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Being a black woman in today’s day and age is hard.

The death of Ahmaud Abrey Breonna Taylor has brought to light many issues in our country that have yet to be resolved.

In both cases, innocent black Americans were minding their own business and were murdered. Their families were left grieving without resolution and without justice for the murders.

Ahmaud Arbery was a 25-year-old black male running in his own neighborhood when he was cornered and gunned down because he was thought to be a suspect of break-ins in the neighborhood. At the time of his jog, he was just running. He was not committing a crime.

Breonna Taylor was a 26-year-old EMT who was shot in her home asleep by unmarked officers who entered the wrong home.

These stories need to be told so that we can take action and begin to receive justice.

As much as we like to use phrases like we all bleed the same, for black people, these words carry far heavier weight.

Hearing about the murders of innocent black men and black women is scary.

It causes us to have deep conversations with our children and in our communities–conversations that we shouldn’t have to have.

My children are biracial and light-skinned, but these conversations are still important for me to have with them.

They are young, so they may not always understand the importance of these conversations, but they have to be had nonetheless.

The conversations start with my (white) husband and me, and then we talk about how to navigate life as a multiracial family during these times.

It’s not easy y’all.

As black women, we’re often treated differently. yet are expected to adhere to a set of invisible standards.

If I wear my hair in a certain way, people will judge me. They will make assumptions about my intelligence.

When I’m out alone with my kids, people often assume I’m a single mom until they catch a glimpse of my wedding band.

When I’m seeking medical attention, staff assume I am on public assistance (this has happened on more than 1 occasion. I even switched pediatricians because of it)

My pediatrician at the time even spoke to my daughter (who was 1) and told her to tell me to stop spending all of her college funds on her clothes.

I am treated differently when I wear my (large) natural hair vs. long straight hair.

Women assume that I find all white men attractive (sorry sista, just mine).

Being a black woman in complicated. Want to know more about what you can do? Check out this YouTube video I did with Brittany from The Almost Indian Wife.

 

 

 

Toxic friendships are tricky.

They sneak up on you after you’ve poured yourself out past your capacity.

You make excuses for people because they are friends, and you often give them too many chances.

If you have a big heart like mine, even when people try to warn you, you find yourself giving too much of yourself because you are a glass-half-full kind of person.

Listen, I’ve been there. I’ve had to say goodbye to friendships I thought would last a lifetime.

No matter how necessary it is, it’s never easy.

Now that I’m 36 and a mom of 3, I’ve decided not to hold back and make excuses for people anymore.

 

If I’m going to invest time in someone, it darn well be with someone who is ready to do the same for me—especially if spending time with them means time away from my family.

Here are a few  toxic friendships I’m saying goodbye to:

Messy

I’ve done pretty well at staying away from messy folk. I try to keep the mess meter non-existent (except for my Real Housewife reality obsession), but every now and then, I meet a new person who seems to be nice, but then reveals their messy roots.

I ain’t got time for it.

Yeah, you heard me I AIN’T GOT TIME FOR IT.

The friend who listens to you vent then goes to the person you were venting about.

Or the friend who takes bits and pieces of what you say and spreads it to whoever, whenever.
You may have wanted to see the good in her, even when everyone else warned you that she was messy. But if she keeps making enemies because of her messy ways,

Ditch her.

Which leads me to the next friend to ditch…..

Unreliable

The friend who always makes excuses for never returning phone calls, but you see her having fun with her other friends on social media.

She’s also the friend who gets uncomfortable talking about hard things or can’t seem to understand why you’re upset when she let you down for the millionth time.

Selfish

This kind of toxic friendship leaves you feeling empty very quickly. She only wants to talk about herself and what she’s going on. The minute you need something from her, she’s a ghost.

If you try to tell her how you feel, she may turn things around on you, making you second guess your own feelings.

Having a selfish friend is the epitome of a toxic friendship they only express love and kindness when they need something from you.

When you tell them how you feel, they come up with a million reasons why this isn’t possible. They never take accountability for how their actions are affecting you.

