family

Why I Don’t Care If You (Or Anyone Else) Thinks I Have Too Many Kids

July 7, 2018 By Diedre 9 Comments

How do you know if someone has too many kids?

For me, I always knew that I wanted three. Thankfully, my husband and I have always been on the same page.

People make assumptions about large families. Especially when those families are comprised of 2 or more young children. Here's to breaking stereotypes.

We knew the challenges that came with raising children, so we decided to reevaluate after each child so that we didn’t take on more than we could handle.

When I was pregnant with my third child, I noticed looks from strangers when I was out with my girls.

I was told frequently that my hands were full and I was questioned about their age difference.

I’ve even seen the look on the faces of some of my co-workers & strangers when someone announces that they are pregnant with their 3rd or 4th child. I can only imagine the assumptions they are making.

Here are a few I’ve heard:

You Don’t Know How to use Birth Control

When I was 27, I became pregnant for the first time. My husband and I had just celebrated our 1 year anniversary. One of my coworkers had the nerve to ask me if I was sure I wanted kids so soon.

The last time I checked, giving birth and having children is nothing short of a miracle. If I’m not asking for donations from my coworkers or begging gas money from random strangers, why does it bother people so much that I want 3 children?

Believe me, I know how to use birth control.

You are Struggling to Manage your Kids

I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen people with 1 child struggling to manage. If you have more than 1 child, then you already know how important planning, scheduling and being organized is.

Even if your home doesn’t always reflect perfect order, there is a science to taking children out in public. Thanks to things like double strollers, baby carriers, educational apps on tablets and snacks, moms all around the world can manage a shopping trip with their kids.

Is it perfect? No. But nothing in life is.

You are Unhappy.

Now that we have young children, we enjoy doing things with them. We realize that raising young children keeps you from doing certain things, but we’re okay with that.

People make assumptions about large families. Especially when those families are comprised of 2 or more young children. Here's to breaking stereotypes.

In my 20’s, I worked hard and was semi-care free. I finished my Master’s degree by the age of 23 and started working full time. My husband and I traveled frequently during his time as a travel agent, and even went to Jamaica when I was 7 months pregnant.

They won’t be little forever, and we are enjoying our time treasuring those moments.

If you saw me frowning at the store as my child was demanding something and I was scolding her in response, that was just a bad moment, not a bad life.

You are Poor

I get it. We live in an age where minimum wage goes up, and so does the price of groceries. The rising cost of childcare has persuaded moms to stay at home in lieu of working outside the home.

BUT….

Being rich is relative. Having multiple children means that I will be rich in love, laughter, memories and cuddles. My children will learn to love and depend on each other. My hope is that they will be best friends just like me & my 3 brothers.

So don’t waste your time feeling sorry for me.

My girls are 2.5 years apart, and people often question me if they are twins. I can’t tell you how many times people have commented, “Wow you sure have your hands full don’t you.”

Yes, some days I do, but some days they are perfect angels. And one day, when my kids are grown and they all come home for Christmas, my heart will be full and I won’t regret one day of raising them all.

People make assumptions about large families. Especially when those families are comprised of 2 or more young children. Here's to breaking stereotypes.

Honestly, I don’t care what people think about the size of my family, the age gaps between my children, the color of their skin, or anything else.

My husband and I wanted our home to be full of laughter and love, and we agreed three children was the right number for us.

Does it get hectic? OH YES.

Am I tired 99% of the time? YOU BETCHA.

Would I trade it all for something less crazy? ABSOLUTELY.

Just kidding. I love that my kids first lessons about sharing come from sharing with their siblings. I love that they have each other to lean on, and when no one else looks like them or can relate, they have each other.

What assumptions have you heard people make about families with 2 or more young children?

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Everything You Need to Know About Raising a Biracial Child

August 19, 2017 By Diedre 19 Comments

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*This post contains affiliate links*

Raising a biracial child is a complicated, beautiful adventure.

Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle those issues, especially when confronted by biases in their own families and communities.

Parenting a biracial child can prove to be challenging when you are doing it alone. Seeking out resources and befriending other multiracial families can provide a firm support system for you and your family.

It can be especially challenging if you are not biracial yourself, even if you are a minority.

Here are a few important things to consider when raising a biracial child:

Representation Matters to Your Biracial Child

I remember the day my dad brought home a black ballerina. I thought she was the most beautiful Barbie I had ever seen. Not because she was black, but because I could envision myself being a beautiful ballerina like she was.

I had white Barbies and I thought they were beautiful too. However, when I saw one that looked like me, I could identify with her. This childhood memory has stuck with me as I’m raising three biracial children.

I seek to find booksÂ & toys that represent them.

As much as I’d like them to be okay with identifying with me, I know that at some point, I won’t understand what it’s like to be biracial.

