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Counseling the Counselor: How to Manage Your Own Mental Health

November 6, 2017 By Diedre Leave a Comment

“You’re such a good listener!”

“I need someone to talk to.”

“I can’t afford a counselor, so you will do.”

Have you ever heard any of these phrases before? Chances are if you are a counselor or just a good listener, you have. I am a middle school counselor and I love my job. Sometimes it’s easy to get sucked into counseling off the clock.

The danger in this is that everyone needs a chance to recharge. Jobs that require a strong mental/emotional health are often overlooked because they don’t “look” tired. Here’s how you can manage your own mental health:

Stop Counseling Your Family & Friends

I can’t tell you how many times my family has bragged about having a counselor in the family, only to use me for counseling in the next breath. The problem with counseling family members is the difficulty in being objective. As much as you would like to, you have a personal investment in your family and you cannot be a neutral sounding board. It becomes difficult to navigate multiple layers and perspectives because you only have one.

It can also be difficult to let go of “counselor speak.” Instead of truly listening to what they have to say, you are attempting to cross the murky boundaries between clinician and friend.

Counseling your family also does not allow your brain time to recharge–which is an essential key to having a healthy grasp on your own mental health.

Get Your Own Counselor

Earlier this year, I suffered a miscarriage. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my lungs. One of the most difficult parts of it all was returning to work. I knew that my students needed me, and I felt like I had nothing to offer them. I was broken from the inside out and I felt like my emotional register had been depleted.

Times like this make us reevaluate our own mental health. Sometimes life throws difficult things our way and it can become challenging to push forward when our own personal struggles interfere with our emotions. When you are a good listener, you are offering a service and giving much of yourself without much in return. Sometimes it is necessary to seek out your own counselor without feeling ashamed or inadequate.

Wellness is of the utmost importance because, without it, we can’t truly be effective.

Leave Your Student/Client/Friend Issues with Them

There are times when issues come up at work that may strike a personal chord with you. It can be difficult to leave an issue at work. If you find yourself perseverating over a student/client issue at home, it may be time to reevaluate your own mental health.

Also, there is absoultely nothing wrong with thinking about (and providing support to) your friend who is going through a difficult time. It is another to own their problems as your own.

If you find it difficult to remain objective, it’s okay to refer the student/client/friend to someone else.

Constantly bringing issues home may be a sign of burnout.

Find a Hobby to Help Unwind

The most difficult part of counseling can be the mental toll that it takes on the counselor. Even if you are not taking issues home, you still need a way to destress. There are an unlimited amount of ways to provide yourself with stress relief, so don’t feel limited to just one activity.

You may enjoy scheduled activities with friends or community groups. Finding solace in a hobby can help you have more clarity at work after you have spent time doing something that you enjoy.

I personally love unplugging and spending time with my family.

Seperate Friendly Greetings From Quick Counseling Sessions

Seeing our student/clients in public can be unavoidable if we live and work in the same community. It can also pose a challenge when boundaries are not established quickly.

Keeping the conversations quick & cordial can keep the exchange from becoming awkward. If you are introduced as the counselor, stay clear of conversations about counseling sessions and topics.

Follow the student’s/client’s lead when you notice them in public. They may not feel comfortable approaching you or introducing you to their family members, which may save you from interacting at all.

If you are not a counselor, but you have a friend that makes you feel drained every time you talk to them, it may be a good time to put a little space in between you and your friend. You owe it to yourself.

How do you preserve your own mental health?

From Girl Mom to Boy Mom: Everything You Need to Know About Boys

November 2, 2017 By Diedre Leave a Comment

For 6 years, I’ve indulged in bows, frills, princesses & sparkly things.

A few weeks ago, I found out that I am having a boy!!!!

I’ve always wanted a son, and I look forward to the new dynamic he will add to our household.

However, as the oldest of 4 (and the only girl), I know that parenting a boy comes with a different set of joys and challenges–even a different parenting mindset.

Here are a few ways that I am preparing to bring home a baby boy:

Challenge Gender Norms

When my girls were little, this was important to me too. I made sure that their wardrobe had a variety of colors, not just pink. I also made sure their toys were balanced with primary colors, cars & STEM friendly stuff.

