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Black-owned beauty brands weren’t a thing when I was growing up. Wearing makeup was hard because there weren’t many options for brown girls like me.

I remember the first time I was sent a makeup sample as a teenager. I was ready to start wearing makeup and it felt like a rite of passage.

I didn’t have a subscription to a Teen Magazine, but my bestie did, so after she finished thumbing through her issues, she would pass them off to me.

I remember dreaming about the day I was skilled enough to apply a full face of makeup on my own.

So imagine my upset when the sample package sent to me was in the two lightest shades. I sent a disgruntled email to the company, asking them to at least consider sending a light shade and a dark shade in their samples. But I was met with no reply.

When I started wearing makeup, I was discouraged when most drugstore brands of eyeshadow all looked white on my lids despite the shade.

Foundation looked chalky, so I skipped that altogether.

Now, there are shades for everyone in most brands of makeup. Thankfully beauty brands have seen the need for inclusivity when creating their shades of lipstick, eyeshadow, and foundation.

 

Here are a few Black-owned beauty brands to add to your collection:

The Lip Bar (My Favorite Black-Owned Beauty Brand Right Now!!)

Hands down, this is my favorite black-owned beauty brand!

They just expanded to include their products in Walmart (in addition to Target), so now this small-town girl can get the Lip Bar products whenever I want!

The Lip Bar is a vegan and cruelty-free beauty brand that exists to help change the way you think about beauty.

 

 

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Melissa Butler (the founder and CEO) was working on Wall Street and mixing colors in her kitchen. She was rejected from Shark Tank, but now her products are in 1,000 stores nationwide!

The pigments are beautiful and flatter a variety of skin tones. Check out my IG reel where I highlight a few of my favorite shades

 

 

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Healthy Roots Dolls

is a toy company that creates dolls and storybooks that empower young girls and represent the beauty of our diversity. Recently, they launched the “Love My Curls” Mommy, me and mini bonnet set. The bonnets are reversible and come in 4 different colors. Perfect for curly hair moms and daughters!

Beauty Bakerie

Cashmere Nicole founded Beauty Bakerie in 2011 with the mission to be sweet and sweeten the lives of others.

During a challenging, but successful fight with breast cancer, Cashmere became extremely health conscious and research-driven about the products we put in and on our bodies. The Beauty Bakerie brand is a direct reflection of Cashmere’s perseverance and passion for both high quality, healthy ingredients that enhance the beauty in everyone, every day.

Skin Buttr

Skin Buttr is a a natural beauty brand that specializes in natural body butter, scrubs and skin care. They promote healthy glowing skin and sustainability.

I love that Skin Buttr is made in small batches and cruelty-free.

What are some of your favorite Black-owned beauty brands?

Small businesses don’t usually have the same level of profit as Walmart or Amazon, but they have been hit especially hard in 2020.

From lockdowns forcing them to shut down for months to people seeking delivery options that they can’t offer, they struggle to stay afloat in hard times when large retailers succeed. Now more than ever, small businesses need our support.

My husband is a farmer, and this year was really tough on his business.

April-November is the busiest time of the year because our local Farmer’s Market is in full swing. Families walk around and enjoy samples, listen to music, and purchase items from our Farmer’s Market.

Because of the quarantine, vendors were forced to do all their business online–which definitely hurt many small businesses like ours.

With the holiday season in full swing, it’s obviously helpful to buy gifts from small businesses this year. However, that’s not the only way you can help them stay open during this difficult winter.

These gestures towards small businesses will surely be appreciated, even if you won’t be spending money.

No matter your resources, you can contribute something worthwhile to a struggling entrepreneur!

Spread the Word

If you’ve purchased something from a small business in the past, show it off on social media.

Be sure to tag the business in your post and talk about why you love their products in your caption. Even if you can’t buy from them again right now, you can encourage others to do so!

Nominate Them for Awards

If your community gives awards, grants, or other recognition to businesses who are nominated for them, consider putting your favorite small business’ word out there.

If they win, they’ll reap the benefits.

If they don’t, they’ll be uplifted by the fact that someone in the community appreciates them.

Be of Service

Do you know how to design graphics or websites? Do you have publicity connections? Can you provide another kind of service to a small business for free?

If so, make yourself available to a small business that wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford something they need. You can even use the experience to boost your resume!

Buy Stocking Stuffers & Gifts for All Occasions

Stocking stuffers tend to be less expensive than large gifts, so you can buy more than one. When you give them to your loved ones, include a business card from the store you bought them from.