Emotionally unavailable

Being empathetic doesn’t mean your friend has to experience everything you have. It means that they listen to you—really listen.

Being emotionally unavailable is a form of selfishness. These kinds of toxic friendships are draining because you are always listening but never listened to. When you share intimate details of your life, you are left with generic comments like Oh, no! or That sounds bad. Or just a blanket, I’m glad that’s not me.

Dealing with someone who is emotionally unavailable can leave us feeling resentful, lonely, or rejected.

Sometimes the fear or being hurt, or growing up experiencing some kind of trauma can cause a friend to be emotionally unavailable. If they aren’t actively working on healing their own past hurts, then you can’t expect them to show up for you in your time of need.

Listen, people can change, but not everyone wants to, or is willing to.

If you find yourself in toxic friendships, there are a few things you can do:

Open the door for conversation

Have some honest conversations about your feelings. Instead of pointing fingers, tell your friend how you feel when they do or say certain things. Listen to their point of view. Is there a valid reason for their behavior? Have they experienced a recent hurt or trauma that has affected the way they treat you?

Leave some room for growth

After you have a conversation with your friend and they seem receptive, give some time for a change. Are they genuinely trying to make amends?

Reevaluate your friendship

Sometimes healthy conversations about feelings don’t end the way we anticipate. Sometimes people are unwilling to change, and we have to be ready to deal with that too.

Reevaluate your friendship and decide whether or not you want to put any more effort into a relationship that is no longer serving you well.

 

Every mom needs to feel like her feelings are important.

This pandemic has made it tough. We are so busy taking care of our families in a different way, that our feelings sometimes get neglected. Not just by our loved ones, but by ourselves.

We are making sure our kid’s assignments get done and that our husbands have a quiet place to work at home. Or we are the essential workers who are maintaining a sense of normalcy while everyone else is at home.

This new normal has been tough on everyone–especially moms.

Whether you work from home, work outside of the home, or stay at home, the inability to come and go as we please has been difficult no matter the age of your children.

It’s been a little easier for me as I live on a farm on a large piece of land and the closest neighbor is my mother in law.

My kids get plenty of outside time, but I’m a full-on extrovert. I love meeting up with friends, talking with coworkers and I love seeing my school kids and interacting with them.

The first few weeks of the shut down felt like a much-needed break from the everyday hustle and bustle of life, but I quickly felt my need for socialization taking a toll on my emotions.

Phone conversations and Zoom calls just aren’t the same.

And the first time I ventured out to the Post Office, it was such a depressing scene. To see the plastic barriers and X’s on the floor marking where we should stand made me feel like I was in a horror movie. It was surreal and just didn’t feel right.

My heart instantly went out to people who suffer from anxiety. 2 years ago I had a miscarriage, and anxiety sometimes shows its ugly head, so I know how life changes can be triggers for anxiety.

Here are a few things moms need to avoid during the pandemic (and can lower anxiety levels too!)

Unplug from social media

Listen, social media is a great way to connect with friends and family as well as just chill and laugh.

But sometimes it can be toxic. It can feed your fear and anxiety, and it can cause people to argue back and forth with each other.

If you feel like social media is not serving you in a positive way, it may be time to take a break or get off all together.

And that unfollow button is there for a reason–I’ve used it quite a bit these days.

Every mom needs to unplug from people and things that don’t lift her up.

Ditch the Judgmental Jerrys in your life

We all know them. The people who have opinions about everyone and try to force them on others.

Sometimes Judgemental Jerry is a family member. Or a coworker.

Adjusting to this new normal is stressful enough without the input from others who are not trying to help or be positive.

Every mom needs to cut negativity out of her life.

Run an errand alone

The first few weeks were okay for me. I didn’t become anxious about leaving the house.

In fact, right before the stay at home order, I had been back and forth to meetings, conferences and appointments.

Ya girl was tired of running here and there and everywhere.

So the idea of staying at home was actually pretty refreshing.

But then it went on……and on…..and on.

After a month of staying at home, I was over it. I was dying to see places and people beyond the farm.

