.

My oldest is 7 years old, and this year I’ve seen qualities in her that have made my raise my eyebrows. The trickiest part is determining what is actually her, and what things is she picking up from school and other places.

My husband and I try to keep her pretty sheltered (by some people’s definitions). We don’t let her watch too much t.v. and when she does, we are monitoring what shows she is watching. She definitely is NOT free to peruse YouTube on her own (i.e. the whole momo challenge and all the other dangers out there).

Parenting a 7-year-old means:

They ask  A LOT of questions

What time are we going to eat? Our food is taking so long to get ready! I can’t wait for field day! Are we taking swimming lessons AGAIN this summer? Why doesn’t my sister have to do that? Why does the baby always cry when you leave the room?

They begin to question your authority

Sometimes when I tell my  to do something, so asks me why she has to do it or why her sister doesn’t have to do it. I use to see red immediately, but I realized that some of her questioning is genuine. She is trying to learn the world around her.

When I was a kid, it was a cardinal sin to ask your parents questions about most anything when they told you to do something.

Trust me, there are times to say because I told you so, but I’ve changed my thinking and started explaining more.

They want every toy they see

Kids in this generation are marketed to 24/7. Not only do they have access to t.v., but the internet shows kids their age reviewing toys.

And cartoons and use to only be on at certain times. Thanks to Netflix, Hulu & YouTube, you can see what you want, anytime you want.

You can’t escape it!

They begin to notice inconsistencies in what you tell them

If I’m unsure about our plans, I don’t tell her. I don’t want to disappoint her, or be reminded 10,000 times.

They can read (they get all up in your business)

You know what I mean. All up in the blue tooth when it rings in the van. Trying to figure out who is on the phone when it rings.

So here are a few tips to deal with their new “talents”:

Set firm boundaries

Your kids still want to be included in things–even if they are adult matters. When my husband and I are having conversations about bills, school, etc, my daughter frequently tries to interject and ask questions. She even tries to read my text messages when they come in.

We remind her that when mommy and daddy are talking, she has to wait her turn, and that every conversation isn’t about her or for her.

Taking different opportunities to engage in conversations with her helps to set those boundaries for her.

Have key parenting phrases to combat predictable behavior

When we go to Target or Walmart, my kids get the gimmies. Meaning they want every toy they see. To combat what we will face, I often remind my kids to be grateful for what they have.

Sometimes I ask my daughter, “What does mommy say when you are always asking for toys?”

When she repeats it back to me, I know that she is internalizing it more than me simply repeating myself over and over.

Get creative with discipline

Every child learns differently. Get to know your child and what works most effectively for them. Instead of always sending them to time out, try sending their toys to time out.

In lieu of a spanking for every indiscretion, try taking away a privilege.

Being creative with discipline keeps your kids on their toes, and ensures that the punishment fits the behavior you are trying to address.

Apologize

We don’t always have to gether as parents–trust me, I sure don’t. Sometimes I make mistakes. I yell too much. I punish the wrong child.

I have bad times. Apologizing models for your children how to handle when you are wrong. Sometimes our kids see us as superhuman, and a simple apology brings it down to earth for them.

And it humbles you.

Monitor their activity online

I cannot say this one enough. Parents got a little scare with the momo challenge and all the kids YouTube stuff. A few years ago I took an Internet safety class. For some reason, we’ve become really trusting of the Internet because the word “kids” or “children’s” is out there. There are sick people in the world who want to lure children in and are waiting for parents who are not monitoring their children’s activity.

Make sure that you take time to talk your 7-year-old about what to do if they see something inappropriate online. You don’t want them to hide it from you because they are embarrassed. Having these conversations keeps the lines of communications open early so that you can transition smoothly into pre-teen and teenage years.

Know a friend struggling with parenting a 7-year-old? Share this post with them!

When I pregnant with my first baby, I use to spend countless hours daydreaming about what she would look like.

I tried to imagine every detail of her appearance–especially on the days that followed an ultrasound. When my daughter was born, she had fair skin that was often the topic of conversation about strangers and associates.

It bothered me at first because it felt like I had to defend my position as her mother because our skin color didn’t match.

With age comes wisdom, so by the third time around, my children’s complexions no longer are an issue for me, despite curious looks from strangers.

I’ve been lucky, I haven’t received any negative or rude comments, but mostly compliments and curious questions. Now that two out of my three children are school aged, we have more candid conversations about–well–everything!

When I visit their classrooms, sometimes their classmates are surprised when they find out that I’m their mom. I take those cues to know that I have some hard work teaching some important life lessons to my children.

I’m sure the questions from classmates might get a little more invasive as they get older, so I’m determined to share with them that our similarities are more than skin deep.

Interests

My daughters are very girly, but my husband and I have tried to expose them to a variety of activities that doesn’t limit them to gender stereotypes.

We spend many of our days on the farm, chasing animals, digging in the dirt, collecting eggs, and riding the tractor. They have as much fun doing outside labor and play as they do shopping with me. Our goal is to provide them with a myriad of experiences and let them choose the ones that they truly enjoy.

Mannerisms

Isn’t it funny how children take on your mannerisms as early as the womb? All 3 of my children crossed their ankles while they were growing inside my stomach and my son, who is 11 months old does it too!

We’ve also noticed how my oldest is very type A like me–-sometimes way more over the top!