I plan on doing the same with my son. Having sisters will help teach him how to be loving and nurturing, not just tough and strong.

Teach Him to Respect Women

This is huge for me. This should be pretty easy for my sweet boy because he will be outnumbered! All jokes aside, there have been too many instances where women have been sexualized and devalued. I’m going to raise my son to treat ALL women the way he’d want his sisters or I to be treated.

Teach Him to Smash Gender Stereotypes

Our society places so much emphasis on teaching girls self-love and self-respect, that boys often get left out.

We expect them to be masculine, hide their emotions & “not be sissies.” When they hurt, they are often told to “man up” or “get over it.”

I want my boy to feel comfortable expressing his range of emotions and not feel like less of a person if he hurts. I hope that he can learn that his gender is only 1 part of who he is, but it doesn’t have to define who he is or what his interests have to be.

Understand His Needs

Growing up, I remember that my brothers were always busy. Busy building things (then smashing them), play fighting, wrestling, running, jumping–you name it, always in motion.

My girls are pretty busy too. Or at least I think so until I have a playdate with my friends with boys. Then I realize just how different they are.

Neither is better than the other, just different. Recognizing that my children have different needs will help me to not have unrealistic expectations of them-especially my son as I’m sure it will be easy to compare him to his sisters.

Boy moms, what advice do you have for me??

4 Tips for Taking Amazing Family Pictures with Young Children

October 29, 2017 By Diedre 2 Comments

Family pictures used to be scheduled a couple times of year: at Christmas, and when a new addition had arrived.

Now, family pictures are a way for families to document their lifestyles. With more people using professional photographers instead of store photo studios, it allows families to showcase their personalities in a variety of locations. Here are a few tips to making your family pictures a success!

Write Down the Date

This piece of advice seems like a given, but last year I thought Christmas pictures were scheduled for the next week. Imagine my panic when I realized that they were that day…..and in 45 minutes.

Complete & utter panic set in.

Luckily, being the planner that I am, I already had everyone’s outfit picked out. My hair was still twisted up and underneath a scarf. I was throwing on my lipstick and fluffing out my hair on the way to our photo shoot.

Thank God our photographer can work miracles.

So can I tell you, please write the date down on the family calendar, add it to your Google calendar, whatever you have to do so you don’t forget.

Don’t be Afraid to Experiment with Colors & Patterns

I’ll have to admit something to you. When we first started our family, I thought every family picture had to be perfectly matchy matchy.

Every shade was exactly the same for every family member.

I was stuck in the 80’s & 90’s Olan Mills mode.

Then I realized how much better it looks when we wear a palate of colors in a variety of prints & patterns.

Relax If Your Kids Don’t Cooperate

In the past two years, we’ve had to reschedule family pictures because someone was sick–until we couldn’t put it off anymore.

My oldest would present her best fake smile & my youngest would often stare blankly at the camera. Some of our best shots are of the kids being candid– like throwing leaves in the air, snuggling with me in between shots & wrestling with each other.

The point of family pictures is to let your family’s personality shine. And if your kids don’t cooperate? Those non posed pictures will make memories too.

Plan Family Pictures on a Day With Little Else on the Schedule

Kids are unpredictable. You may have a baby who naps. Or a toddler who has just woken from a nap. It doesn’t take much for young children to get overstimulated.

Try to plan your family pictures on a day where your kids are not hopping from one location to the next. This may help them be in a better mood when it’s time to pose.

And don’t forget to squeeze in a picture with your spouse. After all, you guys did all the hard work!

Winning at Wellness : Easy Tips for Moms to Stay Healthy This Fall

October 14, 2017 By Diedre Leave a Comment

I’m so thrilled to introduce Angela aka the Queen of Wellness to the blog. I met this passionate beauty at the Business Recharged conference this summer. She captivated me with her story of working full time, being over weight, becoming a mom, her journey to body building, and ultimately finding a balance and living a healthy lifestyle.

Every mom I know is looking to find the balance between wellness and family life. The Queen of Wellness has a few tips to share that will make a huge difference in your life! To know her is to love her!