Whenever we needed something from the store, I volunteered to get it. Lately, I’ve been going through the drive-through just to give myself a break from cooking. Sometimes it’s just the little things that make each day seem a little easier to tackle.

Indulge in something you love a least 1x/day

Now this one can be tough. Moms are guilty of giving themselves selflessly until there is nothing left to give.

But this leaves us empty. Emotionally, physically drained.

Vow to give back to yourself so that you can continue to give to your family.

It can be something as simple as enjoying a cup of tea while you read a book at night, taking a quiet walk around the neighborhood in the morning, listening to your favorite music while you take a shower, or using a back massager while you catch up on your new Netflix binge session.

Cry if you need to

I’m a glass-half-full kind of gal, but being at home day in and day out was starting to get to me.

I was chatting with my mom a week or so ago and she asked me if I was okay because I sounded tired. And then the tears fell. I let go of everything I had been holding in for weeks.

I’m so guilty of holding on to my feelings and pushing through.

Yes, being resilient is important.

Yes persevering through tough times is a great skill to have.

However, we can’t neglect our feelings for the sake of pushing through. We are human, and it’s absolutely okay to express sadness or frustration about what’s happening in our community and in the world.

Every mom needs to be real with herself about her feelings. If you need help, schedule an online session with a counselor.

Get dressed and do your hair

Staying home day in and day out makes it easy to just sit in pjs and leggings all day. You start to lose track of the days and it’s easy to get lazy with our appearance (pot calling kettle black here).

Every now and then, get dressed. In real clothes. Put on some lipgloss or lipstick when you go through the drive-through.

Sometimes those little things are mood boosters.

 

This post is sponspored by Godaddy, but all opinions are my own.

I’ve been a blogger for five years and I’ve never seen parents panic more than I’ve seen in the last few weeks.

School closures have parents on edge and entrepreneurs are biting their nails waiting for normalcy and praying that their savings can sustain them during this pandemic.

Parents have been thrust into teaching their kids via home school during the quarantine. While anxiety is at an all-time high, it’s hard to see day by day when your vision is clouded by fear. Here are a few ways to help you cope and take a deep breath:

Start your own garden

When you grow your own food, you can have confidence in knowing where your food came from. How it was grown, what was used to grow it, and who handled it.

You don’t have to worry about braving the stores for fruits and veggies when you grow your own. And if you’re an outdoorsy person, you get a dose of Vitamin D while you do something you love!

Stay in touch with family and friends

Apps like Marco Polo and Zoom allow you to still see the people you love while you are practicing social distancing. If you’re an extrovert, it can be difficult to be shut off from daily interactions with people.

Limit your social media time

People are losing it online. They are sharing information without fact-checking. They are waving anxiety around in a desperate attempt to cope.

Being online can be a place that causes more anxiety if you are already experiencing anxiety due to the current state of affairs.

It’s okay to log off and give yourself time to breathe.

Take advantage of all the free entertainment available online

Home school during the quarantine doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun!

Instead of checking your Facebook account for updates that may not be accurate, use the Internet to access free group fitness, concerts, museum & zoo tours, and so much more!!

Let your tv or computer screen take you where you can’t go for now.

Use the resources your school/district is offering

By now, I’m sure you’ve seen a plethora of resources to help you navigate homeschooling with your child.

If you aren’t an educator, it can be overwhelming to know where to begin, even if your school is providing links and packages. Most teachers have provided a way to contact them, as well as offering office hours if you have questions.

Teachers entered the teaching profession to TEACH!

Don’t feel like you are bothering them by asking questions. They are concerned about their students and want to see them succeed, even if they are having to learn via distance learning.

Get creative with homeschool work

Is your kindergartener learning how to write their name? Get outside and have them write their name in dirt with a stick or in some chalk on the sidewalk.

Is your third grader struggling with multiplication? Use pretzel sticks to make groups to create a fun edible lesson.

Sitting at the kitchen table doing worksheets is boring. And if it’s not your thing, it makes the homeschooling last even more overwhelming.