You can also purchase gifts as well as gift cards for various small businesses.

If customers don’t purchase items, then small businesses will be forced to close.

Send Out Holiday Cards

Even if you don’t think a business owner would recognize you, include them on your holiday card mailing list. On the card, thank them for all that they do for your community or how much their work means to you.

Heartfelt messages don’t need to be reserved for loved ones, so don’t be afraid of sending some to a few new people this season.

Donate to Their GoFundMe, Kickstarter, or Patreon

Some businesses use online fundraising platforms to recover from losses or support new projects. This is especially true for artists and small startups.

If you have a few dollars to spare, consider donating to a business’ fundraising campaign. If you can’t donate, tell others about the fundraiser on social media – it will still help.

Whether you have money, skills, or encouragement to give to small businesses, any support you can offer is worth giving this holiday season.

After all, your favorite department stores aren’t shutting down, but your favorite local shop, artist, or independent sellers might have to.

 

Your support may help a business stay open for a little while longer!

Have you ever tried pumpkin eggnog?

I’m a pumpkin spice everything kind of girl and I’m not ashamed.

My birthday is September 27th, and I live for all things fall. I was more into sweet potato than pumpkin until my adult years.

And then I wondered why it took me so long.

One of my favorite drinks that I enjoy during the holidays is eggnog. Couple that with pumpkin and I am in heaven!!

This pumpkin eggnog recipe is perfect as a stand-alone drink, or as a creamer for your coffee.

Take the flavor up a notch by purchasing as many items as you can from your local farmers (check out your local farmer’s market).

In a large bowl, beat the egg yolks and sugar together until fluffy and it turns a pale yellow color.

Mix the pumpkin into the egg yolk and set aside.

Bring the milk, heavy cream, nutmeg, and pumpkin pie spice to a simmer over medium heat, whisking the entire time to prevent burning.

Once the milk mixture has simmered for a few minutes, remove it from the heat.

Ladle a bit of the milk mixture into the egg yolks until there is only a little bit of milk left.

Pour the egg yolk mixture into the pan and whisk to combine.

Place the pan back on the stove over low medium heat.

 

Whisk the entire time as you bring it back up to a low simmer or until it reaches 158 degrees Fahrenheit.

Remove it from the heat and continue whisking until it has cooled significantly.

Pour the eggnog into a pitcher and cover with plastic wrap.

Refrigerate until cooled completely and serve with a bit of whipped topping and a dash of cinnamon.

 

Pumpkin eggnog makes the perfect drink for a holiday party, a quiet evening at home, or as a creamer for your coffee!

Print the recipe below!!

 

–       

Instructions:

1. In a large bowl, beat the egg yolks and sugar together until fluffy and it turns a pale yellow color. Mix the pumpkin into the egg yolk and set aside.
2. Bring the milk, heavy cream, nutmeg, and pumpkin pie spice to a simmer over medium heat, whisking the entire time to prevent burning.
3. Once the milk mixture has simmered for a few minutes, remove it from the heat.
4. Ladle a bit of the milk mixture into the egg yolks until there is only a little bit of milk left.
5. Pour the egg yolk mixture into the pan and whisk to combine.
6. Place the pan back on the stove over low medium heat.
7. Whisk the entire time as you bring it back up to a low simmer or until it reaches 158 degrees Fahrenheit.
8. Remove it from the heat and continue whisking until it has cooled significantly.
9. Pour the eggnog into a pitcher and cover with plastic wrap.
10. Refrigerate until cooled completely and serve with a bit of whipped topping and a dash of cinnamon.

This post contains affiliate links. This means that I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you) if you subscribe or purchase something through the links on this page.

I’ve seen so many friends, influencers, and acquaintances posting online lately. They want to know how to be an ally in #blacklives matter.

On one hand, it’s been so refreshing to see people of every race and nationality joining together for a common cause.

Black people need the voices of other people so that change can come–and come swiftly.

I’ve responded to numerous DM’s asking what the next steps are. White friends are afraid to speak out for fear of saying the wrong thing or receiving harsh criticism and backlash.

I got you. Here are a few easy ways that you can be an ally:

Don’t be offended by directness

Did you know that how we communicate is learned behavior that can be shaped by our culture and experiences??

I didn’t until I had people point out how direct I am and how they had to get use to my approach.

