biracial

Everything You Need to Know About Raising a Biracial Child

August 19, 2017 By Diedre 20 Comments

*This post contains affiliate links*

Raising a biracial child is a complicated, beautiful adventure.

Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle those issues, especially when confronted by biases in their own families and communities.

Parenting a biracial child can prove to be challenging when you are doing it alone. Seeking out resources and befriending other multiracial families can provide a firm support system for you and your family.

It can be especially challenging if you are not biracial yourself, even if you are a minority.

Here are a few important things to consider when raising a biracial child:

Representation Matters to Your Biracial Child

I remember the day my dad brought home a black ballerina. I thought she was the most beautiful Barbie I had ever seen. Not because she was black, but because I could envision myself being a beautiful ballerina like she was.

I had white Barbies and I thought they were beautiful too. However, when I saw one that looked like me, I could identify with her. This childhood memory has stuck with me as I’m raising three biracial children.

I seek to find booksÂ & toys that represent them.

As much as I’d like them to be okay with identifying with me, I know that at some point, I won’t understand what it’s like to be biracial.

People Will Question Your Identity as a Family Based on Skin Color

When my oldest daughter was born, I sent a picture of her to all of my closest friends (as every proud mom does). One of my friends joked with me later that week thatÂ her phone wasÂ acting up, so she had to get a new one and all of her numbers didn’t transfer.

She got myÂ text with a picture of Melody and was trying to figure outÂ who sent her a picture of a white baby. I laughed, but it hurt my feelings a bit. When people said that she looked like my husband, I think IÂ was offendedÂ because she was so light, not because she had his genes.

I didn’t want anyone to question that sheÂ was my child.

Ladies and gentleman, I was color struck.

Examine Your Issues with Race & Skin Color

I think every parentÂ wants their child to look like them, biracial or not.Â At one time, I wished that my daughter’s skin color was more brown so that we I wouldn’t feel embarassed when people commented on how light she was.

As embarrasing as that is to admit now, it helps me see that I needed to change my mindset.

I had issues with color.

The lightness of her skin didn’t make her any less mine, regardless of what people thought.

Most people think they are being polite by pointing out features of a baby, especially if they follow up the statements by “I wish my skin looked like that” or “Biracial babies are so cute.” They don’t realize that they are othering your baby and making offensive comments.

God made my children with cinnamon brown skin; lighter in the winter and a darker complexion in the summer.

I need to be okay with whatever shade they are.

I have to teach them to be confident with how God made them.

If I allow what others say to us to bother me, my daughters will internalize those feelings, and I refuse to let that happen. Fortunately there are many successful biracial people they can look up to.

Seek Out Resources

One of the reasons I started this blog is because I struggled to find resources on raising a biracial child when I was pregnant, especially resources for biracial curly hair.

I’ve also found several other bloggers who blog on this subject and connected with them too. One of my favorite authors on the subject is Dr. Francis Wardle.Â

Are you raising a biracial child? What do you think is different about raising them? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below!

Save

How to Teach Your Kids to Love the Skin They’re In

July 20, 2017 By Diedre 15 Comments

*This post contains Amazon affiliate links. This means that I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you) if you subscribe or purchase something through the links on this page.*

This post was also published by the Huffington Post.

As parents, it’s our job to teach our kids (and educators) how to love the skin they’re in.

If this wasn’t a lesson you were taught as a child, it may be difficult to know where to start.

As a school counselor, the one thing I wish I could give my students more of is confidence. I work in a middle school, one of the most awkward moments in adolescence. Girls compare themselves to other girls and boys feel bad if they don’t have the newest tennis shoes.

Here are a few tips on teaching kids to love themselves:

Compliment Specifically, Not Just a Generic Good Job Compliment

Tell your child what part of what they did was good.

Examples: You showed good manners when you said excuse me after you burped! Wow, I like the way you colored in the lines on that picture!

Thank you for apologizing when you hurt your sister’s feelings. That was kind of you.

Immerse Them in Diversity

Now I know some of you are thinking, I live in a small town, how can I do this? I promise you, it’s easier than you think!

Take your kids to a museum.

Read about a holiday in another culture (Cinco de Mayo, Chinese New Year, etc) Try some foods at an ethnic restaurant.

Step outside of your comfort zone together as a family!

Discuss the Hard Stuff, Don’t Just Ignore

The older your children get, the more they may become aware of race relations in the news (school shootings, Black lives matter movement, racial tensions around the world, religious homicides, genocide).

No matter your stance on these touchy subjects, talk about them with your children.

They may not need a long explanation, but hearing from you gives them comfort.

Read, Read, Read

I cannot say this enough, especially to parents of young children. This is your opportunity to instill a love of reading in them. Find out what your child’s interests are.

