teen Archives - Are Those Your Kids

Do you remember middle school? I do. I wouldn’t want to go back, to be honest. Drama, voice changes, switching classes, identity, hormones, awkwardness. It’s enough to make the kids cry and give parents the hee bee jeebies.

Middle school is a different place than it was in the 90’s. (Uh-oh am I showing my age?) Now kids have so many things vying for their attention all while they are trying to excel academically. How can parents combat the awkward years? Check out this list for what to expect:

Body Changes

I’ve been a middle school counselor now for 7 years and I’m still amazed at the physical transformation of my students between 6th and 8th grade. As 6th graders, many of them are tiny.

It isn’t difficult to notice who the youngest ones are. Then suddenly they hit growth spurts, grow peach fuzz and their voices change. This is an exciting a scary time for parents.

The transition from baby to older adolescent seems to happen overnight.

Friendship Drama

Middle school students want to fit in. They are not in the business of standing out. Parents are often shocked to find out that friendship issues are not just a plight that strikes girls. Nice kids turn mean just to impress the crowd.

Boys pick on each other for having shoes that aren’t the most expensive. You can help by teaching your child what to look for in a friend and how to be one.

Peer pressure often makes kids act out of character just to fit in. Talk to your kids about being true to themselves and doing what’s right.

Noticing the Opposite Sex

I tease some of my middle school kids about changing boyfriends and girlfriends like underwear. While they are trying to find themselves, they are also curious about the opposite sex.

If you haven’t had “the” talk, then do it ASAP! If you don’t talk to kids about the opposite sex or sex in general, they’ll be talking about it anyway. Don’t you want them to get the correct information from you?

Middle School Moodiness

I promise, this too shall pass. Uncontrollable tears at the drop of a hat. A scowl from your son when you ask him how his day was. Try not to take this personal. Hormones do crazy things to kids.

At times they don’t even realize what’s happening. Keep the lines of communication open. Remind them that you love them even when they act totally unreasonable.

Reign in the moodiness, but give them a pass now and then.

Organization Can Make or Break Your T(w)een

In middle school, teachers give a lot of tough love. This can be tricky as many kids are still accustomed to their elementary teachers reminding them what to do around the clock.

I can’t tell you how many times I hear my colleagues complain about their students not having the supplies they need. When you ask the kids, they have no idea why they don’t have them either.

How can you help as a parent? Teach your child how to be organized. Help them clean out their book bag on a weekly basis. Make sure their book bags are always stocked with the necessary supplies.

Social Media Safety

If you don’t find anything else in this post helpful, please pay close attention here. I’m always amazed on how naive parents are concerning the social media apps their kids are using.

I heard someone say, you wouldn’t give your kid a car to drive without teaching them how to drive it, so why would you give them a device that can access the world without teaching them how to use it responsibly?

The most common issue I see with social media is kids using apps is sexting. Boys ask for pictures. Girls send pictures. I’ve seen this with students as young as 11. Mind blowing right?

Parent make the mistake of giving their kids access to devices that can access the internet and Wi-Fi with little to no supervision, and no cut off time at night.

Parents, do yourself a favor and make your child turn in their device to you when you go to sleep at night. Have passwords to all their accounts and check their accounts on a regular basis. Establish some ground rules early and explain your expectations.

Do you have a middle school kid? What were you surprised to learn about this age group? Did something in this post help you? Give it a share!

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*This post is sponsored by Sticky Quotes, but all opinions and thoughts are my own.

Children are not born with confidence. It’s our job as parents to teach our children how to conquer the world and instill confidence in them. Unfortunately, many parents believe that they can take the hands off approach when their child becomes a teenager.

They think that because they no longer need assistance with small daily tasks, that parenting transforms into friendship.

Those parents (I know, not you) are sadly mistaken. This may actually be the time that your teenager needs you the most! If you are struggling to communicate with your teen and notice that confidence is an issue, check out this list of 9 amazingly easy ways to help your teenager gain confidence.

Provide them with opportunities to lead

The perfect time to teach your kids leadership skills is when they are young before they become jaded. Why should you teach them to lead? Because it’s attractive.

Leadership will help them be promoted on their job. It’s a skill that everyone is looking for, but not many have. Leadership requires practice and teens often don’t have the opportunity to perfect their leadership skills simply because they aren’t given the opportunity to practice.

How can you provide them with opportunities to lead?

