family

Why I Don’t Care If You (Or Anyone Else) Thinks I Have Too Many Kids

July 7, 2018 By Diedre

How do you know if someone has too many kids?

For me, I always knew that I wanted three. Thankfully, my husband and I have always been on the same page.

People make assumptions about large families. Especially when those families are comprised of 2 or more young children. Here's to breaking stereotypes.

We knew the challenges that came with raising children, so we decided to reevaluate after each child so that we didn’t take on more than we could handle.

When I was pregnant with my third child, I noticed looks from strangers when I was out with my girls.

I was told frequently that my hands were full and I was questioned about their age difference.

I’ve even seen the look on the faces of some of my co-workers & strangers when someone announces that they are pregnant with their 3rd or 4th child. I can only imagine the assumptions they are making.

Here are a few I’ve heard:

You Don’t Know How to use Birth Control

When I was 27, I became pregnant for the first time. My husband and I had just celebrated our 1 year anniversary. One of my coworkers had the nerve to ask me if I was sure I wanted kids so soon.

The last time I checked, giving birth and having children is nothing short of a miracle. If I’m not asking for donations from my coworkers or begging gas money from random strangers, why does it bother people so much that I want 3 children?

Believe me, I know how to use birth control.

You are Struggling to Manage your Kids

I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen people with 1 child struggling to manage. If you have more than 1 child, then you already know how important planning, scheduling and being organized is.

Even if your home doesn’t always reflect perfect order, there is a science to taking children out in public. Thanks to things like double strollers, baby carriers, educational apps on tablets and snacks, moms all around the world can manage a shopping trip with their kids.

Is it perfect? No. But nothing in life is.

You are Unhappy.

Now that we have young children, we enjoy doing things with them. We realize that raising young children keeps you from doing certain things, but we’re okay with that.

People make assumptions about large families. Especially when those families are comprised of 2 or more young children. Here's to breaking stereotypes.

In my 20’s, I worked hard and was semi-care free. I finished my Master’s degree by the age of 23 and started working full time. My husband and I traveled frequently during his time as a travel agent, and even went to Jamaica when I was 7 months pregnant.

They won’t be little forever, and we are enjoying our time treasuring those moments.

If you saw me frowning at the store as my child was demanding something and I was scolding her in response, that was just a bad moment, not a bad life.

You are Poor

I get it. We live in an age where minimum wage goes up, and so does the price of groceries. The rising cost of childcare has persuaded moms to stay at home in lieu of working outside the home.

BUT….

Being rich is relative. Having multiple children means that I will be rich in love, laughter, memories and cuddles. My children will learn to love and depend on each other. My hope is that they will be best friends just like me & my 3 brothers.

So don’t waste your time feeling sorry for me.

My girls are 2.5 years apart, and people often question me if they are twins. I can’t tell you how many times people have commented, “Wow you sure have your hands full don’t you.”

Yes, some days I do, but some days they are perfect angels. And one day, when my kids are grown and they all come home for Christmas, my heart will be full and I won’t regret one day of raising them all.

People make assumptions about large families. Especially when those families are comprised of 2 or more young children. Here's to breaking stereotypes.

Honestly, I don’t care what people think about the size of my family, the age gaps between my children, the color of their skin, or anything else.

My husband and I wanted our home to be full of laughter and love, and we agreed three children was the right number for us.

Does it get hectic? OH YES.

Am I tired 99% of the time? YOU BETCHA.

Would I trade it all for something less crazy? ABSOLUTELY.

Just kidding. I love that my kids first lessons about sharing come from sharing with their siblings. I love that they have each other to lean on, and when no one else looks like them or can relate, they have each other.

What assumptions have you heard people make about families with 2 or more young children?

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Everything You Need to Know About Raising a Biracial Child

August 19, 2017 By Diedre

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*This post contains affiliate links*

Raising a biracial child is a complicated, beautiful adventure.

Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle those issues, especially when confronted by biases in their own families and communities.

Parenting a biracial child can prove to be challenging when you are doing it alone. Seeking out resources and befriending other multiracial families can provide a firm support system for you and your family.

