Are Those Your Kids

Raising Biracial Kids in Today's World

curly hair

Everything You Need to Know About Raising a Biracial Child

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Raising a biracial child is a complicated, beautiful adventure.

Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle those issues, especially when confronted by biases in their own families and communities.

 

Everything You Need to Know About Raising a Biracial ChildParenting a biracial child can prove to be challenging when you are doing it alone. Seeking out resources and befriending other multiracial families can provide a firm support system for you and your family.

Here are a few important things to consider when raising a biracial child:

Representation Matters to Your Biracial Child

I remember the day my dad brought home a black ballerina. I thought she was the most beautiful Barbie I had ever seen. Not because she was black, but because I could envision myself being a beautiful ballerina like she was.

I had white Barbies and I thought they were beautiful too. However, when I saw one that looked like me, I could identify with her. This childhood memory has stuck with me as I’m raising three biracial children.

I seek to find books  & toys that represent them.

As much as I’d like them to be okay with identifying with me, I know that at some point, I won’t understand what it’s like to be biracial.

Motherhood: What I've Learned About Raising a Biracial Child

People Will Question Your Identity as a Family Based on Skin Color

When my oldest daughter was born, I sent a picture of her to all of my closest friends (as every proud mom does). One of my friends joked with me later that week that her phone was acting up, so she had to get a new one and all of her numbers didn’t transfer.

She got my text with a picture of Melody and was trying to figure out who sent her a picture of a white baby. I laughed, but it hurt my feelings a bit. When people said that she looked like my husband, I think I was offended because she was so light, not because she had his genes.

I didn’t want anyone to question that she was my child.

Ladies and gentleman, I was color struck.

Motherhood: What I've Learned About Raising a Biracial Child

Examine Your Issues with Race & Skin Color

I think every parent wants their child to look like them, biracial or not.  At one time, I wished that my daughter’s skin color was more brown so that we I wouldn’t feel embarassed when people commented on how light she was.

But then I realized that I had issues with color.

The lightness of her skin didn’t make her any less mine.

Raising a biracial child is an adventure that comes with a few complicated twists and turns. Race and identity issues often become a number one priority.

 

God made my children with cinnamon brown skin; lighter in the winter and a darker complexion in the summer.

I need to be okay with whatever shade they are.

I have to teach them to be confident with how God made them.

If I allow what others say to us to bother me, my daughters will internalize those feelings, and I refuse to let that happen. Fortunately there are many successful biracial people they can look up to.

Motherhood: What I've Learned About Raising a Biracial Child

Seek Out Resources

One of the reasons I started this blog is because I struggled to find resources on raising a biracial child when I was pregnant, especially resources for biracial curly hair.

I’ve also found several other bloggers who blog on this subject and connected with them too. One of my favorite authors on the subject is Dr. Francis Wardle. 

Raising a biracial child is an adventure that comes with a few complicated twists and turns. Race and identity issues often become a number one priority.

Are you raising a biracial child? What do you think is different about raising them? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below!

 

 

 

 

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4 Realities About Curly Hair You’d Be Shocked to Learn

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People make assumptions about things they don't understand. Being a curly haired person means that people don't understand your hair. *This post contains affiliate links. All products recommended are ones that I use and love* 

Having curly hair some days feels like a blessing and others a curse. It has it’s own personality and takes a bit of practice to train. Because of its beautiful unpredictability, curly hair confuses people. Here are a few facts about curly hair:

Coarse Texture Doesn’t Mean It’s Rough

Even though my five year old has curly hair, she’s made this assumption. She was just telling my coworker the other day, “Mommy my hair is soft, and yours is rough.”

Ouch. Burned by your own child. I used this opportunity as a teachable moment. I informed her that have smaller curls and a different texture DID NOT mean that my hair was rough and hers was soft.

4 Realities About Curly Hair You'd Be Shocked to Learn

All Curly Haired Folks Don’t Necessarily Want to Wear it Straight

I get compliments all the time on my curly hair.

In the next breath, people always ask me “Have you ever thought about straightening yours or your daugthers’ hair?”

“I bet it would be so cute that way”

I spent most of my life with straight hair, and believe me, I love straight hair too.

But don’t get it twisted….straight hair is not “the more professional” “more beautiful” version of curly hair. My girls and I love our hair curly, just how God made it thank you.