Encourage your teen to volunteer at the local soup kitchen, church, nursing home or food bank. Allow them to take the lead in planning a family vacation

Allow them to assist with life tasks

I remember the day my dad asked me to pump gas as a preteen. I thought to myself, why in the world is Daddy making me do this? He even walked me through how to pay at the pump.

I also remember (okay I’m showing my age here, don’t laugh) the day my dad set up this new thing called email. He made me create an account and email him so I’d know how to use it. Little did I know, my dad was teaching me how to be independent by involving me in everyday tasks.

When I moved out of the house, there were many things that I could do on my own, that I don’t really ever remember officially learning. I learned by doing and that built my confidence as a young adult.

Talk with them about finances

One day, your teens will be on their own. For some of you, this may come sooner than later depending on their career path (college, military, moving out and working).

You need to teach your kids how to save money and handle their finances responsibly. According to JumpStart Coalition for Financial Literacy, only 26% of 13-21-year-olds surveyed said that their parents taught them how to manage money.

YIKES! Introduce your teen to the concept of saving first and paying yourself last.

Respect their need for autonomy while setting healthy boundaries

This is a tricky balance. As your teen learns how to drive, goes on outings without you and uses a cell phone daily, it can be difficult to know where to draw the line.

Being a parent means that you must set boundaries to keep your children safe and avoid pitfalls. At the same time, if you have done your job, you can trust them to have an increased level of responsibility and autonomy.

Each child is different, so the amount of autonomy you give your child will vary from your friend’s children or your other children.

Give compliments about their character

The teenage years can be awkward years. Voices & bodies are changing. Hormones are raging. Sometimes your teen feels unsure of themselves. They change their style, laugh & persona to fit what they think others will accept.

This is the time your teen needs to hear from you. Not only do they need to hear about the physical, but more than that, they need confirmation about their inner qualities.

Compliment your teen verbally, or through notes. I’ve found this amazing company called Sticky Quotes. They are basically inspirational sticky notes. These are perfect for putting in your teen’s lunchbox, car, desk or anywhere else they might see them. A little word of encouragement goes a long way.

Encourage them to advocate for themselves at school

As a parent, our job is to raise children to be confident problem solvers. As a school counselor, I see students who come to me with issues they could solve themselves. They don’t know where to begin.

For example, they are angry with a friend, but haven’t expressed it because their friend should “just know.” WHAT? Or, their teacher marked an answer wrong that should be right. They are too afraid to ask the teacher about it.

When did we start raising wimpy kids? Teach your kids how to speak up for themselves. Teach them that addressing issues doesn’t always equal conflict.

Teach them problem-solving skills

Growing up, I knew that I had to attempt to solve a problem first before I came to my parents. I always hated that my dad, the computer genius would make me do basic troubleshooting on a computer. I used to think to myself if he knows what to do, why won’t he just do it?

Now I realize he was helping me gain confidence in my own problem-solving skills. I’m no computer tech, but I can do a few basic troubleshooting tasks on my own before putting in a work order at work

We have to remember that we are training our kids to one day be independent. Teaching them problem-solving skills helps your teenager gain confidence in their own skills.

Model healthy communication skills

If you want your teen to communicate effectively with others at school, work and in the world, then you have to model healthy communication skills with them at home.

Sometimes talking to teenagers can be difficult because…well…they just make it difficult. They answer you with one-word answers or give you a blank stare. Keep talking. Keep asking them about their day, their friends, their feelings.

Teens are in an awkward place, they feel like they are half way to adulthood, but there is still so much they don’t know.

They don’t like to admit that they still need their parents, but they do! When they know that their parents care about communicating with them, it immediately helps your teenager gain confidence.

Teach them the importance of social media etiquette

This tip could actually be #1. Gone are the days of handwritten notes folded into origami-like structures. Teenagers are communicating almost solely through social media, and it isn’t always positive.

As a middle school counselor, I spend copious amounts of time trying to salvage broken relationships damaged by words spoken on social media. I am always saddened by parents’ lack of knowledge about the apps their teens are using that sometimes have irreversible and destructive consequences.

Do yourself a favor and teach your kids that what they post online never goes away. And please, monitor their online behavior.

Do you have any other ideas about how to help your teenager gain confidence? I’d love to hear all about it, so comment below! Oh, and just because you are special, I’m sharing a discount code for Sticky Quotes.

Use code SMILE for 20% off.

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