Ladies, let’s get right into it! It’s the Fall, and several holidays are right around the corner. You know exactly what this means: extra fats (of the not so healthy variety), sweets, sweets, and more sweets.

So, if you don’t want to be a part of the New Year’s Resolution crowd, forever dreaming of getting back on track with your wellness, then you need a wellness plan to step things up now… and here it is!

I’ve got 4 Powerful Pillars that I teach successful, on-the-go women when they have any health & wellness goal in mind. We all want to feel our best, and our waistlines are a key indicator to our true health. The Essential 4 Pillars:

Meals

Don’t Skip Meals!!! It’s tempting when you’re in full gear and on-the-go to skip breakfast first, and then just grab snacks until dinnertime. But this puts the body in starvation mode, causing stubborn fat to hang around your waistline for years to come.

Make sure you’re eating regularly throughout the day.

This gives your metabolism time to say, “Hey girl, I’ve got the fuel I need, so I’ll burn some of it off while you’re at the wheel!” Be sure to choose nutrient dense options to fuel your body throughout the day.

I live by the cardinal rule of never giving my body something that doesn’t give me something back.

Movement

Do Incorporate Weight Lifting and Engage Your Core. Movement is the most important part of your day. Doing the Cha Cha regularly, even in your pajamas or when you are heading down the street is great, but you also need to work lifting weights or adding resistance bands, while engaging your core muscles into your routine.

You will create tone and definition, reducing your waistline naturally. You want to look your best and e in shape too, and exercise is the missing piece for so many women.

Start where you arewith what you have and commit to 30 minutes per day of exercise that works. No, you don’t have to wear a beast-mode t-shirt and blast Metallica. But you do have to move enough to break a sweat. Make it work for you!

Don’t Get Burned Out On Your Exercise Regimen. Doing the exact same regimen every day is going to get boring. Before long, you’ll be going to
buy new shoes, and then saying, “Oh, I’ll go tomorrow.” Instead, mix it up, have fun, and always be ready to try something new. Make sure to push yourself just a little more each time, and you’ll surprise yourself. When it comes to core moves, the “oldies” are good, but they don’t directly target the goal of shrinking the waistline. You have to work your entire core motion-based moves that work all of the areas of your midsection. Really mix it up because everything is connected.

Motivation

Do Keep a Food Journal. Keeping track of your intake is essential to recognizing your overall patterns.

Are you a sneak to the fridge at 2 AM snacker? Does your icecream mysteriously disappear when you open it?

Writing down everything automatically makes you more accountable, and lets you see where you can improve. There are several apps that work wonders for staying healthy. Find an amazing app to help you keep track of hydration, macronutrients and more.

Don’t Binge or Stress Eat
In stressful times, we crave high sugar and salty foods. But having a plan for these cravings can put an end to them in a strategic way. Keep things like carrots, dried fruit, sorbet, nuts, seeds and other naturally sweet snacks around instead for those moments of weakness.

Maintenance

Do Detox or Cleanse. As with your car or the pipes in your home, you must clean them out. Imagine all of the toxins that could build up over time. There are several juice based cleanses that can help you detox.

I wasn’t able to beat acne or grow long flowing hair until I started cleansing and detoxing regularly. A regular cleansing plan is very important & should be done each season.

The key to perfect cleansing is taking a mind, body & soul approach with all 4 pillars.

After searching for a cleanse like this and not finding one, I created CURE Cleanse: The Revolutionary 4 Pillar System. It’s designed to help users stay well with each season.

Don’t Re-Introduce Highly Processed Foods
No more microwaved popcorn and snack cakes. In fact, go ahead and recycle that microwave altogether if you can.

Between foods that have been powdered and reconstituted and foods that have been bleached, bromated, stripped of all nutrients, and then had the nutrients added back in, processed foods have got to be eliminated from your arsenal for good. Replace them with fresh, whole food sources on a consistent basis. These will give your body more nutrients, energy & the information to stay lean and well tea round.

Replace them with fresh, whole food sources on a consistent basis. These will give your body more nutrients, energy & the information to stay lean and well tea round.

Want to hear more from the Queen?