People make assumptions about things they don't understand. Being a curly haired person means that people don't understand your hair.

You Can Only Wear It Multiple Ways

A friend and I were discussing hairstyles. I told her about curl formers and how I hadn’t quite mastered them yet. She asked me why I wanted to use those when my hair was already curly.

Curly haired folk like diversity too! Just because your hair is naturally curly doesn’t mean that it can’t be manipulated in different styles. It can be styled into large curls, small curls, wavy curls, the options are endless!

It can be styled into large curls, small curls, wavy curls, the options are endless!

People make assumptions about things they don't understand. Being a curly haired person means that people don't understand your hair.

Curly Hair Doesn’t= Short

People make assumptions about things they don't understand. Being a curly haired person means that people don't understand your hair.

I used to fall victim to this assumption too. As a young girl, I always wondered why my hair was curly in the shower, and then thick and tangled after it air dryed. I used to say that an afro was not for me.

When I saw people with curly hair, I was always amazed at how long it was after they straightened it.

If you have curly hair, then you know all about shrinkage! I’ve been asked on many occasions if I’ve cut my hair, when in fact, my hair shrunk due to the weather or wearing it in a different style.

People make assumptions about things they don't understand. Being a curly haired person means that people don't understand your hair.

What questions do you have about curly hair?? I’d love to answer them for you!

 

 

Email me at arethoseyourkids@yahoo.com or join my Multiracial Motherhood group on Facebook.

 

 

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5 Reasons Why I Love Curly Hair More Than Relaxed Hair

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Relaxed hair has been seen as more beautiful than natural hair for a long time. The key to loving your naturally curly hair is learning how to care for it.

Now that I have a head full of curls, I can’t imagine life (again) with relaxed hair.

Two years ago, my dermatologist suggested that I go natural due to the scalp issues I was having. My first thought was, I don’t want an afro! There’s no way that will look good on me! After going 12 weeks without relaxed hair, I decided to take the plunge and grow out my natural hair.

 I’ll be honest, the transition was a struggle.

Trying to style two different textures of hair was difficult. There were many mornings I cried because I had no idea what to do with my hair. After hours of watching YouTube videos & getting pep talks from my natural friends, I did the big chop.

There were many mornings I CRIED because I had no idea what to do with my hair. After hours of watching YouTube videos & getting pep talks from my natural friends………………….I did the big chop.

I was nervous about how the world would perceive me. 

After a few weeks & the right products, my outlook changed. I felt more confident and even experimented with cuts & color. Here’s why I love my natural locks over relaxed:

A Little Frizz Isn’t Bad

Now trust me, I love the look of defined curls, but I don’t get bent out of shape when my 2 or 3 day wash and go starts to frizz a little. In fact, other natural curly haired girls will tell you that they actually prefer their hair after a few days.

The curls mask the frizz and it isn’t a complete loss.

Relaxed hair has been seen as more beautiful than natural hair for a long time. The key to loving your naturally curly hair is learning how to care for it.

I Can Air Dry (A Big No No With Relaxed Hair)

One of the things I always hated about going to the salon with relaxed hair was the endless drying time. Having a head full of thick hair meant at least an hour or two under the dryer. Now I can style my hair and go about my business. It’s so freeing!! If I go the beach or happen to get caught in a little drizzle, my life isn’t completely over. I can make it work!

Curly Hair Has Magical Powers

With a little water, gel & shake, my curls pop into place.

I don’t ever remember styling being that easy with relaxed hair. In fact, water was my arch nemesis. Now I can hop in the shower without a shower cap, and (walk briskly) to my car in the rain.

And the best part is, if I ever miss my straight hair, I can always straighten it, or experiment with wigs or other protective styles (which I do rather frequently).

I Can Wear Different Kinds of Curls

Rollers, Rods, Curlformers, Coils…the list is endless! Who knew that curly hair was so versatile! My curls can be manipulated into a particular style, or I can wear them wild and free.

Relaxed hair has been seen as more beautiful than natural hair for a long time. The key to loving your naturally curly hair is learning how to care for it.

My Kids Can Identify With Me

And last but not least, my girls can identify with their mama. As a mom of biracial kids, this is probably the most important one to me. We don’t really focus on our differences, however, we choose to celebrate the things we have in common.