People Will Question Your Identity as a Family Based on Skin Color

When my oldest daughter was born, I sent a picture of her to all of my closest friends (as every proud mom does). One of my friends joked with me later that week thatÂ her phone wasÂ acting up, so she had to get a new one and all of her numbers didn’t transfer.

She got myÂ text with a picture of Melody and was trying to figure outÂ who sent her a picture of a white baby. I laughed, but it hurt my feelings a bit. When people said that she looked like my husband, I think IÂ was offendedÂ because she was so light, not because she had his genes.

I didn’t want anyone to question that sheÂ was my child.

Ladies and gentleman, I was color struck.

Examine Your Issues with Race & Skin Color

I think every parentÂ wants their child to look like them, biracial or not.Â At one time, I wished that my daughter’s skin color was more brown so that we I wouldn’t feel embarassed when people commented on how light she was.

As embarrasing as that is to admit now, it helps me see that I needed to change my mindset.

I had issues with color.

The lightness of her skin didn’t make her any less mine, regardless of what people thought.

Most people think they are being polite by pointing out features of a baby, especially if they follow up the statements by “I wish my skin looked like that” or “Biracial babies are so cute.” They don’t realize that they are othering your baby and making offensive comments.

God made my children with cinnamon brown skin; lighter in the winter and a darker complexion in the summer.

I need to be okay with whatever shade they are.

I have to teach them to be confident with how God made them.

If I allow what others say to us to bother me, my daughters will internalize those feelings, and I refuse to let that happen. Fortunately there are many successful biracial people they can look up to.

Seek Out Resources

One of the reasons I started this blog is because I struggled to find resources on raising a biracial child when I was pregnant, especially resources for biracial curly hair.

I’ve also found several other bloggers who blog on this subject and connected with them too. One of my favorite authors on the subject is Dr. Francis Wardle.Â

Are you raising a biracial child? What do you think is different about raising them? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below!

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5 Celebrity Multiracial Moms to Follow on Instagram

May 31, 2017 By Diedre 4 Comments

A few posts ago, I shared with you all how much I love Instagram. The great thing about it is you get to connect with your friends, other moms & even a celebrity or two!

Even though I can’t say that any of these ladies are my actual friends, it is inspiring to see how they lead their lives (and their families) in such a positive way. They are all multiracial and are killing the mom game.

Here are just a handful of my favorite celebrity multiracial Instagram moms:

Ayesha Curry

This gorgeous celebrity mama is a class act. She loves her husband, family, she cooks, is an entrepreneur & author.

She is also unapologetic about her faith and devotion to her family.

Tamera Housley

I’ve been following Tamera & her sister since I was a tween and they were in their Sister, Sister glory days. Tamera is the quieter, more laid back version of the twin duo.

I love her style, and the love for her husband and children shine through. Oh, and in one of her most recent pictures, she had a picture of her and Ayesha Curry!

Shh…don’t tell…. I had a little fangirl moment.

Tia Mowry

Tia is the other half of the well known Mowry twins. I love that she experiments with her hair and fashion.

When she and her sister had their own reality show, I couldn’t get enough.

I love how she is reinventing herself–I was a fan as a child, but I loved seeing her when she was an actor on The Game, and now has her own cooking show.

She has faced criticism from internet trolls making comments about her child’s appearance, and in true mom fashion, she faced the haters.

Alicia Keys

This talented songbird is a success in her own right. She is a Grammy award winning artist, and currently, you can find her lending her expertise on The Voice.

She is biracial and has talked about how she infuses her Jamaican background into her music.

As a product of a Jamaican family, I love that! She has two beautiful children with beautiful curls!

Kenya Raymer AKA Halfie Truths

This lady is an Instagram celebrity. I love her unapologetic approach to motherhood and life.

She has suffered 2 miscarriages and is carrying a healthy baby. Having a miscarriage recently myself, I’ve really connected with her.

She is a world traveler, dancer, fashionista & real lady. I just love watching her journey. I think you will too.

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How to Plan the Perfect Toddler Birthday Party Without Tears

November 27, 2016 By Diedre 8 Comments

*This post is sponsored by Oriental Trading Company. All opinions are my own*

Planning a toddler birthday party should be fun event for parents, not a stressful one. However, when toddlers are involved, unpredictable events can make one nervous. Here are some tips for a stress-free, fun party day.

Keep It Simple

I cannot say this enough. Toddlers get overstimulated easily and they really don’t care whether you spent hours on every detail.

They still might not smile for your picture.

One of my favorite places to purchase party supplies from is Oriental Trading Company.

Their supplies are affordable and often come small packs, perfect for giving as party favors.

Make Party Activities Toddler-Friendly

My girls love playing dress up. Paw Patrol reigns at our house, so we picked up some Paw Patrol costumes .

