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Are Those Your Kids

Raising Biracial Kids in Today's World

friendship

3 Kinds of Friends Every Mother Needs to Have in Her Tribe

July 16, 2017 By Diedre 20 Comments

Maintaining friendships gets more difficult as you transition into parenthood. Different kinds of friends can add balance and value to your life.

Maintaining friendships becomes more difficult as seasons in life change, especially the season of becoming a mother.

The way I see it, there are 3 kinds of friends: single, married with no kids & married with kids. There are definite advantages to each.

Single

Single friends keep you from being boring. They make the best shopping partners! The downside is that you can’t just hit the road and hang out like in the old days. You have to find a babysitter first or clear it with the hubby.

You text more than talk so you won’t have to deal with the constant interruptions. They tag you in funny memes on Facebook and Instagram.

Maintaining friendships gets more difficult as you transition into parenthood. Different kinds of friends can add balance and value to your life.

When you do get to talk on the phone, you rush off the phone when you get home. Your friend may not understand, or they may become annoyed at you yelling at your kids in the background. Hands down,  they make great Godparents and babysitters.

Married With No Kids

Your married friends understand the balance of friendship and marriage. They don’t take offense when you need to check with your boo before a girl’s night out. You can vent about your hubby, and they understand that your world isn’t coming to an end.

However, they do look nervous when your kids are running around the living room, and you have to rearrange things in their living room because it isn’t baby proof. They ask you lots of questions about pregnancy and babies. These friends have a tendency of being judgmental.

They see you struggling with your toddler at nap time, nursing after age 1 or give you that annoyed look when you are late (again) and they tell themselves their child will never be like that.

How do I know these friends are judgmental? Because my friends, I used to be one.

Married With Kids

This group of friends is great for play dates.

You can take turns fussing at the kids, sharing funny stories and commiserating about the embarrassing ones. You swap tips about baby products and what to bring to class parties.

Maintaining friendships gets more difficult as you transition into parenthood. Different kinds of friends can add balance and value to your life.

They don’t get offended if you text more than talk or if you have to scream mid-sentence.

They also don’t look at you like someone died if you are having an off day and only wore one earring. They validate that you don’t have to be superwoman and kids will be kids.

Sometimes these friends get on your nerves. Your version of discipline is different from theirs.

They let their kids run amuck and you can’t enjoy the playmate because you are concerned about their safety. Or they only eat vegan & organic food and it stresses you out when they come over because you have nothing to feed them.

Each friendship has a place and adds balance and value to your life. You can relate to each friend because at some point, you were in their shoes.

What do you think is the most challenging part about maintaining friendships after becoming a mother?

 

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Why I’m jealous of the stay at home mom (but she’s still my best friend)

February 19, 2017 By Diedre 30 Comments

Moms who stay at home and work outside the home lead very different lives, but have much in common. We need to value our roles and each other. They tell you in school that if you pick a job you love, you’ll never work another day in your life. That’s mostly true, but with any job, you will face challenges that aren’t fun.

I have worked in education for nearly 10 years. I love helping students and families. The kind of work I do can be very fulfilling most days. However, whenever I have a significant time off work (Thanksgiving, Christmas or Spring Break), I go into full mommy mode.

I have the pleasure of sleeping in, cooking dinner for my family every night, catching up on laundry and actually keeping my house clean. In other words, I don’t feel like a failure.

Her Home Looks Perfect

Her house is always clean, and I instantly get jealous. I envy her organized desks and pantries. I immediately think of all the things I need to run home and do.

She never forgets to ask me if I want something to drink, and she seems to enjoy baking. She even has time to make Pinterest worthy photo backdrops for her kids every holiday. Me, on the other hand? I’m good to remember to send things for class parties.

Her Kids are Smart

Since she’s at home, she has time to teach them to count, write & read before they ever start school. I did great with my first child, but with #2, I constantly have guilt about how much less time I spent doing educational things with her.

She has downloaded all the perfect educational apps on her Ipad and monitors screen time, while I let mine play aimlessly some days so I can cook and keep the kitchen clean.

She Can Nap in the Middle of the Day or Sleep In

Napping is one of the maternity luxuries that I miss the most. Raising kids is utterly exhausting some days! Recently I’ve instituted family nap time on Saturdays so my kids & I can recharge at the same time.

When my stay at home mom friend tells me that her kids don’t rise until 9 or 10, I feel a twinge of jealousy.

She has More Time

I feel like I’m always pressed for time. After work, I’m in a rush to get dinner on the table. Then I’m rushing to get the kids from bath to bed. I’m rushing to get a few loads of laundry done while listening to my husband vent from the day.

By the time I lay down to go to sleep, my mind runs through a list of things I didn’t have time to complete. She, on the other hand, can space out projects throughout the day. She can run errands while businesses are still open.

But then we sit down and chat…….

And I realize that she hasn’t had a break all day. When her husband gets home, she longs for some alone time, but her husband tells her what a long day he’s had and how tired he is.

She tells me that she cleans to keep from going stir crazy. Oh, and that she cleaned the entire house right before I came over. She tells me how much she loves picking the kids up from school, but she misses real, adult human interaction every day. She asks me to tell her funny stories from work.

They weren’t funny when they happened, but they are funny now that I’m sharing them with her. We laugh about the things our kids have in common, and that we both say crazy things when we’re mad.

We talk about the tough stuff and get a little teary eyed. As our time together comes to an end, I realize that she’s a little jealous of me too.

We both find value in each other’s roles, and in each other.

 

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Hi, I’m Diedre!

Hi, I’m Diedre!

Lifestyle + Mom Blogger

Welcome to Are Those Your Kids! This blog was created to share my experiences in motherhood, from the perspective of a mom with biracial kids. I discuss all things education, culture, multicultural resources, curly hair and motherhood.

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