And our curls definitely bind the three of us together (sorry hubby!). People used to ask me, “are those your kids?” when they were babies-I guess because of the stark differences in our complexion.

Now when they see my little curly haired squad together, no questions are asked.

Relaxed hair has been seen as more beautiful than natural hair for a long time. The key to loving your naturally curly hair is learning how to care for it.

Relaxed hair has been seen as more beautiful than natural hair for a long time. The key to loving your naturally curly hair is learning how to care for it.

Curly girls, what do you love about your hair??? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below.

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Detangling 101: 5 Ways to Achieve Beautiful Curls Free of Tangles

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*This post contains affiliate links. All products recommended are ones that I use and love*  If you were blessed with a head of curly hair, detangling can be a major ordeal. Here are five guaranteed ways to get rid of the knots.

 

If you were blessed with a head of curly hair, some days styling your hair can make the curls feel more like a curse instead of a blessing. Detangling can be a challenge if you don’t have the right products and you don’t know what you’re doing. I’m here to make it easy for you.

Pre-poo With A Natural Oil (Like Coconut Oil)

For those of you who like going the natural route, this is perfect for you!  What does it mean to pre-poo? This simply means that you apply oil to your hair about 15-20 minutes before a shower, then wash it out before you begin your regular washing routine.

I’ve used many natural oils like jojoba, tea tree, olive & coconut oil. Coconut oil is probably my favorite because it solves a myriad of skin issues. It reduces inflammation, dandruff & itchy scalp. Cantu also makes a variety of oils that are hydrating for your scalp & hair.

 

If you were blessed with a head of curly hair, detangling can be a major ordeal. Here are five guaranteed ways to get rid of the knots.

Not only is it good for your scalp, but it works wonders on detangling. I love to use it after wearing a protective style for an extended period of time. oil is also great for penetrating dry strands & bringing back a beautiful natural shine.

Not only does it make detangling easier, but it is also great for penetrating dry strands & bringing back a beautiful natural shine.

Deep Condition

If going the pre-poo route seems like too much maintenance for you, then deep conditioning is the way to go. Find a conditioner that you love, apply to your hair, and let it sit for at least 20 minutes. To get the maximum benefit of deep conditioning, I suggest sitting under a hooded dryer.

If you have young children, put the conditioner on their hair when you first put them in the bath, then wash it out right before you take them out. Sitting under a dryer is not really an option for little ones. If they are afraid of getting water in their face, then try using a splash guard like the Baby Kids Soft Shampoo Bath Shower Cap Hat Waterproof Shield. 

Deep conditioning is a great way to bring life back into your curls, and the conditioner does most of the detangling work for you.

If you were blessed with a head of curly hair, detangling can be a major ordeal. Here are five guaranteed ways to get rid of the knots.

Use A Leave In Conditioner Or Detangler

I have two daughters and both of them have curly hair in different textures. If I had to do without all products except one for them, detangler would be the one I would save.

Our favorite detangler is Kinky Curly Knot Today. It is lightweight and can handle any amount of tangles. I love it because it works for both of my kids.

If you were blessed with a head of curly hair, detangling can be a major ordeal. Here are four guaranteed ways to get rid of the knots.

I’ll be honest, I use detangler & leave in conditioner. The leave in conditioner leaves the hair soft and moisturized after a wash. There’s no fear of dry hair in the morning. My favorite is Cantu.

It’s affordable, smells great & always does the trick. The best thing about Cantu is that it works for both of my daughters & me! It’s the one products we can all share.

Using A Wide Tooth Comb (Or Your Fingers) Makes Detangling Easier While Wet

Instead of fighting with your curls when it’s time to style, do yourself a favor and detangle in the shower. Water does wonders for curly hair.

Once you find a good deep conditioner that moisturizes & detangles, use it to do the hard work for you.

In small sections, work the comb (or your fingers) through each section of hair. Once you do this, styling will be a breeze.

Use A Steamer

Moisture is curly hair’s best friend. It reduces shrinkage & breakage. There are several steaming options: You can use a handheld steam (my favorite), sit under a steamer, or use the steam from a hot shower.

If you were blessed with a head of curly hair, detangling can be a major ordeal. Here are five guaranteed ways to get rid of the knots.

