Every mother has a story to tell. I’m excited to bring this series to the blog this month! I’m sharing this space with some amazing ladies and writers. They all have a unique story to share about motherhood.
Lately, motherhood has been the most beautifully painful experience I’ve ever had. There are moments I’m riding on a wave of euphoria, and other moments wondering where I went wrong & why it hurts.
I’ve heard it said that if parenting is not hard, you’re doing something wrong. I think that statement is pretty accurate. There have been a couple of times that being the best mother I could be was really TOUGH. So TOUGH that it hurt.
When I Miscarried
“Have you told your children about the pregnancy yet?” As my stomach began to grow, this was the question on everyone’s mind.
I announced my pregnancy at 10 weeks, but started showing around 7. We were elated to add to our brood, and because of my size, announced earlier than we had with the other two. My husband and I decided to wait until we knew the sex to announce to the girls, partially because they ask a million questions at 3 & 5, and partially because we weren’t ready to take that plunge with them yet. However, we did start asking them a few scenario questions:
What if mommy had a baby?
Would you want a brother or sister?
Would that be okay?
After the miscarriage, I had a rough time. Let’s be real.
I’m still having a rough time. And it still hurts.
There were days that all I wanted to do was sit around and cry. But, I still have 2 children and I have to keep moving. So I put my feelings aside until they were sleeping, napping or preoccupied. I put myself aside for the sake (and sanity of my children). I don’t want them feeling sorry for me. The few times I couldn’t hold it in, they came over and consoled me and wanted to know why I was crying. I made up some excuse or wiped away the tears and told them I wasn’t crying. That hurts.
When I Punish Them
What good parent actually enjoys punishing their children? I remember my parents telling me, this is hurting me more than you. I looked at them like they were crazy!
Especially if they told me to hush after a spanking, or told my teacher it was okay to isolate me in the classroom because I wouldn’t stop talking.
Now, I’m raising a strong willed child. I’m not so sure that I don’t have two. Just last night, my daughters wouldn’t stop getting out of bed and playing in each other’s rooms. The youngest is out of preschool for the week, and the oldest is returning to school after missing a week due to sickness. They need their rest!
Trust me, you know that when your kids don’t get rest, they aren’t themselves. And to make matters worse, they will behave for everyone else, and save the bad, whiney behavior for you.
My oldest is the ringleader, calling her sister into her room. My husband threatened to take one of her favorite toys away if she got up again. I went into the kitchen to get some water and there she is standing in her younger sister’s room. I had to follow through and take the toy away. Was it fun to see her cry? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But was it necessary to make a point that mommy & daddy mean what they say?
HECK YES.
What about you? When was the last time motherhood hurt?
I despise punishing my four year old. Like, it physically pains me. and the last few days he’s been doing everything in his power to make it IMPOSSIBLE for me NOT to punish him. I’ve been spending the last few nights in turmoil and crying… one day I hope he’ll understand.
Don’t cry dear. It doesn’t hurt him as much as it will hurt you not disciplining him. Believe me, I work with plenty of middle school students who are out of control and disrespectful to their parents because their parents wouldn’t discipline them.
It hurts everyday but there is joyful moment everyday as well.
Its a balancing act every single moment of our lives.
At some point the juggling act becomes easier…hang in there because at the end we all have to remember the joyful moments. <3
You are exactly right! My children bring me so much joy. Those moments definitely outweigh the tough ones.
Loved this so much!! Yes punishing them is oh so hard!
Thanks Brittany. I agree…no good parent loves punishing their child.
Motherhood hurt for me this weekend. Our son was sick and in pain and I couldn’t make it better. I felt so helpless. You’re right, being a parent can be terribly painful.
Punishing them does hurt. Bad. But I think if the consequences if I don’t. There are still times when I want to cry over it though. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one.
Bobbi, you sure aren’t alone!!