Think back to some of the things your favorite teachers did in school. They use creativity and kept your attention. Learning doesn’t have to happen indoors and it doesn’t have to last all day. Think outside of the box! Home school during the quarantine doesn’t have to be labor-intensive and boring!

Catch up on housework

If you work outside of the home, balancing work, family, and home can be tricky. Sometimes it can be overwhelming juggling it all. Use this opportunity to catch up on some household projects that you were waiting on spring break to do.

Turn on some music and have a folding party. Get your little ones to learn to match and have them help match their socks. Housework doesn’t have to be boring. My kids love it when I blast music and dance around while doing things around the house. It makes a house feel like a home.

I work in an elementary school, so I make a practice of keeping up with laundry and wiping down surfaces. In my house, we try to keep toxic products out of our home, so I only need 1 product to clean every single surface, Thieves!! It helps our family stay above the wellness line.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Now is the time to invest in your health!!! With Young Living you get the opportunity to be plugged into some amazing supportive groups (like @shadesandstone), an amazing welcome package & access to me for all the questions! Thieves sanitizer, thieves household cleaner (for all the messes & spills), thieves roller (make your own), lavender for cuts & scrapes, valor for big feelings, peace & calming for the crazy moments, Ningxia to keep us all above the wellness line. Thieves is one of the easiest YL products to ditch and switch with. When you grab a bottle of thieves, you no longer need soft scrub, lysol, comet, toilet scrub, comet, windex, or any other cleaners! I use to pick up bottles that looked like they were “green” and “safe”, but I quickly learned that pretty pictures of plants on the bottle did not translate to being free of toxic chemicals. Let’s get this oily party started and let me help you on your wellness journey!

A post shared by Diedre Anthony (@oilyminded) on Mar 13, 2020 at 5:17pm PDT

Learn more about long term wellness

Wellness isn’t a choice you make once, rather a lifestyle.

When my husband became a farmer, his goal was to provide healthy, sustainable options for our local community. I remember him saying that he wanted to ensure that no matter what happened in the world, our family would never go hungry.

I admired his tenacity but scoffed a little at his thoughts about if something happened. His mission doesn’t seem so crazy anymore.

Wash yo hands

Listen, all the ‘rona’ talk has us paranoid about how long the virus can live on surfaces.

Now is the perfect opportunity to teach (and reteach) your kids how to wash their hands.

When our kids graduate from toddler years to adolescence, we assume that they’ve learned the basic skill of handwashing, but now is a good as time as any to reiterate it to your ENTIRE FAMILY.

Give yourself some grace

Home school during the quarantine is new for all of us. I’m a school counselor and preparing lessons for my kids was a little overwhelming for me too.

I’ve been in the field for over 12 years, but the new dynamic of our world makes homeschooling seem a bit daunting.

You won’t stick to the same schedule every day and that’s okay.

It’s okay to sleep in some days.

It’s okay that your kids miss their teacher.

It’s okay to miss work even though you are feeling guilty about not enjoying every second with your kids.

We have been thrust into quarantine, loss of some of our basic needs (i.e. toilet paper) and homeschooling all at once. Understand that defining your new normal won’t happen overnight.

And that’s okay too.

And find a community to connect with online. Times are different. And hard. Especially for those of us who are entrepreneurs. Thankfully, Godaddy has provided a new community for small business owners and entrepreneurs. Click here to be a part of it.

 

This post contains affiliate links. This means that I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you) if you subscribe or purchase something through the links on this page.

At the beginning of December, everyone starts looking for unique gift ideas for teachers, especially if they have more than 1 child.

Usually, the crafty moms don’t have trouble because they can whip up something quickly, but those of us who may be a little challenged in the crafty area start to twiddle our thumbs and guess what our kid’s teachers will like.

Some teachers put out a list at the beginning of the year that helps us know what their favorite things are, but most of the time, it gets a little tricky.

I’ve been a school counselor for 11 years, and I still struggle with finding the perfect gifts for teachers (so that should make you feel a little better)!

