biracial

Everything You Need to Know About Raising a Biracial Child

August 19, 2017 By Diedre 17 Comments

*This post contains affiliate links*

Raising a biracial child is a complicated, beautiful adventure.

Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle those issues, especially when confronted by biases in their own families and communities.

Parenting a biracial child can prove to be challenging when you are doing it alone. Seeking out resources and befriending other multiracial families can provide a firm support system for you and your family.

It can be especially challenging if you are not biracial yourself, even if you are a minority.

Here are a few important things to consider when raising a biracial child:

Representation Matters to Your Biracial Child

I remember the day my dad brought home a black ballerina. I thought she was the most beautiful Barbie I had ever seen. Not because she was black, but because I could envision myself being a beautiful ballerina like she was.

I had white Barbies and I thought they were beautiful too. However, when I saw one that looked like me, I could identify with her. This childhood memory has stuck with me as I’m raising three biracial children.

I seek to find booksÂ & toys that represent them.

As much as I’d like them to be okay with identifying with me, I know that at some point, I won’t understand what it’s like to be biracial.

People Will Question Your Identity as a Family Based on Skin Color

When my oldest daughter was born, I sent a picture of her to all of my closest friends (as every proud mom does). One of my friends joked with me later that week thatÂ her phone wasÂ acting up, so she had to get a new one and all of her numbers didn’t transfer.

She got myÂ text with a picture of Melody and was trying to figure outÂ who sent her a picture of a white baby. I laughed, but it hurt my feelings a bit. When people said that she looked like my husband, I think IÂ was offendedÂ because she was so light, not because she had his genes.

I didn’t want anyone to question that sheÂ was my child.

Ladies and gentleman, I was color struck.

Examine Your Issues with Race & Skin Color

I think every parentÂ wants their child to look like them, biracial or not.Â At one time, I wished that my daughter’s skin color was more brown so that we I wouldn’t feel embarassed when people commented on how light she was.

As embarrasing as that is to admit now, it helps me see that I needed to change my mindset.

I had issues with color.

The lightness of her skin didn’t make her any less mine, regardless of what people thought.

Most people think they are being polite by pointing out features of a baby, especially if they follow up the statements by “I wish my skin looked like that” or “Biracial babies are so cute.” They don’t realize that they are othering your baby and making offensive comments.

God made my children with cinnamon brown skin; lighter in the winter and a darker complexion in the summer.

I need to be okay with whatever shade they are.

I have to teach them to be confident with how God made them.

If I allow what others say to us to bother me, my daughters will internalize those feelings, and I refuse to let that happen. Fortunately there are many successful biracial people they can look up to.

Seek Out Resources

One of the reasons I started this blog is because I struggled to find resources on raising a biracial child when I was pregnant, especially resources for biracial curly hair.

I’ve also found several other bloggers who blog on this subject and connected with them too. One of my favorite authors on the subject is Dr. Francis Wardle.Â

Are you raising a biracial child? What do you think is different about raising them? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below!

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How to Teach Your Kids to Love the Skin They’re In

July 20, 2017 By Diedre 15 Comments

*This post contains Amazon affiliate links. This means that I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you) if you subscribe or purchase something through the links on this page.*

This post was also published by the Huffington Post.

As parents, it’s our job to teach our kids (and educators) how to love the skin they’re in.

If this wasn’t a lesson you were taught as a child, it may be difficult to know where to start.

As a school counselor, the one thing I wish I could give my students more of is confidence. I work in a middle school, one of the most awkward moments in adolescence. Girls compare themselves to other girls and boys feel bad if they don’t have the newest tennis shoes.

Here are a few tips on teaching kids to love themselves:

Compliment Specifically, Not Just a Generic Good Job Compliment

Tell your child what part of what they did was good.

Examples: You showed good manners when you said excuse me after you burped! Wow, I like the way you colored in the lines on that picture!

Thank you for apologizing when you hurt your sister’s feelings. That was kind of you.

