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Are Those Your Kids

Raising Biracial Kids in Today's World

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4 Reasons Your Middle School Child Isn’t Talking to You

February 23, 2019 By Diedre 2 Comments

I’ve been a middle school counselor for the past 8 years and I absolutely love working with preteens and teenagers.

When people find out that I work in a middle school, they shake their head and tell me that they feel sorry for me and there’s now way they could deal with the drama and hormones.

What I personally love about middle schoolers is the evolution I see in their personalities when they enter as timid 6th graders, and leave as confident 8th graders.

Middle school is such a tricky time, and can be challenging for both parents & kids. Here are a few ways to get your middle school child to open up.

 

While there is definitatly not shortage of he say/she say drama, social media wars & hormonal breakdowns, I love offering support to my students.

Middle school is such a tricky time, and they need support from adults, but often don’t know how to ask. Here are a few reasons you can’t get anything out of your middle school child:

They Think You Don’t Understand

Kids often forget that their parents were once kids too. Even though times have changed, there are some experiences that don’t change.

They Think You’re Too Busy

Most families are now 2 parent working households. Parents are working longer shifts, and often parents pass each other like ships in the night.

I can’t tell you how many times kids don’t bring things back signed because their parent that worked the night shift was exhausted and they didn’t want to bother them.

I always encourage my students to talk to their parents about things that are bothering them, but they afraid that they will get in trouble for interrupting their parents while they are working on other things.

They Think You Don’t Care

Teenagers can be dramatic. They can take small things and turn them into earth shattering moments. But those moments are important to them.

Once I told one of my students that I didn’t want to see her back in my office with any nonsense. The next time a teacher brought her to talk to me, she had major attitude. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that I told her not to come back. I told her what I meant was I didn’t want to have to talk to her about drama that she brought on herself. I didnt mean that she couldn’t come and talk to me. I was shocked because that student and I have a good rapport.

It’s easy to mistake maturity for adulthood. Just because your child is responsible, doesn’t mean that they don’t still need you.

They Don’t Have the Words

My five year old still has tantrums on ocassion. When I see her melting down, I remind her to use her words. When my girls start fussing with each other and whining to me, I remind them to speak clearly and use their words.

When kids get older, we stop coaching them on how to express their feelings.

The teen years is when they really need our help the most! They are navigating a host of new experiences, and often struggle with articulating their feelings. And they often feel ashamed about what they feel.

So how can I get my child to open up and talk to me?

It really isn’t as difficult as you think…trust me…I do this everyday.

Ask Your Middle School Child Specific Questions

Not just yes or no questions. And not just how was your day. Dig deeper. Ask your middle school child who they ate lunch with. Ask what the highlight of their day was. Ask who their favorite teachers are.

The more you ask, the more you know.

Middle school is such a tricky time, and can be challenging for both parents & kids. Here are a few ways to get your middle school child to open up.

And the more your child knows you care.

Sure, they may act like they don’t want you up in their business, but I can promise you that they secretly like it.

Invite Their Friends Over

Are you curious about how you child acts in school? Take some time to meet the kids they spend the most time with. This will tell you alot about the things they are discussing and where their interests lie. 

Middle school is such a tricky time, and can be challenging for both parents & kids. Here are a few ways to get your middle school child to open up.

I was just in a conference last week with a mom who was unhappy with her daughter’s recent choice of friends. Mom thought that her friend group was the reason she kept getting into so much trouble. And mom was absolutely right. 

Spend Time Together

While most teens do prefer the company of their friends over their families, it doesn’t mean that they don’t still value time together as a family. 

I get it. In between soccer practice, work obligations & home chores, it can be difficult to squeeze in extra alone time with your (pre)teen. But your relationship depends on it. 

Spending time together can be as simple as reading the same book together (having a family book club) or taking your middle school child out with you (alone if they have siblings) to get some icecream after running errands, or showing up to bring them lunch at school. 

Middle school is such a tricky time, and can be challenging for both parents & kids. Here are a few ways to get your middle school child to open up.

