I’ve been a middle school counselor for the past 8 years and I absolutely love working with preteens and teenagers.

When people find out that I work in a middle school, they shake their head and tell me that they feel sorry for me and there’s now way they could deal with the drama and hormones.

What I personally love about middle schoolers is the evolution I see in their personalities when they enter as timid 6th graders, and leave as confident 8th graders.

While there is definitatly not shortage of he say/she say drama, social media wars & hormonal breakdowns, I love offering support to my students.

Middle school is such a tricky time, and they need support from adults, but often don’t know how to ask. Here are a few reasons you can’t get anything out of your middle school child:

They Think You Don’t Understand

Kids often forget that their parents were once kids too. Even though times have changed, there are some experiences that don’t change.

They Think You’re Too Busy

Most families are now 2 parent working households. Parents are working longer shifts, and often parents pass each other like ships in the night.

I can’t tell you how many times kids don’t bring things back signed because their parent that worked the night shift was exhausted and they didn’t want to bother them.

I always encourage my students to talk to their parents about things that are bothering them, but they afraid that they will get in trouble for interrupting their parents while they are working on other things.

They Think You Don’t Care

Teenagers can be dramatic. They can take small things and turn them into earth shattering moments. But those moments are important to them.

Once I told one of my students that I didn’t want to see her back in my office with any nonsense. The next time a teacher brought her to talk to me, she had major attitude. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that I told her not to come back. I told her what I meant was I didn’t want to have to talk to her about drama that she brought on herself. I didnt mean that she couldn’t come and talk to me. I was shocked because that student and I have a good rapport.

It’s easy to mistake maturity for adulthood. Just because your child is responsible, doesn’t mean that they don’t still need you.

They Don’t Have the Words

My five year old still has tantrums on ocassion. When I see her melting down, I remind her to use her words. When my girls start fussing with each other and whining to me, I remind them to speak clearly and use their words.

When kids get older, we stop coaching them on how to express their feelings.

The teen years is when they really need our help the most! They are navigating a host of new experiences, and often struggle with articulating their feelings. And they often feel ashamed about what they feel.

So how can I get my child to open up and talk to me?

It really isn’t as difficult as you think…trust me…I do this everyday.

Ask Your Middle School Child Specific Questions

Not just yes or no questions. And not just how was your day. Dig deeper. Ask your middle school child who they ate lunch with. Ask what the highlight of their day was. Ask who their favorite teachers are.

The more you ask, the more you know.

And the more your child knows you care.

Sure, they may act like they don’t want you up in their business, but I can promise you that they secretly like it.

Invite Their Friends Over

Are you curious about how you child acts in school? Take some time to meet the kids they spend the most time with. This will tell you alot about the things they are discussing and where their interests lie. 

I was just in a conference last week with a mom who was unhappy with her daughter’s recent choice of friends. Mom thought that her friend group was the reason she kept getting into so much trouble. And mom was absolutely right. 

Spend Time Together

While most teens do prefer the company of their friends over their families, it doesn’t mean that they don’t still value time together as a family. 

I get it. In between soccer practice, work obligations & home chores, it can be difficult to squeeze in extra alone time with your (pre)teen. But your relationship depends on it. 

Spending time together can be as simple as reading the same book together (having a family book club) or taking your middle school child out with you (alone if they have siblings) to get some icecream after running errands, or showing up to bring them lunch at school. 

Need more tips on parenting middle schoolers & teens? Check out these posts:

Welcome to Middle School: What They Don’t Tell You At Open House

9 Amazingly Easy Ways to Help Your Teenager Gain Confidence

Communication Boost: How to Maximize Conversation With Your Child

Tips for Battling Back to School Emotions With Your High School Child

How to Raise Your Multiracial Child in a School That Isn’t Diverse

For 6 years, I’ve indulged in bows, frills, princesses & sparkly things.

A few weeks ago, I found out that I am having a boy!!!!

I’ve always wanted a son, and I look forward to the new dynamic he will add to our household.

However, as the oldest of 4 (and the only girl), I know that parenting a boy comes with a different set of joys and challenges–even a different parenting mindset.

Here are a few ways that I am preparing to bring home a baby boy:

Challenge Gender Norms

When my girls were little, this was important to me too. I made sure that their wardrobe had a variety of colors, not just pink. I also made sure their toys were balanced with primary colors, cars & STEM friendly stuff.

I plan on doing the same with my son. Having sisters will help teach him how to be loving and nurturing, not just tough and strong.

