How Understanding Stereotypes About Black Women Makes Me a Better Mother to My Mixed Daughters

Neck rolls. Attitude. Ebonics. Baby Daddies. Single Motherhood.

These are just a few of the stereotypes that have long plagued Black women, and as a Black mother to mixed daughters, I often find myself facing these stereotypes in both subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

Growing up on a military base, I was constantly surrounded by diversity. The stereotypes fed to me through mainstream media mostly went unnoticed. My Jamaican parents tried to prepare me for how the world would perceive me, but because of our multicultural community, it was difficult to fathom how anyone could judge me based on what they saw on the outside.

That is, until I married a white man and entered the workforce. Suddenly, I was faced with the reality that it’s not just about what we see, but what we perceive. Our perception, after all, is our reality.

The Reality of Stereotypes in a Multiracial Family

When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband took me shopping for maternity clothes in a department store. I had stopped wearing my wedding ring because my fingers had started to swell. Like many men, my husband wasn’t a fan of shopping, so he made himself comfortable in the middle of the mall while I shopped.

As I checked out, the cashier glanced at my belly and scowled. She informed me that her daughter was pregnant too, but married.

Thankfully, my pregnancy allowed me to focus on the positive aspects of the day, so the cashier didn’t steal my shine. But looking back on that day, I realized she assumed I was pregnant and unmarried simply because I was a young Black woman.

After that day, I found a ring that fit my swollen finger. It was a small gesture, but one that spoke volumes about the assumptions people make based on appearance alone. As a Black mother to mixed daughters, I understood then that these stereotypes would not only affect me but could also impact how people perceive my children.

Facing Microaggressions as a Black Mother of Mixed Daughters

Since having children, I’ve noticed that when I’m out with them without my husband, people tend to make assumptions about me that often come out in awkward conversations or pointed questions.

The conversations usually start with, “Wow, you sure have your hands full,” or “Where do you work?” And when I tell them I’m a professional school counselor, they often look surprised. As a Black mother of mixed daughters, it seems that people are continually surprised by the roles I play in my family and my career.

The microaggressions don’t stop there. I’ve even had to switch pediatricians because of repeated encounters with subtle racism. On more than one occasion, I was asked where I worked and how I was able to take my daughter to the doctor during the workday. One doctor even spoke directly to my then 1-year-old daughter, telling her to remind me not to spend her entire college fund on clothes.

These experiences aren’t just uncomfortable; they’re also a stark reminder of the biases that still exist. And one day, I suspect my mixed daughters will pick up on this. They may ask why people are confused about my occupation or why they are so obsessed with our family dynamics.

How Understanding Stereotypes Helps Me Raise My Mixed Daughters

Understanding these stereotypes is crucial in how I choose to raise my mixed daughters. It informs how I talk to them about race, identity, and the importance of self-worth. I want them to be aware of the biases they may face but also to rise above them with confidence and grace.

I want to teach them that perception is reality; therefore, we must be careful about what we allow into our minds. Television and social media are filled with stereotypical characters that may entertain us but can also influence how we perceive others. As a Black mother to mixed daughters, I am keenly aware of the images they are exposed to and the messages those images send.

Thankfully, the narrative is slowly changing. Shows like Black-ish have helped to shift the portrayal of Black families in a positive direction, and even cartoons are beginning to feature more multiracial families as the norm. These positive representations help counteract the negative stereotypes that my mixed daughters might encounter.

Love Knows No Boundaries in Our Multiracial Family

My marriage to their dad, a white man, is a living testament to the fact that love transcends race. A Black woman who marries a white man is not a sellout, and it certainly doesn’t mean that there aren’t any good Black men left.

In our multiracial family, we celebrate the diversity that each of us brings to the table.

I want my children to understand that they can break glass ceilings no matter their color. They are a blend of rich cultures and histories, and that is something to be cherished, not hidden.

Empowering My Mixed Daughters in a Multiracial Family

As a Black mother of mixed daughters, my goal is to empower my children to embrace their identities fully. They are part of a beautiful multiracial family, and they should never feel pressured to fit into society’s narrow definitions of race or family dynamics.

I hope my children grow up knowing that they are loved and valued for who they are. Whether they identify with one part of their heritage more than the other or embrace all aspects equally, they have the freedom to define themselves on their terms.

Our multiracial family is a testament to the power of love, resilience, and the beauty of diversity. And that, I believe, is a lesson worth passing on.

For more insights and support on raising biracial kids in a multiracial family, feel free to follow me on Instagram at @arethoseyourkids or reach out through my contact page.