Need more tips on parenting middle schoolers & teens? Check out these posts:

Welcome to Middle School: What They Don’t Tell You At Open House

9 Amazingly Easy Ways to Help Your Teenager Gain Confidence

Communication Boost: How to Maximize Conversation With Your Child

Tips for Battling Back to School Emotions With Your High School Child

How to Raise Your Multiracial Child in a School That Isn’t Diverse

 

 

6 Meaningful Ways to Make Your Marriage Stronger

December 30, 2018 By Diedre 4 Comments

This post contains  Amazon affiliate links.This means that I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you) if you subscribe or purchase something through the links on this page.

Do ever wonder what you can do to make your marriage stronger?

Do you find yourself constantly coming back to the same issues, even after making up a short time ago?

Well, you aren’t alone.

Life + stress can complicate things.

New job(s), relocating, selling a home, purchasing a home, death of a family member, stress on the job, new baby are just a few things that can cause tension in a marriage.

We don’t want to admit that we allow these stressors to affect our relationship, but the sooner we figure out the source of the problem, the sooner we can find a solution. 

After 9 years of marriage, here are 5 ways I’ve found to make my marriage stronger. 

Life stressors often cause tension in our marriage that seems beyond repair. Finding the source of these issues can help make your marriage stronger.

 

Stick With the Issue at Hand During An Argument

How many times have you been in an argument with your spouse about something simple like the dishes, and then it turns into an ugly battle that brings back painful mistakes from the past or things that have nothing to do with your current disagreement? 

When we hurt, we tend to hurt. It’s easy to take cheap shots and point out someone’s flaws, but does that really help you get to the root of the problem? 

Take some time and create boundaries. Agree to disagree on things that don’t matter, and agree to keep some topics off the table. 

Sticking to the rules you create can make your marriage stronger. 

Keep Family & Friends Out of Your Business

It’s easy to vent your frustrations to the closest person that will listen. In many cases, that is a parent or close friend. 

While there is nothing wrong with getting someone in a (happy) marriage to give you advice on occasion, it’s another thing to constantly air your dirty laundry to everyone. 

The problem lies when you and your spouse have made up, your family and friends have not forgotten the things he said to you. 

They are now giving him the side eye, while you and your husband have made up. Some things are best kept between you and him, and when necessary,  your therapist. 

Speak Your Husband’s Love Language

Trust me, I am guilty of things. I’m a gifts, quality time and acts of service kind of girl. 

I love when my husband cooks me breakfast and lets me sleep in. 

I also love when he allows me to have some quiet time out and about without the kids. It allows me to recharge and come back home refreshed. 

However, his love language is physical touch and quality time. I could spend hours cooking his favorite meal and making sure his favorite outfits are clean, but if that isn’t his love language, I have just wasted my time. 

Life stressors often cause tension in our marriage that seems beyond repair. Finding the source of these issues can help make your marriage stronger.

While those are both very kind acts, I can’t expect him to be happy being loved the way I want to love him. 

We by nature are selfish beings, and so it’s easy to want to do for a person what we would want for ourselves. But in a marriage partnership, it’s all about give and take. 

We learn how to love our spouse in their love language, and in turn, they love us through ours. 

Continue To Date Each Other Even After Kids

I get it. 

The more kids you have, the harder it is to get away.

Life stressors often cause tension in our marriage that seems beyond repair. Finding the source of these issues can help make your marriage stronger.

It’s even harder to get away when you don’t live near family.

But you can’t use any of these things as an excuse. Your marriage depends on it. 

As you age, your interests and needs change. If you aren’t constantly communicating those changes to your spouse, arguments arise. You begin to feel like you don’t know each other any more. 

This is a dangerous place to be in. It’s hard to have those heart to heart conversations when babies are crying, kids are arguing and homework needs to be done. 

Life stressors often cause tension in our marriage that seems beyond repair. Finding the source of these issues can help make your marriage stronger.

Having that (alone) quiet time allows you and your spouse to reconnect. Even if that means reconnecting at home after the kids are in bed. 

This is an absolute must. 

Build Surprises Into Your Marriage

When we first got married, I was not one who loved surprises. 

I am very type A, and I love predictability. 

But you know what kind of surprises I always liked? Ones that ended with quality time (one of my love languages). 

So even if your husband isn’t one who is big on surprise parties, try surprising him in other ways. 