They wore those things all day (pre and post party!) I think they almost enjoyed them more than the gifts. The adults even joined the fun and wore Paw Patrol masks!

Of all the birthday parties I’ve attended with my children, I’ve noticed that they enjoy the ones that are catered to toddlers (playdough, colored spaghetti noodles, small bouncy house, coloring station, etc).

Maybe it’s the educator in me, but I find that when the activities are age appropriate, it helps the kids have less melt down moments. Toddlers have short attention spans, so short games, music and age-appropriate arts and crafts are usually a hit.

Keep Snacks Kid Friendly

Be careful to steer clear of foods that can pose choking hazards, unless they are cut into small bite size pieces (grapes, hotdogs, etc).

A toddler party is not the time to bring out expensive catered foods. Most toddlers are pretty picky and wasteful. Pinterest has a ton of ideas for healthy snacks that are colorful and attractive. Kids are more likely to try foods when they are appealing to the eye.

However, if you choose to go the catered route for the adults, make sure you have toddler-friendly snacks for the little (picky) ones.

Charge Your Camera (or Phone)

There is NOTHING worse than missing those special moments because your camera or phone is dead.

Be sure charge the device you are using a day in advance to ensure you don’t miss blowing out the candles, family & friends or those messy cake moments.

Or, you can give the task of photography to a party guest so that you can fully enjoy the special moments with your little one.

Keep the Invite List Small

When the guest list is too long, you are busy running around and entertaining, thus not enjoying the party or the time with your little one. Younger toddlers aren’t ready for a lot of socializing, so the size of your guest list doesn’t matter as much, however, that does add to your list of things to do as far as entertaining.

Older toddlers often enjoy the company of their peers.

Plan Around Nap time

I don’t know about you, but my kids get some kind of cranky before a nap, and even after waking up. Who wants to have a party with a cranky toddler?? NOT ME!!

Timing is super important. Try to keep the party two hours or less. Nap time is key! Their little bodies need time to rest and recharge after being partied out.

What tips and tricks have worked for you when planning a toddler birthday party? Leave a comment and share with me!

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Does Loving my Family Mean that I No Longer Love Myself?

November 21, 2016 By Diedre 19 Comments

Being a mother is a tricky position to play. It often means late nights, no sick days, and giving more of yourself to your family than you ever imagined.

One of the hardest parts about motherhood is answering the question that we are afraid to answer: Does loving my family mean that I no longer love myself?

Here are a few ways mothers sacrifice themselves for their families:

…

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Multiracial Families: Debunking 4 Common Myths & Misconceptions

September 11, 2016 By Diedre 15 Comments

Even though Multiracial families are becoming the norm, many people still hold on to stereotypes, misconceptions, and preconceived notions.

It is estimated that 21% of Americans will identify as multiracial by 2050. My kids will be part of that number. Interesting isn’t it?

Back in 1967, there were actually state laws that banned interracial marriage. These laws weren’t overturned until the Supreme Court case, Loving vs. Virginia in 1967. In that case, the Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional for the state of Virginia to ban interracial marriage.

This case has done wonders for this country but the conversations we have about multiracial families doesn’t need to stop here. Here are a few incorrect assumptions people make about multiracial families:

Spouses are Attracted to Each Other Specifically Because of Race

For my husband and I, this definitely wasn’t true. When we met, we bonded over food, music & conversation. Our friendship evolved into a relationship.

Our attraction to each other was just as much for inner qualities as physical attraction.

We both had dated inside of our race prior to meeting each other.

Multiracial Children are Destined for Racial Confusion

Don’t you dare feel sorry for my family or my children! I was very intentional about where I chose to live, educate my children & even the circle I run in. All of those influences can have a negative or positive impact on my children.

My girls are exposed to both sides of the family and embrace both their races and cultures.

We read books about identity, and I plan on having more in depth conversations with them as they grow and mature.

Multiracial Families Have More Tension

Having a multiracial family does not equal family tension. Tensions in families arise from personality conflicts, family history, among a host of other issues.

Since starting this blog, I’ve been pleased to hear that many people in interracial relationships have had positive experiences blending families. In my own family, my husband was embraced when we visited Jamaica.

He enjoyed the country much more than I did (it could have a little to do with the fact that I was 5 months pregnant and we were not always in a building with AC & my hormones were raging)

Interracial Means Black and White

This is a common misconception, especially in the south. Interracial relationships come in all racial & cultural mixtures.

Minorities in interracial relationships often get overlooked in the discussion. Interracial means a mixture of different racial groups, even if skin tones match or look similar.

What myths or misconceptions have you heard, or personally had about multiracial families? Did you like this post? Then do me a favor and give it a share!

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