Teach Him to Respect Women

This is huge for me. This should be pretty easy for my sweet boy because he will be outnumbered! All jokes aside, there have been too many instances where women have been sexualized and devalued. I’m going to raise my son to treat ALL women the way he’d want his sisters or I to be treated.

Teach Him to Smash Gender Stereotypes

Our society places so much emphasis on teaching girls self-love and self-respect, that boys often get left out.

We expect them to be masculine, hide their emotions & “not be sissies.” When they hurt, they are often told to “man up” or “get over it.”

I want my boy to feel comfortable expressing his range of emotions and not feel like less of a person if he hurts. I hope that he can learn that his gender is only 1 part of who he is, but it doesn’t have to define who he is or what his interests have to be.

Understand His Needs

Growing up, I remember that my brothers were always busy. Busy building things (then smashing them), play fighting, wrestling, running, jumping–you name it, always in motion.

My girls are pretty busy too. Or at least I think so until I have a playdate with my friends with boys. Then I realize just how different they are.

Neither is better than the other, just different. Recognizing that my children have different needs will help me to not have unrealistic expectations of them-especially my son as I’m sure it will be easy to compare him to his sisters.

Boy moms, what advice do you have for me??

Family pictures used to be scheduled a couple times of year: at Christmas, and when a new addition had arrived.

Now, family pictures are a way for families to document their lifestyles. With more people using professional photographers instead of store photo studios, it allows families  to showcase their personalities in a variety of locations.  Here are a few tips to making your family pictures a success!

Write Down the Date

This piece of advice seems like a given, but last year I thought Christmas pictures were scheduled for the next week. Imagine my panic when I realized that they were that day…..and in 45 minutes.

Complete & utter panic set in.

Luckily, being the planner that I am, I already had everyone’s outfit picked out. My hair was still twisted up and underneath a scarf. I was throwing on my lipstick and fluffing out my hair on the way to our photo shoot.

Thank God our photographer can work miracles.

So can I tell you, please write the date down on the family calendar, add it to your Google calendar, whatever you have to do so you don’t forget.

Don’t be Afraid to Experiment with Colors & Patterns

I’ll have to admit something to you.  When we first started our family, I thought every family picture had to be perfectly matchy matchy.

Every shade was exactly the same for every family member.

I was stuck in the 80’s & 90’s Olan Mills mode.

Then I realized how much better it looks when we wear a palate of colors in a variety of prints & patterns.

Relax If Your Kids Don’t Cooperate

In the past two years, we’ve had to reschedule family pictures because someone was sick–until we couldn’t put it off anymore.

My oldest would present her best fake smile & my youngest would often stare blankly at the camera. Some of our best shots are of the kids being candid– like throwing leaves in the air, snuggling with me in between shots & wrestling with each other.

The point of family pictures is to let your family’s personality shine. And if your kids don’t cooperate? Those non posed pictures will make memories too.

Plan Family Pictures on a Day With Little Else on the Schedule

Kids are unpredictable. You may have a baby who naps. Or a toddler who has just woken from a nap.  It doesn’t take much for young children to get overstimulated.

Try to plan your family pictures on a day where your kids are not hopping from one location to the next. This may help them be in a better mood when it’s time to pose.

And don’t forget to squeeze in a picture with your spouse. After all, you guys did all the hard work!

I’m so thrilled to introduce Angela aka the Queen of Wellness to the blog. I met this passionate beauty at the Business Recharged conference this summer. She captivated me with her story of working full time, being over weight, becoming a  mom, her journey to body building, and ultimately finding a balance and living a healthy lifestyle.

Every mom I know is looking to find the balance between wellness and family life. The Queen of Wellness has a few tips to share that will make a huge difference in your life! To know her is to love her!

Ladies, let’s get right into it! It’s the Fall, and several holidays are right around the corner. You know exactly what this means: extra fats (of the not so healthy variety), sweets, sweets, and more sweets.

So, if you don’t want to be a part of the New Year’s Resolution crowd, forever dreaming of getting back on track with your wellness, then you need a wellness plan to step things up now… and here it is!

I’ve got 4 Powerful Pillars that I teach successful, on-the-go women when they have any health & wellness goal in mind. We all want to feel our best, and our waistlines are a key indicator to our true health. The Essential 4 Pillars:

Meals

Don’t Skip Meals!!! It’s tempting when you’re in full gear and on-the-go to skip breakfast first, and then just grab snacks until dinnertime. But this puts the body in starvation mode, causing stubborn fat to hang around your waistline for years to come.

Make sure you’re eating regularly throughout the day.

This gives your metabolism time to say, “Hey girl, I’ve got the fuel I need, so I’ll burn some of it off while you’re at the wheel!” Be sure to choose nutrient dense options to fuel your body throughout the day.