Personalities

Our personalities are often a topic of conversation and our kids seem to take pride in being like my husband and I. The older they get, the more their personalities begin to shine. Our parents take great joy in comparing some of their trying moments to moments that we tested their patience when we were little.

I don’t know about your kids, but my kids ask A LOT of questions.

They ask things like, “Momma, why is your hair short and mine is long?” “Why are daddy’s eyes green and ours are brown?”

They ask questions to gain an understanding of the world around them. As annoying as it may seem at times, it’s important to answer those questions to frame their realities.

Kids begin noticing differeces in the world around them as toddlers. When they begin making observations, there are no negatives attached until adults teach them that those differences are wrong.

As a multiracial family, I know that the contact questions about my children’s hair and complexion may cause them to internalize that our family differences are wrong, so I’ve chosen to focus on our similarities.

When they start asking questions about our skin or our hair, I talk about how different and beautiful those differences are, but then redirect our conversations to our positive similarities.

I say things to them like, “You are a good writer like mama.” or “You take good care of the chickens just like daddy. I can tell that you really love animals.”

These tips work even if you aren’t in a multiracial family. If you have a child that has low self esteem, try reminding them of the positive qualities they have in common with you.

How are you teaching your children important life lessons?

*This post was sponsored by Bessie, Queen of the Sky. All opinions are solely my own.*

Since I started blogging 3 years ago, I’ve had the opportunity to dream about a few things and blogging has allowed those dreams to come to fruition!

I want to the same for my girls. I want them to dream big, and know that with hard work, their dreams will come true.

Children are natural dreamers. How many times have you heard children say things like, “When I grow up, I want to be a dancer, doctor, farmer & veterinarian”

That’s because they see the world differently than we do. We often become jaded as adults due to experience. Sometimes our dreams are killed due to people or circumstances. How can we inspire our children to dream big???

Read to Them

Dreaming starts with a vision. In order to be a visionary, you have to think outside of the box. You can’t see the world the way everyone else sees it. Visionaries take what works for everyone else and flips the picture.

Reading can open your child up to another world by educating them and widening their vocabulary. If you can’t travel and expose your children to the world, bring the world to them through a book.  That’s why I love Bessie, Queen of the Sky.

It is a fairy tale inspired by the story of Bessie Coleman, the first black woman to hold a pilot’s license in the world. Bessie used her courage and determination to make her dreams come true.

 

Reading a book with a minority character is important for all kids, but especially for minority children because it can catapult their dreams into reality. Representation is so important!

Play with Them

Pull out the cars & the tea party set. Playing with your kids helps them to foster a healthy imagination. In the age where technology reigns, we often rely on technology to teach our kids and keep them entertained.

Playing with your kids helps them to foster a healthy imagination. In the age where technology reigns, we often rely on technology to teach our kids and keep them entertained.

In the warmer months, get outside! Engage in water play, kick a soccer ball or head to the park! We love spending time on the farm learning about where our food comes from.

Explore with Them

There’s nothing more exciting as a parent than seeing the light bulb go off in your children’s head when they’ve discovered or learned something new.

After you’ve read with them, take them to explore the sights and new things you’ve read about.

Visit a local museum, zoo or aquarium.

How do you encourage your children to dream big??

Do you want a chance to win your own copy of Bessie, Queen of the Sky? Enter below. Good luck!!

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With back to school season in full swing, the focus of parents is usually on getting all the school supplies on the school list.

How do you make sure that your biracial child has a successful school year? And how do you make that happen if they are one of the few minorities in their school?

Here are a few tips to ease your mind about sending your child to school this year:

Help your biracial child with their racial identity

When the back to school season begins, you will feel like you are buying a house or leasing a car. Papers will be sent home almost daily for the first week, and if you make it to open house, teachers will be asking you to fill out papers there too.

On most forms, there will be a section dedicated to race. Some forms have the multiracial designation, while others ask you to check all that apply. This is your opportunity to choose how your biracial child will identify.

Advocate for diverse events in the school

Does your child’s school celebrate Black History Month? Hispanic Heritage Month? Do they have a multicultural festival?

If not, join PTO (parent/teacher organization) and advocate for more diversity in your child’s school. The more involved you are, the more what you have to say matters and hold weight for change.

Maintain open communication with the teachers

I cannot express the importance of communication with your child’s teachers enough.

Sometimes for teachers out of sight means out of mind. If the parent is not present, then the teacher doesn’t always think about communicating with you

Remember, communication doesn’t mean that you have to be present in the school all the time.

Thank to technology, you can stay informed about what going on in your child’s class through means like email, Remind 101, or other systems that your local school system uses to communicate with parents.

Help your biracial child by having open communication with his/her teacher. Don’t let a busy life be an excuse.

Volunteer

Volunteering can be challenging–especially when you work full-time. I work in a school, and it is still difficult for me to get away and volunteer at my girls’ school.

What I love about volunteering is the opportunity to see my kids in their element. I want them to remember that mom took the time to be with them. Even though I can’t attend every field trip, musical, etc, I think they will remember the times that I could be there.

Don’t waste time feeling guilty. Remember, for kids it’s all about the quality vs quantity.

Helping your children have a successful school year doesn’t have to be difficult, even if you work outside of the home. Keeping a positive attitude and open communication with the teachers is the best way to ensure that your childs school experience will be pleasant for you & your child.