Don’t Queen alone, get the support needed to get well & stay that way. Feel free to join her tribe at angelacudger.com/tribe. Angela Cudger, Queen of Wellness can be found on social media @queenofwellness

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15 Ways to Enjoy a Fabulous Life in Your 30’s

October 1, 2017 By Diedre 3 Comments

I spent most of my 20’s in school, falling in love, being insecure (about my body and talents) and carrying relationships that didn’t suit me.

I tried way to hard to maintain friendships with people who didn’t try as hard as I did.There’s something about life, with all of its twists and turns, that turns us into different people. For me, my 30’s have turned me into a better version of myself. Now I’m a confident mom who isn’t afraid of change (okay, well sometimes I still am).

After having children, I realized that I could no longer afford to pursue relationships that went nowhere. The free time I voluntarily gave up to spend with people had to be worth the time I was taking away from my family.

My 34th birthday was last week, I’m re-evaluating how I want to spend the rest of my 30’s.

Move from passive to assertive. Stop letting people run all over you. You can still be kind & have the last word.
Take care of your skin & invest in some sort of skin care.
Don’t freak out about grey hairs. They appear everywhere, yes, even there. Cut them or pluck them.
Pursue your passions. Is there something you’ve always wanted to try? Do it!
Fall deeper in love (with yourself) & the things you love.
Go on dates. Never stop looking forward to them.
Turn your hobby into your side hustle. Find a way to bring in an extra stream of income doing something you love.
Don’t be afraid of change. Change isn’t always a bad thing.
Drop unstable relationships. Don’t pour into people who don’t pour into you.
Try something new. Take a spin class. Learn to swim. Travel internationally.
Take your mom’s advice. She really wasn’t out to get you, she wanted the best for you. In your 30’s, you finally get it.
Set some time aside to slay. Be fabulous. Be that woman that makes everywhere turn their heads when you walk into the room.
Dance in the car (or at home, in the shower, anywhere)!
Share what you’ve learned in your 20’s with someone in their 20’s. This is probably the most important. Spread your knowledge to someone else.
Know that your experiences, no matter how bad or good, do not shape who you are. Learn from them, grown from them, don’t let them define you.

What have life lessons have you learned in your 30s’?

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4 Questions That Girls With Curls Must Ask to Find the Perfect Stylist

September 21, 2017 By Diedre Leave a Comment

We’ve all been that girl.

The girl who has been in love with her stylist, and then the stylist moves and we’re on the hunt again.

It’s scary and overwhelming. Especially for curly girls. Not everyone knows how to make curls look awesome.

I’ve been lucky to have some great stylists over the years, and when they (or I’ve moved) I’ve learned some lessons that I want to share with you to make your experience a little easier.

Here are 4 questions that you MUST ask when considering a new stylist:

How Much Do You Charge?

In the old days, I was all about cheap. I know, go ahead and shake your head. I was a grad student living off meager funds. I wanted my hair to look good, but I didn’t want to spend a fortune (because I simply didn’t have it!) Sometimes being cheap cost me. A cheap dye job cost me split ends and major damage.

If the price tag is hefty, don’t immediately shut that stylist out. Sometimes, you get what you pay for.

Do They Come Recommended by Others with Curly Hair (POC=people of color)?

If you don’t have curly hair yourself and you are seeking a stylist for your minority child, this can be tricky. Sometimes you aren’t sure where to begin, or what questions to ask.

Make sure that the stylist you are approaching is experienced with curly hair. Curly hair is beautiful–when you know what to do with it. If the stylist looks confused or has to consult others to help style, trust me, that is not a good sign.

Can They Do a Simple Wash & Style to Your Liking?

Before taking the plunge with a major style like a cut or color, make sure you are happy with a simple style. Do you like the way they wash? Can they make your curls pop better than you can? Do you like the products they are using?

If you are unhappy with a wash, chances are you will be disappointed with a cut or color. Never go to a new stylist for a major change. You are putting yourself at risk.

Do They Have Pictures of Styles They’ve Done?

Most stylists will either have a look book or they’ll whip out pictures on their phone of recent styles they’ve done. If you are trying to figure out ways to style your hair, they should be able to lead and guide you in a direction that fits your personal style.

Seeing pictures of their work will be very telling as to whether their style will mesh with yours.

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