I live by the cardinal rule of never giving my body something that doesn’t give me something back.

Movement

Do Incorporate Weight Lifting and Engage Your Core.  Movement is the most important part of your day. Doing the Cha Cha regularly, even in your pajamas or when you are heading down the street is great, but you also need to work lifting weights or adding resistance bands, while engaging your core muscles into your routine.

You will create tone and definition, reducing your waistline naturally. You want to look your best and e in shape too, and exercise is the missing piece for so many women.

Start where you arewith what you have and commit to 30 minutes per day of exercise that works. No, you don’t have to wear a beast-mode t-shirt and blast Metallica. But you do have to move enough to  break a sweat. Make it work for you!

Don’t Get Burned Out On Your Exercise Regimen. Doing the exact same regimen every day is going to get boring. Before long, you’ll be going to
buy new shoes, and then saying, “Oh, I’ll go tomorrow.” Instead, mix it up, have fun, and always be ready to try something new. Make sure to push yourself just a little more each time, and you’ll surprise yourself. When it comes to core moves, the “oldies” are good, but they don’t directly target the goal of shrinking the waistline. You have to work your entire core motion-based moves that work all of the areas of your midsection. Really mix it up because everything is connected.

 Motivation

Do Keep a Food Journal. Keeping track of your intake is essential to recognizing your overall patterns.

Are you a sneak to the fridge at 2 AM snacker? Does your icecream mysteriously disappear when you open it?

Writing down everything automatically makes you more accountable, and lets you see where you can improve. There are several apps that work wonders for staying healthy. Find an amazing app to help you keep track of hydration, macronutrients and more.

Don’t Binge or Stress Eat
In stressful times, we crave high sugar and salty foods. But having a plan for these cravings can put an end to them in a strategic way. Keep things like carrots, dried fruit, sorbet, nuts, seeds and other naturally sweet snacks around instead for those moments of weakness.

Maintenance

Do Detox or Cleanse. As with your car or the pipes in your home, you must clean them out. Imagine all of the toxins that could build up over time. There are several juice based cleanses that can help you detox.

I wasn’t able to beat acne or grow long flowing hair until I started cleansing and detoxing regularly. A regular cleansing plan is very important & should be done each season.

The key to perfect cleansing is taking a mind, body & soul approach with all 4 pillars.

After searching for a cleanse like this and not finding one, I created CURE Cleanse: The Revolutionary 4 Pillar System. It’s designed to help users stay well with each season.

Don’t Re-Introduce Highly Processed Foods
No more microwaved popcorn and snack cakes. In fact, go ahead and recycle that microwave altogether if you can.

Between foods that have been powdered and reconstituted and foods that have been bleached, bromated, stripped of all nutrients, and then had the nutrients added back in, processed foods have got to be eliminated from your arsenal for good. Replace them with fresh, whole food sources on a consistent basis. These will give your body more nutrients, energy & the information to stay lean and well tea round.

Replace them with fresh, whole food sources on a consistent basis. These will give your body more nutrients, energy & the information to stay lean and well tea round.

Want to hear more from the Queen?

Don’t Queen alone, get the support needed to get well & stay that way. Feel free to join her tribe at angelacudger.com/tribe. Angela Cudger, Queen of Wellness can be found on social media @queenofwellness

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I spent most of my 20’s in school, falling in love, being insecure (about my body and talents) and carrying relationships that didn’t suit me.

I tried way to hard to maintain friendships with people who didn’t try as hard as I did.There’s something about life, with all of its twists and turns, that turns us into different people. For me, my 30’s have turned me into a better version of myself. Now I’m a confident mom who isn’t afraid of change (okay, well sometimes I still am).

After having children, I realized that I could no longer afford to pursue relationships that went nowhere. The free time I voluntarily gave up to spend with people had to be worth the time I was taking away from my family.

After having children, I realized that I could no longer afford to pursue relationships that went nowhere. The free time I voluntarily gave up to spend with people had to be worth the time I was taking away from my family.

My 34th birthday was last week,  I’m re-evaluating how I want to spend the rest of my 30’s.