Immerse Them in Diversity

Now I know some of you are thinking, I live in a small town, how can I do this? I promise you, it’s easier than you think!

Take your kids to a museum.

Read about a holiday in another culture (Cinco de Mayo, Chinese New Year, etc) Try some foods at an ethnic restaurant.

Step outside of your comfort zone together as a family!

Discuss the Hard Stuff, Don’t Just Ignore

The older your children get, the more they may become aware of race relations in the news (school shootings, Black lives matter movement, racial tensions around the world, religious homicides, genocide).

No matter your stance on these touchy subjects, talk about them with your children.

They may not need a long explanation, but hearing from you gives them comfort.

Read, Read, Read

I cannot say this enough, especially to parents of young children. This is your opportunity to instill a love of reading in them. Find out what your child’s interests are.

Read books about those things. As your children get older, find a chapter book to read together. Read a book, and then watch the movie that was adapted from the book.

As you can see from this picture, we started early. We wanted our children to develop a love for reading. Our daughter was 7 months old in this picture. My husband was reading one of our favorites, Black is Brown is Tan.

Teach Them to be Sensitive to Others

When I say others, I mean others with disabilities, handicaps, or from other cultures. I grew up on an Air Force Base, and this makes me more tolerant than most by default.

You don’t have to understand everything about a person to be kind. Teaching your kids to be kind to people will help them navigate our diverse world.

If You Have Biracial Kids, They May Not Be Able to Relate to You (or vice versa)

Their peers may try to force them into a racial box they don’t belong in solely based on their skin color. They will need you to validate that their mixed heritage is unique, and they are special the way they are.

When they are little, help them focus on the similarities they have with you, rather than the differences. For example, I tell my six-year-old that she has brown eyes and curly hair like me. I also tell her that she has brown hair like her daddy.

Now she’ll point out the similarities that she has with both grandmothers and her sister on her own. When we discuss skin color, it isn’t a taboo subject in our home. It doesn’t have to be in yours either.

Someone once told me that if parenting wasn’t the hardest job I’ve ever done, I was doing it wrong. I’m here to tell you, it’s definitely the hardest job I’ve ever done! For those of you without children, some of these same tips can apply in your school, church or community.

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Smashing Through Stereotypes: Why I’ll Push My Biracial Kids to Break Them

May 9, 2017 By Diedre 9 Comments

*This post was sponsored by Mitz apparel & accessories. As always, all opinions are my own.

Raising a child is a complicated, beautiful adventure. Raising a biracial child is an adventure that comes with a few complicated twists and turns. Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle the stereotypes that people have and are directed towards their children.

The world is quick to put your child in a box simply because of their race or gender. Racial stereotypes can be dangerous because it can foster hate and negative feelings towards groups of people. Even if you don’t have those feelings in your home, it’s important to address the feelings of others with your children.

Here’s why I’m pushing my kids to break all stereotypes:

It Will Boost Their Self-Confidence

I have two daughters ages five and three. The world is constantly throwing subtle (and not so subtle) messages their way about what it means to be a successful female. When you look at the images of women in the media, you are flooded by scantily clad, dramatic, superficial images.

Promoting these images of success lead to girls who are trying to live up to a standard that can be near impossible. As long as I can control what they watch on television, I am very mindful of everything they watch-including commercials. I want them to create their own standard of beauty based on qualities that are more than skin deep-and more than their material possessions.

I am careful to compliment my daughters on their artistic abilities, manners & other qualities besides just physical appearance.

Doing so will help them to feel confident in who they are, and this will give them a healthy self confidence.

They Will Define Their Own Success Despite Stereotypes

I get questions all the time about my biracial children.

How will they identify?

Do you think they will be confused?

How will you feel if they choose not to identify as biracial?

Race doesn’t define your success, but how you feel about yourself certainly can. People will question my children’s racial ambiguity, so it is my job to prepare them.