Instead of another Christmas mug, check out this list for some pretty fabulous gifts that any teacher or educator would love!

Cooluli Mini Beauty Fridge

 

The Cooluli mini-fridge makes a perfect gift for teachers because it switches from food warmer to food cooler. Nothing speaks a teacher’s love language more than being able to heat their lunch and cool their drinks from their classroom/office! It can be powered by an AC/DC adaptor or a USB cord!

Urpower diffuser

For the teacher who loves a more natural lifestyle, the Urpower diffuser is the perfect gift! It diffuses for up to 6 hours and has an auto shut off option. It has 7 color changing light options and is quiet enough not to be noticed in the classroom.

L.E.D Clock Fan

Teachers are always rushing from task to task, and sometimes from classroom to classroom. This unique desk clock also doubles as a fan.

It’s the perfect gift for the hot-natured teacher!

USB Mug Warmer

I don’t know about you, but there have been so many times I’ve brought a hot drink to work and I got so busy, that my drink got cold. I’ve even had to reheat my drink, and still got too busy to drink it!

This USB mug warmer is perfect for the busy teacher with cold coffee and it’s just under $10!

Tile Mate Key Finder

Does your child’s teacher always complain about losing things? Then the Tile Mate Key Finder is the perfect gift! Honestly, this is the perfect gift for any busy person in your life and can make a great stocking stuffer!

Tile is one of the easiest gadgets to set up! All you have to do is download the app, sync your device, and find anything you need!!  I love that the Tile is easy to attach to things. It has a hole in the top corner, but it can also be attached to flat surfaces.

Delicacy Ocean Wave Projector

Does your child’s teacher love science? Or do they love to spend large amounts of time at the beach? This delicacy ocean wave projector is the perfect gift for teachers who love the ocean.

It even has a built-in mini speaker that can play music from an iPod, iPad, desktop computer, android tablet or Mp3 player!

Rocketbook Everlast Reusable Smart Notebook

Teachers are constantly taking notes during faculty meetings, professional development and while they are assessing students. This rocketbook reusable notebook has pages that can be uploaded to Google, email, and so much more!

Young Living Basic Starter Kit

Giving a teacher a Young Living Basic Starter Kit is hooking them up with the gift of wellness! The Basic Starter Kit includes:

• Stress Away™, 5 ml (Stress Away™ essential oil blend contains a unique combination of Lime essential oil and vanilla extract. It’s this distinct mix of vanilla and Lime that gives Stress Away its unique and pleasant aroma, among other benefits.)
• AromaGlide® Roller Fitment (a roller top to put on top of the oils)
• Thieves® Hand Sanitizer, 1 oz. sample (non-toxic hand sanitizer)
• Thieves® Mints
• 2 NingXia Red®, 2 oz. samples (Natural energy booster made with wolfberries)
• Essential Oils at a Glance flyer
• Discover Your Young Living Lifestyle booklet

You can purchase the kit in your name and you automatically become a member! Becoming a member gives you 24% off all YL products, the ability to sign up for Essential Rewards (basically your own monthly wellness subscription box), ability to help friends order premium starter kit and the ability to get a paycheck (yes you read that right!).

 

If you would have told me 10 years ago that I’d be married to a farmer, I’d laugh in your face.

Seriously.

I remember the day my husband asked me if we could get chickens like it was yesterday. We lived on an acre of land in a quasi neighborhood.

I said no–firmly.

And I continued to say no every time he tried to change my mind.

In my mind, having chickens meant that my backyard would stink every time I went outside, and I also worried about attracting predators like snakes or foxes.

It also seemed too country for me. I grew up on an Air Force base hearing stories that my Jamaican parents shared with me about raising animals. My mom talked about having to kill a chicken, pluck it, then cook it for dinner. It seemed like such a far removed concept.

I loved the idea of having goats and other animals to care for, but killing my own dinner seemed like a thing of the past.

Now that he is a full time farmer, we have at least a dozen different chicken breeds that I could easily rattle off to you.