If he is usually the one to take out the trash, if you see he is running behind one morning, take the trash out for him. 

If he loves Indian food and you hate it, surprise him by picking up lunch for him from the Indian restaurant and bring it home for dinner. 

Little surprises show your husband that you care. 

And when he knows you care, he is more invested in showing you that he cares—and these little things make your marriage stronger! 

Regroup After Major Life Changes

Remember how I said it’s easy to hurt when you are hurt? 

That doesn’t always mean that the hurt comes from your spouse. 

Sometimes a death in the family, a new baby, selling a house, a new job (and the list goes on) can create havoc in your home. 

My husband and I added a baby to our family 9 months ago. We were excited to have a son, because just 6 months prior to his birth, we experienced a miscarriage. 

After the miscarriage, I battled with grief and depression. It was a difficult time for me personally, and in my marriage. 

After our rainbow baby was born, I was diagnosed with Bells Palsy and postpartum depression reared its ugly head. 

The months that followed were tough for us both. 

We’ve had to work hard at dating each other and communicating even when it was difficult. We talked about our feelings without making personal attacks. 

I realized that I can’t expect my husband to know how I feel just by looking at me. I had to tell him how I felt, even if it seemed apparent. 

Instead of scowling at his suggestions, I kept an open mind and listened when he tried to help. 

No one is perfect, and life experiences can be difficult. The joy in marriage is that you have a life partner to walk with you through these experiences. 

So how do you get on the same page as your spouse?

Allow your spouse to walk along side you, don’t shut them out. 

And once you have made it through the tough time, you will notice that the tough things often make your marriage stronger. 

Life stressors often cause tension in our marriage that seems beyond repair. Finding the source of these issues can help make your marriage stronger.

Life is tough. Weathering through life’s storms with your husband can be tough too. But anything that is worth having, is worth fighting for. Don’t let circumstances get in the way of the love that you have for each other. Taking some time to get to know each other again in the midst of life is t one of the keys that will help you make your marriage stronger.

Here are a few books that my husband and I have read through marriage counseling or on our own that have been helpful in our marriage:

Counseling the Counselor: How to Manage Your Own Mental Health

November 6, 2017 By Diedre 4 Comments

“You’re such a good listener!”

“I need someone to talk to.”

“I can’t afford a counselor, so you will do.”

Have you ever heard any of these phrases before? Chances are if you are a counselor or just a good listener, you have. I am a middle school counselor and I love my job. Sometimes it’s easy to get sucked into counseling off the clock.

The danger in this is that everyone needs a chance to recharge. Jobs that require a strong mental/emotional health are often overlooked because they don’t “look” tired. Here’s how you can manage your own mental health:

Stop Counseling Your Family & Friends

I can’t tell you how many times my family has bragged about having a counselor in the family, only to use me for counseling in the next breath. The problem with counseling family members is the difficulty in being objective. As much as you would like to, you have a personal investment in your family and you cannot be a neutral sounding board. It becomes difficult to navigate multiple layers and perspectives because you only have one.

It can also be difficult to let go of “counselor speak.” Instead of truly listening to what they have to say, you are attempting to cross the murky boundaries between clinician and friend.

Counseling your family also does not allow your brain time to recharge–which is an essential key to having a healthy grasp on your own mental health.

Get Your Own Counselor

Earlier this year, I suffered a miscarriage. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my lungs. One of the most difficult parts of it all was returning to work. I knew that my students needed me, and I felt like I had nothing to offer them. I was broken from the inside out and I felt like my emotional register had been depleted.

Times like this make us reevaluate our own mental health. Sometimes life throws difficult things our way and it can become challenging to push forward when our own personal struggles interfere with our emotions. When you are a good listener, you are offering a service and giving much of yourself without much in return. Sometimes it is necessary to seek out your own counselor without feeling ashamed or inadequate.

Wellness is of the utmost importance because, without it, we can’t truly be effective.

Leave Your Student/Client/Friend Issues with Them

There are times when issues come up at work that may strike a personal chord with you. It can be difficult to leave an issue at work. If you find yourself perseverating over a student/client issue at home, it may be time to reevaluate your own mental health.

Also, there is absoultely nothing wrong with thinking about (and providing support to) your friend  who is going through a difficult time. It is another to own their problems as your own.

