Maintaining friendships becomes more difficult as seasons in life change, especially the season of becoming a mother.
The way I see it, there are 3 kinds of friends: single, married with no kids & married with kids. There are definite advantages to each.
Single
Single friends keep you from being boring. They make the best shopping partners! The downside is that you can’t just hit the road and hang out like in the old days. You have to find a babysitter first or clear it with the hubby.
You text more than talk so you won’t have to deal with the constant interruptions. They tag you in funny memes on Facebook and Instagram.
When you do get to talk on the phone, you rush off the phone when you get home. Your friend may not understand, or they may become annoyed at you yelling at your kids in the background. Hands down, they make great Godparents and babysitters.
Married With No Kids
Your married friends understand the balance of friendship and marriage. They don’t take offense when you need to check with your boo before a girl’s night out. You can vent about your hubby, and they understand that your world isn’t coming to an end.
However, they do look nervous when your kids are running around the living room, and you have to rearrange things in their living room because it isn’t baby proof. They ask you lots of questions about pregnancy and babies. These friends have a tendency of being judgmental.
They see you struggling with your toddler at nap time, nursing after age 1 or give you that annoyed look when you are late (again) and they tell themselves their child will never be like that.
How do I know these friends are judgmental? Because my friends, I used to be one.
Married With Kids
This group of friends is great for play dates.
You can take turns fussing at the kids, sharing funny stories and commiserating about the embarrassing ones. You swap tips about baby products and what to bring to class parties.
They don’t get offended if you text more than talk or if you have to scream mid-sentence.
They also don’t look at you like someone died if you are having an off day and only wore one earring. They validate that you don’t have to be superwoman and kids will be kids.
Sometimes these friends get on your nerves. Your version of discipline is different from theirs.
They let their kids run amuck and you can’t enjoy the playmate because you are concerned about their safety. Or they only eat vegan & organic food and it stresses you out when they come over because you have nothing to feed them.
Each friendship has a place and adds balance and value to your life. You can relate to each friend because at some point, you were in their shoes.
What do you think is the most challenging part about maintaining friendships after becoming a mother?
What an insightful post! Thanks for sharing.
Thank you! I am hopeful that my experiences help others.
So true! Single friends don’t understand, but one day they will. We can maintain that friendship via text and social media when the kids are down for a nap. But they also need to understand we can’t drop everything when they need retail therapy.
You’re right, one day they will. Balance is the key word for motherhood.
If only the single friends and the friends with older kids understood.
Yes! Great point! Sometime friends with older kids forget.
There are many seasons of friendship. There is the after the kids get gone and tons of changes come type of mature friendship-The grandparent and the non-grandparent combo, the divorced and still married combo, the I never married have kids and the been married and still hanging in there, the empty nest and the they wont leave the nest, the fit and don’t have time to do anything but survive combo… my point is that women go through so many phases and we need to understand that some friendships will last and others are simply there for a season. It is not a bad thing, although it make cause some discomfort. Enjoy them when you have them and embrace the new ones because they may be the ones that stay.
Great point!
i feel like right now, time is a factor. it’s so hard to be working on a business, mothering, wife-ing, and just being me to have time! i suck at keeping in touch!
And the good friends will understand. We’ve all been there…or are still there!
My relationship with my best friend really struggled after my first baby. I couldn’t carry out a normal conversation while bub was awake but my bestie had so much going on in our lives. Now I have two kids and she has one and our friendship has never been better. True friendships can weather tough times and come out stronger!
I agree. Some friendships are stronger after tough times.
There is so much truth in this. I have been struggling with the loss
Of many friendships since my
Second child was born. One kid didn’t make a huge difference in my ability to maintain friendships but 2 has been a very different story. I would love for you to link up with us at http://www.akreativewhim.com/100-happy-days-17-22/. So many moms could benefit. Thanks!
On my second set of kiddos and most of my grown up friends are gone. It’s even stranger the second time around when most of have sent our kids off to college and I’m back to diapers and drool again. Loved this post!
Thank you! I think we can all relate in some way or another.
So true! So hard to maintain a conversation with single friends, especially in those first few months of the newborn haze.
I agree, they don’t get the newborn haze that accompanies lack of sleep, overstimulation & joy.
Great read! I moved town when my eldest was a baby and have only made friends with other mothers. It would be nice to have friends who are in the other categories to broaden my outlook on life – but it’s also nice to have friends who understand and can share the same experiences!
Sometimes being a mom makes you feel like you are in an alternate universe-you miss those moments you had before kids. But after talking with other moms, you get to share the woes and joys and it puts things in perspective as a parent. Thanks for sharing-glad you enjoyed it!