race

Everything You Need to Know About Raising a Biracial Child

August 19, 2017 By Diedre 17 Comments

*This post contains affiliate links*

Raising a biracial child is a complicated, beautiful adventure.

Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle those issues, especially when confronted by biases in their own families and communities.

Parenting a biracial child can prove to be challenging when you are doing it alone. Seeking out resources and befriending other multiracial families can provide a firm support system for you and your family.

Here are a few important things to consider when raising a biracial child:

Representation Matters to Your Biracial Child

I remember the day my dad brought home a black ballerina. I thought she was the most beautiful Barbie I had ever seen. Not because she was black, but because I could envision myself being a beautiful ballerina like she was.

I had white Barbies and I thought they were beautiful too. However, when I saw one that looked like me, I could identify with her. This childhood memory has stuck with me as I’m raising three biracial children.

I seek to find books & toys that represent them.

As much as I’d like them to be okay with identifying with me, I know that at some point, I won’t understand what it’s like to be biracial.

People Will Question Your Identity as a Family Based on Skin Color

When my oldest daughter was born, I sent a picture of her to all of my closest friends (as every proud mom does). One of my friends joked with me later that week that her phone was acting up, so she had to get a new one and all of her numbers didn’t transfer.

She got my text with a picture of Melody and was trying to figure out who sent her a picture of a white baby. I laughed, but it hurt my feelings a bit. When people said that she looked like my husband, I think I was offended because she was so light, not because she had his genes.

I didn’t want anyone to question that she was my child.

Ladies and gentleman, I was color struck.

Examine Your Issues with Race & Skin Color

I think every parent wants their child to look like them, biracial or not. At one time, I wished that my daughter’s skin color was more brown so that we I wouldn’t feel embarassed when people commented on how light she was.

But then I realized that I had issues with color.

The lightness of her skin didn’t make her any less mine.

God made my children with cinnamon brown skin; lighter in the winter and a darker complexion in the summer.

I need to be okay with whatever shade they are.

I have to teach them to be confident with how God made them.

If I allow what others say to us to bother me, my daughters will internalize those feelings, and I refuse to let that happen. Fortunately there are many successful biracial people they can look up to.

Seek Out Resources

One of the reasons I started this blog is because I struggled to find resources on raising a biracial child when I was pregnant, especially resources for biracial curly hair.

I’ve also found several other bloggers who blog on this subject and connected with them too. One of my favorite authors on the subject is Dr. Francis Wardle.

Are you raising a biracial child? What do you think is different about raising them? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below!

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How to Teach Your Kids to Love the Skin They’re In

July 20, 2017 By Diedre 15 Comments

*This post contains Amazon affiliate links. This means that I may receive a small commission (at no cost to you) if you subscribe or purchase something through the links on this page.*

This post was also published by the Huffington Post.

As parents, it’s our job to teach our kids (and educators) how to love the skin they’re in.

If this wasn’t a lesson you were taught as a child, it may be difficult to know where to start.

As a school counselor, the one thing I wish I could give my students more of is confidence. I work in a middle school, one of the most awkward moments in adolescence. Girls compare themselves to other girls and boys feel bad if they don’t have the newest tennis shoes.

Here are a few tips on teaching kids to love themselves:

Compliment Specifically, Not Just a Generic Good Job Compliment

Tell your child what part of what they did was good.

Examples: You showed good manners when you said excuse me after you burped! Wow, I like the way you colored in the lines on that picture!

Thank you for apologizing when you hurt your sister’s feelings. That was kind of you.

Immerse Them in Diversity

Now I know some of you are thinking, I live in a small town, how can I do this? I promise you, it’s easier than you think!

Take your kids to a museum.

Read about a holiday in another culture (Cinco de Mayo, Chinese New Year, etc) Try some foods at an ethnic restaurant.

Step outside of your comfort zone together as a family!

Discuss the Hard Stuff, Don’t Just Ignore

The older your children get, the more they may become aware of race relations in the news (school shootings, Black lives matter movement, racial tensions around the world, religious homicides, genocide).

No matter your stance on these touchy subjects, talk about them with your children.

They may not need a long explanation, but hearing from you gives them comfort.

