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Raising Biracial Kids in Today's World

Parenting

How to Meet the Needs of Strong-Willed Children

June 27, 2016 Comments : 16

strong willed child

Do I have a strong-willed child you ask? Believe me, if you are raising one, then you know. You know that simple tasks can have you in battle mode. There are times you just want to give up because it would be easier, but you don’t because you refuse to raise a bratty child who will hate you later.

There have been a myriad of books, articles and webinars about how to raise/deal with strong-willed children, but how many of them address what these kids need from their parents?

A few weeks ago, I wrote about an episode that I had with my strong-willed child that has forever changed how I parent. I wrote about it for a series entitled, What Motherhood Means to Me, on the Life of a Minister Mom blog. To read all about the time I lost control, click here.

Here’s a list of ways to meet the needs of strong-willed children:

Consistency

However you decide to discipline (time out chair, time out in the bedroom, spanking, taking away toys, a combination of these, or something else of your choosing) be consistent! Children learn quickly who they can pull one over on.

Children learn quickly who they can pull one over on.

They will use this as their secret weapon against you if you don’t commit to being consistent. Don’t be afraid to mix and match either! Sometimes a time out in the bedroom along with taking away a blanket shows my five-year old that we really mean business.

 

how to meet the needs of your strong willed child

Reassurance

You are their first picture of God and authority. When you are angry with them, they think you don’t love them.

My oldest has asked me many times, “Mommy why don’t you love me anymore?” I know you are saying ”

I know you are saying “awww” as you read this, but at the time I was so frustrated with her that it didn’t break my heart.

I still reassured her that I loved her regardless of whether or not it made me angry.

You can use this moment as a teachable moment to tell them that you are disappointed, but you love them anyway.

how to meet the needs of your strong willed child

Love for the Strong-Willed Child

This goes along with reassurance. Without love, discipline is pointless.

Your children will listen as long as they are in your presence, but will explore other options when they are away from you.

When your children understand that you are disciplining them because you love them, it will help them internalize the lesson you are attempting to teach them.

how to meet the needs of a strong-willed childFirmness

Under the age of 2, you can use gentle redirection and a soft voice. After 2, kids tend to test limits and boundaries. How many times have you seen a child look at their parent and do exactly what they’ve asked them not to do?

Sometimes raising the octave in your voice shows that you mean business.

When I say raise your voice, I don’t mean screaming.

Screaming means that you have lost control.

No judgment though.

I’ve lost control a few times myself.

A Way to Channel their Strongwillness

Okay, so I know strongwillness isn’t a real word. But it describes everything that makes parenting that much more difficult. If your child loves to be active and explore, why not spend more time outdoors? Find an extracurricular activity that allows them to channel those things in a positive way. Is your toddler constantly making messes as you attempt to clean up? *Raising my hand* Let them help you take the clothes out of the dryer or sweep the kitchen. I don’t know a child that doesn’t thrive off praise. Allowing them the be involved in the day-to-day duties teaches them

Find an extracurricular activity that allows them to channel those things in a positive way. Is your toddler constantly making messes as you attempt to clean up? *Raising my hand* Let them help you take the clothes out of the dryer or sweep the kitchen. I don’t know a child that doesn’t thrive off praise. Allowing them the be involved in the day-to-day duties teaches them

I don’t know a child that doesn’t thrive off praise. Allowing them the be involved in the day-to-day duties teaches them

Is your toddler constantly making messes as you attempt to clean up? *Raising my hand* Let them help you take the clothes out of the dryer or sweep the kitchen. I don’t know a child that doesn’t thrive off praise. Allowing them the be involved in the day-to-day duties teaches them

Let them help you take the clothes out of the dryer or sweep the kitchen. I don’t know a child that doesn’t thrive off praise. Allowing them the be involved in the day-to-day duties teaches them

Allowing them the be involved in the day-to-day duties teaches them responsibility while giving you an opportunity to praise them on a job well done.

how to meet the needs of your strong willed child

Don’t Forget the Bigger Picture

Remember, teaching your child to obey you and respect authority is a lesson that will help them be successful in life. One day a boss will replace you as the authority figure. You can’t give up now! Your child’s future success is dependent on you staying focused on the bigger picture. Above all, children want to feel safe. They feel safe when you provide consistent boundaries.

One day a boss will replace you as the authority figure. You can’t give up now! Your child’s future success is dependent on you staying focused on the bigger picture.

Above all, children want to feel safe. They feel safe when you provide consistent boundaries.

 

how to meet the needs of your strong willed child

Are you raising a strong-willed child? What tactics work for you? I’d love to hear about them-comment below! And while you’re doing that, follow the blog for more parenting tales.

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Comments

  1. Patricia says

    June 27, 2016 at 2:43 am

    This is great. I needed to read this and will be bookmarking it for sure!

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      June 27, 2016 at 2:59 am

      Thanks friend! Glad you enjoyed it.

      Reply
  2. Sheena Stewart says

    June 28, 2016 at 3:52 am

    Some days I feel like I’m raising FIVE strong willed children. They take after their father, right? lol! I agree, consistency is a HUGE deal and it’s so hard!

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      June 28, 2016 at 11:46 am

      Sheena, thanks so much for stopping by. Yes, they absolutely took after their father☺️ being a parent is hard enough & then throw in the battle of wills!

      Reply
  3. Shahla says

    June 30, 2016 at 11:49 pm

    Great tips! I love the idea of getting her to help out by sweeping, etc. more

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      July 1, 2016 at 2:01 am

      Thanks Shahla! Channeling her energy has helped us both.

      Reply
  4. Stacey says

    July 1, 2016 at 2:32 am

    Great advice! There have been times when I start to raise my voice and have to remind myself that it won’t do any good. I take a deep breath and try to calm down before trying to rationalize with my strong willed toddler….oh the “three-nager”!!!

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      July 1, 2016 at 4:09 am

      Believe me Stacy, I still have to remind myself at times!

      Reply
  5. Jasmine Hewitt says

    July 1, 2016 at 3:38 am

    I like this post. I know my son is already pretty strong-willed at 12 months, so he’s gonna be a challenge as he’s older

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      July 1, 2016 at 4:10 am

      Thanks Jasmine. At least you know what to expect & how to combat it!

      Reply
  6. Stephanie says

    July 1, 2016 at 2:07 pm

    I always remind myself that while our son is very much strong-willed, he is also just a 3.5 year old and he is attempting to figure out life.

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      July 1, 2016 at 5:12 pm

      So true. They are testing boundaries.

      Reply
  7. Stephanie says

    July 1, 2016 at 3:34 pm

    Great article (and those girls are adorable!) My youngest, now thirteen, came out of the womb strong willed and people questioned how we parented her from the beginning. But we believe God has a purpose for all that ‘tude that will one day reveal itself if we can keep it channeled in the right direction!

    Reply
    • Diedre says

      July 1, 2016 at 5:11 pm

      Amen Stephanie! That will means she’s meant for leadershio

      Reply

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