Parenting

As a middle school counselor, I know what it’s like to work with teenagers. I’m even pretty comfortable with toddlers. But parenting a 7-year-old? That’s new territory for me.

My oldest is 7 years old, and this year I’ve seen qualities in her that have made my raise my eyebrows. The trickiest part is determining what is actually her, and what things is she picking up from school and other places.

My husband and I try to keep her pretty sheltered (by some people’s definitions). We don’t let her watch too much t.v. and when she does, we are monitoring what shows she is watching. She definitely is NOT free to peruse YouTube on her own (i.e. the whole momo challenge and all the other dangers out there).

Parenting a 7-year-old means:

They ask  A LOT of questions

What time are we going to eat? Our food is taking so long to get ready! I can’t wait for field day! Are we taking swimming lessons AGAIN this summer? Why doesn’t my sister have to do that? Why does the baby always cry when you leave the room?

They begin to question your authority

Sometimes when I tell my  to do something, so asks me why she has to do it or why her sister doesn’t have to do it. I use to see red immediately, but I realized that some of her questioning is genuine. She is trying to learn the world around her.

When I was a kid, it was a cardinal sin to ask your parents questions about most anything when they told you to do something.

Trust me, there are times to say because I told you so, but I’ve changed my thinking and started explaining more.

They want every toy they see

Kids in this generation are marketed to 24/7. Not only do they have access to t.v., but the internet shows kids their age reviewing toys.

And cartoons and use to only be on at certain times. Thanks to Netflix, Hulu & YouTube, you can see what you want, anytime you want.

You can’t escape it!

They begin to notice inconsistencies in what you tell them

If I’m unsure about our plans, I don’t tell her. I don’t want to disappoint her, or be reminded 10,000 times.

They can read (they get all up in your business)

You know what I mean. All up in the blue tooth when it rings in the van. Trying to figure out who is on the phone when it rings.

So here are a few tips to deal with their new “talents”:

Set firm boundaries

Your kids still want to be included in things–even if they are adult matters. When my husband and I are having conversations about bills, school, etc, my daughter frequently tries to interject and ask questions. She even tries to read my text messages when they come in.

We remind her that when mommy and daddy are talking, she has to wait her turn, and that every conversation isn’t about her or for her.

Taking different opportunities to engage in conversations with her helps to set those boundaries for her.

Have key parenting phrases to combat predictable behavior

When we go to Target or Walmart, my kids get the gimmies. Meaning they want every toy they see. To combat what we will face, I often remind my kids to be grateful for what they have.

Sometimes I ask my daughter, “What does mommy say when you are always asking for toys?”

When she repeats it back to me, I know that she is internalizing it more than me simply repeating myself over and over.

Get creative with discipline

Every child learns differently. Get to know your child and what works most effectively for them. Instead of always sending them to time out, try sending their toys to time out.

In lieu of a spanking for every indiscretion, try taking away a privilege.

Being creative with discipline keeps your kids on their toes, and ensures that the punishment fits the behavior you are trying to address.

Apologize

We don’t always have to gether as parents–trust me, I sure don’t. Sometimes I make mistakes. I yell too much. I punish the wrong child.

I have bad times. Apologizing models for your children how to handle when you are wrong. Sometimes our kids see us as superhuman, and a simple apology brings it down to earth for them.

And it humbles you.

Monitor their activity online

I cannot say this one enough. Parents got a little scare with the momo challenge and all the kids YouTube stuff. A few years ago I took an Internet safety class. For some reason, we’ve become really trusting of the Internet because the word “kids” or “children’s” is out there. There are sick people in the world who want to lure children in and are waiting for parents who are not monitoring their children’s activity.

Make sure that you take time to talk your 7-year-old about what to do if they see something inappropriate online. You don’t want them to hide it from you because they are embarrassed. Having these conversations keeps the lines of communications open early so that you can transition smoothly into pre-teen and teenage years.

Know a friend struggling with parenting a 7-year-old? Share this post with them!

When I pregnant with my first baby, I use to spend countless hours daydreaming about what she would look like.

I tried to imagine every detail of her appearance–especially on the days that followed an ultrasound. When my daughter was born, she had fair skin that was often the topic of conversation about strangers and associates.

It bothered me at first because it felt like I had to defend my position as her mother because our skin color didn’t match.

With age comes wisdom, so by the third time around, my children’s complexions no longer are an issue for me, despite curious looks from strangers.

I’ve been lucky, I haven’t received any negative or rude comments, but mostly compliments and curious questions. Now that two out of my three children are school aged, we have more candid conversations about–well–everything!