I am 37 years old and I wasn’t always vocal. I love peace and living a drama-free life, so I only brought up when I was upset when it went too far. It was unhealthy. I allowed others feelings to be more important than my own, and that often left me feeling resentful or I would boil over during a small disagreement because I spent so much time holding back. In my 30’s, I decided that I was no longer going to hold back. I was going to speak my truth (in kindness) but let people knew where I stood early on.

It was a little scary at first, but the more I did it, the more empowered I felt. Then I could really see people’s hearts. If you tell someone how you feel about something and you can have a meaningful exchange and they work on reconciling the relationship, they are worth keeping in your circle.

If they could give two you know what’s, then it’s time to let ’em go.

When your black friends are telling you point blank period how they feel, believe them. Let them have a moment of clarity and let them be transparent with you. It doesn’t have to be a scary thing. Just listen.

Stop taking criticism over system issues personally

Want to know how to be an ally?

STOP TAKING EVERY SYSTEMATIC ISSUE PERSONALLY

Over the past week or so, I’ve had to take a few breaks from social media for my own mental health.

I would see white people posting about how all cops aren’t bad because they have cops in their families. Why can’t we just say that what happened to the likes of George Floyd and so many other black men were just wrong?? Why can’t we admit that we need systematic change?

It takes the voices and actions of many to change systematic injustices that have tainted society.

Stop talking, explaining, rationalizing & just listen

Perhaps the best way to be an ally is to just listen.

Don’t say:

“Well, maybe there’s more to the story that we don’t know.”

“He/she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“He/she had a criminal background in the past.”

“We only saw part of the video.”

“Are you sure it was about race? It could’ve been something else.”

We don’t want our experiences invalidated or explained away. Please just listen.

Stop asking us how we feel

I know you have good intentions by asking, but honestly, we don’t know how we feel. Emotions are high. One minute we’re crying. The next minute we’re talking to our children and hugging them tighter. We’re in shock. We are emotionally spent.

We are grieving. Black people are not okay.

Stop making conversations awkward

If you’re my friend, we talk about life. Work, home, current events, our favorite t.v. shows.

Our world is in such a weird state right now. It almost feels like we’re in the twilight zone. Don’t suddenly make conversations weird with long awkward silences. It’s okay for you to share your feelings. It’s okay to ask questions. It’s okay to participate in protests if you feel led to.

Don’t be an ally, be a good human being

How can you be an ally? Show up!

Care. Be a good human being. Don’t make excuses about injustices, but look for ways to make small changes where you are.

Hear a racist joke at work? Call them out.

Notice that there are no people of color (of any other ethnicity) in your space? Do something about it!

Surround yourself with diversity at church, extracurricular activities for your kids, in the books you choose and the places you go.

Build authentic relationships with people who are different from you, and being an ally won’t seem like such a challenge. 

You’ll begin to care about the issues of people who are close to you.

Part of our indifference to change has been that people can easily turn a blind eye to issues that don’t affect them. But there is a huge problem when people are hurting all around and no one takes notice.

Keep advocating for change

In order for systematic change to come, we can’t be angry today and business as usual tomorrow. Sharing a few of your favorite black-owned shops and IG profiles isn’t enough. You have to keep widening your circle of influence and making room for others at the table. Check out  a few of these statistics from White Fragility:

Teachers: 82% White

Full-time college professors: 84% white

Owners of professional football teams: 97% white

Ten richest Americans: 100% white

US Congress: 90% White

People who directed the top 100 grossing films: 95% white

US Congress: 90% White
People who decide which TV shows we see: 93% white

People who decide which news is covered: 85% white

Now tell me we don’t need systematic change.

 

Being a black woman in today’s day and age is hard.

The death of Ahmaud Abrey Breonna Taylor has brought to light many issues in our country that have yet to be resolved.

In both cases, innocent black Americans were minding their own business and were murdered. Their families were left grieving without resolution and without justice for the murders.

Ahmaud Arbery was a 25-year-old black male running in his own neighborhood when he was cornered and gunned down because he was thought to be a suspect of break-ins in the neighborhood. At the time of his jog, he was just running. He was not committing a crime.

Breonna Taylor was a 26-year-old EMT who was shot in her home asleep by unmarked officers who entered the wrong home.

These stories need to be told so that we can take action and begin to receive justice.

As much as we like to use phrases like we all bleed the same, for black people, these words carry far heavier weight.

Hearing about the murders of innocent black men and black women is scary.

It causes us to have deep conversations with our children and in our communities–conversations that we shouldn’t have to have.

My children are biracial and light-skinned, but these conversations are still important for me to have with them.

