When my husband and I were seriously dating and began discussing marriage, we never really thought about the implications of being in an interracial marriage.
When we started having children, we began noticing that people had many misconceptions (and biases) about multiracial families.
Unfortunately, some of those misconceptions about multiracial families come to life through comments, questions and “observations.”
Here are a few that we’ve heard:
Kids That “Don’t Match” Their Parents Must be Adopted or Have Different Dads
For some reason, Americans tend to identify race based on appearance rather than ethnic makeup. Their misconceptions come out when they begin asking invasive questions. I think if they truly understood what they were asking, they wouldn’t ask (or so I hope)
People often ask me if my daughters are my children.
If you look at my own biological family, my brothers and I are all varying shades of brown. There is diversity even within monoracial families.
I hate that biases about black women often come to life when people ask questions about my kids. My husband is a farmer, so many times the girls and I are out and about without him. It’s a common assumption that I am a single mom. Even when I’m pregnant, I purposefully wear my wedding rings.
All Moms Struggle When Their Kids Hair is Different From Their Own
When my girls were little, Aveeno hair/body wash was enough for both of them. As they started to get a little older, their hair texture changed, and it wasn’t enough to add moisture, shine & definition. It was a process of trial and error to find what worked for them.
In the spring of 2014, I decided to stop relaxing my hair and embrace my naturally curly hair. The struggle was real for me. However, in that struggle, products that didn’t work for me, often worked for my daughters.
The process of trial and error was soon eliminated and now I know what makes their curls pop!
Differences do not always equal difficulties ya’ll.
And because I have girls, people think that we spend hours on hair. Unfortunatly, my hair is the one that takes hours!
Some of us can perservere and figure it out.
Interracial Couples Were Drawn to the Exotic Nature of Their Spouse
What attracted me to my husband? Let me count the ways.
He could cook.
He is intelligent.
His compassion.
We always had engaging conversations.
We enjoyed spending time together–even without spending money.
His dimple and his charm.
None of this had to do with him being white.
Some common misconceptions about interracial marriage, especially among black women is that I just couldn’t find a good black man, or I must’ve been hurt by black men and turned to a white man.
I wasn’t seeking out a white man and had nothing against dating anyone of another race. Sometimes the attraction is pretty simple. And to add to that, it’s no one’s business.
When my children begin dating and thinking about marriage, I want them to choose a spouse based on qualities that make them compatible and attracted to each other.
I hope that my marriage will be a mirror for them and that the misconceptions about multiracial families won’t be a factor.
What misconceptions have you heard about multiracial families?
Yasssss! So glad I found your fb group and your blog! When I enrolled my 2 daughters in daycare, the workers automatically assumed that they had different fathers. They would say, “Her father (pointing to my youngest) must be Mexican and her father (pointing to my oldest) must be Puerto Rican!” Um, no, they both have the same father not that it matters.
And I love it when they say: Is that your daughter? I answer “Yes.” Your biological daughter? Like, dude I’m not slow! I heard you the first time and my answer is still, “Yes!”
Yes! You tell them! It’s so sad that people feel like it’s okay to share their biases with you. I’m so glad to have you in group!!
So glad I found your blog! I also have a white husband, and though we dont have children (yet) I’ve been struggling with how to be at peace with our interracial ness. All of my close friends and family accept and love him, but if I’m honest, I never would have ever thought I would end up with a white man. I was super pro-black, natural dred wearing, african dancing, hotep, ankh having (i literally have an ankh tattoo on my back). We’ve been together for 3 1/2 years now and while I am happy to be with him, I still struggle with feeling judged by other black people, who may think I’m a sell out.
Have you ever faced this and how do you get over it?
Hey Gina! When we were dating, I had moments when I worried about how black people would perceive me when they found out my man was black. But then I stopped worrying about what they thought because I knew I was happy and he brought out the best in me. You just have to have tunnel vision and focus on your relationship. You can still be problack and all of that with a white husband.