My favorite way to steam is using the Q-redew. The steam moisturizes my hair and instantly melts the tangles away. I am left with soft, manageable hair. It’s also a great way to intensify a deep conditioner or hot oil treatment. I love that the Q-redew has long prongs that act like a comb, so sifting through the hair is a breeze.

If you were blessed with a head of curly hair, detangling can be a major ordeal. Here are five guaranteed ways to get rid of the knots.

What method of detangling works best for you??

Was this post helpful? Then share it with someone who struggles with their curly hair.

 

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A Guide to Multiracial Hair Care: Mixed Chick Hair Whisperer

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A Guide to Multiracial Hair Care: Mixed Chick Hair Whisperer

*This is a sponsored post. All opinions are my own.*

As a mom of multiracial children, it has been a challenge to find the right products to help me care for their curls. 

I  have naturally curly hair myself, but it is a very different texture from both of my children. Finding the right products has been a costly and at times, frustrating venture. I’d love to help take the frustration out of your routine. Just call me the mixed chick hair whisperer and keep reading.

naturally curly hair

  Understand that Biracial actually means Multiracial

Don’t make assumptions about the hair. Just because the child is mixed with two races, doesn’t mean that their hair isn’t infused with all the other genes in their bloodline.

Parents with thick wavy hair can produce an offspring with thick, kinky curls.

 Detangle, Detangle, Detangle (while wet)

I cannot say this enough. Curly hair loves water. Never try to detangle curly hair while dry (ouch!!) Often naturals talk about finding a conditioner with good slip.

Slip means that the conditioner aids in detangling and glides through the hair.

Wide Tooth Combs are a Must

Wide tooth combs assist with detangling. They glide through the hair instead of pulling. Your child will thank you!  biracial hair care.jpg Establish a Night-Time Routine for Healthy Hair Care

Curly hair tangles easily, so having a night time routine to reduce tangles is essential.

At night you have several options: braid or twist hair, put in a pineapple (basically a high pony), or sleep with a satin cap.

Find a Good Conditioner (Leave in and Wash out)

Curly hair naturals talk about co-washing all the time. This basically means washing hair with conditioner instead of shampoo.

I still love the way shampoo cleanses and makes my daughters’ hair feel clean, but there are several days in the week when I simply co-wash.

If your child suffers from a dry, itchy scalp, then a conditioner with tea tree oil may do the trick.

Don’t Fight the Curl, Embrace the Curl

I have heard of many women who are at a loss with their  (multiracial) daughter’s hair.

Find products that make the curl come to life naturally instead of finding ways to straighten it. When you find a good conditioner, the curls will respond by spiraling.

A Guide to Multiracial Hair Care: Mixed Chick Hair WhispererAdd Gel

How do you know which gel works for you? The right gel holds your curls in place gently without residue. Gel is a wonderful tool for curly girls to add shine, hold & definition.

It has gotten a bad rap over the years, but it’s a wonderful tool to keep the frizz away, and to give your style staying power. 

The wrong gel will flake and make the hair hard.

Moisturize, Moisturize, Moisturize

A good deep conditioner once a week is a must, especially when your hair seems to be lifeless and lack moisture.

Hot oil treatments are also a great way to bring moisture into dry hair. Simply heat the oil of your choice (I love jojoba, almond & coconut) in the microwave for a few seconds, pour over your head and let it sit for at least 20 minutes.

Sitting under a hooded dryer will ensure the oils penetrate the hair and scalp. Then wash out.

Recently I’ve discovered a fabulous line of oils, Mammoth Oils. The wonderful thing about this brand is that it combines several natural (avocado jojoba, coconut, olive, castor, argon & almond) oils so you don’t have to!

The creator of the brand is multiracial and she couldn’t find what she needed in a product, so she created her own! 

Want to try out this brand for yourself? Enter code CURLYKIDS for 15% off at check out. 

A Guide to Multiracial Hair Care: Mixed Chick Hair WhispererDon’t be Afraid to Experiment!

What works for one multiracial person, will not necessarily work for your child. There are a ton of products on the market and it’s often hard to make a decision. Check out YouTube for videos and tips.

Beauty by Lee, Taren Guy & Mahogany Curls are great ones to follow.