They are young, so they may not always understand the importance of these conversations, but they have to be had nonetheless.

The conversations start with my (white) husband and me, and then we talk about how to navigate life as a multiracial family during these times.

It’s not easy y’all.

As black women, we’re often treated differently. yet are expected to adhere to a set of invisible standards.

If I wear my hair in a certain way, people will judge me. They will make assumptions about my intelligence.

When I’m out alone with my kids, people often assume I’m a single mom until they catch a glimpse of my wedding band.

When I’m seeking medical attention, staff assume I am on public assistance (this has happened on more than 1 occasion. I even switched pediatricians because of it)

My pediatrician at the time even spoke to my daughter (who was 1) and told her to tell me to stop spending all of her college funds on her clothes.

I am treated differently when I wear my (large) natural hair vs. long straight hair.

Women assume that I find all white men attractive (sorry sista, just mine).

Being a black woman in complicated. Want to know more about what you can do? Check out this YouTube video I did with Brittany from The Almost Indian Wife.

 

 

 

Toxic friendships are tricky.

They sneak up on you after you’ve poured yourself out past your capacity.

You make excuses for people because they are friends, and you often give them too many chances.

If you have a big heart like mine, even when people try to warn you, you find yourself giving too much of yourself because you are a glass-half-full kind of person.

Listen, I’ve been there. I’ve had to say goodbye to friendships I thought would last a lifetime.

No matter how necessary it is, it’s never easy.

Now that I’m 36 and a mom of 3, I’ve decided not to hold back and make excuses for people anymore.

 

If I’m going to invest time in someone, it darn well be with someone who is ready to do the same for me—especially if spending time with them means time away from my family.

Here are a few  toxic friendships I’m saying goodbye to:

Messy

I’ve done pretty well at staying away from messy folk. I try to keep the mess meter non-existent (except for my Real Housewife reality obsession), but every now and then, I meet a new person who seems to be nice, but then reveals their messy roots.

I ain’t got time for it.

Yeah, you heard me I AIN’T GOT TIME FOR IT.

The friend who listens to you vent then goes to the person you were venting about.

Or the friend who takes bits and pieces of what you say and spreads it to whoever, whenever.
You may have wanted to see the good in her, even when everyone else warned you that she was messy. But if she keeps making enemies because of her messy ways,

Ditch her.

Which leads me to the next friend to ditch…..

Unreliable

The friend who always makes excuses for never returning phone calls, but you see her having fun with her other friends on social media.

She’s also the friend who gets uncomfortable talking about hard things or can’t seem to understand why you’re upset when she let you down for the millionth time.

Selfish

This kind of toxic friendship leaves you feeling empty very quickly. She only wants to talk about herself and what she’s going on. The minute you need something from her, she’s a ghost.

If you try to tell her how you feel, she may turn things around on you, making you second guess your own feelings.

Having a selfish friend is the epitome of a toxic friendship they only express love and kindness when they need something from you.

When you tell them how you feel, they come up with a million reasons why this isn’t possible. They never take accountability for how their actions are affecting you.

Emotionally unavailable

Being empathetic doesn’t mean your friend has to experience everything you have. It means that they listen to you—really listen.

Being emotionally unavailable is a form of selfishness. These kinds of toxic friendships are draining because you are always listening but never listened to. When you share intimate details of your life, you are left with generic comments like Oh, no! or That sounds bad. Or just a blanket, I’m glad that’s not me.

Dealing with someone who is emotionally unavailable can leave us feeling resentful, lonely, or rejected.

Sometimes the fear or being hurt, or growing up experiencing some kind of trauma can cause a friend to be emotionally unavailable. If they aren’t actively working on healing their own past hurts, then you can’t expect them to show up for you in your time of need.

Listen, people can change, but not everyone wants to, or is willing to.

If you find yourself in toxic friendships, there are a few things you can do:

Open the door for conversation

Have some honest conversations about your feelings. Instead of pointing fingers, tell your friend how you feel when they do or say certain things. Listen to their point of view. Is there a valid reason for their behavior? Have they experienced a recent hurt or trauma that has affected the way they treat you?

Leave some room for growth

After you have a conversation with your friend and they seem receptive, give some time for a change. Are they genuinely trying to make amends?

Reevaluate your friendship

Sometimes healthy conversations about feelings don’t end the way we anticipate. Sometimes people are unwilling to change, and we have to be ready to deal with that too.

Reevaluate your friendship and decide whether or not you want to put any more effort into a relationship that is no longer serving you well.