identity

Today on the blog I am welcoming Brittany Muddamalle from The Almost Indian Wife. She’s sharing her story about identity.

I’ve always wanted to be a parent, but in all my daydreaming I never could have expected what my life would look like after I had kids. Motherhood isn’t what I thought it would be. In my head, it was all about monumental firsts, cute little babies, and life changing moments.

In reality, motherhood is all the good moments and the exhausting ones…

Motherhood is your child getting kicked out of swim class because he refuses to listen to the teachers…

Motherhood is staying up all night with your sick baby…

Motherhood is trying to figure out how you can help your kids to actually like each other…

Motherhood is getting so lost in your kids that you start to ignore your spouse…

Motherhood is feeling out of touch with your friends because you don’t ever get out of the house…

Motherhood is starting to forget who you are as a person. Not as a parent or spouse, but a person…

Motherhood is a full-time job. You’re raising kids and it happens in the early hours before the sun rises, during lunch time, and in the middle of the night. As mothers, it’s our responsibility to be there for our kids at all times so they know we’re here for them. We want to be the person they depend on through it all. However, if we’re not careful we start to only identify as a mother and forget the rest of our identity.

I Got So Lost In My Kids That I Started To Lose My Identity

I love being a mother. I have three boys under 6 years old. Most of my days consist of grand superhero battles, sword fights, making messes, Disney movies, and snuggling my kids on the couch.

I can’t imagine life without my boys.

The problem I’ve encountered like many other mothers out there is at times I’ve been so lost in my kids that I started to forget who I am. I almost lost my identity.

I put my kids before everything else for three big reasons.

Survival

After I had my last son, I learned how to simply survive. I was exhausted all the time, but my to-do lists were only getting bigger. I now had three kids to get dressed, three kids to make lunch for, three kids to take grocery shopping, three kids with attitudes, three kids with boo-boos, and three kids to raise.

Last year things got even crazier. My two-year-old started to get febrile seizures and it meant that everything else in my life had to be put on hold until he was better. It meant I had keep him as healthy as possible so he didn’t get sick. I became one of those crazy germaphobe parents that wouldn’t let my kids touch anything.

Control

It didn’t help that my husband was traveling for work over the last few years. When he was gone, I became a single parent. I had to develop a new routine so I could make it work.

I got used to doing things on my own. My routine became second nature and I didn’t want anyone messing with it. Even if it meant they could help. When my husband came home, I had a hard time letting go of the control. I think part of me felt like I had to be able to do it all one my own to be a good mother to my kids.

It didn’t matter that I was working myself to the bone.

Kids are exhausting. Some days it takes every ounce of energy I have in me just to get the kids through the day and dinner on the table. Kids need you every minute of the day. They don’t understand what it means to give momma some alone time.

Time

At the end of the day, all I usually want to do is climb in my bed and go to sleep. That doesn’t leave much time for a social life or a good relationship with my spouse. I didn’t intentionally put those relationships to the side, it just started happening.

I’d tell myself I’ll have time for it later.

This is what causes marriages to fall apart after their kids are raised. We get so caught up in the kids, we forget to date our spouses & we forget how important it is to work on our relationships.

We Don’t Have To Sacrifice Everything To Motherhood

As mothers, we sacrifice things to be better mothers. We sacrifice sleep, showers, time for ourselves, and so much more (including our identity) so we can help our children grow up into responsible and loving human beings.

Over the last 5 years, I’ve learned so much from being a mother. It’s taught me humility, compassion, exhaustion, and just how much you can love a little human being. While being a mother is a large part of who I’ve become, it’s not everything.

I’m not just a mother. I’m a daughter, a wife, and a friend. I love photography, getting pampered, having dinner made for me, writing, reading, traveling, and so much more.

If we let ourselves get so caught up in our motherhood journeys that we forget who we are, it only ends up hurting those around us. We will eventually get burnt out and resent those around us.

It’s vital for us to remember who we are. We need to take time for ourselves. Whether it means going out and getting a pedicure, going to Target alone, or getting coffee with a friend. Make time for yourself.

Sit down right now and ask yourself, Who am I?

What have you neglected in your time as a mother that you wish you had more time for? My challenge for you is to make time for it again. You will be a better mother if you teach your kids how important it is to know who you are and make time for yourself.

Motherhood is a beautiful and life changing journey, but it can’t completely make up your identity. You’re more than who you are as a mom.

My question to you today… Who are you?