Read books about those things. As your children get older, find a chapter book to read together. Read a book, and then watch the movie that was adapted from the book.

As you can see from this picture, we started early. We wanted our children to develop a love for reading. Our daughter was 7 months old in this picture. My husband was reading one of our favorites, Black is Brown is Tan.

Teach Them to be Sensitive to Others

When I say others, I mean others with disabilities, handicaps, or from other cultures. I grew up on an Air Force Base, and this makes me more tolerant than most by default.

You don’t have to understand everything about a person to be kind. Teaching your kids to be kind to people will help them navigate our diverse world.

If You Have Biracial Kids, They May Not Be Able to Relate to You (or vice versa)

Their peers may try to force them into a racial box they don’t belong in solely based on their skin color. They will need you to validate that their mixed heritage is unique, and they are special the way they are.

When they are little, help them focus on the similarities they have with you, rather than the differences. For example, I tell my six-year-old that she has brown eyes and curly hair like me. I also tell her that she has brown hair like her daddy.

Now she’ll point out the similarities that she has with both grandmothers and her sister on her own. When we discuss skin color, it isn’t a taboo subject in our home. It doesn’t have to be in yours either.

Someone once told me that if parenting wasn’t the hardest job I’ve ever done, I was doing it wrong. I’m here to tell you, it’s definitely the hardest job I’ve ever done! For those of you without children, some of these same tips can apply in your school, church or community.

Save

Smashing Through Stereotypes: Why I’ll Push My Biracial Kids to Break Them

May 9, 2017 By Diedre 9 Comments

*This post was sponsored by Mitz apparel & accessories. As always, all opinions are my own.

Raising a child is a complicated, beautiful adventure. Raising a biracial child is an adventure that comes with a few complicated twists and turns. Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle the stereotypes that people have and are directed towards their children.

The world is quick to put your child in a box simply because of their race or gender. Racial stereotypes can be dangerous because it can foster hate and negative feelings towards groups of people. Even if you don’t have those feelings in your home, it’s important to address the feelings of others with your children.

Here’s why I’m pushing my kids to break all stereotypes:

It Will Boost Their Self-Confidence

I have two daughters ages five and three. The world is constantly throwing subtle (and not so subtle) messages their way about what it means to be a successful female. When you look at the images of women in the media, you are flooded by scantily clad, dramatic, superficial images.

Promoting these images of success lead to girls who are trying to live up to a standard that can be near impossible. As long as I can control what they watch on television, I am very mindful of everything they watch-including commercials. I want them to create their own standard of beauty based on qualities that are more than skin deep-and more than their material possessions.

I am careful to compliment my daughters on their artistic abilities, manners & other qualities besides just physical appearance.

Doing so will help them to feel confident in who they are, and this will give them a healthy self confidence.

They Will Define Their Own Success Despite Stereotypes

I get questions all the time about my biracial children.

How will they identify?

Do you think they will be confused?

How will you feel if they choose not to identify as biracial?

Race doesn’t define your success, but how you feel about yourself certainly can. People will question my children’s racial ambiguity, so it is my job to prepare them.

I remember the day my dad brought home a black ballerina. I thought she was the most beautiful Barbie I had ever seen! Not because she was black, but because I could envision myself being a beautiful ballerina like she was.

I seek to find books & toys that represent them. As much as I’d like them to be okay with identifying with me, I know that at some point, I won’t understand what it’s like to be biracial.

They Will Pursue Goals Without Holding Back

My husband is a farmer. He owns his own farming business and our family spends a lot of time together. I was not raised on a farm, so every day is a learning experience. My husband uses the time together to teach the girls about animals, horticulture & life.

Before he became a farmer, I believed many of the stereotypes I had heard about farmers. I had no idea how hard they worked or how food went from the farm to the table.

I love the see the surprised look on people’s faces when they find out my husband is a farmer. I am also breaking a stereotype about what a farmer’s wife should look or act like.

Both of my girls are very girly, but they enjoy being on the farm. They help my husband dig, water plants & feed the animals. They often want to dress up, but I explain to them that we have to dress practically for the farm. Recently we’ve discovered a company, Mitz, that makes clothes free from gender stereotypes & their products are made in the USA. Now my daughters can wear their fruit & vegetable dress on the farm!

We want our girls to see that they can be anything they want to be-despite what the world says they should. If they choose not to become farmers, we’re okay with that. We just want them to know that they have the option…and we plan on sharing our knowledge with them so they have choices.

How do you teach your kids to break through stereotypes about their race or gender?

Multiracial Motherhood: What I Want My Biracial Daughters to Know

April 30, 2017 By Diedre 20 Comments

Parenting biracial daughters comes with a unique set of challenges. From the day they were born (until now) strangers question our relationship, their ethnicity and much more.

