Are Those Your Kids – Page 38 – Raising Biracial Kids in Today's World

5 Ways to Evolve Gracefully with your Spouse

February 22, 2016 68 Comments

5 Ways to Evolve Gracefully with your Spouse

I’ve heard many people who struggle in their marriages talk about how they’ve just grown apart from their spouse. The truth of the matter is that we continue to grow and change as people. Life changes us as we weather different seasons.

In marriage, we should be growing together through those seasons. Marriage should be a verb because growing together takes work. It takes work to embrace the person you love as they continue to evolve.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. In those 6 years, he has been a travel agent, State Farm insurance agent and now a farmer. My career as a School Counselor hasn’t changed, however I’ve become a mother twice, and that is an evolution in itself.

Here are 5 ways to evolve gracefully with your spouse:

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How to Love Your Kids When They’re Driving You Cray-Cray

February 15, 2016 43 Comments

At times, our house is a little too chaotic. My youngest is 2 and reminds us daily of her need to be in control. My oldest is 4 and likes to remind her younger sister that she is the boss.

I love my kids, but at times they drive me crazy! Does anyone else feel this way? What can you do when you need a break? Here’s what I do:

Go Outside

I know you want a nap.

Desperately.

You wish they would be quiet and slow down long enough for you to just get 30 minutes in. The last thing you feel like doing is going outside. Did you know that a little Vitamin D aids with battling depression?

Getting some fresh air and sunlight can lighten your mood. It will help you forget about all the laundry that you have piled up.

Not only that, if you wear the kids out enough, they may nap when they come back inside.

Hire a Babysitter

You may not live around family, or feel like you use family too much.

Ask your friends and coworkers for recommendations for a babysitter.

Then go watch that movie you’ve been dying to see. Get dressed up and go to a fancy restaurant. Hire a babysitter so you can recharge!

Have a Mental Health Day

This may require #2. If your spouse is off one day, put them in charge and you take a mental health day!

Go to the spa, spend the day in Barnes & Nobles reading, do something to de-stress.

Break Out the Art Supplies

I know you are thinking that making a bigger mess will add to your stress.

I haven’t met a kid yet that didn’t slow down long enough to paint, draw or color.

Crayola has mess free art supplies with their color wonder line of markers. If you are worried about a mess, use a Dollar Store plastic tablecloth to cover the surface the kids are working on.

Use washable art supplies in case the coloring gets out of hand. Trust me, I know.

Schedule a Play Date

When your kids are driving you crazy, it helps to be surrounded by a friend who’s kids are also driving them crazy.

It reminds you that what your kids are doing is normal, and you aren’t going through this alone.

I promise you, your kids aren’t the only ones doing weird and crazy things!

Invite a Friend Over

Real friends don’t judge you or your house.

They just step over the princesses, trucks, and crayons and sit on the couch with you and your kid.

A little laughter and friendship helps you relax and not think about how much your kids are driving you crazy.

And Last But Not Least, Walk Away When the Crazy Gets Unbearable

As long as your children aren’t in immediate danger, sometimes walking away is the best response. For the first six weeks of youngest daughter’s life, she cried for several hours a night every night. It pained me to see her cry in pain, but other than gripe water, nothing seemed to help. I knew it wasn’t her fault, but

For the first six weeks of youngest daughter’s life, she cried for several hours a night every night. It pained me to see her cry in pain, but other than gripe water, nothing seemed to help. I knew it wasn’t her fault, but lack of sleep and endless crying works on your nerves and emotions.

Sometimes I had to pass her to my husband or lay her down. Sometimes to cry, and other times to get my mind together before I tried rocking her again.

Today, my four year old asked for yogurt with granola. A few minutes later, she said she didn’t want it and cried when we told her she had to eat it. She started coughing until she made herself throw up.

As she was crying, I had to just walk away. It was more productive than yelling and telling her she had to eat it. If I haven’t learned anything about motherhood, I’ve learned that it’s okay to not have all the answers. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed and it’s okay to ask for help.

What do you do when your kids are driving you crazy? I’d love to hear all about it! Comment below. Subscribe to the blog to hear more stories about motherhood!

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5 Tips For Communicating Effectively With Your Spouse

February 1, 2016 126 Comments

Does anyone else every struggle on occasion with communicating with their spouse?

Then trust me, you’ve stopped at the right place.

This month I’m excited to talk about all things love and relationships. One of the keys to any successful relationship is good communication skills. We are even evaluated on the job based on our skills. But what does that really mean?