I remember the day my dad brought home a black ballerina. I thought she was the most beautiful Barbie I had ever seen! Not because she was black, but because I could envision myself being a beautiful ballerina like she was.

I seek to find books & toys that represent them. As much as I’d like them to be okay with identifying with me, I know that at some point, I won’t understand what it’s like to be biracial.

They Will Pursue Goals Without Holding Back

My husband is a farmer. He owns his own farming business and our family spends a lot of time together. I was not raised on a farm, so every day is a learning experience. My husband uses the time together to teach the girls about animals, horticulture & life.

Before he became a farmer, I believed many of the stereotypes I had heard about farmers. I had no idea how hard they worked or how food went from the farm to the table.

I love the see the surprised look on people’s faces when they find out my husband is a farmer. I am also breaking a stereotype about what a farmer’s wife should look or act like.

Both of my girls are very girly, but they enjoy being on the farm. They help my husband dig, water plants & feed the animals. They often want to dress up, but I explain to them that we have to dress practically for the farm. Recently we’ve discovered a company, Mitz, that makes clothes free from gender stereotypes & their products are made in the USA. Now my daughters can wear their fruit & vegetable dress on the farm!

We want our girls to see that they can be anything they want to be-despite what the world says they should. If they choose not to become farmers, we’re okay with that. We just want them to know that they have the option…and we plan on sharing our knowledge with them so they have choices.

How do you teach your kids to break through stereotypes about their race or gender?

Multiracial Motherhood: What I Want My Biracial Daughters to Know

April 30, 2017 By Diedre 18 Comments

When I became a mother, I never envisioned the amount of love my heart could hold. I knew that I was madly in love with my husband and that my love for my children would be different, but I had no idea how.

Parenting biracial daughters comes with a unique set of challenges. From the day they were born (until now) strangers question our relationship, their ethnicity and much more. It is my duty to teach my daughters how to be fiercely independent, and how to field questions from strangers that they may or may not want to answer.

Here are a few things I hope to instill in them.

Race Doesn’t Define You

They will constantly be put in a box by people. At school….work….public. People want to know who they are, where they come from, what race their parents are, and so on.

They are so much more than the color of their skin. I want them to know that race is just an adjective that describes one small portion of who they are. Being biracial doesn’t mean that they will automatically be confused about their identity, or that they cannot identify with more than one race at a time.

Hanging out with one race over another will not make them a sellout. They are free to be who God created them to be…someone who isn’t defined by race.

People Will Be Curious About Your Race

I have to admit it. I was one of those people. When I saw someone who I thought was biracial, I tried to figure out what they were mixed with. I didn’t dare ask, but I wondered.
Due to the history in our country, race relations continues to be a huge issue. People are curious about my biracial beauties. Some stare, some ask. Some ignorantly ask questions that will make you feel uncomfortable.

I want my biracial daughters to know that people still struggle when they see multiracial families. They still are curious about why the family members “don’t match.” I want them to know that it’s no one’s business what they are mixed with. If they want to share that mom is black & dad is white, great. If they don’t, that’s fine too.

My Biracial Daughters are a Mixture of Both Parents

I hope that my daughters embrace both sides. They are raised by a black mother with Jamaican parents raised in the south. They have a white father who was born and raised in a small town in Georgia and can trace his family roots back several generations.

The blending of families & cultures makes for fun family events. Not only do my biracial daughters embody my husband & I in appearance, but also in mannerisms and cultural norms.

At times they may embrace southern traditions, and at other times crave Jamaican food. I want them to know this is beautiful.

You Don’t Have to Have Straight Hair to be Beautiful

I have spent many dollars & hours learning about curly hair. Both of my daughters have different textures-beautiful in their own way. I hope they learn to embrace the beauty of their curls.

If they choose to straighten their hair, I hope that it will be to experiment with a new look, not because they are ashamed of their curls.

