Raising Biracial Kids in Today's World
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Raising a child is a complicated, beautiful adventure. Raising a biracial child is an adventure that comes with a few complicated twists and turns.
Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle those issues.
I have discovered some ways to make this process a little easier that I’m excited to share with you.
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This post was also published by the Huffington Post.
As parents, it’s our job to teach our kids (and educators) how to love the skin they’re in.
If this wasn’t a lesson you were taught as a child, it may be difficult to know where to start.
As a school counselor, the one thing I wish I could give my students more of is confidence. I work in a middle school, one of the most awkward moments in adolescence. Girls compare themselves to other girls and boys feel bad if they don’t have the newest tennis shoes.
Here are a few tips on teaching kids to love themselves:
Tell your child what part of what they did was good.
Examples: You showed good manners when you said excuse me after you burped! Wow, I like the way you colored in the lines on that picture!
Thank you for apologizing when you hurt your sister’s feelings. That was kind of you.
Now I know some of you are thinking, I live in a small town, how can I do this? I promise you, it’s easier than you think!
Take your kids to a museum.
Read about a holiday in another culture (Cinco de Mayo, Chinese New Year, etc) Try some foods at an ethnic restaurant.
Step outside of your comfort zone together as a family!
The older your children get, the more they may become aware of race relations in the news (school shootings, Black lives matter movement, racial tensions around the world, religious homicides, genocide).
No matter your stance on these touchy subjects, talk about them with your children.
They may not need a long explanation, but hearing from you gives them comfort.
I cannot say this enough, especially to parents of young children. This is your opportunity to instill a love of reading in them. Find out what your child’s interests are.
Read books about those things. As your children get older, find a chapter book to read together. Read a book, and then watch the movie that was adapted from the book.
As you can see from this picture, we started early. We wanted our children to develop a love for reading. Our daughter was 7 months old in this picture. My husband was reading one of our favorites, Black is Brown is Tan.
When I say others, I mean others with disabilities, handicaps, or from other cultures. I grew up on an Air Force Base, and this makes me more tolerant than most by default.
You don’t have to understand everything about a person to be kind. Teaching your kids to be kind to people will help them navigate our diverse world.
Their peers may try to force them into a racial box they don’t belong in solely based on their skin color. They will need you to validate that their mixed heritage is unique, and they are special the way they are.
When they are little, help them focus on the similarities they have with you, rather than the differences. For example, I tell my six-year-old that she has brown eyes and curly hair like me. I also tell her that she has brown hair like her daddy.
Now she’ll point out the similarities that she has with both grandmothers and her sister on her own. When we discuss skin color, it isn’t a taboo subject in our home. It doesn’t have to be in yours either.
Someone once told me that if parenting wasn’t the hardest job I’ve ever done, I was doing it wrong. I’m here to tell you, it’s definitely the hardest job I’ve ever done! For those of you without children, some of these same tips can apply in your school, church or community.
*This post was sponsored by Mitz apparel & accessories. As always, all opinions are my own.
Raising a child is a complicated, beautiful adventure. Raising a biracial child is an adventure that comes with a few complicated twists and turns. Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle the stereotypes that people have and are directed towards their children.
The world is quick to put your child in a box simply because of their race or gender. Racial stereotypes can be dangerous because it can foster hate and negative feelings towards groups of people. Even if you don’t have those feelings in your home, it’s important to address the feelings of others with your children.
Here’s why I’m pushing my kids to break all stereotypes:
I have two daughters ages five and three. The world is constantly throwing subtle (and not so subtle) messages their way about what it means to be a successful female. When you look at the images of women in the media, you are flooded by scantily clad, dramatic, superficial images.
Promoting these images of success lead to girls who are trying to live up to a standard that can be near impossible. As long as I can control what they watch on television, I am very mindful of everything they watch-including commercials. I want them to create their own standard of beauty based on qualities that are more than skin deep-and more than their material possessions.
I am careful to compliment my daughters on their artistic abilities, manners & other qualities besides just physical appearance.
Doing so will help them to feel confident in who they are, and this will give them a healthy self confidence.
I get questions all the time about my biracial children.
How will they identify?
Do you think they will be confused?
How will you feel if they choose not to identify as biracial?
Race doesn’t define your success, but how you feel about yourself certainly can. People will question my children’s racial ambiguity, so it is my job to prepare them.
I remember the day my dad brought home a black ballerina. I thought she was the most beautiful Barbie I had ever seen! Not because she was black, but because I could envision myself being a beautiful ballerina like she was.
I had white Barbies and I thought they were beautiful too. However, when I saw one that looked like me, I could identify with her. This childhood memory has stuck with me as I’m raising two biracial girls.
I seek to find books & toys that represent them. As much as I’d like them to be okay with identifying with me, I know that at some point, I won’t understand what it’s like to be biracial.
My husband is a farmer. He owns his own farming business and our family spends a lot of time together. I was not raised on a farm, so every day is a learning experience. My husband uses the time together to teach the girls about animals, horticulture & life.
Before he became a farmer, I believed many of the stereotypes I had heard about farmers. I had no idea how hard they worked or how food went from the farm to the table.
I love the see the surprised look on people’s faces when they find out my husband is a farmer. I am also breaking a stereotype about what a farmer’s wife should look or act like.