Here are a few important things to consider when raising a biracial child:

Representation Matters to Your Biracial Child

I remember the day my dad brought home a black ballerina. I thought she was the most beautiful Barbie I had ever seen. Not because she was black, but because I could envision myself being a beautiful ballerina like she was.

I had white Barbies and I thought they were beautiful too. However, when I saw one that looked like me, I could identify with her. This childhood memory has stuck with me as I’m raising three biracial children.

I seek to find books & toys that represent them.

As much as I’d like them to be okay with identifying with me, I know that at some point, I won’t understand what it’s like to be biracial.

People Will Question Your Identity as a Family Based on Skin Color

When my oldest daughter was born, I sent a picture of her to all of my closest friends (as every proud mom does). One of my friends joked with me later that week that her phone was acting up, so she had to get a new one and all of her numbers didn’t transfer.

She got my text with a picture of Melody and was trying to figure out who sent her a picture of a white baby. I laughed, but it hurt my feelings a bit. When people said that she looked like my husband, I think I was offended because she was so light, not because she had his genes.

I didn’t want anyone to question that she was my child.

Ladies and gentleman, I was color struck.

Examine Your Issues with Race & Skin Color

I think every parent wants their child to look like them, biracial or not. At one time, I wished that my daughter’s skin color was more brown so that we I wouldn’t feel embarassed when people commented on how light she was.

But then I realized that I had issues with color.

The lightness of her skin didn’t make her any less mine.

God made my children with cinnamon brown skin; lighter in the winter and a darker complexion in the summer.

I need to be okay with whatever shade they are.

I have to teach them to be confident with how God made them.

If I allow what others say to us to bother me, my daughters will internalize those feelings, and I refuse to let that happen. Fortunately there are many successful biracial people they can look up to.

Seek Out Resources

One of the reasons I started this blog is because I struggled to find resources on raising a biracial child when I was pregnant, especially resources for biracial curly hair.

I’ve also found several other bloggers who blog on this subject and connected with them too. One of my favorite authors on the subject is Dr. Francis Wardle.

Are you raising a biracial child? What do you think is different about raising them? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below!

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5 Celebrity Multiracial Moms to Follow on Instagram

May 31, 2017 By Diedre

A few posts ago, I shared with you all how much I love Instagram. The great thing about it is you get to connect with your friends, other moms & even a celebrity or two!

Even though I can’t say that any of these ladies are my actual friends, it is inspiring to see how they lead their lives (and their families) in such a positive way. They are all multiracial and are killing the mom game.

Here are just a handful of my favorite celebrity multiracial Instagram moms:

Ayesha Curry

This gorgeous celebrity mama is a class act. She loves her husband, family, she cooks, is an entrepreneur & author.

She is also unapologetic about her faith and devotion to her family.

Tamera Housley

I’ve been following Tamera & her sister since I was a tween and they were in their Sister, Sister glory days. Tamera is the quieter, more laid back version of the twin duo.

I love her style, and the love for her husband and children shine through. Oh, and in one of her most recent pictures, she had a picture of her and Ayesha Curry!

Shh…don’t tell…. I had a little fangirl moment.

Tia Mowry

Tia is the other half of the well known Mowry twins. I love that she experiments with her hair and fashion.

When she and her sister had their own reality show, I couldn’t get enough.

I love how she is reinventing herself–I was a fan as a child, but I loved seeing her when she was an actor on The Game, and now has her own cooking show.

She has faced criticism from internet trolls making comments about her child’s appearance, and in true mom fashion, she faced the haters.

Alicia Keys

This talented songbird is a success in her own right. She is a Grammy award winning artist, and currently, you can find her lending her expertise on The Voice.

She is biracial and has talked about how she infuses her Jamaican background into her music.

As a product of a Jamaican family, I love that! She has two beautiful children with beautiful curls!

Kenya Raymer AKA Halfie Truths

This lady is an Instagram celebrity. I love her unapologetic approach to motherhood and life.

She has suffered 2 miscarriages and is carrying a healthy baby. Having a miscarriage recently myself, I’ve really connected with her.