I spent years thinking that my curls were tough, nappy and needed to be straightened. I thought that if I wore straight hair, I was beautiful. In the last three years, I have realized that the curls I was born with are beautiful. Even more so when my daughters say, “Mommy, we have curly hair like you!”

Are you raising biracial kids?? What do you want them to know??

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How Can a Mixed Boy Have Straight “Good” Hair?

November 6, 2016 By Diedre 2 Comments

This week, I have the pleasure of sharing this post from Llacey Simmons. Her blog, Our 21st Century Kids, is all about a monolingual mom raising a trilingual kid.

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How to Meet the Needs of Biracial Kids in School: A Guide for Parents

October 3, 2016 By Diedre 2 Comments

*I received free copies of Jeni So Many & Mixed Feelings in exchange for a review. I only promote books and products that I would use myself, so my reviews & opinions are honest ones.*

Now that I have a (biracial) kindergartner of my own, I pay extra close attention to her surroundings at school. Is she the only minority in her class? Are diverse books included in his/her classroom or library? Are there other parents in interracial marriages that I can relate to?

As an educator, I know what to look for to help her have the most well-rounded educational experience as possible. Do you know what to look for?

Here are a few tips for advocating for the needs of your biracial kids in school:…

Multiracial Families: Debunking 4 Common Myths & Misconceptions

September 11, 2016 By Diedre 15 Comments

Even though Multiracial families are becoming the norm, many people still hold on to stereotypes, misconceptions, and preconceived notions.

It is estimated that 21% of Americans will identify as multiracial by 2050. My kids will be part of that number. Interesting isn’t it?

Back in 1967, there were actually state laws that banned interracial marriage. These laws weren’t overturned until the Supreme Court case, Loving vs. Virginia in 1967. In that case, the Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional for the state of Virginia to ban interracial marriage.

This case has done wonders for this country but the conversations we have about multiracial families doesn’t need to stop here. Here are a few incorrect assumptions people make about multiracial families:

Spouses are Attracted to Each Other Specifically Because of Race

For my husband and I, this definitely wasn’t true. When we met, we bonded over food, music & conversation. Our friendship evolved into a relationship.

Our attraction to each other was just as much for inner qualities as physical attraction.

We both had dated inside of our race prior to meeting each other.

Multiracial Children are Destined for Racial Confusion

Don’t you dare feel sorry for my family or my children! I was very intentional about where I chose to live, educate my children & even the circle I run in. All of those influences can have a negative or positive impact on my children.

My girls are exposed to both sides of the family and embrace both their races and cultures.

We read books about identity, and I plan on having more in depth conversations with them as they grow and mature.

Multiracial Families Have More Tension

Having a multiracial family does not equal family tension. Tensions in families arise from personality conflicts, family history, among a host of other issues.

Since starting this blog, I’ve been pleased to hear that many people in interracial relationships have had positive experiences blending families. In my own family, my husband was embraced when we visited Jamaica.

He enjoyed the country much more than I did (it could have a little to do with the fact that I was 5 months pregnant and we were not always in a building with AC & my hormones were raging)

Interracial Means Black and White

This is a common misconception, especially in the south. Interracial relationships come in all racial & cultural mixtures.

Minorities in interracial relationships often get overlooked in the discussion. Interracial means a mixture of different racial groups, even if skin tones match or look similar.

What myths or misconceptions have you heard, or personally had about multiracial families? Did you like this post? Then do me a favor and give it a share!

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The Best Children’s Books for Curly Haired Kids

May 30, 2016 By Diedre 7 Comments

As a mother to two curly haired, biracial children, I’m always searching for ways to help them to be more culturally competent, independent and self confident.

One of my favorite ways to teach my children is through reading stories.

I’m so thankful for the myriad of authors that realize the importance of spreading positive messages through their literature.

Today I’m excited to share 3 books with you that model loving yourself, specifically, loving your curly hair.