Both of my girls are very girly, but they enjoy being on the farm. They help my husband dig, water plants & feed the animals. They often want to dress up, but I explain to them that we have to dress practically for the farm. Recently we’ve discovered a company, Mitz, that makes clothes free from gender stereotypes & their products are made in the USA. Now my daughters can wear their fruit & vegetable dress on the farm!
We want our girls to see that they can be anything they want to be-despite what the world says they should. If they choose not to become farmers, we’re okay with that. We just want them to know that they have the option…and we plan on sharing our knowledge with them so they have choices.
How do you teach your kids to break through stereotypes about their race or gender?
When I became a mother, I never envisioned the amount of love my heart could hold. I knew that I was madly in love with my husband and that my love for my children would be different, but I had no idea how.
Parenting biracial daughters comes with a unique set of challenges. From the day they were born (until now) strangers question our relationship, their ethnicity and much more. It is my duty to teach my daughters how to be fiercely independent, and how to field questions from strangers that they may or may not want to answer.
Here are a few things I hope to instill in them.
They will constantly be put in a box by people. At school….work….public. People want to know who they are, where they come from, what race their parents are, and so on.
They are so much more than the color of their skin. I want them to know that race is just an adjective that describes one small portion of who they are. Being biracial doesn’t mean that they will automatically be confused about their identity, or that they cannot identify with more than one race at a time.
Hanging out with one race over another will not make them a sellout. They are free to be who God created them to be…someone who isn’t defined by race.
I have to admit it. I was one of those people. When I saw someone who I thought was biracial, I tried to figure out what they were mixed with. I didn’t dare ask, but I wondered.
Due to the history in our country, race relations continues to be a huge issue. People are curious about my biracial beauties. Some stare, some ask. Some ignorantly ask questions that will make you feel uncomfortable.
I want my biracial daughters to know that people still struggle when they see multiracial families. They still are curious about why the family members “don’t match.” I want them to know that it’s no one’s business what they are mixed with. If they want to share that mom is black & dad is white, great. If they don’t, that’s fine too.
I hope that my daughters embrace both sides. They are raised by a black mother with Jamaican parents raised in the south. They have a white father who was born and raised in a small town in Georgia and can trace his family roots back several generations.
The blending of families & cultures makes for fun family events. Not only do my biracial daughters embody my husband & I in appearance, but also in mannerisms and cultural norms.
At times they may embrace southern traditions, and at other times crave Jamaican food. I want them to know this is beautiful.
I have spent many dollars & hours learning about curly hair. Both of my daughters have different textures-beautiful in their own way. I hope they learn to embrace the beauty of their curls.
If they choose to straighten their hair, I hope that it will be to experiment with a new look, not because they are ashamed of their curls.
I spent years thinking that my curls were tough, nappy and needed to be straightened. I thought that if I wore straight hair, I was beautiful. In the last three years, I have realized that the curls I was born with are beautiful. Even more so when my daughters say, “Mommy, we have curly hair like you!”
Are you raising biracial kids?? What do you want them to know??
*I received free copies of Jeni So Many & Mixed Feelings in exchange for a review. I only promote books and products that I would use myself, so my reviews & opinions are honest ones.*
Now that I have a (biracial) kindergartner of my own, I pay extra close attention to her surroundings at school. Is she the only minority in her class? Are diverse books included in his/her classroom or library? Are there other parents in interracial marriages that I can relate to?
As an educator, I know what to look for to help her have the most well-rounded educational experience as possible. Do you know what to look for?
Here are a few tips for advocating for the needs of your biracial kids in school:…
Even though Multiracial families are becoming the norm, many people still hold on to stereotypes, misconceptions, and preconceived notions. It is estimated that 21% of Americans will identify as multiracial by 2050. My kids will be part of that number. Interesting isn’t it?
Back in 1967, there were actually state laws that banned interracial marriage. These laws weren’t overturned until the Supreme Court case, Loving vs. Virginia in 1967. In that case, the Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional for the state of Virginia to ban interracial marriage.
This case has done wonders for this country but the conversations we have about multiracial families doesn’t need to stop here. Here are a few incorrect assumptions people make about Multiracial families:…
As a mother to two curly haired, biracial children, I’m always searching for ways to help them to be more culturally competent, independent and self confident.
One of my favorite ways to teach my children is through reading stories.
I’m so thankful for the myriad of authors that realize the importance of spreading positive messages through their literature.
Today I’m excited to share 3 books with you that model loving yourself, specifically, loving your curly hair.
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**This post was published by the Huffington Post as How Not to Offend Mixed Race Families. **
Sometimes conversations are awkward because we make them awkward. If we just focus on our similarities instead of our differences, we won’t get so hung up on saying the wrong thing and offending people.
Growing up on an Air Force Base, interactions with mixed race families was the norm. My first experience with a biracial individual was in 5th grade. Our teacher was doing a race count for FTE funding (schools get more money based on the number of minority students they have). Our teacher called out all the different races, then got mad when she counted and realized someone didn’t raise their hand. She said very loudly, “Who didn’t raise their hand?” (We’ll call his name Jason) Jason said, “I didn’t.” She then screamed at him, “Why not?” To which he replied, I’m not sure which one to pick (black or white). She screamed back, “just pick one!”
At the time, I didn’t realize how damaging this conversation was. It was insensitive of the teacher to demand him to pick one race when he was clearly more than one. How mortifying it must have been for him to have this identity crisis in front of all of his peers and teachers. This anecdote is an extreme example, but some people just don’t know what to say without being offensive.
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