miscarriage

Every mother has a story to tell. I’m excited to bring this series to the blog this month! I’m sharing this space with some amazing ladies and writers. They all have a unique story to share about motherhood.

Lately, motherhood has been the most beautifully painful experience I’ve ever had. There are moments I’m riding on a wave of euphoria, and other moments wondering where I went wrong & why it hurts.

I’ve heard it said that if parenting is not hard, you’re doing something wrong. I think that statement is pretty accurate. There have been a couple of times that being the best mother I could be was really TOUGH. So TOUGH that it hurt.

When I Miscarried

“Have you told your children about the pregnancy yet?” As my stomach began to grow, this was the question on everyone’s mind.

I announced my pregnancy at 10 weeks, but started showing around 7. We were elated to add to our brood, and because of my size, announced earlier than we had with the other two. My husband and I decided to wait until we knew the sex to announce to the girls, partially because they ask a million questions at 3 & 5, and partially because we weren’t ready to take that plunge with them yet. However, we did start asking them a few scenario questions:

What if mommy had a baby?

Would you want a brother or sister?

Would that be okay?

After the miscarriage, I had a rough time. Let’s be real.

I’m still having a rough time. And it still hurts.

There were days that all I wanted to do was sit around and cry. But, I still have 2 children and I have to keep moving. So I put my feelings aside until they were sleeping, napping or preoccupied. I put myself aside for the sake (and sanity of my children). I don’t want them feeling sorry for me. The few times I couldn’t hold it in, they came over and consoled me and wanted to know why I was crying. I made up some excuse or wiped away the tears and told them I wasn’t crying. That hurts.

When I Punish Them

What good parent actually enjoys punishing their children? I remember my parents telling me, this is hurting me more than you. I looked at them like they were crazy!

Especially if they told me to hush after a spanking, or told my teacher it was okay to isolate me in the classroom because I wouldn’t stop talking.

Now, I’m raising a strong willed child. I’m not so sure that I don’t have two. Just last night, my daughters wouldn’t stop getting out of bed and playing in each other’s rooms. The youngest is out of preschool for the week, and the oldest is returning to school after missing a week due to sickness. They need their rest!

Trust me, you know that when your kids don’t get rest, they aren’t themselves. And to make matters worse, they will behave for everyone else, and save the bad, whiney behavior for you.

My oldest is the ringleader, calling her sister into her room. My husband threatened to take one of her favorite toys away if she got up again. I went into the kitchen to get some water and there she is standing in her younger sister’s room. I had to follow through and take the toy away. Was it fun to see her cry? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But was it necessary to make a point that mommy & daddy mean what they say?

HECK YES.

What about you? When was the last time motherhood hurt?

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