 Subscribe to Beauty/Hair boxes

There are several companies that make monthly subscription boxes full of products specifically for curly haired individuals.

The boxes are full of a variety of product brands in full and sample sizes. This allows you to try different products for $25-$30 a month without going broke and purchasing products that don’t work.

Are you a total loss when it comes to styling your child’s curly hair? Purchase my e-book, The Frustration-Free Guide to Curly Hair to answer all your curly hair questions + get a guide to products by curl type! 

 

Are you at a loss when it comes to curly hair? Does wash day make you cringe? Check out this e-book for a guide to all things curly hair care.

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8 Books Every Multiracial Family Needs In Their Collection

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8 Books Every Multiracial Family Needs In Their Collection

 

*This post contains Amazon affiliate links.*

I remember when my husband and I were preparing for our first baby. We stocked up on diapers, clothes & books. We understood the importance of embracing our multiracial family and celebrating all families in their uniqueness.

Representation matters.  Even if you aren’t in a multiracial family, it’s important to show your children diversity through literature.

This is especially important if you are not living in a diverse community. Children need to see themselves & their friends represented in books. The beauty of owning books that feature an array of cultures, races & ethnicities is that they normalize interracial relationships. Here is a list of 8 books that you need in your personal collection.

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The Best Children’s Books for Curly Haired Kids

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The Best Children's Books for Curly Haired Kids

As a mother to two curly haired, biracial children, I’m always searching for ways to help them to be more culturally competent, independent and self confident.

One of my favorite ways to teach my children is through reading stories.

I’m so thankful for the myriad of authors that realize the importance of spreading positive messages through their literature.

Today I’m excited to share 3 books with you that model loving yourself, specifically, loving your curly hair.

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Mixed Chick Hair Dictionary: A Cheat Sheet of Terms for Curly Hair

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If you are raising "mixed chicks" or children of other ethnicities with curly hair, there are a few terms you ought to become familiar with.

Mixed Chick Hair Dictionary?   What is this you ask? Well, having curly hair puts you in a category all by yourself. Since becoming natural, I’ve had to learn several new terms myself. If you are raising “mixed chicks” or children of other ethnicities with curly hair, there are  a few terms you ought to become familiar with. Here’s my cheat sheet for you:

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A Curly Girl’s Guide to Conditioners: My 5 Favorites

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Curly hair has a mind of its own. Good products, like conditioner, can tame the beast. The right conditioners can give your curls life.*This post contains affiliate links. I am only recommending products that I use and love!*

If you’re newly natural or have multiracial children with curly locks, you’ll appreciate this post. I’ve come up with a list of my favorite conditioners and I tell you why they’re so amazing.

Why conditioners and not shampoos you ask? Well, my fellow curly girls know that conditioners run out before shampoos because they are a staple. The right conditioner gives your curls life.

February 2016 was my 2 year anniversary of being natural AKA nappiversary. I think my natural journey has helped me understand the needs of curly hair,  hence the name of a previous post The Mixed Chick Hair Whisperer. You think I’m over exaggerating?

[tweetthis]If curly hair was a person, she’d be assertive, outspoken, fashionable and unpredictable.[/tweetthis]

A Curly Girl's Guide to Conditioners: My 5 Favorites

Curly hair has a mind of its own. Good products, like conditioners, can tame the beast.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have the coarsest, tightest, thickest texture of my girls. My oldest has tight, springy curls and the youngest has loose wavy curls. Thankfully if a product doesn’t work for me, usually it works on one of them.

A Curly Girl's Guide to Conditioners: My 5 Favorites

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The Best Conditioners for Your Curls: Mixed Chick Hair Whisperer Part 2

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The Best Conditioners for Your Curls: Mixed Chick Hair Whisperer Part 2

Before you jump into Mixed Chick Hair Whisperer Part II,  have you read Part I? If not, click here.

The one thing I’ve learned about curly hair is that it needs moisture, moisture that comes from conditioning curls on a regular basis (weekly).

If curly hair was a superhero, then conditioner would be the sidekick.

Finding  conditioners that work for your curls sometimes feels like finding a needle in a haystack. (For you non-southerners, southerners use lots of metaphors)

The Best Conditioners for Your Curls: Mixed Chick Hair Whisperer Part 2

I’m going to give a list of some great conditioners. Ready???

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