 

 

I can also tell you about different plants, oils, and holistic uses for a variety of plants we grow and use.

What changed my mind

4 years ago, my husband’s father passed away from dementia. He was a State Farm agent and my husband worked in his office as an insurance agent. He hated being on hold, haggling with customers who let their policies lapse and all the the politics. He had a voracious appetite for learning all things horticulture and was invested in growing a variety of different tropical and seasonal fruits and vegetables.

His hobby became his passion and he decided to start his own business and set out to provide our local community with fresh produce.

Seeing his passion for sustainability, I jumped on board.

Day to Day Farm Life

“Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man  healthy, wealthy and wise.”

I’m sure this quote is true, but he wasn’t talking about my family. We hate getting up early!

My husband is such a great father. He helps me with the kids in the morning and helps see us off. He even makes time to make homemade french toast.

Some days though, he has a long to do list and he is out the door while it is still dark.

Most days he is home after the kids are in bed. He has 200+ chickens, so he collects eggs 2x daily. He cleans, weighs and boxes up each one everyday.

He spends most of the day on his feet whether it is 90+ degrees outside, raining, cold, hail, etc.
Being married to a farmer means understanding that his body often takes a beating from the physical labor.

How we involve our kids

Teaching our kids about eating sweets in moderation, steering clear of genetically modified foods and inquiring about where their food comes from could literally be a full time job.

We are investing in our children and leaving a legacy of health and wellness to them.

They get to help raise chickens and collect eggs, so they value the hard work that their dad (along with other farmers) do to put food on the table.

The worst part

Spring, summer and fall are the busiest seasons. My husband works Sunday through Saturday and most nights are late nights.

This makes family time a little harder to get.

 

Being an entrepreneur does provide some flexibility in day to day scheduling, but it also makes for a choppy day. If we are together for homework and dinner, sometimes he has to leave to finish farm chores at bedtime.

On Saturdays when most families are going to the beach or taking a long weekend somewhere, my husband is still working. Either we leave him behind to take a trip, or we spend time together on the farm or somewhere local so that he can be home in time to tend to the crops/animals.

The best part

Honestly, the benefits of being married to a farmer far out outweighs anything bad. The more I learn about how food is mass produced, the less I can eat! Watching my husband sow into our community brings me such a great sense of pride! I love seeing him work so hard to educate and provide food for our family and community that is free from chemicals.

All of the physical labor means that he is getting a fair amount of exercise. His svelte physique encourages me to stay in shape and make healthy choices.

Watching our kids run around the farm playing for hours on end reminds me of the carefree days in my childhood. I love that they are using their imaginations and enjoy unplugging from technology.

I also know that they will be equipped with life skills beyond what they learn in a textbook. They will never go hungry because they will know how to grow their own food.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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There has been a lot of talk lately about the unfair treatment of animals and toxic chemicals in our products & our food. Growing up, I loved hearing stories about my parents growing up in Jamaica. They talked about the chores they had before school (feeding animals) & I remember thinking, I’d love to have a fun chore like that! My mom described how it was often her job to kill, clean & cook the chicken. I often got lost in their stories & tried to imagine what that life was like. When my husband first took an interest in horticulture, he started talking about food & quality. Most people rolled their eyes when he talked (me included), but now with all of the recalls, our conversations ate etched in my brain. I’m so glad he had a vision for a lifestyle similar to the way my parents grew up. While I won’t be killing any chickens to eat, I’ll rely on other local farmers & butchers to provide us with food that was raised free of hormones & animals that were treated kindly. It’s time to wake up y’all. Turning a blind eye to wellness has costly long term effects that are starting to manifest in young people.Start paying attention to those labels & start asking questions. Ignorance is NOT bliss.

A post shared by Diedre ❤ Are Those Your Kids (@arethoseyourkids) on Jun 6, 2019 at 7:53pm PDT

Farm life has been a wonderful addition to our family life. Being married to a farmer is unique, in that his job is not a 9-5 position. Farming is a sacrifice, but provides such wonderful benefits to our family and community.