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Raising Biracial Kids in Today's World

Motherhood Series

Every Mother Has a Story to Tell: A Story About Single Motherhood

June 4, 2017 Comments : 9

There are many stereotypes about single mothers. Take a look into this mom's single motherhood journey and see how she smashes some of those stereotypes.

New to the blog & the motherhood series is Kisha Wynn. She’s sharing heartbreak, disappoints and joys of single motherhood. Please welcome her and she tells her story.

There are many stereotypes about single mothers. Take a look into this mom's single motherhood journey and see how she smashes some of those stereotypes.

When I was a teenager I had a picture of how my family would be. A tall, dark, and  handsome husband, 2 kids, a dog and a white picket fence. Really! That was my ideal family. I never planned for things to be quite as interesting as they are today.

Three years ago I found myself a mother of 2, pregnant with twins and alone. After a rough breakup, financial hardship, failures and many disappointments I still chose joy.

It was a few weeks after finding out I was having twins that I just decided to get over it. No more pity parties. No more shame in being single and no more excuses. I had decided to own my situation and live my life.

I looked at my 2 sons and my growing belly and thought: “How can I make the best of this?”

I knew that I had to learn to enjoy the here and now and teach them to do the same. So I began to not focus so much my “issues” and find happiness in the little moments.

I can remember laughing when we all had to use the one bathroom we had in our tiny apartment, because I was just happy we had a safe place to call our own.

I found humor in the awkward conversations with my ex because I was just thankful to be happily single, instead of miserably married to one bad decision.

I let every late notice and past due bill fuel my faith and increase the hope I had for a better future.

That’s what kept me going.

Ultimately I decided to look at life from a different perspective. Once I changed my attitude towards my circumstances, the circumstances changed right before me.

Despite parenting alone, I was finally happy. Because I realized that being a single mom was not the totality of who I was. My circumstances did not make me. I was more than what happened to me and I decided to use that to fuel a life of joy.

I decided to start doing specific things to be happier with what I had and find the joy in single parenting.

When I evaluated everything I realized good things were happening for me. I needed to start magnifying them. So I decided to start a journaling every little success. I didn’t care how small it seemed, I wrote it down and celebrated it. The baby went potty (ugh finally), I paid rent on time, I made it to the gym, I made it all a big deal.

I will never forget the first time I bought a live Christmas tree. I thought let me do something different and special with my sons. So I went out got the Christmas tree and me, my sons and my belly dragged it upstairs to our little apartment.

I unwrapped it, put it up and stood back in admiration of what I had just done. About 60 seconds later I friggin frog jumps out of the tree! I literally lost my mind. My oldest son ran and left me alone with this creature!!

It took everything I had to find the courage to wrangle this thing out of my house. Ugh. Needless to say I had 3 triumphs is one day!!

Amidst the not so glamorous moments, I still find triumphs, sometimes they come at unexpected times and I have to fight for them. You will too. But, train yourself to recognize them because in that intentional search you may find exactly what you’re looking for.

There are many stereotypes about single mothers. Take a look into this mom's single motherhood journey and see how she smashes some of those stereotypes.

In all the celebrating I found that I focused less on the  drama and more on the things I was getting right. I focused more on the productive situations and less on the counterproductive ones i.e. complaining, worrying, and doubting.

You will see your confidence beginning to increase thus making you happier.

Once I realized how content and happy I actually was, I wondered what would happen if I pursued something greater.

So I challenged myself to pursue the possibilities.

Once things got stable for me I did not want to get complacent. I wanted to keep growing and continue to elevate my life.

I made the choice to be grateful and content but I knew I still wanted more.

I wasn’t sure what I could reasonably at the moment, given my current situation but I knew I could do something. So even if you have to take baby steps toward your goals you should still be working on them.

I decided to think back to my younger self. What dreams did she have? What did she want to accomplish in life?

And surprisingly a lot of those things I still wanted, even in my single journey. I had just suppressed those desires because I felt I needed to put being a mother before my personal desires.

We seem to do that a lot as moms.

But, I realized I was letting my younger self down.

So I decided to pursue the possibilities and get back into writing. I already owned several journals that I would write in whenever I had something to say and nobody to say it to.

I began writing more often and it was a way for me to express myself and do something I genuinely enjoyed doing.

A few months after starting I was reading Black Enterprise magazine and there was a story highlighting millennial bloggers making a living online. That really intrigued me, so I began researching how to start a blog. I researched for a while before I actually started, probably too long but here I am.

It was slow going at first but I am starting to find my groove.

There are many stereotypes about single mothers. Take a look into this mom's single motherhood journey and see how she smashes some of those stereotypes.

But the important thing is I have something of my own, that I can be proud of. That makes me happier and more fulfilled than ever.

Having something outside of motherhood that’s yours is beneficial and necessary.