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How to Meet the Needs of Biracial Kids at School: A Guide for Educators

May 17, 2016 By Diedre 8 Comments

This post was published by the Huffington Post. You can find it HERE.

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A Guide to Conversations with Mixed Race Families

October 5, 2015 By Diedre 23 Comments

The number of mixed race families in this country is on the rise.

It’s refreshing for me to see other multiracial families at church, at my children’s school & in the community.

Even though diverse families are the new norm, sometimes people still act surprised when they see mixed race families together.

It’s always interesting to see the looks on people’s faces when they meet my husband or see my kids for the first time. They try to hide their surprise, but most don’t do it very well.

Don’t Assume That a Child Does Not Belong to the Parents Because their Skin Doesn’t Match

Gone are the days of everyone in a family looking the same.

While some parents have children naturally, others are building their families through fostering and adopting (domestically & internationally).

Furthermore, some parents adopt children from an ethnicity different from their own. It is hurtful when strangers question whether or not you are the parent.

Both of my parents are black. My brothers and I vary in shades. So skin color can vary in families with parents of the same race!

Asking if a child has been adopted or questioning the mother because her skin color does not match her child’s skin is not a good way to start a conversation with mixed race families, in fact, it’s a quick way to offend a possible new friend.

Don’t Ask Questions about a Child’s Ethnicity Unless You Have a Close Relationship with the Parent

If I had a penny for every time I’ve been asked about whether or not my children’s father was white, I could pay for all of their college educations.

Questions like that are intrusive, and simply not necessary. It often catches families like mine off guard. I’ve started rehearsing a few responses so that I don’t get offended and my children can learn how to respond, even from a young age.

Here are 4 responses that I keep on hand—->Responses

I’m not sure what that has to do with my groceries. Thankfully my children were young enough to not internalize that question.

I often wonder what the ramifications will be for my children when they are constantly confronted with questions about our skin color.

Don’t Ask a Child Why their Skin Color is Different From Their Sibling

Some of this may sound like common sense, but this exact scenario almost caused a fight at my school. No one chooses their physical features, so they should not be questioned about it.

Especially with an audience. This is embarrassing and causes the child to question themselves. Not a good idea.

Do Ask Hair Care Questions

It’s perfectly acceptable to ask what products someone uses to get such bouncy curls or to fight the frizz.

Honestly, it’s flattering when people stop me to ask what I use in my hair, or what products work best for biracial curls.

What do you think? Have you ever asked a well-meaning question, but ending up offending someone?

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biracial

Representation Matters to Your Biracial Child

People Will Question Your Identity as a Family Based on Skin Color

Examine Your Issues with Race & Skin Color

Seek Out Resources

Share this:

Compliment Specifically, Not Just a Generic Good Job Compliment

Immerse Them in Diversity

Discuss the Hard Stuff, Don’t Just Ignore

Read, Read, Read

Teach Them to be Sensitive to Others

If You Have Biracial Kids, They May Not Be Able to Relate to You (or vice versa)

Share this:

It Will Boost Their Self-Confidence

They Will Define Their Own Success Despite Stereotypes

They Will Pursue Goals Without Holding Back

Share this:

Race Doesn’t Define You

People Will Be Curious About Your Race

My Biracial Daughters are a Mixture of Both Parents

You Don’t Have to Have Straight Hair to be Beautiful

Share this:

Share this:

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Spouses are Attracted to Each Other Specifically Because of Race

Multiracial Children are Destined for Racial Confusion

Multiracial Families Have More Tension

Interracial Means Black and White

Share this:

Share this:

*This post was published by the Huffington Post. You can find it HERE.*

Share this:

Don’t Assume That a Child Does Not Belong to the Parents Because their Skin Doesn’t Match

Don’t Ask Questions about a Child’s Ethnicity Unless You Have a Close Relationship with the Parent

Don’t Ask a Child Why their Skin Color is Different From Their Sibling

Do Ask Hair Care Questions

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This post was published by the Huffington Post. You can find it HERE.