She is a world traveler, dancer, fashionista & real lady. I just love watching her journey. I think you will too.

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How to Plan the Perfect Toddler Birthday Party Without Tears

November 27, 2016 By Diedre

*This post is sponsored by Oriental Trading Company. All opinions are my own*

Planning a toddler birthday party should be fun event for parents, not a stressful one. However, when toddlers are involved, unpredictable events can make one nervous. Here are some tips for a stress-free, fun party day.

Keep It Simple

I cannot say this enough. Toddlers get overstimulated easily and they really don’t care whether you spent hours on every detail.

They still might not smile for your picture.

One of my favorite places to purchase party supplies from is Oriental Trading Company.

Their supplies are affordable and often come small packs, perfect for giving as party favors.

Make Party Activities Toddler-Friendly

My girls love playing dress up. Paw Patrol reigns at our house, so we picked up some Paw Patrol costumes .

They wore those things all day (pre and post party!) I think they almost enjoyed them more than the gifts. The adults even joined the fun and wore Paw Patrol masks!

Of all the birthday parties I’ve attended with my children, I’ve noticed that they enjoy the ones that are catered to toddlers (playdough, colored spaghetti noodles, small bouncy house, coloring station, etc).

Maybe it’s the educator in me, but I find that when the activities are age appropriate, it helps the kids have less melt down moments. Toddlers have short attention spans, so short games, music and age-appropriate arts and crafts are usually a hit.

Keep Snacks Kid Friendly

Be careful to steer clear of foods that can pose choking hazards, unless they are cut into small bite size pieces (grapes, hotdogs, etc).

A toddler party is not the time to bring out expensive catered foods. Most toddlers are pretty picky and wasteful. Pinterest has a ton of ideas for healthy snacks that are colorful and attractive. Kids are more likely to try foods when they are appealing to the eye.

However, if you choose to go the catered route for the adults, make sure you have toddler-friendly snacks for the little (picky) ones.

Charge Your Camera (or Phone)

There is NOTHING worse than missing those special moments because your camera or phone is dead.

Be sure charge the device you are using a day in advance to ensure you don’t miss blowing out the candles, family & friends or those messy cake moments.

Or, you can give the task of photography to a party guest so that you can fully enjoy the special moments with your little one.

Keep the Invite List Small

When the guest list is too long, you are busy running around and entertaining, thus not enjoying the party or the time with your little one. Younger toddlers aren’t ready for a lot of socializing, so the size of your guest list doesn’t matter as much, however, that does add to your list of things to do as far as entertaining.

Older toddlers often enjoy the company of their peers.

Plan Around Nap time

I don’t know about you, but my kids get some kind of cranky before a nap, and even after waking up. Who wants to have a party with a cranky toddler?? NOT ME!!

Timing is super important. Try to keep the party two hours or less. Nap time is key! Their little bodies need time to rest and recharge after being partied out.

What tips and tricks have worked for you when planning a toddler birthday party? Leave a comment and share with me!

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Does Loving my Family Mean that I No Longer Love Myself?

November 21, 2016 By Diedre

Being a mother is a tricky position to play. It often means late nights, no sick days, and giving more of yourself to your family than you ever imagined.

One of the hardest parts about motherhood is answering the question that we are afraid to answer: Does loving my family mean that I no longer love myself?

Here are a few ways mothers sacrifice themselves for their families:

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Multiracial Families: Debunking 4 Common Myths & Misconceptions

September 11, 2016 By Diedre

Even though Multiracial families are becoming the norm, many people still hold on to stereotypes, misconceptions, and preconceived notions.

It is estimated that 21% of Americans will identify as multiracial by 2050. My kids will be part of that number. Interesting isn’t it?

Back in 1967, there were actually state laws that banned interracial marriage. These laws weren’t overturned until the Supreme Court case, Loving vs. Virginia in 1967. In that case, the Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional for the state of Virginia to ban interracial marriage.

