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Are Those Your Kids

Raising Biracial Kids in Today's World

interracial marriage

Multiracial Families: Debunking 4 Common Myths & Misconceptions

September 11, 2016 By Diedre 15 Comments

Multiracial Families: Debunking 4 Common Myths & Misconceptions

Even though Multiracial families are becoming the norm, many people still hold on to stereotypes, misconceptions, and preconceived notions.

It is estimated that 21% of Americans will identify as multiracial by 2050.  My kids will be part of that number. Interesting isn’t it?

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Back in 1967, there were actually state laws that banned interracial marriage. These laws weren’t overturned until the Supreme Court case, Loving vs. Virginia in 1967. In that case, the Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional for the state of Virginia to ban interracial marriage.

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This case has done wonders for this country but the conversations we have about multiracial families doesn’t need to stop here. Here are a few incorrect assumptions people make about multiracial families:

Spouses are Attracted to Each Other Specifically Because of Race

For my husband and I, this definitely wasn’t true. When we met, we bonded over food, music & conversation. Our friendship evolved into a relationship.

Our attraction to each other was just as much for inner qualities as physical attraction.

We both had dated inside of our race prior to meeting each other.

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Multiracial Children are Destined for Racial Confusion

Don’t you dare feel sorry for my family or my children! I was very intentional about where I chose to live, educate my children & even the circle I run in. All of those influences can have a negative or positive impact on my children.

My girls are exposed to both sides of the family and embrace both their races and cultures.

We read books about identity, and I plan on having more in depth conversations with them as they grow and mature.

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Multiracial Families Have More Tension

Having a multiracial family does not equal family tension. Tensions in families arise from personality conflicts, family history,  among a host of other issues.

Since starting this blog, I’ve been pleased to hear that many people in interracial relationships have had positive experiences blending families. In my own family, my husband was embraced when we visited Jamaica.

He enjoyed the country much more than I did (it could have a little to do with the fact that I was 5 months pregnant and we were not always in a building with AC & my hormones were raging)

Interracial Means Black and White

This is a common misconception, especially in the south. Interracial relationships come in all racial & cultural mixtures.

Minorities in interracial relationships often get overlooked in the discussion. Interracial means a mixture of different racial groups, even if skin tones match or look similar.

What myths or misconceptions have you heard, or personally had about multiracial families? Did you like this post? Then do me a favor and give it a share!

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You Know You’re in a Multiracial Family When…

April 11, 2016 By Diedre 48 Comments

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Have you ever heard of Loving Day? I didn’t until recently. It’s an annual celebration held on June 12, the anniversary of the 1967 Supreme Court decision of Loving v. Virginia, which struck down all laws forbidding marriage between people non-white and white.

For a multiracial family like mine, this day is super meaningful!

People often remark that when you love who you love, it doesn’t matter, and the world shouldn’t either. I believe that is the case, but being in an interracial marriage is very different than marriage with two people of the same race. It becomes even trickier when you add children to your multiracial family.

What’s different you ask? I’ll be happy to tell you.

1.  You introduce your husband to people, and they look around for him when he’s standing right beside you. This happened to me, and it was super awkward. I was at my husband’s grandmother’s funeral and we ate with some of her church members after the service. Our (black) pastor came to support our family. He was sitting across from me at the table, and my husband was sitting beside me. My husband’s grandmother’s (white) pastor asked our (black) pastor to introduce him to his lovely wife (pointing to me). Our pastor said, I would but my wife isn’t here. The poor pastor turned a few shades of beet red and apologized profusely. I guess he won’t make assumptions about who “belongs together” anymore!

2. When you are out with your children, strangers ask you if your husband is light skinned or white. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this by a cashier. As my children get older, I’ll have to explain to them why people have this fascination with their complexion and what their daddy looks like.

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3. You’re out on date night, and you get asked if it will be one check or two. When I mention this to people, they often say it’s because my husband and I look like college students (we live in a college town). I will take this compliment as long as I can get it, but in most cases on date nights (without kids) we are both wearing our wedding rings, are sitting beside each other or gazing into each others eyes. Not the look of the two check couple.