If you find it difficult to remain objective, it’s okay to refer the student/client/friend to someone else.

Constantly bringing issues home may be a sign of burnout.

Find a Hobby to Help Unwind

The most difficult part of counseling can be the mental toll that it takes on the counselor. Even if you are not taking issues home, you still need a way to destress. There are an unlimited amount of ways to provide yourself with stress relief, so don’t feel limited to just one activity.

You may enjoy scheduled activities with friends or community groups. Finding solace in a hobby can help you have more clarity at work after you have spent time doing something that you enjoy.

If you are a counselor or a good listener, you may have a difficult time saying no to helping others. It is important to be in charge of your mental health.

I personally love unplugging and spending time with my family.

Seperate Friendly Greetings From Quick Counseling Sessions

Seeing our student/clients in public can be unavoidable if we live and work in the same community.  It can also pose a challenge when boundaries are not established quickly.

Keeping the conversations quick & cordial can keep the exchange from becoming awkward. If you are introduced as the counselor, stay clear of conversations about counseling sessions and topics.

Follow the student’s/client’s lead when you notice them in public. They may not feel comfortable approaching you or introducing you to their family members, which may save you from interacting at all.

If you are not a counselor, but you have a friend that makes you feel drained every time you talk to them, it may be a good time to put a little space in between you and your friend. You owe it to yourself.

 

If you are a counselor or a good listener, you may have a difficult time saying no to helping others. It is important to be in charge of your mental health.

How do you preserve your own mental health?

 

From Girl Mom to Boy Mom: Everything You Need to Know About Boys

November 2, 2017 By Diedre Leave a Comment

For 6 years, I’ve indulged in bows, frills, princesses & sparkly things.

When you've parented girls, it can be difficult to transition to parenting a boy. Recognizing that boys and girls have different needs is half the battle.

A few weeks ago, I found out that I am having a boy!!!!

When you've parented girls, it can be difficult to transition to parenting a boy. Recognizing that boys and girls have different needs is half the battle.

I’ve always wanted a son, and I look forward to the new dynamic he will add to our household.

However, as the oldest of 4 (and the only girl), I know that parenting a boy comes with a different set of joys and challenges–even a different parenting mindset.

Here are a few ways that I am preparing to bring home a baby boy:

When you've parented girls, it can be difficult to transition to parenting a boy. Recognizing that boys and girls have different needs is half the battle.

Challenge Gender Norms

When my girls were little, this was important to me too. I made sure that their wardrobe had a variety of colors, not just pink. I also made sure their toys were balanced with primary colors, cars & STEM friendly stuff.

I plan on doing the same with my son. Having sisters will help teach him how to be loving and nurturing, not just tough and strong.

Teach Him to Respect Women

This is huge for me. This should be pretty easy for my sweet boy because he will be outnumbered! All jokes aside, there have been too many instances where women have been sexualized and devalued. I’m going to raise my son to treat ALL women the way he’d want his sisters or I to be treated.

Teach Him to Smash Gender Stereotypes

Our society places so much emphasis on teaching girls self-love and self-respect, that boys often get left out.

We expect them to be masculine, hide their emotions & “not be sissies.” When they hurt, they are often told to “man up” or “get over it.”

I want my boy to feel comfortable expressing his range of emotions and not feel like less of a person if he hurts. I hope that he can learn that his gender is only 1 part of who he is, but it doesn’t have to define who he is or what his interests have to be.

Understand His Needs

Growing up, I remember that my brothers were always busy. Busy building things (then smashing them), play fighting, wrestling, running, jumping–you name it, always in motion.

My girls are pretty busy too. Or at least I think so until I have a playdate with my friends with boys. Then I realize just how different they are.

Neither is better than the other, just different. Recognizing that my children have different needs will help me to not have unrealistic expectations of them-especially my son as I’m sure it will be easy to compare him to his sisters.

When you've parented girls, it can be difficult to transition to parenting a boy. Recognizing that boys and girls have different needs is half the battle.

Boy moms, what advice do you have for me??

4 Tips for Taking Amazing Family Pictures with Young Children

October 29, 2017 By Diedre 2 Comments

Family pictures used to be scheduled a couple times of year: at Christmas, and when a new addition had arrived.

