How do you know if someone has too many kids?
For me, I always knew that I wanted three. Thankfully, my husband and I have always been on the same page.
We knew the challenges that came with raising children, so we decided to reevaluate after each child so that we didn’t take on more than we could handle.
When I was pregnant with my third child, I noticed looks from strangers when I was out with my girls.
I was told frequently that my hands were full and I was questioned about their age difference.
I’ve even seen the look on the faces of some of my co-workers & strangers when someone announces that they are pregnant with their 3rd or 4th child. I can only imagine the assumptions they are making.
Here are a few I’ve heard:
You Don’t Know How to use Birth Control
When I was 27, I became pregnant for the first time. My husband and I had just celebrated our 1 year anniversary. One of my coworkers had the nerve to ask me if I was sure I wanted kids so soon.
The last time I checked, giving birth and having children is nothing short of a miracle. If I’m not asking for donations from my coworkers or begging gas money from random strangers, why does it bother people so much that I want 3 children?
Believe me, I know how to use birth control.
You are Struggling to Manage your Kids
I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen people with 1 child struggling to manage. If you have more than 1 child, then you already know how important planning, scheduling and being organized is.
Even if your home doesn’t always reflect perfect order, there is a science to taking children out in public. Thanks to things like double strollers, baby carriers, educational apps on tablets and snacks, moms all around the world can manage a shopping trip with their kids.
Is it perfect? No. But nothing in life is.
You are Unhappy.
Now that we have young children, we enjoy doing things with them. We realize that raising young children keeps you from doing certain things, but we’re okay with that.
In my 20’s, I worked hard and was semi-care free. I finished my Master’s degree by the age of 23 and started working full time. My husband and I traveled frequently during his time as a travel agent, and even went to Jamaica when I was 7 months pregnant.
They won’t be little forever, and we are enjoying our time treasuring those moments.
If you saw me frowning at the store as my child was demanding something and I was scolding her in response, that was just a bad moment, not a bad life.
You are Poor
I get it. We live in an age where minimum wage goes up, and so does the price of groceries. The rising cost of childcare has persuaded moms to stay at home in lieu of working outside the home.
BUT….
Being rich is relative. Having multiple children means that I will be rich in love, laughter, memories and cuddles. My children will learn to love and depend on each other. My hope is that they will be best friends just like me & my 3 brothers.
So don’t waste your time feeling sorry for me.
My girls are 2.5 years apart, and people often question me if they are twins. I can’t tell you how many times people have commented, “Wow you sure have your hands full don’t you.”
Yes, some days I do, but some days they are perfect angels. And one day, when my kids are grown and they all come home for Christmas, my heart will be full and I won’t regret one day of raising them all.
Honestly, I don’t care what people think about the size of my family, the age gaps between my children, the color of their skin, or anything else.
My husband and I wanted our home to be full of laughter and love, and we agreed three children was the right number for us.
Does it get hectic? OH YES.
Am I tired 99% of the time? YOU BETCHA.
Would I trade it all for something less crazy? ABSOLUTELY.
Just kidding. I love that my kids first lessons about sharing come from sharing with their siblings. I love that they have each other to lean on, and when no one else looks like them or can relate, they have each other.
What assumptions have you heard people make about families with 2 or more young children?
I’m pregnant with our third, and I definitely get some looks. I’m thankful we’ve started cutting back on some things and we’re working closer on a budget, so that we won’t become totally in debt/poor, too!
Congrats Jessica! Watching your budget is a good prsctice, even when you aren’t pregnant.
I only have two children, but I have received plenty of comments about my children and could only imagine what people would say if I was pregnant with a third. xo ~ Megan
It’s sad that people feel so strongly about how many children you have & how close they are.
So true! Thanks for sharing this. We have 2 (I’m wanting #3), and it’s good to know other parents go thru the same issues!
Yes ma’am, you aren’t alone! Good luck with #3 🙂
When my cousin (who just had her twelfth) was having numbers 3, 4, 5, people were asking them, “You know how this happens don’t you?” Her response shut people up, “Yes. And we love it.” I think she’s done now. I’m about to pop out number five and living in an area where there are many Amish and Mennonites cuts down on the looks and comments I believe. I haven’t gotten anything negative anyway. It’s just amazing when we live in an era of pro-choice and it’s uncouth to judge people’s lifestyles it’s still okay to judge a traditional family who chooses to procreate more than once or twice.
I totally agree! If your choice is to have a large family, that’s no one else’s business how or why you choose.