Read, Read, Read

I cannot say this enough, especially to parents of young children. This is your opportunity to instill a love of reading in them. Find out what your child’s interests are.

Read books about those things. As your children get older, find a chapter book to read together. Read a book, and then watch the movie that was adapted from the book.

As you can see from this picture, we started early. We wanted our children to develop a love for reading. Our daughter was 7 months old in this picture. My husband was reading one of our favorites, Black is Brown is Tan.

Teach Them to be Sensitive to Others

When I say others, I mean others with disabilities, handicaps, or from other cultures. I grew up on an Air Force Base, and this makes me more tolerant than most by default.

You don’t have to understand everything about a person to be kind. Teaching your kids to be kind to people will help them navigate our diverse world.

If You Have Biracial Kids, They May Not Be Able to Relate to You (or vice versa)

Their peers may try to force them into a racial box they don’t belong in solely based on their skin color. They will need you to validate that their mixed heritage is unique, and they are special the way they are.

When they are little, help them focus on the similarities they have with you, rather than the differences. For example, I tell my six-year-old that she has brown eyes and curly hair like me. I also tell her that she has brown hair like her daddy.

Now she’ll point out the similarities that she has with both grandmothers and her sister on her own. When we discuss skin color, it isn’t a taboo subject in our home. It doesn’t have to be in yours either.

Someone once told me that if parenting wasn’t the hardest job I’ve ever done, I was doing it wrong. I’m here to tell you, it’s definitely the hardest job I’ve ever done! For those of you without children, some of these same tips can apply in your school, church or community.

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Smashing Through Stereotypes: Why I’ll Push My Biracial Kids to Break Them

May 9, 2017 By Diedre 9 Comments

*This post was sponsored by Mitz apparel & accessories. As always, all opinions are my own.

Raising a child is a complicated, beautiful adventure. Raising a biracial child is an adventure that comes with a few complicated twists and turns. Race and identity often become a number one priority, and parents don’t always feel equipped to handle the stereotypes that people have and are directed towards their children.

The world is quick to put your child in a box simply because of their race or gender. Racial stereotypes can be dangerous because it can foster hate and negative feelings towards groups of people. Even if you don’t have those feelings in your home, it’s important to address the feelings of others with your children.

Here’s why I’m pushing my kids to break all stereotypes:

It Will Boost Their Self-Confidence

I have two daughters ages five and three. The world is constantly throwing subtle (and not so subtle) messages their way about what it means to be a successful female. When you look at the images of women in the media, you are flooded by scantily clad, dramatic, superficial images.

Promoting these images of success lead to girls who are trying to live up to a standard that can be near impossible. As long as I can control what they watch on television, I am very mindful of everything they watch-including commercials. I want them to create their own standard of beauty based on qualities that are more than skin deep-and more than their material possessions.

I am careful to compliment my daughters on their artistic abilities, manners & other qualities besides just physical appearance.

Doing so will help them to feel confident in who they are, and this will give them a healthy self confidence.

They Will Define Their Own Success Despite Stereotypes

I get questions all the time about my biracial children.

How will they identify?

Do you think they will be confused?

How will you feel if they choose not to identify as biracial?

Race doesn’t define your success, but how you feel about yourself certainly can. People will question my children’s racial ambiguity, so it is my job to prepare them.

I remember the day my dad brought home a black ballerina. I thought she was the most beautiful Barbie I had ever seen! Not because she was black, but because I could envision myself being a beautiful ballerina like she was.

I seek to find books & toys that represent them. As much as I’d like them to be okay with identifying with me, I know that at some point, I won’t understand what it’s like to be biracial.

They Will Pursue Goals Without Holding Back

My husband is a farmer. He owns his own farming business and our family spends a lot of time together. I was not raised on a farm, so every day is a learning experience. My husband uses the time together to teach the girls about animals, horticulture & life.

Before he became a farmer, I believed many of the stereotypes I had heard about farmers. I had no idea how hard they worked or how food went from the farm to the table.

I love the see the surprised look on people’s faces when they find out my husband is a farmer. I am also breaking a stereotype about what a farmer’s wife should look or act like.

