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I spent most of my 20’s in school, falling in love, being insecure (about my body and talents) and carrying relationships that didn’t suit me.

I tried way to hard to maintain friendships with people who didn’t try as hard as I did.There’s something about life, with all of its twists and turns, that turns us into different people. For me, my 30’s have turned me into a better version of myself. Now I’m a confident mom who isn’t afraid of change (okay, well sometimes I still am).

After having children, I realized that I could no longer afford to pursue relationships that went nowhere. The free time I voluntarily gave up to spend with people had to be worth the time I was taking away from my family.

After having children, I realized that I could no longer afford to pursue relationships that went nowhere. The free time I voluntarily gave up to spend with people had to be worth the time I was taking away from my family.

My 34th birthday was last week,  I’m re-evaluating how I want to spend the rest of my 30’s.

1. Move from passive to assertive. Stop letting people run all over you. You can still be kind & have the last word.
2. Take care of your skin & invest in some sort of skin care.
3. Don’t freak out about grey hairs. They appear everywhere, yes, even there. Cut them or pluck them.
4. Pursue your passions. Is there something you’ve always wanted to try? Do it!
5. Fall deeper in love (with yourself) & the things you love.
6. Go on dates. Never stop looking forward to them.
7. Turn your hobby into your side hustle. Find a way to bring in an extra stream of income doing something you love.
8. Don’t be afraid of change. Change isn’t always a bad thing.
9. Drop unstable relationships. Don’t pour into people who don’t pour into you.
10. Try something new. Take a spin class. Learn to swim. Travel internationally.
11. Take your mom’s advice. She really wasn’t out to get you, she wanted the best for you. In your 30’s, you finally get it.
12. Set some time aside to slay. Be fabulous. Be that woman that makes everywhere turn their heads when you walk into the room.
13. Dance in the car (or at home, in the shower, anywhere)!
14. Share what you’ve learned in your 20’s with someone in their 20’s. This is probably the most important. Spread your knowledge to someone else.
15. Know that your experiences, no matter how bad or good, do not shape who you are. Learn from them, grown from them, don’t let them define you.

What have life lessons have you learned in your 30s’?

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We’ve all been that girl.

The girl who has been in love with her stylist, and then the stylist moves and we’re on the hunt again.

It’s scary and overwhelming. Especially for curly girls. Not everyone knows how to make curls look awesome.

I’ve been lucky to have some great stylists over the years, and when they (or I’ve moved) I’ve learned some lessons that I want to share with you to make your experience a little easier.

Here are 4 questions that you MUST ask when considering a new stylist:

How Much Do You Charge?

In the old days, I was all about cheap. I know, go ahead and shake your head. I was a grad student living off meager funds. I wanted my hair to look good, but I didn’t want to spend a fortune (because I simply didn’t have it!) Sometimes being cheap cost me. A cheap dye job cost me split ends and major damage.

If the price tag is hefty, don’t immediately shut that stylist out. Sometimes, you get what you pay for.

Do They Come Recommended by Others with Curly Hair (POC=people of color)?

If you don’t have curly hair yourself and you are seeking a stylist for your minority child, this can be tricky. Sometimes you aren’t sure where to begin, or what questions to ask.

Make sure that the stylist you are approaching is experienced with curly hair.  Curly hair is beautiful–when you know what to do with it. If the stylist looks confused or has to consult others to help style, trust me, that is not a good sign.

Can They Do a Simple Wash & Style to Your Liking?

Before taking the plunge with a major style like a cut or color, make sure you are happy with a simple style. Do you like the way they wash? Can they make your curls pop better than you can? Do you like the products they are using?

If you are unhappy with a wash, chances are you will be disappointed with a cut or color. Never go to a new stylist for a major change. You are putting yourself at risk.

Do They Have Pictures of Styles They’ve Done?

Most stylists will either have a look book or they’ll whip out pictures on their phone of recent styles they’ve done. If you are trying to figure out ways to style your hair, they should be able to lead and guide  you in a direction that fits your personal style.

Seeing pictures of their work will be very telling as to whether their style will mesh with yours.

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Before I had naturally curly hair, I felt like I was navigating in the dark with my daughter’s curls. When I look back at pictures, I realized that I made several mistakes. I looked for resouces online, and I couldn’t find exactly what I needed.

When I decided to stop getting relaxers, finding the right products  was really a journey of trial and error. I watched more YouTube videos than I should have, and the mistakes continued. When I finally found what worked for me, I decided to help others so they didn’t have to have bad hair days while figuring out what to do.

If you want beautiful curls, then stop making the same mistakes I did!

Brushing

Unless you are laying down edges for a particular style, using a brush is a big no no. Brushing eliminates definition and contributes to frizz. A wide tooth comb will detangle and work its way through curls without causing major damage.

If you have straight hair and are raising a curly haired child, I know it’s a hard habit to break. But trust me, you won’t be doing the curls any favors.

Combing While Dry

Curls need moisture to survive. Combing hair while dry can lead to breakage and pain! Does your child cringe when you are doing their hair? Do they hate getting it done?

This may be why. Keep a spray bottle on hand.

Seeing a Beautician Who Can’t Fix Curly Hair

If you want to cut your curly locs, I don’t recommend visiting a new beautician for the cut.

Curly hair shrinks, and a beautician who is inexperienced with curly hair may leave your hair shorter than  you imagined.

I recommend allowing them to do a simple style on a few occasions before entrusting them with color or cuts.

If they seem to be confused about what to do with your hair, or need some assistance from a neighboring stylist, that is probably not the person you want making drastic changes to your hair.

Overprocessing

Most people turn to straightening when they have trouble taming curly hair. The problem with this is that if the person who is straightening your hair doesn’t know what they are doing, they can cause some serious damage.

If you are going to color treat or add heat to curly hair, it may be helpful to consult a beautician who has experience with curly (ethnic) hair.

Neglecting a Nightly Routine

Curly hair does not need to be washed every night. The longer it gets, the more time consuming that can be, and frankly it truly isn’t necessary. However, curly hair needs to be protected at night.

If you decide to wash late at night and don’t want to dry, be sure to twist or braid to keep the strands from breaking while you toss and turn throughout the night.

Curls can also be protected by wearing a satin scarf and/or sleeping on a satin pillowcase.

After reading this, you may be feeling a little overwhelmed. You have made several mistakes with your curls.

I’m not going to lie to you, all the steps and “rules” to follow can be a little daunting.  Once you find a routine that works for you, follow it and you can vary little things.

Most importantly, don’t forget to love your curls.

They make you who you are.

Embrace them in all their glory.