Raising a teenager is already a challenge, but when your child is multiracial, it adds another layer of complexity. As a mom of four—a teenager, a preteen, an early elementary son, and a toddler daughter—I’ve had my fair share of conversations about race, identity, and belonging.
Over the years, my kids have been asked questions that made them pause, sometimes making them feel like they didn’t quite fit in anywhere. Questions like:
- “Oh, your dad is white?”
- “Why do you celebrate Black History Month if you’re only half Black?”
- “Why did you get weave added to your hair when it’s already long?”
Then there are the comments people make about our family, right in front of my kids. Like when my toddler was in a sea of white kids, and a coworker said, “I almost couldn’t find her in the midst of white kids.” That moment stuck with me—not just because of what was said, but because my child was right there to hear it.
These moments are hard. They make me pause as a mom because I know my children are internalizing these comments, even when they don’t say anything in the moment. I see it in their faces, in their body language, in the way they ask follow-up questions later.
How to Handle Comments About Your Family in Front of Your Kids
1. Stay Calm and Address It Directly
When someone makes a comment like “I almost couldn’t find her in the sea of white kids,” it can catch you off guard. I’ve learned that how I react in the moment teaches my children how to handle similar situations in the future.
Instead of ignoring it, I might say:
- “She stands out to me just fine. I guess you weren’t looking hard enough.”
- “That’s an interesting thing to say—why would you have trouble finding her?”
- “She’s not hard to find at all, she’s right here being her beautiful self.”
The key is responding in a way that lets my child know they are not invisible, different, or lesser than the kids around them.
2. Talk About It Later with Your Child
Even if my child doesn’t say anything in the moment, I always check in with them later. I might say:
- “Did you notice what that person said earlier?”
- “How did that make you feel?”
- “I want you to know that your presence is never small, and you are never ‘lost’ in any crowd.”
These conversations help reframe the narrative before my child internalizes something negative.
3. Teach Them How to Respond to Similar Comments
As my kids grow, I want them to feel empowered to push back when they hear comments that make them uncomfortable.
If someone says: “Oh, your dad is white?”
They could say: “Yeah, and?” or “Yep, and my mom is Black. So?”
If someone asks: “Why do you celebrate Black History Month?”
They could say: “Because it’s my history too.”
If someone comments on their hair: “Why did you get weave when your hair is already long?”
They could say: “Because I wanted to! Black hair is versatile.”
It’s important for them to know they don’t have to explain themselves—but if they do, they should feel confident doing it.
Common Challenges for Multiracial Teens
1. Identity Confusion: “Where Do I Fit In?”
Many multiracial teens struggle with feeling like they don’t fully belong to one racial or cultural group. Society often pressures them to “choose a side,” making them feel like they need to identify as only one race rather than embracing their full identity.
My oldest daughter has had moments where she’s felt out of place. Whether it’s at school or in social settings, there’s sometimes a feeling of being “different,” even when she doesn’t want to be.
How to Help:
- Reassure them that they don’t have to choose. They are whole, not half of anything.
- Encourage exposure to both (or all) sides of their heritage through food, music, books, and family traditions.
- Share diverse role models who proudly embrace their multiracial identity.
Read more: 4 Simple Skin & Hair Tips for Biracial Babies
2. “Why Do You Celebrate Black History Month?”
This one stings. It assumes that my kids aren’t Black enough to celebrate Black history. My preteen heard something like this at school and came home confused.
How to Help:
- Teach them that history isn’t exclusive. Black History Month is for everyone, and multiracial kids have every right to celebrate their heritage.
- Encourage a response like, “I celebrate because it’s my history too.”
- Remind them that being Black isn’t about a percentage—it’s about heritage, culture, and lived experiences.
3. Lack of Representation in Media and Education
Many schools don’t teach multiracial history, and movies and books often feature one-race families. Your teen may struggle to find characters and role models that reflect their lived experience.
How to Help:
- Encourage them to read books about multiracial identity.
- Seek out movies, TV shows, and YouTubers that highlight diverse experiences.
- Advocate for inclusive education at their school.
Best Books for Multiracial Teens:
- Real American: A Memoir – A powerful story about a biracial woman’s identity struggles.
- Raising Multiracial Children – A must-read for parents.
Final Thoughts: Your Teen’s Multiracial Identity is a Gift
Being a multiracial teen can be challenging, but it’s also a beautiful opportunity to embrace multiple cultures, traditions, and experiences. As parents, our role is to support, listen, and empower them to be their authentic selves.
If you want more parenting tips, follow me on Instagram:
@arethoseyourkids
@farmdoulacounselor
Check out my Amazon storefront for books on multiracial parenting: amazon.com/shop/arethoseyourkids
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Let’s raise confident, empowered, and proud multiracial teens together.
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