When I visit their classrooms, sometimes their classmates are surprised when they find out that I’m their mom. I take those cues to know that I have some hard work teaching some important life lessons to my children.

I’m sure the questions from classmates might get a little more invasive as they get older, so I’m determined to share with them that our similarities are more than skin deep.

Interests

My daughters are very girly, but my husband and I have tried to expose them to a variety of activities that doesn’t limit them to gender stereotypes.

We spend many of our days on the farm, chasing animals, digging in the dirt, collecting eggs, and riding the tractor. They have as much fun doing outside labor and play as they do shopping with me. Our goal is to provide them with a myriad of experiences and let them choose the ones that they truly enjoy.

Mannerisms

Isn’t it funny how children take on your mannerisms as early as the womb? All 3 of my children crossed their ankles while they were growing inside my stomach and my son, who is 11 months old does it too!

We’ve also noticed how my oldest is very type A like me–-sometimes way more over the top!

Personalities

Our personalities are often a topic of conversation and our kids seem to take pride in being like my husband and I. The older they get, the more their personalities begin to shine. Our parents take great joy in comparing some of their trying moments to moments that we tested their patience when we were little.

I don’t know about your kids, but my kids ask A LOT of questions.

They ask things like, “Momma, why is your hair short and mine is long?” “Why are daddy’s eyes green and ours are brown?”

They ask questions to gain an understanding of the world around them. As annoying as it may seem at times, it’s important to answer those questions to frame their realities.

Kids begin noticing differeces in the world around them as toddlers. When they begin making observations, there are no negatives attached until adults teach them that those differences are wrong.

As a multiracial family, I know that the contact questions about my children’s hair and complexion may cause them to internalize that our family differences are wrong, so I’ve chosen to focus on our similarities.

When they start asking questions about our skin or our hair, I talk about how different and beautiful those differences are, but then redirect our conversations to our positive similarities.

I say things to them like, “You are a good writer like mama.” or “You take good care of the chickens just like daddy. I can tell that you really love animals.”

These tips work even if you aren’t in a multiracial family. If you have a child that has low self esteem, try reminding them of the positive qualities they have in common with you.

How are you teaching your children important life lessons?

*This post was sponsored by Bessie, Queen of the Sky. All opinions are solely my own.*

Since I started blogging 3 years ago, I’ve had the opportunity to dream about a few things and blogging has allowed those dreams to come to fruition!

I want to the same for my girls. I want them to dream big, and know that with hard work, their dreams will come true.

Children are natural dreamers. How many times have you heard children say things like, “When I grow up, I want to be a dancer, doctor, farmer & veterinarian”

That’s because they see the world differently than we do. We often become jaded as adults due to experience. Sometimes our dreams are killed due to people or circumstances. How can we inspire our children to dream big???

Read to Them

Dreaming starts with a vision. In order to be a visionary, you have to think outside of the box. You can’t see the world the way everyone else sees it. Visionaries take what works for everyone else and flips the picture.

Reading can open your child up to another world by educating them and widening their vocabulary. If you can’t travel and expose your children to the world, bring the world to them through a book.  That’s why I love Bessie, Queen of the Sky.

It is a fairy tale inspired by the story of Bessie Coleman, the first black woman to hold a pilot’s license in the world. Bessie used her courage and determination to make her dreams come true.

 

Reading a book with a minority character is important for all kids, but especially for minority children because it can catapult their dreams into reality. Representation is so important!

Play with Them

Pull out the cars & the tea party set. Playing with your kids helps them to foster a healthy imagination. In the age where technology reigns, we often rely on technology to teach our kids and keep them entertained.

Playing with your kids helps them to foster a healthy imagination. In the age where technology reigns, we often rely on technology to teach our kids and keep them entertained.

In the warmer months, get outside! Engage in water play, kick a soccer ball or head to the park! We love spending time on the farm learning about where our food comes from.

Explore with Them

There’s nothing more exciting as a parent than seeing the light bulb go off in your children’s head when they’ve discovered or learned something new.

After you’ve read with them, take them to explore the sights and new things you’ve read about.

Visit a local museum, zoo or aquarium.

How do you encourage your children to dream big??

Do you want a chance to win your own copy of Bessie, Queen of the Sky? Enter below. Good luck!!

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With back to school season in full swing, the focus of parents is usually on getting all the school supplies on the school list.

How do you make sure that your biracial child has a successful school year? And how do you make that happen if they are one of the few minorities in their school?