4. People assume that your in-laws had issues with your marriage. I know this is the case for some people, but not for everyone. Some people just have issues getting along in families because of prior issues or simple personality conflicts. Having in-laws of a different race, doesn’t mean that there will automatically be issues.

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5. People struggle to hide the shock when they see a family photo for the first time. I’ve been told that I didn’t look like the kind of person that would be with a white person. Huh? What does that kind of person look or act like? I’ve also been asked what it’s like to be with a white man. I’m always amazed at the kinds of questions people ask.

6. When you’re pregnant, people tell you that mixed babies are the cutest. Now, I may be a little biased to my own children, but I’ve seen beautiful children of every race.

7.  When you have a baby, you start researching biracial hair care tips. I never really thought about this until my daughter’s hair texture changed. One day her curls got tighter and shampoo formulated for baby hair didn’t cut it anymore.

8.  You get frustrated looking for books/toys that represent multiracial children. I hated having to pick either white or black dolls, but I tried to get an even number of both. I usually pick the dolls that are Hispanic because they have the brown complexion that is closest to my girls.

People in multiracial families share a unique set of challenges and joys. This post explores some of the commonalities that we share.

9.  People constantly ask your kids what they are mixed with.

10. You smile when you see other multiracial families out and about. Representation matters. It’s nice to see other people dealing with things similar to you. And love between families is a beautiful thing, no matter the race.

11. You shake your head when people ask where your child’s curls come from, even though you have a head full of curly hair and your husband’s is straight. This happens to me…over..and over again. I have naturally curly hair and my husband’s is straight as a board.

People in multiracial families share a unique set of challenges and joys. This post explores some of the commonalities that we share.

Are you looking for a community of moms to share our unique family challenges? Then you HAVE to join the Are Those Your Kids Multiracial Motherhood group!

Click here to join.

Are you in a multiracial family? People often remark that when you love who you love, it doesn't matter, and the world shouldn't either.

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Black & White: An Interview About Growing up Biracial

December 21, 2015 By Diedre 29 Comments

Good evening all! I’m so excited to share this interview with you. Since starting this blog in July, I’ve had a variety of people reach out to me through social media outlets. My biggest following to date  is on Instagram. I love interacting with other moms, especially those that understand the joys and trials of raising biracial children.

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What does a school counselor and therapist have in common? Apparently a whole lot! Tiffany Coleman and I have never met, but talked for close to an hour about growing up biracial and all things race and raising kids. Let’s jump right to it…..

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What I’ve Learned About Curly Hair

July 25, 2015 By Diedre 9 Comments

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When I first cut my hair, I was really self-conscious. I had 2 inches of relaxed hair yet and I was tired of struggling with the two textures. After feeling empowered by YouTube videos and natural hair blogs, I did the big chop the weekend after my birthday. I was in utter shock and felt like my whole face was exposed-then I realized that perhaps I have been hiding behind my hair. Maybe that’s why India Arie wrote the song, I Am Not My Hair.

I received shocked looks from many people, but several compliments from others. As my hair has grown, I’ve developed a love/hate relationship with it. Today I’m on the love end of the spectrum. For those of you with straight hair, let me explain. Curly hair has a mind of its own. For example, sometimes when I try to part my hair, the curls are coiled so tightly that they close the part. Or, I try a new hair product and my hair looks half afro-ish and the other side has defined curls. The struggle is definitely real! As I learn more about what my hair loves, I’m also feeling more confident about experimenting. I’ve been scouring Pinterest for different TWA (teeny weeny afro) cuts for quite some time now, and I found one that I love! Short in the back and on the sides, so now styling takes half the time!

 

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Hi, I’m Diedre!

Hi, I’m Diedre!

Lifestyle + Mom Blogger

Welcome to Are Those Your Kids! This blog was created to share my experiences in motherhood, from the perspective of a mom with biracial kids. I discuss all things education, culture, multicultural resources, curly hair and motherhood.

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