1. Move from passive to assertive. Stop letting people run all over you. You can still be kind & have the last word.
2. Take care of your skin & invest in some sort of skin care.
3. Don’t freak out about grey hairs. They appear everywhere, yes, even there. Cut them or pluck them.
4. Pursue your passions. Is there something you’ve always wanted to try? Do it!
5. Fall deeper in love (with yourself) & the things you love.
6. Go on dates. Never stop looking forward to them.
7. Turn your hobby into your side hustle. Find a way to bring in an extra stream of income doing something you love.
8. Don’t be afraid of change. Change isn’t always a bad thing.
9. Drop unstable relationships. Don’t pour into people who don’t pour into you.
10. Try something new. Take a spin class. Learn to swim. Travel internationally.
11. Take your mom’s advice. She really wasn’t out to get you, she wanted the best for you. In your 30’s, you finally get it.
12. Set some time aside to slay. Be fabulous. Be that woman that makes everywhere turn their heads when you walk into the room.
13. Dance in the car (or at home, in the shower, anywhere)!
14. Share what you’ve learned in your 20’s with someone in their 20’s. This is probably the most important. Spread your knowledge to someone else.
15. Know that your experiences, no matter how bad or good, do not shape who you are. Learn from them, grown from them, don’t let them define you.

What have life lessons have you learned in your 30s’?

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This post contains affiliate links. I only promote products that I know and love.*

A dry, itchy scalp can be brought on by stress, product buildup, change in temperature, or chronic skin conditions. The worst part is that a dry scalp often leaves you with embarassing white flakes. How do you get rid of a a dry, itchy scalp? Here are a few natural remedies & products to chase the dryness away.

Here are a few natural remedies & products to chase the dryness away.

Trader Joe’s Tea Tree Tingle Shampoo & Conditioner

One of my favorite YouTube vloggers mentioned this duo on her channel and I’ve been dying to try them for years. Problem is, we don’t live anywhere near a Trader Joe’s. My oh, so kind family member brought these babies back from out of town and my hubby & I have been hooked ever since!

Products containing tea tree tend to be heavily scented. The shampoo & conditioner are lighter in scent than most products designed to attack a dry scalp, but they still pack a punch.

Apple Cider Vinegar

The first time I heard this mentioned, I cringed. And I was extremely skeptical. How could something that smells so strong (and is often used as a marinade) be good for my scalp??

The first time I tried it, I had a scalp flare up from dermatisis and I felt instant relief. The ares of my scalp that I had scratched practically raw burned when the ACV touched it, but my scalp felt so clean afterwards.

I was worried about the smell, but after following up with my regular conditioner, the smell was a thing of the past.

Tea Tree Oil

Tea tree (aka melaleuca)oil has antibacterial properties that heal all kinds of scalp issues. Be sure to mix it with another carrier oil (like olive, jojoba, coconut, etc) to prevent your scalp from burning. The smell is VERY strong, so if you are sensitive to smell, you can add a few drops to your conditioner. You can leave it on your scalp as a deep conditioner for about 20 minutes, then rinse out.

The smell is VERY strong, so if you are sensitive to smell, you can add a few drops to your conditioner. You can leave it on your scalp as a deep conditioner for about 20 minutes, then rinse out.

Be careful not to get in your eyes. It burns like no other–and your eye will continue to tingle for hours.

Mielle Organics Babassu Oil & Mint Deep Conditioner

If you’ve been following the blog awhile, then you know that this is hands down, this Mielle Organics conditioner is of my favorites. Not only does it do wonders for soothing a dry, itchy scalp, but it also doubles as a great leave in conditioner.

It is one of the best detangling conditioners that I’ve found to moisturize my hair while treating my scalp. It’s a little pricey, but a staple that will forever be in my possession.

Cantu Apple Cider Vinegar Line

What I appreciate most about Cantu products is the affordability, availability & reliability. Their products will never break the bank & you can find them any & everywhere. When I heard they were coming out with an apple cider root relief line, I ran to my nearest CVS to score these products.

What I love most about these products is that they work on any hairstyle. If you happen to be wearing a protective style, the applicator tip makes it easy to get to your scalp. The tea tree & jojoba oil is pretty thick, so a little bit goes a long way. The only downside to this product is that it can be difficult to dispense, even with an applicator tip.

Carols Daughter Lisas Hair Elixir Fortifying Scalp Spray

Speaking of pricey, for the size, this one takes the cake. Other than conditioners, Carol’s Daughter products haven’t really worked for my hair until I tried this fortifying scalp spray.

If you don’t have time to wash & deep condition your hair and need to instant relief from the itch, grab this spray and apply directly to your scalp. What I love about the scalp spray is that it is formulated with lots of natural ingredients that you can pronounce like:

• Cedar Leaf Oil
• Rosemary Oil
• Camphor Oil
• Aloe Leaf Oil
• Lemon Extract
• Wheat Protein
• Soy Protein
• Biotin
• Spearmint Oil

What are some of your favorite home remedies or products that you use to combat chronic dry scalp issues??

