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Raising a biracial child is a complicated, beautiful adventure.
Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle those issues, especially when confronted by biases in their own families and communities.
Parenting a biracial child can prove to be challenging when you are doing it alone. Seeking out resources and befriending other multiracial families can provide a firm support system for you and your family.
It can be especially challenging if you are not biracial yourself, even if you are a minority.
Here are a few important things to consider when raising a biracial child:
Representation Matters to Your Biracial Child
I remember the day my dad brought home a black ballerina. I thought she was the most beautiful Barbie I had ever seen. Not because she was black, but because I could envision myself being a beautiful ballerina like she was.
I had white Barbies and I thought they were beautiful too. However, when I saw one that looked like me, I could identify with her. This childhood memory has stuck with me as I’m raising three biracial children.
I seek to find books & toys that represent them.
As much as I’d like them to be okay with identifying with me, I know that at some point, I won’t understand what it’s like to be biracial.
People Will Question Your Identity as a Family Based on Skin Color
When my oldest daughter was born, I sent a picture of her to all of my closest friends (as every proud mom does). One of my friends joked with me later that week that her phone was acting up, so she had to get a new one and all of her numbers didn’t transfer.
She got my text with a picture of Melody and was trying to figure out who sent her a picture of a white baby. I laughed, but it hurt my feelings a bit. When people said that she looked like my husband, I think I was offended because she was so light, not because she had his genes.
I didn’t want anyone to question that she was my child.
Ladies and gentleman, I was color struck.
Examine Your Issues with Race & Skin Color
I think every parent wants their child to look like them, biracial or not. At one time, I wished that my daughter’s skin color was more brown so that we I wouldn’t feel embarassed when people commented on how light she was.
As embarrasing as that is to admit now, it helps me see that I needed to change my mindset.
I had issues with color.
The lightness of her skin didn’t make her any less mine, regardless of what people thought.
Most people think they are being polite by pointing out features of a baby, especially if they follow up the statements by “I wish my skin looked like that” or “Biracial babies are so cute.” They don’t realize that they are othering your baby and making offensive comments.
God made my children with cinnamon brown skin; lighter in the winter and a darker complexion in the summer.
I need to be okay with whatever shade they are.
I have to teach them to be confident with how God made them.
If I allow what others say to us to bother me, my daughters will internalize those feelings, and I refuse to let that happen. Fortunately there are many successful biracial people they can look up to.
Seek Out Resources
One of the reasons I started this blog is because I struggled to find resources on raising a biracial child when I was pregnant, especially resources for biracial curly hair.
I’ve also found several other bloggers who blog on this subject and connected with them too. One of my favorite authors on the subject is Dr. Francis Wardle.
Are you raising a biracial child? What do you think is different about raising them? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below!
Thanks for your honesty. My baby came out sooo white, but she still looked just like my husbamd, and he’s chocolate. So, yeah, I understand the struggle of the skin color/looks. Even now, I don’t like when people stare at us when we’re out, but I’m learning to grow. So happy for you and your little ones…beautiful family!
Thanks Gray Mama! I struggled with this for probably the first year or 2. Then I realized that all that matters is how I see her & how she sees me. I’m glad we’re in this together!
Your daughter is beautiful & I’m really enjoying your blig! 🙂
Aw, thank you! I’m glad you’re enjoying it 😉
Thank you! I just posted about this subject for the first time today. This is the first that I’ve really had to dig deep into the topic on this level with my children. I completely understand what you said about being color struck. Except it was a little different for me. I expected my son to be darker, so when he came out so pale, I almost felt like I had to “get to know” him. I envisioned a child much different. Then I wondered…what do people think? Do they look at my husband and think “you better start asking some questions”? Sad, but true.
I so appreciate hearing your side. Thank you for the resources!
Jen, it’s so nice to hear that I wasn’t alone in my thoughts.
I can relate to everything you have mentioned. I also know cultural is different than when I grew up as a child.
Lenz I’m so glad you could relate. You make a good point.
I love this post. It’s so honest and so true. I’m not black nor do I have biracial kids, but some of these points even resonated with me as a mom and person. When I was a kid my mom searched and search for a barbie with brown hair. I can understand your need for a barbie that looked like you and understand how hard it might have been to find one growing up.
Thank you Rachel. I’m so glad that you could relate.
I came across this article on Pinterest and I am so glad I did! I’m a momma of a biracial daughter, who inherited her Daddy’s strong Irish genes. Other than her curly hair and my eye color, and major sassy attitude- one really couldn’t tell she’s mine. And the last 2 years she’s been alive have been filled with questions from everyone asking if she’s really mine or if I adopted her. Most days I hate it. I never realized how much something could bother me, a close second to people to randomly touching her hair like she’s some magical unicorn. I always fear that something serious will happen while it’s just us and no one will believe she’s mine. Again so happy to have came across this article and blog because I have been wanting to find one I could relate to more! 🙂
Thanks for stopping by Demi! I understand your exact feelings. Just remember, you are family regardless of whether you look like family or not. In my immediate family, all of us are varying shades of brown.Keep in mind that those issues belong to others, not you. Don’t own their ignorance.