Then after doing those thing I was able to really fall in love with my life. Decide how you can fall in love with yours.

Here’s the thing. We all have had a vision for our lives that may not reflect what it looks like now but listen…

Life is not perfect. It will never be perfectly orchestrated the way you imagined it. There will be mountaintop moments and valley moments, and then there will be times of perfect contentment.

I had to learn to be happy no matter what state I was in. I finally understood that the things I were going through were just temporary and would eventually change.

So when things are going the way I want, I’m grateful and I celebrate that.

But when things are not going as planned, I’m still grateful and celebrate the triumphs to come.

It’s about finding a new way to look at the situation.

Can you do something different to make the circumstance better? Can you learn from it? Can you prevent someone else from going through it?

When I decided to fall in love with my life that meant becoming unconditionally grateful for life itself. That meant being grateful for the small things we often take for granted and making a choice to be happy in whatever state I’m in.

When you decide to be happy with where you are, what you have and who you’re doing it with, even it means being single, you’ll find that joy just comes as a byproduct of that contentment.

There are many stereotypes about single mothers. Take a look into this mom's single motherhood journey and see how she smashes some of those stereotypes.

Want to hear more from Kisha?

Nakisha is a single mother of 4 and parenting lifestyle blogger at NakishaWynn.com. She experienced personal success after walking  away from a bad relationship and starting her life over with nothing. She shares her stories of personal triumph to let other women in her situation know that they are not alone. She began blogging as a way to share her methods on self-sufficiency with single moms; to empower them to thrive through single parenting. Her writing is personal and relatable and shines a beautiful light on our need as mothers to be vulnerable and imperfect. Her mission is to empower women to push past their limits, pursue the possibilities and create the life they imagined.

Nakisha has a parenting book set to publish this year. You can find her on social media ——> Blog/ Facebook/ Instagram

 

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Previous:
5 Celebrity Multiracial Moms to Follow on Instagram
Next:
Black in America: How I Deal with Microaggression & Awkwardness

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Comments

  1. Demi Mitchell says

    June 5, 2017 at 12:03 am

    As a new single mom, I found this really encouraging, and I’m glad I opened the newsletter sharing this story. Looking forward to hearing more about your trials (I followed you on facebook!) and hoping to turn my own sad single mom story into a positive one like you did.

    Reply
    • Nakisha says

      June 5, 2017 at 8:45 am

      You absolutely can do whatever you put your mind to. Stay focused on the goals that you have for you and your family, work them one by one, soon you will find yourself in a much better place.

      Reply
    • Diedre says

      June 5, 2017 at 2:18 pm

      Yeah Demi!! I’m so glad that you were encouraged by this post. Nakisha is definitely an inspiration to single moms everywhere!

      Reply
  2. BlackandMarriedwith3kids says

    June 9, 2017 at 6:31 pm

    Very inspiring story I just wish it did not perpetuate the ever living theme of Black women as single mothers. We have told that story enough. Are there any stories we can read about Black married mothers and our challenges?

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      June 10, 2017 at 3:11 am

      This is just one mother’s story. I think that she is breaking the stereotype by continuing to pursue her dreams and care for her children. If you look through my blog, you will see a different perspective. I think we have to respect everyone’s journey, as it looks different from our own.

      Reply
  3. Shaneka says

    November 21, 2018 at 2:41 am

    I love it because so many times when you can’t see what’s happening next you feel like giving up or you feel like your at this long stand still but thats by far the case it might be a stand still but it not the distanation

    Reply
  4. Cathrine Galebies says

    April 4, 2019 at 8:09 pm

    Well done lady. I for one know that it is possible to rise above the storm more especially if you trust the Lord’s journey for your life. I am also a single mom of 2 girls aged 12 & 6 and the young one who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. Her father lost interest in me while I was still pregnant and came back throwing women in my face every chance he got. Throug it all I made a decision to forgive him and accept that he doesn’t love me. 3 months after giving birth God blessed me with my first car and 3 yrs later I got a promotion at work which now I have an apartment of my own and a much better car. Iv accepted n enjoy being a single mom because I get to give full attention to both my girls one who’s almost a teenager and the other living with autism. I make sure I put my lipstick each morning to the office and rock my heels with confidence. I know there is still more for me out there n I wish to work more with single mothers of children with disabilities.

    Keep going ladies, theres light at the end of the tunnel. We are not victims but victors in Christ!!

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      April 6, 2019 at 5:25 pm

      Amen! Thanks for reading Cathrine!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Single Parenting: How I Found Joy in Doing It | Nakisha Wynn says:
    June 5, 2017 at 3:41 pm

    […] Click here to Read My Story […]

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When I became a mother, I searched for resources about raising biracial/multicultural children and found very few. And when I say little, I mean a minuscule amount. So, I decided to be the resource that I was looking for in hopes of helping moms like myself.

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