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We’ve all been that girl.

The girl who has been in love with her stylist, and then the stylist moves and we’re on the hunt again.

It’s scary and overwhelming. Especially for curly girls. Not everyone knows how to make curls look awesome.

I’ve been lucky to have some great stylists over the years, and when they (or I’ve moved) I’ve learned some lessons that I want to share with you to make your experience a little easier.

Here are 4 questions that you MUST ask when considering a new stylist:

How Much Do You Charge?

In the old days, I was all about cheap. I know, go ahead and shake your head. I was a grad student living off meager funds. I wanted my hair to look good, but I didn’t want to spend a fortune (because I simply didn’t have it!) Sometimes being cheap cost me. A cheap dye job cost me split ends and major damage.

If the price tag is hefty, don’t immediately shut that stylist out. Sometimes, you get what you pay for.

Do They Come Recommended by Others with Curly Hair (POC=people of color)?

If you don’t have curly hair yourself and you are seeking a stylist for your minority child, this can be tricky. Sometimes you aren’t sure where to begin, or what questions to ask.

Make sure that the stylist you are approaching is experienced with curly hair.  Curly hair is beautiful–when you know what to do with it. If the stylist looks confused or has to consult others to help style, trust me, that is not a good sign.

Can They Do a Simple Wash & Style to Your Liking?

Before taking the plunge with a major style like a cut or color, make sure you are happy with a simple style. Do you like the way they wash? Can they make your curls pop better than you can? Do you like the products they are using?

If you are unhappy with a wash, chances are you will be disappointed with a cut or color. Never go to a new stylist for a major change. You are putting yourself at risk.

Do They Have Pictures of Styles They’ve Done?

Most stylists will either have a look book or they’ll whip out pictures on their phone of recent styles they’ve done. If you are trying to figure out ways to style your hair, they should be able to lead and guide  you in a direction that fits your personal style.

Seeing pictures of their work will be very telling as to whether their style will mesh with yours.

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Before I had naturally curly hair, I felt like I was navigating in the dark with my daughter’s curls. When I look back at pictures, I realized that I made several mistakes. I looked for resouces online, and I couldn’t find exactly what I needed.

When I decided to stop getting relaxers, finding the right products  was really a journey of trial and error. I watched more YouTube videos than I should have, and the mistakes continued. When I finally found what worked for me, I decided to help others so they didn’t have to have bad hair days while figuring out what to do.

If you want beautiful curls, then stop making the same mistakes I did!

Brushing

Unless you are laying down edges for a particular style, using a brush is a big no no. Brushing eliminates definition and contributes to frizz. A wide tooth comb will detangle and work its way through curls without causing major damage.

If you have straight hair and are raising a curly haired child, I know it’s a hard habit to break. But trust me, you won’t be doing the curls any favors.

Combing While Dry

Curls need moisture to survive. Combing hair while dry can lead to breakage and pain! Does your child cringe when you are doing their hair? Do they hate getting it done?

This may be why. Keep a spray bottle on hand.

Seeing a Beautician Who Can’t Fix Curly Hair

If you want to cut your curly locs, I don’t recommend visiting a new beautician for the cut.

Curly hair shrinks, and a beautician who is inexperienced with curly hair may leave your hair shorter than  you imagined.

I recommend allowing them to do a simple style on a few occasions before entrusting them with color or cuts.

If they seem to be confused about what to do with your hair, or need some assistance from a neighboring stylist, that is probably not the person you want making drastic changes to your hair.

Overprocessing

Most people turn to straightening when they have trouble taming curly hair. The problem with this is that if the person who is straightening your hair doesn’t know what they are doing, they can cause some serious damage.

If you are going to color treat or add heat to curly hair, it may be helpful to consult a beautician who has experience with curly (ethnic) hair.

Neglecting a Nightly Routine

Curly hair does not need to be washed every night. The longer it gets, the more time consuming that can be, and frankly it truly isn’t necessary. However, curly hair needs to be protected at night.

If you decide to wash late at night and don’t want to dry, be sure to twist or braid to keep the strands from breaking while you toss and turn throughout the night.

Curls can also be protected by wearing a satin scarf and/or sleeping on a satin pillowcase.

After reading this, you may be feeling a little overwhelmed. You have made several mistakes with your curls.

I’m not going to lie to you, all the steps and “rules” to follow can be a little daunting.  Once you find a routine that works for you, follow it and you can vary little things.

Most importantly, don’t forget to love your curls.

They make you who you are.

Embrace them in all their glory.