It is my duty to teach my kids how to be fiercely independent, and how to field questions from strangers that they may or may not want to answer.

Here are a few things I hope to instill in my biracial duaghters.

Race Doesn’t Define You

They will constantly be put in a box by people. At school….work….public. People want to know who they are, where they come from, what race their parents are, and so on.

My biracial daughters are so much more than the color of their skin. I want them to know that race is just an adjective that describes one small portion of who they are.

Contrary to populra belife, being biracial doesn’t mean that they will automatically be confused about their identity, or that they cannot identify with more than one race at a time.

Hanging out with one race over another will not make them a sellout. They are free to be who God created them to be…someone who isn’t defined by race.

People Will Be Curious About Your Race

I have to admit it. I was one of those people. When I saw someone who I thought was biracial, I tried to figure out what they were mixed with. I didn’t dare ask, but I wondered.
Due to the history in our country, race relations continues to be a huge issue. People are curious about my biracial beauties. Some stare, some ask. Some ignorantly ask questions that will make you feel uncomfortable.

I want my biracial daughters to know that people still struggle when they see multiracial families. They still are curious about why the family members “don’t match.” I want them to know that it’s no one’s business what they are mixed with. If they want to share that mom is black & dad is white, great. If they don’t, that’s fine too.

My Biracial Daughters are a Mixture of Both Parents

I hope that my daughters embrace both sides. They are raised by a black mother with Jamaican parents raised in the south. They have a white father who was born and raised in a small town in Georgia and can trace his family roots back several generations.

The blending of families & cultures makes for fun family events. Not only do my biracial daughters embody my husband & I in appearance, but also in mannerisms and cultural norms.

At times they may embrace southern traditions, and at other times crave Jamaican food. I want them to know this is beautiful.

You Don’t Have to Have Straight Hair to be Beautiful

I have spent many dollars & hours learning about curly hair. Both of my daughters have different textures-beautiful in their own way. I hope they learn to embrace the beauty of their curls.

If they choose to straighten their hair, I hope that it will be to experiment with a new look, not because they are ashamed of their curls.

I spent years thinking that my curls were tough, nappy and needed to be straightened. I thought that if I wore straight hair, I was beautiful. In the last three years, I have realized that the curls I was born with are beautiful. Even more so when my daughters say, “Mommy, we have curly hair like you!”

Are you raising biracial kids?? What do you want them to know??

Save

How Can a Mixed Boy Have Straight “Good” Hair?

November 6, 2016 By Diedre 4 Comments

This week, I have the pleasure of sharing this post from Llacey Simmons. Her blog, Our 21st Century Kids, is all about a monolingual mom raising a trilingual kid.

…

Read this Post

How to Meet the Needs of Biracial Kids in School: A Guide for Parents

October 3, 2016 By Diedre 3 Comments

Now that I have two school aged children, I pay extra close attention to her surroundings at school. Is she the only minority in her class? Are diverse books included in his/her classroom or library? Are there other parents in interracial marriages that I can relate to?

As an educator, I know what to look for to help them have the most well-rounded educational experience as possible. Do you know what to look for?

Here are a few tips for advocating for the needs of your biracial kids in school:

Encourage Your Child’s Teacher to Have a Diverse Set of Books in His/Her Classroom

Representation is important!

Kids love to see people who look like them on tv, in print, and in person. Help educators challenge the single race approach to diversity by buying books for your child’s classroom, or by volunteering to read to your child’s class. Your presence and the book you choose will make a world of difference to the teacher, and the students.

Check out my Amazon storefront for a variety of options.

Volunteer to Read Books with Diverse Characters to Your Child’s Class

If the teacher is resistant to adding to his/her collection, or they aren’t sure where to start, bring the diversity to the classroom yourself! Talk with other parents about adding to the teacher’s classroom library.

I don’t know a teacher who would refuse a few minutes of solace in exchange for a parent reading to the class. It’s a win-win situation for everyone involved!

Participate in Multicultural Events at the School

Many schools have some sort of multicultural celebration. Volunteer to cook some ethnic foods or share about your culture.

Use every opportunity to educate other parents & educators.

Make a Decision at Home about How your Child Will Identify

Why is this important? When enrolling your child, there are multiple forms that require you to check race. At some point, your child will have to make a choice about their identity.

If you don’t have the conversation about identity at home, it will come up at school. Don’t you want to be the first one to have that discussion with your child?

Be Actively Involved in Your Child’s Education

This is important no matter the ethnicity of your child. Unfortunately, teachers tend to work a little harder for kids whose parents are actively involved in their education.

Right or wrong, this is the truth.

Take time to meet your child’s teacher and have open communication with them.