Aw man……. thanks for being so honest about motherhood. It’s the hardest yet amazing thing and so hard to explain. The truth is that when we loose a baby it hurts, when we discipline it hurts. But lately I have been hurt by their disobedience. When they look at you and just defy you. It hurts my soul and I try not to take it personally but I do. Thankfully my kids are still young so the moment pasts quickly. I dread the future when they might spend days week or months hating me.
Anne, I feel you. That does hurt! We have to remember it’s human nature to want to do our own thing, so we can’t take it personal when they defy us. We have to do the best we can to discipline them so that one day they can be productive citizens. It’s hard not to take it personal in the moment. I know I’ve taken it personal MANY times.
Certainly enforcing their boundaries or consequences is so hard. It’s also hard when they’re not feeling well and you can’t do anything about it. My little just popped 5 teeth in one week! I’m just happy we both survived.
Yikes! I remember those days Amanda. Teething is definitely a challenge & a test of your patience!
Oh yes, mama! I feel yah here! Disciplining can be so hard and all the emotions that come with it don’t help!!! But being honest and talking about it like this I think helps keep us all sane knowing we’ve all been there too!
Such a good read. It is hard for me to punish, because I hate to see them sad. But I hate it when they act out from getting away with things more!
Me too. It’s easier to punish immediately then to wait for their behavior to get out of control & then I potentially lose control.
Yes! It is so hard to get onto them, but we remind ourselves if we can teach them while they are young, it will carry with them when they are older. Hard job being momma, but so worth it! <3
Oh, so worth it!
I seriously feel like I could have written this post. I totally agree with you that parenting is hard! It’s hard to see your child hurting because of another child and trying to teach them how to handle that.
Good point Shani! Now that my daughter is in kindergarten, it does hurt me when I hear her talk about kids that have her hurt feelings.
This is so true. I’ve had numerous days where I want to run and hide and cry, but I can’t.
The fact that we don’t makes us stronger.
I can identify with this completely!! We’ve hit a rough patch with ,y oldest having a disrespectful attitude and the toddler being so stubborn!!! Hard seem,s like an understatement some days but I try to keep it all in perspective. I’m so glad they’re mine.
This too shall pass mama! Trust me that’s a stage. They will come back around to being your sweet little angels soon.
Argh I hate HATE HATE punishing my kids, especially when they are having so much fun being bad. I feel horrible robbing them of their smiles. But it has to be done. Tough love sucks.
It sure does Betty!
Great post!
Punishing my kids is so hard. But, it is so worth it in the end when I remember I am raising 3 little boys to be 3 awesome men, daddy’s, and husbands.
You’re so right Jessica!
I think hard work will always hurt in some way. We are having a particularly difficult season with one of our children. I don’t always get it right, but I know God is working in and through our entire family…of course, that doesn’t always look pretty.
Charissa,
you are so right. Hard work seldom feels good at the time, but the benefits outweigh the difficulty at the time. Good luck in your season.
Awwww This is a very honest an open post. The topic with the miscarriage is a hard one to discussed, especially to kids. I’m in the mind that you shouldn’t as my mum said she miscarriage after me and she really regret telling me. Especially as I keep asking for a baby sister. xx
I can understand not telling. I think no one expects to have a miscarriage, so when they tell their kids, they aren’t expecting to tell them any different. It’s difficult whichever way you choose to handle it. Thanks for reading Anna.
Oh Diedre I can so identify with this and I am sorry for your loss too. I haven’t heard this in awhile, “if parenting is hard you must be doing something right”! I too have two little girls, 7 and 5 and a newborn baby girl and almost everyday there lies a challenge or some sort of new struggle. I have to lean on Jesus, my husband and thank the Lord for good friends! I love that you have turned this into a series, some great women here!
xo, Nicole
Thanks for your kind words Nicole! You are so right. Parenthood brings about different struggles everyday. Right now my 5 year old thinks she knows everything and I have to remind her gently (and most of the time not so gently) that she is not in charge.
Punishing my 4 year old actually pains my soul. Every time. I often wonder if he’ll ever understand how much it hurts me to discipline him. And then I remember that we all get there in time. xo
He will. I remember my parents telling me how it pained them. And I didn’t believe them. Now I do.