Now, family pictures are a way for families to document their lifestyles. With more people using professional photographers instead of store photo studios, it allows families  to showcase their personalities in a variety of locations.  Here are a few tips to making your family pictures a success!

Family pictures are a way for families to document their lifestyles. Here are a few tips to making your family pictures with young children a success!

Write Down the Date

This piece of advice seems like a given, but last year I thought Christmas pictures were scheduled for the next week. Imagine my panic when I realized that they were that day…..and in 45 minutes.

Complete & utter panic set in.

Luckily, being the planner that I am, I already had everyone’s outfit picked out. My hair was still twisted up and underneath a scarf. I was throwing on my lipstick and fluffing out my hair on the way to our photo shoot.

 

Family pictures are a way for families to document their lifestyles. Here are a few tips to making your family pictures with young children a success!

Thank God our photographer can work miracles.

So can I tell you, please write the date down on the family calendar, add it to your Google calendar, whatever you have to do so you don’t forget.

Don’t be Afraid to Experiment with Colors & Patterns

I’ll have to admit something to you.  When we first started our family, I thought every family picture had to be perfectly matchy matchy.

Every shade was exactly the same for every family member.

I was stuck in the 80’s & 90’s Olan Mills mode.

Then I realized how much better it looks when we wear a palate of colors in a variety of prints & patterns.

Family pictures are a way for families to document their lifestyles. Here are a few tips to making your family pictures with young children a success!

Relax If Your Kids Don’t Cooperate

In the past two years, we’ve had to reschedule family pictures because someone was sick–until we couldn’t put it off anymore.

My oldest would present her best fake smile & my youngest would often stare blankly at the camera. Some of our best shots are of the kids being candid– like throwing leaves in the air, snuggling with me in between shots & wrestling with each other.

The point of family pictures is to let your family’s personality shine. And if your kids don’t cooperate? Those non posed pictures will make memories too.

Family pictures are a way for families to document their lifestyles. Here are a few tips to making your family pictures with young children a success!

Plan Family Pictures on a Day With Little Else on the Schedule

Kids are unpredictable. You may have a baby who naps. Or a toddler who has just woken from a nap.  It doesn’t take much for young children to get overstimulated.

Try to plan your family pictures on a day where your kids are not hopping from one location to the next. This may help them be in a better mood when it’s time to pose.

Family pictures are a way for families to document their lifestyles. Here are a few tips to making your family pictures with young children a success!

And don’t forget to squeeze in a picture with your spouse. After all, you guys did all the hard work!

 

 

Winning at Wellness : Easy Tips for Moms to Stay Healthy This Fall

October 14, 2017 By Diedre Leave a Comment

I’m so thrilled to introduce Angela aka the Queen of Wellness to the blog. I met this passionate beauty at the Business Recharged conference this summer. She captivated me with her story of working full time, being over weight, becoming a  mom, her journey to body building, and ultimately finding a balance and living a healthy lifestyle.

Every mom I know is looking to find the balance between wellness and family life. The Queen of Wellness has a few tips to share that will make a huge difference in your life! To know her is to love her!

All moms want to find the balance between wellness and family life. Check out these easy, family friendly tips for living a life of wellness.

Ladies, let’s get right into it! It’s the Fall, and several holidays are right around the corner. You know exactly what this means: extra fats (of the not so healthy variety), sweets, sweets, and more sweets.

So, if you don’t want to be a part of the New Year’s Resolution crowd, forever dreaming of getting back on track with your wellness, then you need a wellness plan to step things up now… and here it is!

I’ve got 4 Powerful Pillars that I teach successful, on-the-go women when they have any health & wellness goal in mind. We all want to feel our best, and our waistlines are a key indicator to our true health. The Essential 4 Pillars:

Meals

Don’t Skip Meals!!! It’s tempting when you’re in full gear and on-the-go to skip breakfast first, and then just grab snacks until dinnertime. But this puts the body in starvation mode, causing stubborn fat to hang around your waistline for years to come.

All moms want to find the balance between wellness and family life. Check out these easy, family friendly tips for living a life of wellness.