Both of my girls are very girly, but they enjoy being on the farm. They help my husband dig, water plants & feed the animals. They often want to dress up, but I explain to them that we have to dress practically for the farm. Recently we’ve discovered a company, Mitz, that makes clothes free from gender stereotypes & their products are made in the USA. Now my daughters can wear their fruit & vegetable dress on the farm!

We want our girls to see that they can be anything they want to be-despite what the world says they should. If they choose not to become farmers, we’re okay with that. We just want them to know that they have the option…and we plan on sharing our knowledge with them so they have choices.

How do you teach your kids to break through stereotypes about their race or gender?

Every Mother Has a Story to Tell: A Story About Race

March 12, 2017 By Diedre 22 Comments

Today on the blog I am welcoming Meghan Joy Yancy from Meghan Joy Today. She’s sharing her story about race.

The Reality of Race & Skintone

I was always so curious as to what they would look like.

With the mixture of my husbands’ dark chocolate complexion and my German nearly translucent skin tone, the possibilities were endless of what our darling children would look like. This perfect and beautiful mixture of colors to create any number of combinations of skin tone, eye color, and hair texture. Now, as a family of 7, in our eyes, they all have their own unique and perfect look. Different hair textures and nose shapes and lip shapes. Just perfection in human form from a wild and lovely Creator.

It’s funny, because in our viewpoint, they all look so different. Unique in their own ways. But when we go in public, some of them often get mistaken for twins.

I’m assuming it’s because of the similar skin tone, same dark brown afro hair and deep brown eye color. They don’t see beyond, into the shapes and curves of their faces. The intricacies of their very being.

Let’s be real… it’s mostly just the afros that people assume they are identical.

An adventure always awaits us when we venture out in public. Add one more kid to our bunch and we will either need a minibus, or we’ll have to take 2 vehicles everywhere we go.

Being mixed AND being a large family makes for a breeding ground of stares and whispers.

I can only imagine what they are thinking.

“Are they all theirs?”

“Do they all have the same mom and dad?”

“Do they know how it happens?”

“Have they ever heard of natural family planning?”

“They must have their hands full.”

Although I would like to say it is only their thoughts, it is not. Many of these comments make their way through their mouths and into the void of space and sound before us. And I never really know how to answer but with a smile and forced giggle.

Truthfully though, motherhood has transformed me in a way I don’t know if I could ever fully repay to God except to steward these children up to love Him as best I can. Motherhood has been one of the greatest challenges of my life and one of my greatest joys. Let’s not pretend it isn’t hard sometimes. Painful even.

But the fruit of those seasons of sowing and planting are so worth all that hard work. It is a beautiful process really. To do life with these tiny humans. To watch them absorb and grow and learn. It is truly my dream being lived out in reality.

Mothering a Large Family

Having 5 children, ages 7 and under, is basically a recipe for crazy town. And being that I am a stay-at-home mom that homeschools- we are talking 24/7 crazy town. And it’s glorious. And maddening. And such a complete honor. To look in their eyes and feel their emotions with them. To know that I am wholly responsible for their well-being.

For their physical safety and growth. And even more importantly- their SOULS. What a heavy and honorary burden to bear. To steer their lovely little hearts to live for Jesus and to love him unashamed and undignified. To follow Him in all their ways and to lean on their faith and not only what their eyes see. To let them experience the tangible love of God in unsuspecting ways. To have the hard conversations. To discipline them and to nurture them. To lean on the Lord for guidance and strength.

To look in their eyes and feel their emotions with them. To know that I am wholly responsible for their well-being. For their physical safety and growth. And even more importantly- their SOULS. What a heavy and honorary burden to bear. To steer their lovely little hearts to live for Jesus and to love him unashamed and undignified. To follow Him in all their ways and to lean on their faith and not only what their eyes see. To let them experience the tangible love of God in unsuspecting ways.

To have the hard conversations. To discipline them and to nurture them. To lean on the Lord for guidance and strength.

I love being able to see this perfect blend of mommy and daddy in them. In their physical appearance and in their personalities. To see their little lights shine and their exuberance bursting forth is this beautiful masterpiece of artwork being lived out in daily life.

I love being able to hear the words I once said come out of their own mouths. They are such a reflection of us.