Here are a few tips to ease your mind about sending your child to school this year:

Help your biracial child with their racial identity

When the back to school season begins, you will feel like you are buying a house or leasing a car. Papers will be sent home almost daily for the first week, and if you make it to open house, teachers will be asking you to fill out papers there too.

On most forms, there will be a section dedicated to race. Some forms have the multiracial designation, while others ask you to check all that apply. This is your opportunity to choose how your biracial child will identify.

Advocate for diverse events in the school

Does your child’s school celebrate Black History Month? Hispanic Heritage Month? Do they have a multicultural festival?

If not, join PTO (parent/teacher organization) and advocate for more diversity in your child’s school. The more involved you are, the more what you have to say matters and hold weight for change.

Maintain open communication with the teachers

I cannot express the importance of communication with your child’s teachers enough.

Sometimes for teachers out of sight means out of mind. If the parent is not present, then the teacher doesn’t always think about communicating with you

Remember, communication doesn’t mean that you have to be present in the school all the time.

Thank to technology, you can stay informed about what going on in your child’s class through means like email, Remind 101, or other systems that your local school system uses to communicate with parents.

Help your biracial child by having open communication with his/her teacher. Don’t let a busy life be an excuse.

Volunteer

Volunteering can be challenging–especially when you work full-time. I work in a school, and it is still difficult for me to get away and volunteer at my girls’ school.

What I love about volunteering is the opportunity to see my kids in their element. I want them to remember that mom took the time to be with them. Even though I can’t attend every field trip, musical, etc, I think they will remember the times that I could be there.

Don’t waste time feeling guilty. Remember, for kids it’s all about the quality vs quantity.

Helping your children have a successful school year doesn’t have to be difficult, even if you work outside of the home. Keeping a positive attitude and open communication with the teachers is the best way to ensure that your childs school experience will be pleasant for you & your child. 

*This post contains  Amazon affiliate links. This means that I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you) if you subscribe or purchase something through the links on this page.*

Unfortunately, finding books with brown characters, especially  brown boys as the lead character, is not as easy as one would think.

All children need to see themselves represented in print, person and in the media.

There have been so many negative stereotypes about brown boys in the media, so it is important for parents to send positive messages to their children early in their lives.

 

As a young girl, I remember the excitement I felt the first time my dad brown home a brown ballerina Barbie doll. Of the Barbies I owned, she was the most beautiful to me because I could relate to her.

She looked like me.

Even if you are not raising a brown boy, exposing your children to books with diverse characters teaches them the importance of diversity. It shows them that beauty comes in all shades!

Here are a few of my family’s favorites:

 

Billy Bloo Is Stuck in Goo

My girls couldn’t stop giggling at the title. My youngest immedietly wanted to know why Billy Bloo was stuck in the goo. It is a fun rhyming book with bright and vibrant illustrations. It is a lengthy, but perfect for a night time snuggle + giggle session.

Those Shoes

As a school counselor, I love the message behind this book. The main character is the victim of bullying when his shoes falls apart in the middle of gym. The school counselor provides him with another pair, but he feels a little envious of the kids who can afford “those shoes.”

Without giving away the ending, i can tell you that the main character makes a kind and heartfelt decision after getting a pair of “those shoes.” If you are looking for a way to talk about bullying with your elementary aged child, this book is the perfect segue into the conversation.

Not Norman

Does your child have a pet? Do they desire to have one? Then your family will love Not Norman. It documents the story of Norman and his pet fish. Norman got his pet fish as a gift, and throughout the book he talks about how much he wanted another pet because there are things his fish simply can’t do.

Your heart will smile by the end of the book when Norman makes a decision about what to do with his unwanted pet.

Marcellus

When I first saw the cover of this book, I was intrigued. It’snot everyday that you see a book with a brown boy on the cover wearing baggy jeans, dread locks and a smile. Kudos to the illustrator.

Marcellus’s mother has a short afro and she talks to him about what school will be like. He worries about wehther or not kids will like his hair.

The New Small Person

If you are having a new baby, then you HAVE to add this book to your collection.

Even though the main character is a brown boy, he is an only child adjusting to a new sibling…a concept any child can relate to.

Luke Goes to Bat

Do you have any baseball lovers in your family? Then this book is for you! Luke wants to play ball with the big kids, but he gets a chance he strikes out. I love that the book references Jackie Robinson.

From a young age, children notice differences and begin to look for mirror images of themselves. When they cannot find a positive representation of themselves, they begin to attach their identity to another source that they think is positive, whether it is or not. Why don’t we show them that brown boys are kind, smart, imaginative and so much more!