It can be difficult to get your marriage back on track after arguing.
Whether it’s lack of communication, or the inability to express feelings, communication issues interferes with happy marriages.
And even in relationships where healthy communication isn’t an issue, arguments will still happen. And there are seasons that are tougher than others and it seems like you just can’t get it together.
Marriage is hard heart work. Marriage requires two different people who were raised differently to come together and build a life together.
Raising kids, blending families & finances. Whew. Sometimes it isn’t as easy as it appears.
Sometimes our culture puts so much emphasis on the wedding, but not enough on the life after the wedding.
One of the biggest problems in marriages is communication.
I’m a counselor and I feel like communication is a strength of mine, but I’ve been hit by some rough seasons in life and in my marriage. Thankfully my husband is just as committed as I am to making our marriage work, so we’ve had to roll up our sleeves (on a few occasions) to get to the heart of our issues.
If your season is lasting longer than you had anticipated, here are a few tips on how to get your relationship back on track:
Stick to the issue at hand and don’t attack
It’s easy to go in attack mode when you are hurt or disappointed.
And no name calling. Ever.
Listen, nothing ever good comes from backing someone in a corner and going into attack mode. I promise.
If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything. Put your discussion on pause until you can articulate like an adult. Yup, I said it.
Stay away from speaking in absolutes
“You always….”
“I can’t believe you…”
“You never…..”
No one does the same thing the same way all the time. Be responsible for your words, even when you are angry.
Discuss your issues right away, don’t allow them to fester
The longer you hold in your feelings, the bigger your explosion will be when they come out.
For me, this is the toughest. When I get angry, I hold back. Not because I’m afraid of expressing my emotions, but because I don’t want to lose control of my emotions by saying things I’ll regret. I also don’t like arguing about the same things over and over again.
Marriage means discussing the same things over and over again until you get it right. And that’s okay.
We’ve been taught that something is wrong if we can’t fix it the first time.
But you won’t always be on the same page the first time you argue…or even the second or third.
Getting your relationship back on track means being willing to have long and frequent discussions until you get it right.
Enlist the help of a professional if you can’t seem to get it together
Don’t threaten leaving
It’s just not nice. It causes hurt, frustration and later regret. No one gets married with the goal of divorce. Don’t use threats to get your spouse to hear what you have to say. Hurtful threats don’t work–even if they work temporarily, it doesn’t sustain a healthy relationship.
But if you are experiencing physical abuse, get out. It isn’t your fault.
Listen, to everything there is a season—and some seasons last a little longer than we anticipate.
Life throws us curve balls and those seasons bring hurt, confusion, depression, and a host of other issues, but if you are willing to address those issues, you can get your marriage relationship back on track after arguing.
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