What a humbling experience to basically be looking in a mirror and see our children act as we have.

The Reality of Parenthood

My 7-year-old has the most tender and loving heart that really listens for Holy Spirits voice. She cares about other people’s feelings and desires to please the Lord in all she does. And she is quick on her feet. She is wise beyond her years and to see her grow, care, and show kindness makes those tough times come into the reality of parenthood and what exactly we are doing and why we are doing it.

She is so aware of the beauty of the color of her skin and how she is the combination of both mom and dad and how she is perfectly and uniquely created that way. To shine for Christ in all she does and proclaim his goodness in the glory of TODAY. She takes full advantage of life and all it has to offer and loves hard. She is so considerate of other people and always thinking of ways to bless others.

While shopping one day, a little girl came up to us and asked if I was her mommy.

I said yes and the little girl asked why our skin was different colors then. I told my daughter that she could answer the little girl and without any prompting she said, “Because my daddy has dark brown skin and my mommy’s skin is this color, so I am a mixture of both of them. This is perfectly how God made me.”

And with that, my Mommy heart SOARED.

We may get stared at a lot, but it leads to some great discussions about race with our kids. We have the opportunity to communicate with them how the world has been in the past, where it is now and how we can lovingly help it to function in the future when it comes to issues of race and acceptance and love. It’s a great chance for us to conversate on our beautiful differences and how we can be united through them.

My sweet little tan creamy skin toned beauties are growing up knowing their wonderful place in this world and the impact they can make. That they are one of many in our family and one in a million in this life. Created wonderfully and fearfully with a divine purpose.

Want to hear more from Meghan? Meghan resides in Maple Grove, Minnesota with her husband and their 5 children. She runs businesses from home while homeschooling and loves having random dance parties throughout the day. Be sure to follow Meghan Joy Yancy for more!

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8 Books Every Multiracial Family Needs In Their Collection

September 16, 2016 By Diedre 15 Comments

*This post contains Amazon affiliate links.*

I remember when my husband and I were preparing for our first baby. We stocked up on diapers, clothes & books. We understood the importance of embracing our multiracial family and celebrating all families in their uniqueness.

Representation matters. Even if you aren’t in a multiracial family, it’s important to show your children diversity through literature.

This is especially important if you are not living in a diverse community. Children need to see themselves & their friends represented in books. The beauty of owning books that feature an array of cultures, races & ethnicities is that they normalize interracial relationships. Here is a list of 8 books that you need in your personal collection.

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Multiracial Families: Debunking 4 Common Myths & Misconceptions

September 11, 2016 By Diedre 15 Comments

Even though Multiracial families are becoming the norm, many people still hold on to stereotypes, misconceptions, and preconceived notions.

It is estimated that 21% of Americans will identify as multiracial by 2050. My kids will be part of that number. Interesting isn’t it?

Back in 1967, there were actually state laws that banned interracial marriage. These laws weren’t overturned until the Supreme Court case, Loving vs. Virginia in 1967. In that case, the Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional for the state of Virginia to ban interracial marriage.

This case has done wonders for this country but the conversations we have about multiracial families doesn’t need to stop here. Here are a few incorrect assumptions people make about multiracial families:

Spouses are Attracted to Each Other Specifically Because of Race

For my husband and I, this definitely wasn’t true. When we met, we bonded over food, music & conversation. Our friendship evolved into a relationship.

Our attraction to each other was just as much for inner qualities as physical attraction.

We both had dated inside of our race prior to meeting each other.

Multiracial Children are Destined for Racial Confusion

Don’t you dare feel sorry for my family or my children! I was very intentional about where I chose to live, educate my children & even the circle I run in. All of those influences can have a negative or positive impact on my children.

My girls are exposed to both sides of the family and embrace both their races and cultures.

We read books about identity, and I plan on having more in depth conversations with them as they grow and mature.

Multiracial Families Have More Tension

Having a multiracial family does not equal family tension. Tensions in families arise from personality conflicts, family history, among a host of other issues.

Since starting this blog, I’ve been pleased to hear that many people in interracial relationships have had positive experiences blending families. In my own family, my husband was embraced when we visited Jamaica.