Make sure you’re eating regularly throughout the day.

This gives your metabolism time to say, “Hey girl, I’ve got the fuel I need, so I’ll burn some of it off while you’re at the wheel!” Be sure to choose nutrient dense options to fuel your body throughout the day.

I live by the cardinal rule of never giving my body something that doesn’t give me something back.

Movement

Do Incorporate Weight Lifting and Engage Your Core.  Movement is the most important part of your day. Doing the Cha Cha regularly, even in your pajamas or when you are heading down the street is great, but you also need to work lifting weights or adding resistance bands, while engaging your core muscles into your routine.

You will create tone and definition, reducing your waistline naturally. You want to look your best and e in shape too, and exercise is the missing piece for so many women.

All moms want to find the balance between wellness and family life. Check out these easy, family friendly tips for living a life of wellness.

Start where you arewith what you have and commit to 30 minutes per day of exercise that works. No, you don’t have to wear a beast-mode t-shirt and blast Metallica. But you do have to move enough to  break a sweat. Make it work for you!

Don’t Get Burned Out On Your Exercise Regimen. Doing the exact same regimen every day is going to get boring. Before long, you’ll be going to
buy new shoes, and then saying, “Oh, I’ll go tomorrow.” Instead, mix it up, have fun, and always be ready to try something new. Make sure to push yourself just a little more each time, and you’ll surprise yourself. When it comes to core moves, the “oldies” are good, but they don’t directly target the goal of shrinking the waistline. You have to work your entire core motion-based moves that work all of the areas of your midsection. Really mix it up because everything is connected.

 Motivation

Do Keep a Food Journal. Keeping track of your intake is essential to recognizing your overall patterns.

Are you a sneak to the fridge at 2 AM snacker? Does your icecream mysteriously disappear when you open it?

Writing down everything automatically makes you more accountable, and lets you see where you can improve. There are several apps that work wonders for staying healthy. Find an amazing app to help you keep track of hydration, macronutrients and more.

Don’t Binge or Stress Eat
In stressful times, we crave high sugar and salty foods. But having a plan for these cravings can put an end to them in a strategic way. Keep things like carrots, dried fruit, sorbet, nuts, seeds and other naturally sweet snacks around instead for those moments of weakness.

Maintenance

Do Detox or Cleanse. As with your car or the pipes in your home, you must clean them out. Imagine all of the toxins that could build up over time. There are several juice based cleanses that can help you detox.

I wasn’t able to beat acne or grow long flowing hair until I started cleansing and detoxing regularly. A regular cleansing plan is very important & should be done each season.

Winning at Wellness : Easy Tips for Moms to Stay Healthy This Fall

The key to perfect cleansing is taking a mind, body & soul approach with all 4 pillars.

After searching for a cleanse like this and not finding one, I created CURE Cleanse: The Revolutionary 4 Pillar System. It’s designed to help users stay well with each season.

Don’t Re-Introduce Highly Processed Foods
No more microwaved popcorn and snack cakes. In fact, go ahead and recycle that microwave altogether if you can.

All moms want to find the balance between wellness and family life. Check out these easy, family friendly tips for living a life of wellness.

Between foods that have been powdered and reconstituted and foods that have been bleached, bromated, stripped of all nutrients, and then had the nutrients added back in, processed foods have got to be eliminated from your arsenal for good. Replace them with fresh, whole food sources on a consistent basis. These will give your body more nutrients, energy & the information to stay lean and well tea round.

Replace them with fresh, whole food sources on a consistent basis. These will give your body more nutrients, energy & the information to stay lean and well tea round.

 

Want to hear more from the Queen?

All moms want to find the balance between wellness and family life. Check out these easy, family friendly tips for living a life of wellness.

Don’t Queen alone, get the support needed to get well & stay that way. Feel free to join her tribe at angelacudger.com/tribe. Angela Cudger, Queen of Wellness can be found on social media @queenofwellness

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Hi, I’m Diedre!

Hi, I’m Diedre!

Lifestyle + Mom Blogger

Welcome to Are Those Your Kids! This blog was created to share my experiences in motherhood, from the perspective of a mom with biracial kids. I discuss all things education, culture, multicultural resources, curly hair and motherhood.

