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This post was also published by the Huffington Post.
As parents, it’s our job to teach our kids (and educators) how to love the skin they’re in.
As a school counselor, the one thing I wish I could give my students more of is confidence. I work in a middle school, and one of the most awkward moments in adolescence. Girls compare themselves to other girls and boys feel bad if they don’t have the newest tennis shoes.
Here are a few tips on teaching kids to love themselves:
Compliment Specifically, Not Just a Generic Good Job Compliment
Tell the child what part of what they did was good.
Example: You showed good manners when you said excuse me after you burped! Wow, I like the way you colored in the lines on that picture!
Thank you for apologizing when you hurt your sister’s feelings. That was kind of you.
Immerse Them in Diversity
Now I know some of you are thinking, I live in a small town, how can I do this? Easy! Take your kids to a museum.
Read about a holiday in another culture (Cinco de Mayo, Chinese New Year, etc) Try some foods at an ethnic restaurant. Step outside of your comfort zone together as a family!
Discuss the Hard Stuff, Don’t Just Ignore
The older your children get, the more they may become aware of race relations in the news (school shootings, Black lives matter movement, racial tensions around the world, religious homicides, genocide).
No matter your stance on these touchy subjects, talk about them with your children.
They may not need a long explanation, but hearing from you gives them comfort.
Read, Read, Read
I cannot say this enough, especially to parents of young children. This is your opportunity to instill a love of reading in them. Find out what your child’s interests are.
Read books about those things. As your children get older, find a chapter book to read together. Read a book, and then watch the movie that was adapted from the book.
As you can see from this picture, we started early. We wanted our children to develop a love for reading. Our daughter was 7 months old in this picture. My husband was reading one of our favorites, Black is Brown is Tan.
Teach Them to be Sensitive to Others
When I say others, I mean others with disabilities, handicaps, or from other cultures. I grew up on an Air Force Base, and this makes me more tolerant than most by default.
You don’t have to understand everything about a person to be kind. Teaching your kids to be kind to people will help them navigate our diverse world.
If You Have Biracial Kids, They May Not Be Able to Relate to You (or vice versa)
Their peers may try to force them into a racial box they don’t belong in solely based on their skin color. They will need you to validate that their mixed heritage is unique, and they are special the way they are.
When they are little, help them focus on the similarities they have with you, rather than the differences. For example, I tell my six-year-old that she has brown eyes and curly hair like me. I also tell her that she has brown hair like her daddy.
Now she’ll point out the similarities that she has with both grandmothers and her sister on her own. When we discuss skin color, it isn’t a taboo subject in our home. It doesn’t have to be in yours either.
Someone once told me that if parenting wasn’t the hardest job I’ve ever done, I was doing it wrong. I’m here to tell you, it’s definitely the hardest job I’ve ever done! For those of you without children, some of these same tips can apply in your school, church or community.
Do you have tips that you’d like to share?
XOXO
Diedre
I think this is a highly important post. Mist of the things that you said are things that I learned alone or the hard way. Charity indeed begins at home and it is important to establish acceptance and equality during the young years. The sooner the better
I agreee with Cavilleta. It is so important to teach our kids to be comfortable and even love the skin they are in!
Very important post. Both of my kids have mentioned that they have been told they are not “black” enough to hang out with one crowd and then told they are not “white” enough to hand out with others. I was so upset that other’s wanted to label them instead of just be with them for who they are . We apoligized to our kids that they had to go through that but to remember they were wanted and created out of love and need to surround themselves with people who accept them for them and not what color they are.
Sounds like great advice. Unfortunately people are still “color struck” hopefully your children will learn empathy for others based on their experiences.
I remember reading this, I almost used it for a school assignment! As a mother to a mixed child I agree to what you are saying.
Thank you Iman.
This is such a great post. As an Asian mom to a bi-racial kid and step-mom to two caucasian kids, it’s so important that we embrace each other and incorporate diverse perspectives into our daily lives! All our kids ask questions about their heritage and what makes them the same and different from their friends, and we do our best to encourage them to think, learn and accept as much as possible. Thanks for putting this into words so well!
Thanks Ceci! I appreciate you stopping by and glad you found some value in this post.
Great ideas. This is such an important thing for children to learn early in life. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for reading Melissa!
Thank you for sharing these tips Deidre. I love telling my son “good job” when he does something good. My husband sometimes thinks its too much but I’m just trying to reinforce good behavior and build his self-esteem. Something I have to find a way to work on though is to immerse him in diversity. There aren’t many hispanics in the district he will be going to school so I’m kind of scared this might impact him later.
I think as long as you are having conversations about culture & diversity, as well as reading books and enjoying diverse experiences, he should be okay.