This case has done wonders for this country but the conversations we have about multiracial families doesn’t need to stop here. Here are a few incorrect assumptions people make about multiracial families:

Spouses are Attracted to Each Other Specifically Because of Race

For my husband and I, this definitely wasn’t true. When we met, we bonded over food, music & conversation. Our friendship evolved into a relationship.

Our attraction to each other was just as much for inner qualities as physical attraction.

We both had dated inside of our race prior to meeting each other.

Multiracial Children are Destined for Racial Confusion

Don’t you dare feel sorry for my family or my children! I was very intentional about where I chose to live, educate my children & even the circle I run in. All of those influences can have a negative or positive impact on my children.

My girls are exposed to both sides of the family and embrace both their races and cultures.

We read books about identity, and I plan on having more in depth conversations with them as they grow and mature.

Multiracial Families Have More Tension

Having a multiracial family does not equal family tension. Tensions in families arise from personality conflicts, family history, among a host of other issues.

Since starting this blog, I’ve been pleased to hear that many people in interracial relationships have had positive experiences blending families. In my own family, my husband was embraced when we visited Jamaica.

He enjoyed the country much more than I did (it could have a little to do with the fact that I was 5 months pregnant and we were not always in a building with AC & my hormones were raging)

Interracial Means Black and White

This is a common misconception, especially in the south. Interracial relationships come in all racial & cultural mixtures.

Minorities in interracial relationships often get overlooked in the discussion. Interracial means a mixture of different racial groups, even if skin tones match or look similar.

What myths or misconceptions have you heard, or personally had about multiracial families? Did you like this post? Then do me a favor and give it a share!

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A Foolproof Guide for Getting Along with Your Mother in Law

July 31, 2016 By Diedre

Marriage is a beautiful thing, yet complicated endeavor. It brings two people together, from different walks of life, who want to spend a lifetime together. Combining cultures in marriage can be difficult, especially if you’ve had minimal exposure to the culture you have married into.

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Communication Boost: How to Maximize Conversation With Your Child

July 24, 2016 By Diedre

Creating an environment that teaches our children to communicate can be difficult. As they get older, they start to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves. Instead of talking to their parents like they did as toddlers, they find friends to confide in.

Moms can challenge this by showing their kids that their voice matters and they’re valuable. Here are a few things moms can do with their family to boost communication with their children.

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A Story of Hope for South Sudan’s 5th Birthday

July 5, 2016 By Diedre

This month, my oldest daughter will turn 5. She will have a themed birthday party, receive presents & have the love and support of her family. Her life is glamorous in comparison to many 5-year-olds in South Sudan. July 9, 2016 marks the 5th Anniversary of South Sudan, the world’s youngest country. A country that is plagued by war and conflict. Many five-year-olds in South Sudan depend on the efforts of humanitarian workers, such as CARE workers, to survive.

Life in South Sudan

Let me share with you the story of a five-year-old named Nyahok. Her family doesn’t have enough money to send her to school.

South Sudan has the highest proportion of girls who aren’t in school in any country.

As much as my daughter craves learning and being around her peers, I can’t imagine this life for any five year old. There isn’t enough clean water where Nyahok lives, so she and other kids drink dirty, disease-laden water. We as Americans often take these little blessings for granted.

Children in South Sudan are 13 times more likely to die before their 5th birthday than American children.

Nyahok’s favorite game is mixing dirt with water and pretending she’s cooking food. With no crops or cattle, Nyahok’s mother feeds her a porridge of grains and wild leaves.

Watch this video to learn more.

What Can You Do To Help?

If you are looking to get involved in a humanitarian effort, CARE is the perfect organization for you! The best part about this organization is that 90% of money donated goes directly to program activities and CARE is a top-rated organization with Charity Watch. Donations of any amount will help these girls have a better chance at survival.

$150 can provide full nutritional support for a malnourished child. $70 can provide a family with a crop kit so they begin growing food again. For South Sudan’s 5th birthday, give its children hope for a better future. Our children are our future. The least thing we can do for them is helping them reach their full potential.

Thank you to CARE for sponsoring today’s post and inspiring me to help South Sudan!