He enjoyed the country much more than I did (it could have a little to do with the fact that I was 5 months pregnant and we were not always in a building with AC & my hormones were raging)

Interracial Means Black and White

This is a common misconception, especially in the south. Interracial relationships come in all racial & cultural mixtures.

Minorities in interracial relationships often get overlooked in the discussion. Interracial means a mixture of different racial groups, even if skin tones match or look similar.

What myths or misconceptions have you heard, or personally had about multiracial families? Did you like this post? Then do me a favor and give it a share!

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Discussing #Blacklivesmatter With My Mixed Kids

July 10, 2016 By Diedre 23 Comments

Yes, I agree that all lives matter.

But in the wake of the things happened to black people in this country, it’s a little insensitive to say that all lives matter is an appropriate response.

I’m not quite sure why when I grieve for the black men & women killed unjustly, I’m looked at as biased for expressing that #blacklivesmatter.

It’s hard for me to not be biased. I am a black woman and I have 3 black brothers, a black father, and black male friends. It’s hard to turn a blind eye when you fear that discrimination has now turned to fatal brutality.

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You Know You’re in a Multiracial Family When…

April 11, 2016 By Diedre 48 Comments

Have you ever heard of Loving Day? I didn’t until recently. It’s an annual celebration held on June 12, the anniversary of the 1967 Supreme Court decision of Loving v. Virginia, which struck down all laws forbidding marriage between people non-white and white.

For a multiracial family like mine, this day is super meaningful!

People often remark that when you love who you love, it doesn’t matter, and the world shouldn’t either. I believe that is the case, but being in an interracial marriage is very different than marriage with two people of the same race. It becomes even trickier when you add children to your multiracial family.

What’s different you ask? I’ll be happy to tell you.

1. You introduce your husband to people, and they look around for him when he’s standing right beside you. This happened to me, and it was super awkward. I was at my husband’s grandmother’s funeral and we ate with some of her church members after the service. Our (black) pastor came to support our family. He was sitting across from me at the table, and my husband was sitting beside me. My husband’s grandmother’s (white) pastor asked our (black) pastor to introduce him to his lovely wife (pointing to me). Our pastor said, I would but my wife isn’t here. The poor pastor turned a few shades of beet red and apologized profusely. I guess he won’t make assumptions about who “belongs together” anymore!

2. When you are out with your children, strangers ask you if your husband is light skinned or white. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this by a cashier. As my children get older, I’ll have to explain to them why people have this fascination with their complexion and what their daddy looks like.

3. You’re out on date night, and you get asked if it will be one check or two. When I mention this to people, they often say it’s because my husband and I look like college students (we live in a college town). I will take this compliment as long as I can get it, but in most cases on date nights (without kids) we are both wearing our wedding rings, are sitting beside each other or gazing into each others eyes. Not the look of the two check couple.

4. People assume that your in-laws had issues with your marriage. I know this is the case for some people, but not for everyone. Some people just have issues getting along in families because of prior issues or simple personality conflicts. Having in-laws of a different race, doesn’t mean that there will automatically be issues.

5. People struggle to hide the shock when they see a family photo for the first time. I’ve been told that I didn’t look like the kind of person that would be with a white person. Huh? What does that kind of person look or act like? I’ve also been asked what it’s like to be with a white man. I’m always amazed at the kinds of questions people ask.

6. When you’re pregnant, people tell you that mixed babies are the cutest. Now, I may be a little biased to my own children, but I’ve seen beautiful children of every race.

7. When you have a baby, you start researching biracial hair care tips. I never really thought about this until my daughter’s hair texture changed. One day her curls got tighter and shampoo formulated for baby hair didn’t cut it anymore.

8. You get frustrated looking for books/toys that represent multiracial children. I hated having to pick either white or black dolls, but I tried to get an even number of both. I usually pick the dolls that are Hispanic because they have the brown complexion that is closest to my girls.

9. People constantly ask your kids what they are mixed with.

10. You smile when you see other multiracial families out and about. Representation matters. It’s nice to see other people dealing with things similar to you. And love between families is a beautiful thing, no matter the race.

11. You shake your head when people ask where your child’s curls come from, even though you have a head full of curly hair and your husband’s is straight. This happens to me…over..and over again. I have naturally curly hair and my husband’s is straight as a board.