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Parenting biracial daughters comes with a unique set of challenges. People often question their identity based on their physical appearance.
Multiracial families are often suseptible to others biases based on their physical appearance. There is so much more to us than meets the eye.

The Frustration-Free Guide to Curly Hair E-book

Are you at a loss when it comes to curly hair? Does wash day make you cringe? Check out this e-book for a guide to all things curly hair care.

Curly Hair & Skin Care for Babies and Toddlers

Curly Hair & Skin Care for Babies and Toddlers

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Are those your kids FB Group

I decided to let my hair grow as long as I can. Wh I decided to let my hair grow as long as I can. When I first went natural I loved it short on the sides & in the back with the length on the top.

Now 3 kids later, I just want to keep it up🤣

I have a love/hate relationship with wash day. I hate how long it takes, but seeing my curls bounce back make me fall in love with them all over again. 

For this wash & go I used @melaninhaircare leave in conditioner + @sheamoisture red palm oil & cocoa butter styling gelee.

I love the look, but the next day I had some residue when I refreshed, so maybe not the best combo of products to use together.....but they produce bomb results separately
I love their love!! It's been such a cool thing I love their love!! 

It's been such a cool thing to see my baby girl blossom into such a loving & nurturing big sister. 

It reminds me of the days when I helped with 3 brothers. 
Nowadays, they could take or leave my help 🤣
My girl got her hair cut yesterday! Of my 2 girls My girl got her hair cut yesterday!

Of my 2 girls, my baby girl loves a bob. Her 1st haircut almost had me I. tears, but honestly since everyone in the house (except farmer bae) have curly hair, it makes my mornings easier because now hee hair only takes about 3  minutes to do. She has 2c hair, so it's more of a wavy curly pattern. 

Her hair does better with light products like mouse, serums & a small amount of leave in. Gel keeps those curls in place.

I'm teaching my kids about their texture & what their curls need so that when they're ready they can take over & do their own hair. 

Do your kids do their own hair?
I know that my children will have a certain level I know that my children will have a certain level of privilege because of their lighter skin.

People will compliment their tan & curls because they are #biracial.

That's why teaching them the real Black history is so important to me.

And the real history isn't pretty.

Slavery, lynching, Jim Crow, racism, police dogs & spray during peaceful protests, police brutality & so much more.

As a young mom I worried about seeing their innocence by teaching them the horrors of our nation's history. Now I understand that it's absolutely necessary because one day they will vote & they need to understand history so it doesn't repeat itself. They also need to be able to use their privilege to stand up for others if they witness injustice.

So today is so much more than quotes. It's learning history & being change agents. 

It's standing up for what's right even if it conflicts with what you've always been taught.

It's showing love through your actions, not just your words.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I HATE being l Anyone who knows me well knows that I HATE being late places. 

My husband & I have has it out this week over being late & sticking to a schedule. I had a minor surgery this week to remove a large keloid from my c-section scar.

I'm recovering well, but very sore.

Having it removed (again) has brought on all sorts of feelings. Sadness because I'm done having kids, regret over having 3 c-sections,  anxiety about side effects of the procedure,  fear about things the doctors may not tell me, major discomfort to name just a few.

So I realize that our arguments about being late are more than just that.

Growing together in marriage means recognizing when outside things influence your mood, therefore affecting how you deal with each other.

Being vulnerable is hard for me sometimes,  even with my husband. I was raised to be tough.

But I can't expect him to understand all my feelings if I'm masquerading a false sense of being okay. It really is okay to say you aren't doing okay.

It doesn't have to be permanent & it doesn't mean you're a failure.

In 2021, let's start being real with ourselves & advocating for what we really need.

Do you have trouble being vulnerable at times???
Did you know that Follow the drinking gourd is a s Did you know that Follow the drinking gourd is a song? I learned it in my middle school chorus days.

It's an African American folk song first published in 1928. The Drinking Gourd is another Folklore has it that slaves in the United States used it as a point of reference so they would not get lost trying to escape.

 According to legend, the song was used by a conductor of the Underground Railroad called Peg Leg Joe to guide some fugitive slaves to freedom. 

This book is a great way to introduce your children to the Underground Railroad.

#blackhistory
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