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You Know You’re in a Multiracial Family When…

April 11, 2016 By Diedre

Have you ever heard of Loving Day? I didn’t until recently. It’s an annual celebration held on June 12, the anniversary of the 1967 Supreme Court decision of Loving v. Virginia, which struck down all laws forbidding marriage between people non-white and white.

For a multiracial family like mine, this day is super meaningful!

People often remark that when you love who you love, it doesn’t matter, and the world shouldn’t either. I believe that is the case, but being in an interracial marriage is very different than marriage with two people of the same race. It becomes even trickier when you add children to your multiracial family.

What’s different you ask? I’ll be happy to tell you.

1. You introduce your husband to people, and they look around for him when he’s standing right beside you. This happened to me, and it was super awkward. I was at my husband’s grandmother’s funeral and we ate with some of her church members after the service. Our (black) pastor came to support our family. He was sitting across from me at the table, and my husband was sitting beside me. My husband’s grandmother’s (white) pastor asked our (black) pastor to introduce him to his lovely wife (pointing to me). Our pastor said, I would but my wife isn’t here. The poor pastor turned a few shades of beet red and apologized profusely. I guess he won’t make assumptions about who “belongs together” anymore!

2. When you are out with your children, strangers ask you if your husband is light skinned or white. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this by a cashier. As my children get older, I’ll have to explain to them why people have this fascination with their complexion and what their daddy looks like.

3. You’re out on date night, and you get asked if it will be one check or two. When I mention this to people, they often say it’s because my husband and I look like college students (we live in a college town). I will take this compliment as long as I can get it, but in most cases on date nights (without kids) we are both wearing our wedding rings, are sitting beside each other or gazing into each others eyes. Not the look of the two check couple.

4. People assume that your in-laws had issues with your marriage. I know this is the case for some people, but not for everyone. Some people just have issues getting along in families because of prior issues or simple personality conflicts. Having in-laws of a different race, doesn’t mean that there will automatically be issues.

5. People struggle to hide the shock when they see a family photo for the first time. I’ve been told that I didn’t look like the kind of person that would be with a white person. Huh? What does that kind of person look or act like? I’ve also been asked what it’s like to be with a white man. I’m always amazed at the kinds of questions people ask.

6. When you’re pregnant, people tell you that mixed babies are the cutest. Now, I may be a little biased to my own children, but I’ve seen beautiful children of every race.

7. When you have a baby, you start researching biracial hair care tips. I never really thought about this until my daughter’s hair texture changed. One day her curls got tighter and shampoo formulated for baby hair didn’t cut it anymore.

8. You get frustrated looking for books/toys that represent multiracial children. I hated having to pick either white or black dolls, but I tried to get an even number of both. I usually pick the dolls that are Hispanic because they have the brown complexion that is closest to my girls.

9. People constantly ask your kids what they are mixed with.

10. You smile when you see other multiracial families out and about. Representation matters. It’s nice to see other people dealing with things similar to you. And love between families is a beautiful thing, no matter the race.

11. You shake your head when people ask where your child’s curls come from, even though you have a head full of curly hair and your husband’s is straight. This happens to me…over..and over again. I have naturally curly hair and my husband’s is straight as a board.

Are you looking for a community of moms to share our unique family challenges? Then you HAVE to join the Are Those Your Kids Multiracial Motherhood group!

Click here to join.

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family

You Don’t Know How to use Birth Control

You are Struggling to Manage your Kids

You are Poor

Share this:

Representation Matters to Your Biracial Child

People Will Question Your Identity as a Family Based on Skin Color

Examine Your Issues with Race & Skin Color

Seek Out Resources

Share this:

Tamera Housley

Tia Mowry

Alicia Keys

Kenya Raymer AKA Halfie Truths

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Keep It Simple

Make Party Activities Toddler-Friendly

Keep Snacks Kid Friendly

Charge Your Camera (or Phone)

Keep the Invite List Small

Plan Around Nap time

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Spouses are Attracted to Each Other Specifically Because of Race

Multiracial Children are Destined for Racial Confusion

Multiracial Families Have More Tension

Interracial Means Black and White

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Life in South Sudan

What Can You Do To Help?

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