Are you looking for a community of moms to share our unique family challenges? Then you HAVE to join the Are Those Your Kids Multiracial Motherhood group!

Click here to join.

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The Colourful Life: A Book Series About Mixed Race Families

March 15, 2016 By Diedre 8 Comments

Good evening everyone! I usually make new posts on Sundays, but I had to take a night off to tend to mommy duties this weekend. Melody had pink eye in both eyes (insert gasp here). I’m happy to report the drops have worked and her eyes look great! Nothing a little R&R, ice cream and eye drops couldn’t fix.

Now down to business. I’ve had the lovely opportunity to read and review two books about Multiracial families. The series is entitled, The Colourful Life! The author is Naomi Kissiedu-Green.

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A Guide to Conversations with Mixed Race Families

October 5, 2015 By Diedre 23 Comments

The number of mixed race families in this country is on the rise.

It’s refreshing to me to see other multiracial families at church, at my children’s school & in the community. Even though diverse families are the new norm, people still act surprised when they see mixed race families together.

It’s always interesting to see the looks on people’s faces when they meet my husband or see my kids for the first time. They try to hide their surprise, but most don’t do it very well.

Don’t Assume That a Child Does Not Belong to the Parents Because their Skin Doesn’t Match

Gone are the days of everyone in a family looking the same.

While some parents have children naturally, others are building their families through fostering and adopting (domestically & internationally).

Furthermore, some parents adopt children from an ethnicity different from their own. It is hurtful when strangers question whether or not you are the parent.

Asking if a child has been adopted or questioning the mother because her skin color does not match her child’s skin is not a good way to start a conversation with mixed race families, in fact, it’s a quick way to offend a possible new friend.

Don’t Ask Questions about a Child’s Ethnicity Unless You Have a Close Relationship with the Parent

If I had a penny for every time I’ve been asked about whether or not my children’s father was white, I could pay for all of their college educations.

Questions like that are intrusive, and simply not necessary. It often catches families like mine off guard. I’ve started rehearsing a few responses so that I don’t get offended and my children can learn how to respond, even from a young age.

I’m not sure what that has to do with my groceries. Thankfully my children were young enough to not internalize that question.

I often wonder what the ramifications will be for my children when they are constantly confronted with questions about our skin color.

Don’t Ask a Child Why their Skin Color is Different From Their Sibling

Some of this may sound like common sense, but this exact scenario almost caused a fight at my school. No one chooses their physical features, so they should not be questioned about it.

Especially with an audience. This is embarrassing and causes the child to question themselves. Not a good idea.

Do Ask Hair Care Questions

It’s perfectly acceptable to ask what products someone uses to get such bouncy curls or to fight the frizz.

Honestly, it’s flattering when people stop me to ask what I use in my hair, or what products work best for biracial curls.

What do you think? Have you ever asked a well-meaning question, but ending up offending someone?

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race

Representation Matters to Your Biracial Child

People Will Question Your Identity as a Family Based on Skin Color

Examine Your Issues with Race & Skin Color

Seek Out Resources

Share this:

Compliment Specifically, Not Just a Generic Good Job Compliment

Immerse Them in Diversity

Discuss the Hard Stuff, Don’t Just Ignore

Read, Read, Read

Teach Them to be Sensitive to Others

If You Have Biracial Kids, They May Not Be Able to Relate to You (or vice versa)

Share this:

It Will Boost Their Self-Confidence

They Will Define Their Own Success Despite Stereotypes

They Will Pursue Goals Without Holding Back

Share this:

The Reality of Race & Skintone

Mothering a Large Family

The Reality of Parenthood

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Spouses are Attracted to Each Other Specifically Because of Race

Multiracial Children are Destined for Racial Confusion

Multiracial Families Have More Tension

Interracial Means Black and White

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Don’t Assume That a Child Does Not Belong to the Parents Because their Skin Doesn’t Match

Don’t Ask Questions about a Child’s Ethnicity Unless You Have a Close Relationship with the Parent

Don’t Ask a Child Why their Skin Color is Different From Their Sibling

Do Ask Hair Care Questions

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