You know those Saturday mornings where the sun shines through your windows, and you feel this overwhelming urge to catch up on the housework?
The laundry that’s been piling up all week, the dishes that never seem to end, the floors that somehow get dirty every day. I spent hours tackling those never-ending tasks, ensuring everything was spotless.
But now, as I move through motherhood in my 40s, something has shifted—dramatically.
Here’s the truth: I’ve changed. I’ve embraced a new perspective on what matters, especially when it comes to how I spend my time with my kids. And the things that once felt like the highest priority now seem less important. The house can get messy. The laundry can wait. The world is still spinning.
I know, I know. It sounds a little freeing, doesn’t it? And it’s something I’ve had to learn the hard way. Let me take you back a few years to when I was in my 30s.
Back then, I was all about being the “perfect” mom.
My big girls were little, and I was hands-on—always there for every snack, every tear, every tiny meltdown. I had the time, the energy, and—honestly—the desire to be the one who could hold it all together. My house was always spotless (well, almost always), my meals were homemade, and I felt like I was the epitome of that “supermom” image. But underneath all of that was a lot of stress.
I was constantly running on fumes, always chasing the next thing to do. The constant juggling act of keeping everything clean, keeping my kids happy, and keeping up with everything else left little time for anything else—especially myself.
And I couldn’t help but feel like I was constantly on the edge of burnout.
Fast forward to now, and there’s a stark contrast between my approach to motherhood in my 30s and my 40s.
The priorities have shifted, and I’ve learned some invaluable lessons about what truly matters.
There’s this beautiful realization that comes with the passage of time—the days are short, and the years even shorter.
You know what I’m talking about, right? When your kids are small, everything feels like it’s in a state of chaos. You’re constantly trying to catch up, but there’s never enough time to actually enjoy the moments that matter. It’s easy to get caught up in the mess, in the endless cleaning, and in the idea that everything has to be perfect for you to feel like you’re “doing it right.”
But here’s the thing I’ve learned: Perfection is a lie.
I no longer chase after a pristine home or the illusion of control. The perfection I once strived for has been replaced by a deeper understanding of what really fills my cup.
And I’m sharing this not just as a mom, but as a woman who’s been through the wringer and is finally figuring out how to slow down and soak in the moments that are actually worth the energy.
I used to think that the endless cycle of housework would make me a better mom. And maybe it did, in the short term. But in the long run, it stole from me. It stole my time with my kids. It stole my patience. And—let’s be honest—it stole my joy.
These days, when the weekend rolls around and my to-do list looks longer than ever, I do something radical—I skip the catch-up cleaning. I leave the dust, the laundry, and the dishes behind.
Instead, I grab my kids and head out for a walk, a trip to the library, or a visit to the park. Because I’ve realized that those moments are fleeting.
One day, my little ones won’t want to hold my hand as we walk down the sidewalk, or they’ll be too busy to cuddle up with me on the couch. The dust on the counter? It’ll still be there tomorrow.
I’m learning to prioritize the present. The giggles of my little girls as they run around the park, their excited chatter as we look at books in the library—those are the memories I want to hold onto.
Because, in the end, when I look back on these years, I won’t remember the piles of laundry or the cluttered counters.
I’ll remember the feeling of my kids’ little hands in mine, the look of wonder on their faces when they discover something new, and the conversations we had in the car on the way to the grocery store.
And don’t get me wrong—I still like things to be tidy, and there’s nothing wrong with having a clean home. But now, I approach it differently. I do it when I can, and I do it with my kids when they’re involved. And when I can’t, I let it be. I choose the experience over the perfection.
In my 30s, I was consumed by the idea that I had to do it all and do it right. In my 40s, I’m embracing the fact that I don’t have to do everything, and certainly not all at once. The house will still be there. But my kids? They won’t always be little. And that’s what matters.
If you’re a mom in your 40s, or even in your 30s, you might be feeling the same pull—the tug-of-war between staying on top of everything and simply being with your kids.
It’s hard to let go of the expectations you set for yourself. But I promise you this: The more you let go, the more you’ll gain. Not just in time, but in connection, in joy, and in love.
Motherhood doesn’t have to look perfect. It doesn’t have to be stress-filled or constantly striving for an unattainable goal. What it needs is presence. What it needs is authenticity. What it needs is a mama who’s willing to embrace the chaos and find beauty in the mess.
But here’s the kicker—I’m not just letting go of perfection in my home life. I’m letting go of it in other areas too.
I promised myself and my family that I’d never take on too many things at once again. I remember when I was in my 30s, and I thought I’d hit my peak—marriage, motherhood, career. I made a pact to not stretch myself too thin. But I’m evolving, and in my 40s, I’m challenging that promise I made. I’m pursuing new things—big things. I’m finishing my Ed.S, I’m getting my postpartum doula certification, and I’m also working towards becoming a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC). All of these things are happening simultaneously, and some days, it feels like I’m juggling a lot.
But you know what? I’m excited. I’m looking forward to what the second half of my life holds. I’m ready to move past the pressures of always needing to prove myself and step into a space where I can do work that fulfills me—and also be present for my kids. The dream is to retire from education one day, but I’m not stopping there. I want to continue doing work that excites me, something that allows me to keep growing while still being here for my family.
Being a mom in your 40s isn’t about choosing between a successful career and being present at home. It’s about finding the balance that works for you—and for me, that means taking on new adventures, embracing the messy moments with my kids, and cherishing the years we have together before they slip away.
So next Saturday, when that to-do list is staring you down, think about this: What’s more important—another hour of cleaning, or an afternoon spent laughing and making memories with your kids?
For me, I’m choosing the memories. Because those moments are the ones that truly matter.
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