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Are Those Your Kids

Raising Biracial Kids in Today's World

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When Transracial Adoption Moves You from Ignorant to Woke

February 26, 2017 By Diedre 10 Comments

Today on the blog, I’m privileged to have Rachel Garlinghouse share her experience on transracial adoption. Adoption comes with no shortage of challenges. Transracial adoption also brings its fair share of challenges, but in the end is a beautiful thing.Family Life

I grew up in a racially diverse, but segregated town. My family:  all white.  My circle of friends:  white.  My neighbors:  white.    Most of my bosses, all of my teachers, and most of my co-workers:  white. I married a white man, and we planned on starting a family several years after I graduated college.

Diagnosis

But that changed when, after a year-and-a-half battle with an undiagnosed illness, I was told by an ER doctor why I’d been so sick:  Type 1 diabetes.   A chronic, autoimmune, (currently) incurable disease was my new reality.   I would furthermore be reliant on injecting insulin into my body in order to live.

It was during my five-day hospital stay that hope presented itself in the midst of the valley.   A diabetes nurse educator asked if we planned on having children, we said yes, and she proceeded to tell us about the risks of pregnancy in a Type 1 diabetic patient.  It was then, instantaneously and without a hint of doubt, that I knew we would adopt.

It’s been eleven years since my diagnosis, and today my husband and I have four children, all of whom are Black.

Transracial Adoption

We were open to adopting children of any race, but each time we were ready to add to our family, we were chosen by Black birth parents.

 Since becoming a multiracial family formed by transracial adoption, I went from ignorant to woke.  

We did as much preparation as one could before adopting. We read the books, talked to experienced people in the adoption community, participated in online discussions, and talked at great length about our life experiences.   We understood that transracial adoption meant we’d encounter challenges that same-race families would not.  But of course, nothing teaches quite like experience.

Adoption comes with no shortage of challenges. Transracial adoption also brings its fair share of challenges, but in the end is a beautiful thing.

There was the time my then two-year-old (oldest) child started dance lessons. She loved to shake it.   And a white acquaintance said, “Of course she likes to dance.  It’s in her!”

There were the curious white strangers who tried to stroke my girls’ beaded cornrows, interrogate the girls on how long it took to get their hair done (followed by, “I could never sit for that long!”), or overly compliment them on their looks to the point it was incredibly uncomfortable and intrusive.

Adoption Parenting

There were people who assumed things about my children because they were adopted and Black: their birth parents were probably young, sexually promiscuous, and drug users.  We were asked if our children were in foster care (no—and in fact, most children in foster care are white).   We often received the “God bless you for adopting children who needed a good home” as if we were white saviors swooping to scoop up babies out of heartbreaking and horrifying situations.

Adoption comes with no shortage of challenges. Transracial adoption also brings its fair share of challenges, but in the end is a beautiful thing.

There was the time a white woman called my then two-year-old son, who has always been big for his age, a “cute little thug.” This happened just a few months after the nearby town of Ferguson had been rocked by the death of Michael Brown, and the Black Lives Matter movement was picking up steam.  A few months after that, a young white man drove by our house and yelled the n-word at my daughters, then six and four, who were riding bikes in our driveway.

I’ve had to come face-to-face with my whiteness thousands of times when it collides with the ignorance of a society that still values less melanin and insists that “colorblindness” is real.

I’m honored to be my children’s mother. I am committed to never letting the lessons end.  I relish in humility.  I embrace empathy & I listen more than I talk.

And I take every single thing I learn and recommit to raising racially confident, proud, strong, smart Black children.

Adoption comes with no shortage of challenges. Transracial adoption also brings its fair share of challenges, but in the end is a beautiful thing.

Rachel Garlinghouse is the author of five books and hundreds of articles. She’s shared her family’s experiences on CNN, CBS, NPR, and MSNBC. Rachel, her husband, and their four children live in the St. Louis area.   Read more on Rachel’s blog, White Sugar Brown Sugar, and follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Adoption comes with no shortage of challenges. Transracial adoption also brings its fair share of challenges, but in the end is a beautiful thing.

Want more from Rachel? Check out her publications:

Poems for the Smart, Spunky, and Sensational Black Girl

Come Rain or Come Shine: A White Parent’s Guide to Adopting and Parenting Black Children

Black Girls Can: An Empowering Story of Yesterdays and Todays

Encouragement for the Adoption and Parenting Journey: 52 Devotions and a Journal

Homeschooling Your Young Black Child:  A Simple Getting-Started Guide and Workbook

How Can a Mixed Boy Have Straight “Good” Hair?

November 6, 2016 By Diedre 4 Comments

How Can a Mixed Boy Have Straight "Good" Hair?

This week, I have the pleasure of sharing this post from Llacey Simmons.  Her blog, Our 21st Century Kids, is all about a monolingual mom raising a trilingual kid.

…

Read this Post

Multiracial Families: Debunking 4 Common Myths & Misconceptions

September 11, 2016 By Diedre 15 Comments

Multiracial Families: Debunking 4 Common Myths & Misconceptions

Even though Multiracial families are becoming the norm, many people still hold on to stereotypes, misconceptions, and preconceived notions.

It is estimated that 21% of Americans will identify as multiracial by 2050.  My kids will be part of that number. Interesting isn’t it?

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Back in 1967, there were actually state laws that banned interracial marriage. These laws weren’t overturned until the Supreme Court case, Loving vs. Virginia in 1967. In that case, the Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional for the state of Virginia to ban interracial marriage.

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This case has done wonders for this country but the conversations we have about multiracial families doesn’t need to stop here. Here are a few incorrect assumptions people make about multiracial families:

Spouses are Attracted to Each Other Specifically Because of Race

For my husband and I, this definitely wasn’t true. When we met, we bonded over food, music & conversation. Our friendship evolved into a relationship.

Our attraction to each other was just as much for inner qualities as physical attraction.

We both had dated inside of our race prior to meeting each other.

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Multiracial Children are Destined for Racial Confusion

Don’t you dare feel sorry for my family or my children! I was very intentional about where I chose to live, educate my children & even the circle I run in. All of those influences can have a negative or positive impact on my children.

My girls are exposed to both sides of the family and embrace both their races and cultures.

We read books about identity, and I plan on having more in depth conversations with them as they grow and mature.

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Multiracial Families Have More Tension

Having a multiracial family does not equal family tension. Tensions in families arise from personality conflicts, family history,  among a host of other issues.

Since starting this blog, I’ve been pleased to hear that many people in interracial relationships have had positive experiences blending families. In my own family, my husband was embraced when we visited Jamaica.

He enjoyed the country much more than I did (it could have a little to do with the fact that I was 5 months pregnant and we were not always in a building with AC & my hormones were raging)

Interracial Means Black and White

This is a common misconception, especially in the south. Interracial relationships come in all racial & cultural mixtures.

Minorities in interracial relationships often get overlooked in the discussion. Interracial means a mixture of different racial groups, even if skin tones match or look similar.

What myths or misconceptions have you heard, or personally had about multiracial families? Did you like this post? Then do me a favor and give it a share!

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Hi, I’m Diedre!

Hi, I’m Diedre!

Lifestyle + Mom Blogger

Welcome to Are Those Your Kids! This blog was created to share my experiences in motherhood, from the perspective of a mom with biracial kids. I discuss all things education, culture, multicultural resources, curly hair and motherhood.

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Parenting biracial daughters comes with a unique set of challenges. People often question their identity based on their physical appearance.
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