As a School Counselor, one of the things that I stress to my students repeatedly is effective communication. I teach them how to communicate with their teachers, peers and family members.

Surprisingly, adults also struggle with effective communication. In this post, I’m laying out 5 tips for healthy communication with your spouse. …

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How Growing Up In a Jamaican Family Has Influenced My Parenting

January 18, 2016 14 Comments

Both of my parents were born and raised in Jamaica, but came to the states as adults. I never really thought about how my Jamaican family was different from others until I was told me no about something that most other parents said yes to. My father was in the Air Force, so many of my friends had parents from different countries, which brought about their cultural norms.

As an adult no longer surrounded by other military families, I have settled with my family in the south. Many people I encounter live close to family, and have for generations. This highlights the stark differences between my Jamaican upbringing and theirs.

Here are a few things I have noticed:

I Love Jamaican Food

There are no international markets near me, so when I want to eat Jamaican food or season my food with Jamaican spices, I have to ask my mother to purchase for me, get it from Atlanta, or my grandmother mails it to me from up north. Sometimes I just have a craving for authentic Jamaican food!

Once when my uncle came to visit from New Jersey, I cried because he ate the last bit of ackee and saltfish (national dish). I didn’t know when we would have a chance to eat it again, and I thought it was unfair because he ate it all the time in New Jersey.

My Daughters Love Jamaican Food

Their favorite Jamaican food is porridge. Americans make fun of me all the time if they happen to hear me mention it.

Believe me, if you had it, you would understand why baby bear was crying when Goldilocks ate all of his!

My southern friends make fun of me for not liking grits; but I blame it on porridge! You don’t have to take my word for it, listen to a few Bob Marley songs and you’ll hear all about his love for cornmeal porridge.

I Love Music

Jamaicans love to sing…all..the..time!

My mother sent me to Jamaica a few times as a toddler, but the first time I remember was in July 2010. All the resort staff was singing, as well as people in the community. I felt such a connection to my roots! Now it made sense to me why I have always done that.

And guess what, my kids make up songs and sing all the time too!

I Have a Need to Keep my Culture Alive

Growing up, I always remembered my parents being friends with other Jamaicans, or people from other islands. Eating Jamaican food & listening to reggae makes me feel at home wherever I am. I want to make sure that my girls take pride in our Jamaican family.

When my husband & I married, it was important to me that he had a love of my culture. I remember him playing Bob Marley on the way to a date & thinking, “This relationship is off to a good start!”

Family is Important

I have a close relationship with my parents. In fact, I talked with my mom about this post last week as I was in the planning phase. I still look to my parents for guidance.

Jamaicans utilize their family resources and look to their elders for guidance.

This is essential for survival-a similar family trait to Asian and Hispanic cultures.

Diversity

Jamaica’s motto is Out of many one people. No matter the skin color, if you were born in Jamaica, you are a Jamaican. I have met many Jamaicans of different ethnicity, but the culture, the food and the music tie them all together. I hope to instill this in my children.

I hope that as my children grow, I can share my love of Jamaican culture with them. On my first visit as an adult, I felt a strange connection with the land that I can’t explain. Everything that I heard my parents and grandparents talk about as a child, came to life for me the moment I stepped off the plane.

How many of you were raised in a culture besides the American culture? Do you seek to share those cultural pieces with your children? I can’t wait to hear from you!
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How to Calm the Christmas Crazy & Stay Sane During the Holidays

December 30, 2015 36 Comments

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. The lights. The food. Two weeks off from work. Christmas pajamas. More time with family. Christmas carols. The nativity scene. Watching the kids rip open their presents.

What I don’t love about the Christmas holidays is what it does to my kids after it’s all over. The late nights with family mean too much sugar and not enough sleep. What do you do after you’ve eaten too much and your kids are way too stimulated? I’m so glad you asked!

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Black & White: An Interview About Growing up Biracial

December 21, 2015 29 Comments

Good evening all! I’m so excited to share this interview with you. Since starting this blog in July, I’ve had a variety of people reach out to me through social media outlets. My biggest following to date is on Instagram. I love interacting with other moms, especially those that understand the joys and trials of raising biracial children.

What does a school counselor and therapist have in common? Apparently a whole lot! Tiffany Coleman and I have never met, but talked for close to an hour about growing up biracial and all things race and raising kids. Let’s jump right to it…..

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